Fate

“Why?” I asked.

  “Because you’re spending the night at my house tonight. ” He swallowed hard and looked at me out the corner of his eyes. “I just want you there tonight. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I nodded.

  Fate

  “Oh, slumber party,” Milo said, but Jack didn’t even crack a smile.

  The night had really gotten to him. On top of what had already happened, he wasn’t thrilled about explaining it to Mae. Even I was dreading it, and I hadn’t really done anything wrong. Neither had Jack per se, but neither of them saw it that way.

  After Mae lectured Jack about his careless behavior, she’d wept over what could’ve befallen me and held me close to her while listening to Etta James. Jack hid and Milo tried to lighten the mood.

  Eventually, everyone just showered and went to bed. I don’t know how they all faired at sleeping, but I did terrible. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the night, or all the new questions I had swirling in my head.

  After seeing all the gorgeous vampires at the club, I knew that Jack had to have hooked up with at least one or two of them for sex or blood.

  As Mae had pointed out before we left, vampires and men only think about thing one thing, and while she’d implied that vampires only want blood, Jack couldn’t completely turn off the man part of himself.

  It shouldn’t matter to me, since we’re not together, and even if we were, that was a long time ago. Or if it wasn’t, it was still before he met me, and I can’t really blame him for not being psychic.

  But I was a virgin in almost every way (except for once when Peter had bitten me, and Jordan had made it to second base the other night). It intimidated me to be with someone so much more experienced than me.

  Plus, Jack had tasted my blood at the club, and that left this lingering maddening desire. Finally, I gave up and went downstairs.

  Milo slept in his room next door so I was careful to tiptoe out. Milo’s hearing had greatly improved, and he found it distracting to sleep, so he had a white noise machine in his room anyway.

  Even though it was after seven in the morning, every shade in the house was drawn so no natural light could sneak in. Everything was submerged in pitch black, except for Jack’s room, which they had outfitted with a night light for me.

  I maneuvered the stairs without making a sound, but I stubbed my toe three times. I couldn’t make it farther without help, so I flicked on the kitchen light at the bottom of the steps, and I went into the living room.

  The dim light didn’t faze Jack, who lay curled up on the couch underneath a dark comforter. Matilda slept on the floor next to him, and she lifted her head when I came into the room and thumped her tail.

  “Jack?” I whispered. “Jack?”

  “What?” Jack mumbled, moving his head against the pillow. He became aware that he talked to someone, and he opened his eyes and looked at me. “Alice? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. ” I sat down at the end of the couch, next to his feet. “I just couldn’t sleep. ”

  “Yeah?” Jack moved so he faced me more. “What’s going on?”

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  “I don’t know. ” I leaned back on the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest.

  “Is it about what happened tonight?” Jack asked, and I didn’t immediately answer. “Alice, you’ve got nothing to be scared of. They would never hurt you, not outside of that club, and we’re never going back there. ”

  “No, it’s not that,” I shook my head. “I’m not scared. I mean, not about that. I know you and Milo would never let anything happen, and they seemed like losers anyway. ”

  “They were,” Jack agreed, but he sounded serious. “What are you scared of then?”

  “I don’t know,” I sighed and tried to sort out what I wanted to say. “Maybe scared isn’t the right word. I just…. Did you know them? Did you know any of the vampires down there?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’ve seen some around, but I’m not acquainted with any of them. I’m not really into that scene. ” He propped himself up more, and even in the darkness, I could see the worry and confusion on his face. “What are you trying to find out?”

  “I don’t know. All the vampires down there were just so… attractive. Olivia’s like a goddess, and even Violet with her silly makeup couldn’t mask that she was very pretty. ”

  “Oh, come on. ” He rolled his eyes as he connected the dots. “They barely gave me the time of day. Besides, you were the hot sensation down there. ”

  “That’s different. ” I brushed past it. “And I wasn’t complaining about them hitting on you. I was wondering… if you…” I squirmed, finding it difficult just to say it.

  “What?” Jack asked. “I think Violet was right. I might’ve seen her around before, but everything she was saying was just to get you going. We’d never done anything. ”

  “I know. ” I shivered a little, so maybe my girl boxers weren’t such a good idea.

  “Take some of the covers. ” He pushed some at me with his feet, and I scooted closer to him so I could snuggle underneath his blankets. When I felt his leg brush against my thigh, I decided I’d moved close enough.

  “This is why I don’t wear these pajamas here. ”

  “That’s what they made blankets for,” Jack laughed.

  “What do you use blankets for anyway?” I asked, and he looked at me like I was a total idiot. “No, I mean, you guys love it cold. Why do you need to cover up?”

  “Force of habit, I guess,” he shrugged. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I only do it when I go to bed. Why? Does it bother you?”

  “Why would it bother me?”

  “I don’t know! I don’t know why anything bothers you!” Jack sighed.

  “Oh, whatever. You know why everything bothers me. ” My chill was fading away, but I pulled the covers up to my neck anyway.

  “Okay, fine. ” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What’s bothering you about tonight? What are you actually getting at?”

  “I’m not…” I decided just to spit it out. “Did you sleep with any of them?”

  “That’s what you’re getting at?”

  “Yeah,” I blushed at his surprise. He seemed to think it was obviously stupid, and I couldn’t see why. “I mean… you’re still… you still… I don’t know. ” I buried myself further under the covers, wishing I could disappear completely. “Do vampires even have sex?”

  “Yeah,” Jack laughed, and he sat up a little. “We do. I have, yes. Both as a human and as a vampire, although probably not as much as you’re thinking. ”

  “I don’t know how much I’m thinking,” I admitted. My mind vacillated somewhere between one and a million, but none of the numbers sounded right. “How much do you think I’m thinking?”

  “Do you actually wanna have this conversation?” He looked at me earnestly. “I’m willing to, if you are, but… do you actually wanna talk about this?”

  “I don’t know anything about your relationship history at all, and I’d like to,” I said, peering at him over the top of the blankets.

  “You just look so terrified by it. ”

  “Cause I don’t know what I’ll find out. ” My eyes met his for a moment before I dropped them.

  “It’s not bad,” he said, but the pit in my stomach only seemed to grow. It didn’t help that this topic made him nervous.

  “Well… how about a ballpark figure?” I asked.

  “Oh,” Jack groaned. “I don’t know about that. ”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s misleading. ”

  “Misleading?” I raised an eyebrow, and he leaned back on the couch, relenting.

  “Fine. ” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The thing is, I dated this girl from the time I was 14 until I was 20. I mean, she was the only girl I was with for all of high school. After we broke up, I went out with one other girl for
like four months, and that’s it. I mean, as a mortal guy, I had tons of girls that were friends, but like no action at all. So, two girls as a human. That’s it. ”

  “And then?” I asked nervously.

  “When I turned… suddenly hot girls wanted me, and even some hot vampires, which you know, when you’re new to this, vampires look really hot. ” He scratched at his head and shifted uneasily.

  “You know how we said that in the beginning, you’re hungrier than normal? Like Milo thinks he needs to eat every hour when he really doesn’t? And all your emotions are right at the top? Well… so…” He trailed off.

  “No, I don’t wanna talk about this,” Jack decided, rubbing his eye and shaking his head. “It’s really not that bad. Honest. But I don’t want you to think of me like that. Cause I’m not.

  “I mean, I never was. Human, I only ever had sex in relationships, and the past fourteen years I’ve barely done anything. So I don’t want to be judged on the first year or two when I was stupid and young. Okay?”

  “Its scaring me more that you won’t tell me,” I said. “Is it like a thousand girls or something?”

  “No, no, god, no!” Jack insisted with wide eyes. “It was like… twenty girls. I think it was like fifteen girls and six vampires. I think. I mean. I’m sorry. ” His cheeks flushed with shame.

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  “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t know. ” He looked away from me and shook his head. “That’s not who I am now. That was just me coming to terms with being a vampire, and being cool and sexy in a way I never was before. ”

  “I see. ” I swallowed. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. Like under five would’ve been an acceptable number for me.

  “I’m really sorry. ”

  “No, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong. ” I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and I couldn’t meet his gaze. “So… did you… have you like actually had relationships since you turned?”

  “Kinda, once,” Jack said, looking more comfortable with this. “A couple years ago. But other than that, for the past like fourteen years I’ve been celibate. So I think that counts for something. ”

  “Mmm. ” I refused to confirm or deny that, because I wasn’t sure. “Why did you stop?”

  “Stop what?”

  “You had sex with a lot of girls, and then you became celibate. Why?” I tried to concentrate on the fact that that was a long time ago, and he stopped. He wasn’t still some kind of rich playboy that just went out and hooked up with hot girls just because he could.

  “It was boring. It wasn’t who I was, and it didn’t feel right,” he shrugged. “What about you? What’s your story?”

  “I don’t have a story,” I said, and he laughed. “What? I don’t. ”

  “Really?” Jack gave me a stern look. “Cause I’m pretty sure I just picked you up the other night, and you had been making out with some guy. ”

  “Well, that’s it. That’s all there is to tell. ”

  I grimaced at the thought of it and felt even worse talking about it sober. Regardless of what our actual status was, it felt like cheating, and it was stupid and pointless. I vowed to never drink alcohol again.

  “That’s the only time you’ve ever kissed a guy? I mean, other than me… or Peter. ” He was dubious, and my hesitation made him nervous, but he didn’t understand that there really wasn’t anything to tell.

  “No, I’ve kissed guys before,” I admitted. “But everything is exactly the same. I’d go to some party with Jane, and there’d be some guy there that I would kiss for a little bit. But it’d never be anything more than that. I’ve kissed a couple guys when I was drinking. The end. ”

  “Really?” He had moved on from skeptical to bewildered.

  “Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “I don’t know. ” He settled back into the couch again, furrowing his brow. “I guess I must just be impartial. ”

  “What are you talking about?” I turned to face him more, gently pressing my knee into his leg as I did.

  “Well…” Jack laughed nervously, but that didn’t affect how perfect it sounded, or the way it sent happy shivers down me. “Like tonight, when you walked into that room, everybody turned and stared. You’re kind of irresistible. ”

  “That’s different,” I said. “That’s just because of my blood. ”

  No sooner had the words fallen out of my mouth then a painful realization gripped me. My heart ached and the color drained from my face.

  “What?” He moved closer, unsure if he should touch me and console me or if that would only make it worse.

  “It’s my blood. ” I bit the inside of my cheek as I worked it out in my head. “That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you’re…”

  Jack was attracted to me for the same reason Peter was, but on an entirely different level. And unlike Peter, who should feel bonded to me no matter what, Jack’s would all but disappear when I turned. My blood would stop smelling so sweet, and all my appeal would disappear.

  “This is all because of the way I smell and taste and the way my stupid heart beats!”

  “No!” Jack looked offended. “No! That has nothing to do with the way I feel about you!”

  “I walked into a room full of gorgeous people, and they all turned to look at me, plain, ordinary me. ” An awful lump swelled in my throat, making it difficult to talk. “The only thing that makes me irresistible to them, to you, is my blood. ”

  “Alice!” Sitting up, he looked at me directly. “Okay, fine, you want the truth? Yes! The vampire in me does want the blood in you, more than you can ever imagine.

  “But if that was it, then I would’ve just bitten you a long time ago, or just forgotten about you. I’ve been hungry before. I’ve tasted things better than you, okay? You might be a fine wine in the vampire realm, but you’re not the only one and you’re certainly not the finest on the shelf. ”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it’s really not,” I mumbled, and he shook his head.

  “No, I’m just saying your blood isn’t that amazing,” Jack said. “It’s not the only thing binding me to you. If it were, then I wouldn’t want you to turn so bad, and I cannot wait for you turn. You, not your blood, are amazing. ”

  “You really can’t wait for me turn?” I looked at him hopefully, biting my lip.

  “Are you kidding?” Jack laughed. “I’m dying to kiss you. ”

  “Humans are capable of kissing just as much as you are. ” I leaned in towards him, and while he didn’t move in closer, he didn’t move away either. His breathing had deepened and his eyes met mine, searching for resistance.

  He placed his hand on my cheek, resting his thumb on my skin, and leaned in to kiss me. I’m sure it was supposed to be a sweet, short kiss, but whenever he touched me, it ignited something inside me I couldn’t control. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him greedily, and I loved the frantic feel of his tongue against mine.

  Wonderful hot tingles spread through me and my stomach fluttered. He sat back on the couch, and I moved onto his lap so I straddled him. His hands searched all over me, smoldering against my skin.

  He kissed me so desperately, as if he was terrified to stop. I dug my fingers into his hair, pulling him as close to me as I possibly could.

  I stopped kissing him just long enough for me to pull his shirt off. He looked at me questioningly, but I pressed my mouth to his before either of us could think about it. Pushing myself against him, his fingers dug hungrily into my flesh.  

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  My mind became a delirious fog, and I realized we could be closer still. With him, there were more ways than one, and both of them sounded too tantalizing to pass up. The way his lips touched my neck, I knew which one he wanted the most, but I wanted one that would least likely lead to our deaths.

  I looped my fingers into the elasti
c of his boxers, and he moaned with surprise.

  - 15 -

  “Sorry to interrupt, but I thought I’d let you know I was home. ” Ezra’s deep voice filled the room, making my heart stop. I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the doorway to the living room.

  “Oh, shit,” Jack groaned.

  We had stopped kissing, and he let me slide off his lap. He wrapped the blanket around us both and kept an arm around me, warmly pressed up against him. I buried my head in his shoulder and tried to hide under the covers.

  “Are you hell bent on getting her killed?” Ezra asked wearily.

  Jack dropped his eyes to the floor instead of answering, and Ezra flicked on the living room lights. He went over and sat in the chair across from us. Leaning back, he crossed his leg over his knee.

  “Well?” Ezra looked at us expectantly.

  “What?” Jack asked, and I moved closer to him.

  “I’m waiting for you to explain what is going on with you,” Ezra rested a hand on his chin, looking at Jack solemnly. “What do you think you’re doing with all of this?”

  “I-I don’t know,” Jack stumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t really thinking. We were just having fun. ”

  “That’s your answer for this and for taking her to the club?” Ezra asked, and Jack nodded. “I see. ”

  “This wasn’t-” Jack gestured to me but then floundered. “It wasn’t anything. I mean, it was under control. ”

  “Jack, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you don’t seem to ever be in control of matters that involve Alice,” Ezra told him dryly. “Honestly, what do you think would’ve happened if I hadn’t walked in? Do you think you’d be able to stop yourself?” Jack flinched and pulled away from me.

  “I screwed up,” Jack sighed. “I get it. I always screw up. You don’t need to rub it in. ”

  “That’s what you think I’m trying to do?” Ezra sounded offended. “I am trying to keep you both alive. ”

  “I keep her safe,” Jack said defensively.

  “A vampire club? Jack, really?” Ezra raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “Did you forget what happened when you were human? You nearly died. Vampires may try very hard to live a civilized life, but you know what they’re capable of. ”

  “Milo just wanted to check it out, and Alice wanted to get out and do something fun,” Jack shifted, and by now, he wasn’t touching me at all. Several inches of cold distance sat between us. “I’d been there before, and people go there all the time and they’re fine. ”

  “It takes so little to take it all away,” Ezra said quietly. “She is so fragile. ”

  “Then why can’t we just turn her?” Jack asked plaintively. “Then nobody would have to worry about me accidentally killing her. ”

  “You know I can’t do that right now” Ezra rubbed his eyes tiredly.

  “Why not?” Jack asked.

  “Milo is too young. Young vampires are far too dangerous,” Ezra sighed. “Vampires require proper guidance to keep them from turning into something horrendous. Morals and restraint are imperative to our survival. We have the power and strength to destroy everything if we don’t live in quiet moderation. ”