Fate

“We had a plan for you to turn when you felt that Milo was ready. ” He licked his lips, and my heart thudded painfully. “But his turning has changed your plan. ”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Milo needs too much right now, and you’d need just as much if you were to turn,” Ezra explained. “It would be impractical and unfair to both of you to have two very young, very new vampires in the house. Jack isn’t that old and wouldn’t be up for the responsibility of siring you both into this. ”

  “Oh. ” I couldn’t think enough to argue against it. I just stared vacantly in front of me.

  “It’s only temporary,” Ezra added quickly. “We’re only postponing things. Actually, we’re sticking to the original time frame. ”

  “Wait. The original timeline? You mean… you mean like one or two more years?”

  “You can finish out high school this way,” Ezra said, like that was something that really mattered to me.

  “I don’t care about high school!” I snapped.

  “I know,” Ezra sighed. “But an education is important. ”

  “Why does this just keep getting harder and harder?” Tears brimmed in my eyes, but I didn’t even fight them off. He knew this would upset me, which is why he’d told me alone.

  “I don’t know. ” He came over and sat next to me on the couch. To comfort me, he put his hand on my back. “I am sorry this is so hard for you, Alice. I truly am. In the meantime, you can still stay here as much as you want. ”

  “Yeah, right. Like Milo could handle that right now. Or like Peter could, if he ever decides to come back. ”

  “Milo will settle down soon, enough where you can be around as much as you’d like,” Ezra assured me, but I noticed that he made no mention of Peter.

  “Can I ask you something?” I looked at him directly. “Do you think… I’m ever going to turn? I mean, is it ever really going to make sense for me? Or would I be better off getting on with my life and pretending that I never met any of you?”

  “I can’t answer that for you, Alice. ” His deep voice sounded saddened by my question. “I’ve always told you that regardless of how we feel, you need to do what’s best for you. And if you don’t think that’s this life, then it isn’t. ”

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  “Like I have any idea what’s best for me. ” Folding my arms on my knees, I buried my face in them. Ezra seeing me cry like that embarrassed me.

  “I think you do. ” His hand felt strong and gentle as he rubbed my back.

  After a solid minute of crying, I decided that was enough and lifted my head. I wiped at my damp cheeks, pushing strands of hair off my face. I took a deep breath and reminded myself this wasn’t the end of the world. It was only a postponement.

  “Do they know?” I asked, thinking of how cheery Mae and Jack had been.

  “Jack got on about you turning last night, but I was evasive,” Ezra said. “No, I haven’t told him or Milo that you’re going to hold off. ”

  “Are you going to tell them?”

  “You can tell them if you want, or I can, or we can. We can do it now, or next week. Whatever you’re comfortable with. ” He brushed his hair off his forehead and looked out the window. “I know neither of them will take it well. ”

  “Not tonight,” I decided. It seemed like far too much watching Jack get sad and angry over this. Feeling it myself was enough without having to feel it for him too.

  “That’s understandable. ”

  “So I probably need to get myself in order before I go back out there, or they’ll know something’s up. ” I smoothed out my hair.

  “You know what would cheer you up?” Ezra asked, getting to his feet. “Watching an elephant paint. It’s really much more entertaining than it sounds. ”

  “Okay,” I laughed a little and got up.

  After Ezra showed me the video, he gave me a brief tour of his den, explaining some of his favorite books and the painting on the wall. He’d actually lived in Amsterdam shortly after Rembrandt died, so that had always held some significance to him.

  When I finally looked like my normal self, we headed out in the living room to see what everyone else was up to.

  For most of the night, Jack and Milo played video games, but nobody complained. I felt rather sad and lonely, and while I did my best to mask it, Mae noticed and let me curl up with her on the couch.

  The time passed much quicker then I wanted it to, and before I knew it, the sun was rising and Jack was giving me a ride home. If I had been awake enough to talk, he probably would’ve noticed something was up, and I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to think about it.

  - 11 -

  Nine days left of freedom, and Jack couldn’t return a stupid text message. I couldn’t spend another night locked up inside the stifling heat of the apartment. In anticipation of escape, I had gotten all dolled up, and I looked ridiculously foxy, at least for me. I could not stay inside looking that good.

  Three text messages and one hour later, when I still hadn’t heard from Jack, I resorted to calling him.

  “Alice,” Jack answered the phone, and he didn’t sound happy. So that was a good start.

  “Jack. ”

  “What can I do for you?” he asked, and someone talked behind him. “Hold on. ” Before I could say anything, the sound muffled as he moved the phone away from his mouth. “No! Can you just wait? I’m on the phone. ” He scoffed. “I don’t care! Just hold on!”

  “Jack, what’s going on?” I thought I heard Milo shouting in the background. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, everything’s fine. ” Jack was talking into the phone again, sounding irritated. “Look, now’s not really a good time to talk. Can I call you back later?”

  “Like when later?”

  “I don’t know. ” He growled and yelled at something happening around him. “No! Knock it off! You can wait one second for-” He exhaled angrily, and then spoke to me again. “Alice, I’m sorry. I gotta go. I’ll call you later, though. ”

  “Alright, fine. ” I’d barely gotten the word “fine” out of my mouth before he hung up. He didn’t even say goodbye.

  I collapsed back on the bed, knowing it’d mess up my hair. My nails were freshly painted a dark violet, and I had pulled out a fancy new top that did amazing things for my cleavage.

  Not to mention that I had put on my one pair of black heels that looked fantastic, even though they killed to walk in. My eyes were in dramatic smoky makeup that would wash off when I started bawling in approximately five seconds.

  After a whirlwind romance with a pair of vampires, somehow my life had amounted to waiting by the phone in hopes someone would call. Getting all dressed up with no place to go.

  My phone buzzed in my hand, and out of the blue, my supposed best friend Jane texted me. Immediately after being blown off by Jack for the hundredth time this week, Jane sent me good news.

  There’s a big party at Andrew Sullivan’s house. I’ll drive. You in?

  My first instinct was to decline, but I decided that it was a sign. I had asked Ezra if it would ever make sense for me to turn, or if I was better off moving on with my life.

  Jack practically hung up on me, and Jane invited me out into the real world. My path looked clearer.

  Yeah. I’m actually already to go out. When can you get here? I responded.

  Twenty minutes? Jane texted back.

  Great. See you then.

  I rolled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. With one last quick look over, I realized that something was missing. That something that screamed, “Lets go crazy. ”

  I dashed back into my room and changed into the final touch: a bright purple thong that Jane had insisted getting for me from Victoria’s Secret, “just in case” Jack ever decided… well, he was never going to decide that, so it seemed like a moot point.

  Jane pulled up in her fath
er’s car with Moby playing so loud, I’m surprised it didn’t blow the speakers. The whole car smelled of the strawberry lip gloss she layered on. With an overly happy “Hey girl,” she offered me some, and I took it.

  She looked amazing. She’d always reminded me of some tragic socialite, like Edie Sedgwick, the way everything about her was perfect and completely poised to end up exploited.

  While she drove, she laughed too much at things that weren’t funny and danced to the music so that the car weaved all over the highway.

  “Jane!” I grabbed the wheel to keep the car from slamming into a divider. She giggled and put both her hands on the wheel, but it took an effort to keep her eyes focused on something as mundane as the road. “Jane, what’s going?”

  “I’m rolling. ” Jane leaned towards me, as if confessing a secret, and held her fingers out to me about an inch apart. “Just a little. ”

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  “Of course you are,” I sighed, and she took this as my displeasure in not being high myself. She squealed and let go of the wheel so she could search through her glittery purse. “Jane!”

  “Just hold on! I know have some more X in here!” Lip gloss, condoms, and cash flew out of her purse as she dug through it, and I groaned.

  “I don’t want any! Just take the wheel back!” I’d never done ecstasy, and I didn’t want to try right now, while steering the car from the passenger seat.

  “Oh whatever. ” She turned her attention back to the road. Then her eyes widened. “Oh! Quick! That’s Andy’s exit!” She snatched the wheel from me and skidded across three lanes of traffic without looking before flying up the freeway exit and lurching to a stop.

  “This is still better than sitting at home,” I muttered to myself.

  Magically, we got to Andrew Sullivan’s house without dying. We got out of the car, and Jane stumbled in her heels as we walked up to the house. It was pretty amazing that she even remembered where Andy lived, let alone how to get there.

  From outside, I could hear the music, and the entryway was clogged with teenagers. Jane separated from me as soon as we went in, but I’m not sure if it was by choice, or if she was just sucked up by male hormones.

  I’d been there for all of five minutes before someone spilled beer on me, and I knew that I was in dire need of a drink myself.

  In the kitchen, an attractive guy poured shots for all the girls in the room, and he insisted I take one. He made some swarthy comment I could barely understand over the blaring bass, but I let myself take it as a compliment. Bright blue vodka burned when it went down, but it burned good.

  “Your eyes are the same color as the drink,” he told me after I had downed the shot, and I laughed as if I actually thought it was funny. My eyes were more gray than blue, and nothing in nature was the same shade as that vodka. “You want another drink?”

  “Yeah!” I shouted.

  It felt warm in my belly and left a fake blue taste in my mouth. I think it was supposed to be blue raspberry, but artificially flavoring never, ever tasted like raspberries. It all just tasted like blue, the same way that grape Kool-Aid tasted like purple.

  “My name’s Jordan,” he said.

  He leaned in closer as he poured me another shot, and he smelled really good. He probably did a lot of drugs. Boys that smoked a lot of pot always put on too much cologne to mask the smell. But so what? At least they smelled good when they leaned in close.

  He poured himself a shot, then clinked his glass with mine.

  “Cheers!” Jordan laughed. I laughed too, because he did and the alcohol was starting to spread warm through me.

  When the hair fell in his eyes, I realized that he was probably very attractive, but it was hard for me to gauge anymore. Peter had been so incredibly gorgeous that everything else paled in comparison, and Jack looked pretty foxy himself.

  But I didn’t want to think of Peter or Jack so I took another shot, and I tried to focus on Jordan and his eyes and his wonderful cologne.

  “You should probably slow down,” Jordan suggested as I downed my fourth shot, but he never stopped pouring them for me.

  I felt myself moving closer to him, touching his chest and leaning in on him like I wanted him, and some stupid desperate part of me did want him. He’d been pouring shots for several girls, but now we were alone in the corner. He singled me out, and he was foxy, so I was flattered.

  “You look like a light weight. ” This is what Jordan said after he poured me yet another shot.

  He’d known me for less than a half-hour, and the only thing he’d done in that time was talk about Lil Wayne and ply me with alcohol.

  I’d drank before, several times. At least twice, I’d gotten really tipsy on fruity schnapps with Jane, but I’d never been really and truly drunk. Not like Jane.

  Not surprisingly, five straight shots of vodka hit me pretty hard.

  One minute, I was standing there talking to Jordan. I felt a little warm and a little light, but still entirely in control of myself.

  Then, suddenly, everything changed. I’d go to move my arm an inch and it’d move a foot. I tried to take a step, and I ran into the island. I knew I was repeating myself, but I just couldn’t remember anything that had happened a minute before.

  Here’s what I can remember: In the kitchen talking to Jordan, and he finally cut me off when it was obvious that I was entirely gone. I yelled things at him, but he just laughed. A girl in a tube top offered to make out with me. Someone threw a football, and it hit me. I walked into a wall. There were so many stairs, and I couldn’t figure out how to climb them. Jane told me I looked pretty, but she was making out with an ugly guy with curly hair. There was a lot of stumbling and leaning on Jordan, who didn’t seem to mind.

  The next thing that I remember clearly I was in a darkened room. I know that I had been conscious the entire time, but I felt like I was just waking up.

  All I knew is that I was on a bed, making out with someone that smelled insanely good, presumably Jordan. We were kissing pretty intensely, and his fingers had just started pulling down the string on my bright purple thong, alerting me to the moment I was in.

  Vampire or no vampire in my life, I hadn’t planned to give up my virginity to some guy who thought it was a good idea to pour too many shots for a girl. I know that a moment ago, kissing him had felt good, but it suddenly just felt wrong.

  Before I could even push him off me, my pocket started to vibrate.

  “You’re vibrating. ” Jordan stopped kissing me, so I took the opportunity and pushed him off me.

  “It’s my phone,” I mumbled.

  “Ignore it. ” He put his hand on me, trying to keep me in bed with him, but I shook him off and got up. The ground felt precarious under me, but at least I had taken off my shoes at some point so I could actually walk.

  “I’ve gotta take this,” I said, but I just wanted an excuse to be away from him. Without even checking the ID, I answered. “Hello?”

  “Alice?” Jack sounded confused. Just hearing his voice made my heart soar, and combining that with too much to drink, I started crying in relief.

  “Jack!” I squealed. “Jack! I’m so glad you called! Oh, Jack!” I searched around the darkened room for a door, but I stumbled into furniture. “Dammit! Why is it so dark in here?”

  “Why don’t you just come back in bed?” That was Jordan’s helpful advice.

  “Because I just want to leave! Where is the stupid door?” I cried, and tears streamed down my cheeks now.

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  “What’s going on?” Jack asked, his voice tight with anxiety. Which made sense since I was sobbing and complaining that I was trapped in the dark, but really, I was just too drunk to find a door. “Alice? Are you okay?”

  “No!” I stomped my foot. “I want out!”

  “I’m getting the door!” Jordan said. Out of nowhere, a rectangle of light flooded the room, revealing the door.
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  “Thank you!” I smiled at him as I walked past, but he just nodded. As soon as he realized that I wasn’t going any farther, he lost interest.

  “Alice!” Jack shouted, trying to get my attention. “What’s going on? Are you alright?”

  “I don’t know!” I had to yell so he could hear me over the music and the chatter of the party. I plugged my open ear so I could hear him better, but he was still hard to make out.

  “Where are you?” Jack asked.

  “I don’t know!”

  “Look, I’m coming to get you!” Jack decided.

  “How do you know where I’m at? I don’t know where I’m at!” I tried to walk down the stairs and talk on the phone, and I stumbled into the railing and dropped the phone. When I picked it up, Jack was yelling panicked hellos. “Jack?”

  “Alice! Go outside!”

  I fought my way through throngs of people. I could hear Jack saying things on the phone, but I couldn’t understand them. It wasn’t until I’d finally made it out the front door and the sound dampened that I could hear him again.

  “-need you to look around,” he was saying.

  “You need me to do what?” I asked. I half-expected it to be some kind of magic trick, and Jack would already be waiting out front for me, but he wasn’t.

  “You’re outside?”

  “Yep, I’m outside, and I’m not wearing any shoes. ”

  “Do you see any street signs? Any landmarks? Anything to tell me where you are?” Jack asked.

  “Um…” I scoured the area around me. I could hear the traffic from the highway and I saw a billboard a block away. “I think I’m right off of 494 by a billboard for 93X. Is that good?”

  “Yeah, I can work with that,” Jack sounded relieved. “Just stay where you are. I’ll be there in a minute. ”

  “Okay,” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.

  “Call me if you need to. But I’ll be there really quick,” he assured me.

  “Okay,” I repeated, and he hung up the phone.

  I should’ve let him know that I actually wasn’t in any danger. Well, not in any immediate danger. After all, I was drunk, shoeless, and sitting on the curb outside of a house party.

  Jack pulled up a few minutes later in the Lamborghini, which was how he traveled when speed was a necessity. He stopped right in front of me and dove out of the car, leaving it on and the door open.

  “Are you okay?” Jack crouched down in front of me to inspect me for injuries, pushing my damp hair out of my eyes.

  My eyes were puffy from crying, beer stained my fancy top, and my feet were very dirty from walking around the party, but overall, I was okay.

  “I think so,” I nodded.

  “You’re drunk,” Jack smirked.

  “I think so. ”

  “Okay. Let’s get you home. ” He stood up and took my hands so he could help me to my feet. Before we got in the car, he gave me a once over to make sure. His eyes got hard and the hand that was holding mine got very cold. “Your pants are undone. ”

  “What?” I looked down at my jeans, and I couldn’t remember undoing them. Then I remembered being upstairs making out with Jordan. “Oh. Yeah. That. I didn’t do anything. ”