Divorced, Desperate and Delicious

“Peter?” The soda can slipped from her fingers, fell and started spewing all over the entryway.

  “Hi, babe,” he said, looking down at the soda can, which was spinning in circles. “Can I come in?”

  Lacy stared down at the mess pouring over her tile, but her thoughts went to Chase in the bedroom. “Uhh.”

  Peter pushed his way inside and shut the door. “Shouldn’t you get something to wipe that up?” He pointed to the floor.

  She turned around and went to the kitchen, grabbed a roll of paper towels and then went back to the hall and threw a handful on the floor. “What do you want?” she asked, setting the roll of towels on the antique sewing machine beside her purse.

  Her ex crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. “Do you know you have your robe on inside out?”

  Oh, yeah, I was just making love when the doorbell rang. She would give her eyeteeth right now if she could tell Peter the truth. But with Chase in hiding, she wouldn’t risk it. “Yes. I know. What do you want?”

  He smiled. “Can’t an ex-husband stop by for a visit?” He reached out and touched her damp hair. “Did I catch you in the shower?”

  “No, I wasn’t showering, and no you can’t stop by for a visit.” She pulled away.

  The doorbell rang again. Thinking of the plumber, she snatched open her purse and grabbed her checkbook and a pen. As soon as she got rid of Mr. Screwdriver, she planned to send Peter packing. She opened the door and asked, “How much do I owe you?” She looked up from her checkbook.

  It wasn’t the plumber. Blond, with dark blue eyes, and built like a football player, Jason Dodd had the market on good looks. Not that he interested her; she preferred dark hair, less bulk and . . . Face it, she preferred Chase.

  “A hundred thousand would buy me a Porsche,” Dodd said, and his blue eyes crinkled with humor.

  “Put it on your Christmas list,” she teased back. “Oh. Come on in. But be careful. I just spilled some soda.” She swung the door open and Jason stepped inside. She dropped her checkbook back into her purse.

  Jason stopped in the middle of her entryway when he spotted Peter leaning against the wall. Lacy looked at one man and then the other, unsure how to proceed. The awkward silence forced words from her mouth.

  She waved a hand between them. “Jason . . . Peter. Peter . . . Jason.” Fixing her gaze on her ex, she stiffened. “Now, what was I about to tell you? Oh, yeah, it’s time for you to go, Peter.” She pointed to the door.

  The stunned look on her ex-husband’s face brought a smile to her lips. He thought . . . he thought Jason was her lover. Think what you want, you secretary-screwing lugworm. This was one misunderstanding she wasn’t about to correct. She even helped the misunderstanding along by shifting closer to the blond cop and offering him a flirty smile.

  Jason took one glance at Peter’s expression, and he held up his hand as if he seemed to understand some of the undercurrents of what was happening. “I’ll wait right in here,” he said, and stepped into the living room.

  As he moved out of the entryway, the doorbell rang again. Lacy grabbed her checkbook and swung it open.

  “Surprise?” Sue said, and pushed her way inside with Kathy on her heels. “We were out garage-sale shopping and decided to stop by for a pee break and to see if you wanted to go with us. We found the cutest bedroom suite—not that either of us needs one.” Sue’s mouth moved a mile a minute. “Saw the cars. You got company?” She stopped jabbering long enough to look around. Her eyes widened.

  “Who’s this?” Sue glanced to Peter and back. Then her friend’s gaze moved up and down Lacy’s body. “Did you know you’ve got your robe on inside out?” Then Sue’s focus swung back to Peter. “Are you going to introduce us?”

  Lacy looked at her ex-husband, and she realized what they would think. But now didn’t seem like a good time to explain. “Sue, Kathy, this is Peter.”

  “I told you she slept with him,” Sue said, glaring at Peter and then looking at Kathy. “I knew it. All those tears. I knew something was happening.” She pivoted on her heels and gave Peter a scowl. “I just hope he didn’t pull out before the job was done this time. Early withdrawals come with penalties.”

  “Maybe he’s gotten on the little pill,” Kathy said, with the same venom in her voice. Lacy’s heart swelled with love. Only really good friends would rake an ex over the coals for you.

  Peter’s mouth dropped open as if he’d been slapped. Lacy nearly choked on her laughter; then the doorbell rang again. “What is this? Grand Central?” she muttered.

  She swung open the door, and there stood the plumber, but he wasn’t alone. Standing behind him was . . . oh, God!

  “Mama?” Lacy squeaked. “What are you doing here?”

  “What’s my plumber doing here?” Kathy asked. The question brought Lacy’s gaze back to her friend, and she stared at Kathy’s wide-eyed expression. Peter cleared his throat and stared daggers at Sue.

  “Uhh.” Lacy’s mind whirled.

  Kathy pointed at the plumber and frowned at Lacy. “Did you get my discount?” she asked, a touch of jealousy in her voice.

  Lacy shook her head. “No.”

  “What discount?” Mr. Bradley asked, his smile and all his attention directed toward Kathy. “What a surprise to—”

  “For Pete’s sake!” Lacy’s mother shrilled as her brown eyes flitted to Peter. “What in Hell’s highway is he doing here?”

  Lacy turned back to Peter. With five people in the entryway and soda-soaked paper towels on the floor, she barely had room to turn.

  “She slept with him,” Sue accused, glaring at Peter again. “I can’t believe she slept with him. I think . . .” Sue’s chatter continued, bouncing around the crowded space, causing Lacy’s head to hurt.

  “I did not sleep with Peter,” Lacy snapped.

  “Did you sleep with my plumber?” Kathy asked, over Sue’s constant ranting.

  “With me?” asked Mr. Bradley clearly shocked. His voice sounded hoarse.

  “You’re sleeping with him, too?” Her mother’s high-pitched voice seemed to echo in the hall.

  “So you are sleeping with him?” Kathy asked.

  Lacy’s mouth opened, but she couldn’t think any more, couldn’t speak. Sue, God love her, was giving Peter the lowlife speech, Kathy kept asking about her relationship with the plumber, and her mother kept going on about Peter and the secretary on film in the elevator.

  “Please tell me you didn’t sleep with Peter, too.” Her mother’s voice rose above the chorus.

  “At least I was married to her,” Peter shot back, his voice rumbling with anger. “And hello to you too, Mrs. Callahan.”

  “Don’t hello me, you . . . you elevator freak. How dare you show your ass to half of America and screw your secretary when you’re married to my daughter!”

  Lacy’s mother pushed past the plumber and stopped right in front of Lacy. “Did you know you have your robe on inside out?”

  “Yes. I know,” Lacy said, trying hard not to scream.

  “I’m not sleeping with her,” the plumber told Kathy.

  Sue started chattering about Heaven-only-knew-what, and Lacy had the urge to clap her hands over her ears. “Silence!” she yelled. Everyone complied but her mother.

  Her mother’s words rang out loud and clear. “I thought you were sleeping with Jason Dodd.”

  “With whom?” a voice boomed from the living room.

  “With Jason Dodd,” her mother repeated, turning to look at the man moving into the hall from the living room. “Who are you?”

  “Oh my God!” Sue grabbed Lacy’s elbow. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping with him? I mean, at least you could have told me.” Now Sue’s voice held jealousy, and Lacy wanted to fall to the soda-soaked, soggy paper-towel-laden floor and have a good cry.

  “She’s sleeping with whom?” Jason Dodd repeated, then his gaze shifted to Sue and he smiled. “Hi. We met—”

  “Well, I didn’t actually see them doing it,?
?? Lacy’s mother continued, her glare super-glued to Peter. “Unlike some people, they didn’t do it in front of a video camera. But they did have two boxes of condoms. And I’ll bet she enjoyed every one of them.”

  “Stop it!” Lacy snapped. “Stop this right now.” When she had everyone’s attention, she turned a complete circle, wet paper towels squishing under her bare feet. “Just for the record, I know I have my robe on inside out and there is not one guy in this room with whom I’ve slept in the last year.”

  “I didn’t sleep with her last year either,” the plumber told Kathy.

  And then the chatter began all over again.

  “Stop!” Lacy called out. She turned to the one person she wanted gone first “Peter. Get out of my life.”

  As Peter moved for the door, Lacy turned to the plumber. “Mail me the invoice. Good-bye.” She waved him to the door.

  The plumber glanced back at Kathy and said, “I’ll call you.” Then he followed Peter.

  Lacy swung around to face her mother. “It was nice to see you, Mom. Now leave.”

  Her mother huffed rather loudly. “Call me tonight,” she said, and peevishly added, “We need to talk about you seeing Peter.” Then she tossed her purple shawl over her shoulder and left.

  Lacy took a deep breath and faced Sue and Kathy. “Let me make this clear: I haven’t had sex with anyone that either of you has remotely thought about having sex with. Now, go pee if you must, then go, and I’ll call you later.”

  Sue and Kathy skipped the potty break and started for the door. Wiping her sweaty palms on her inside-out robe, Lacy turned to Jason Dodd. He watched Sue and Kathy walk out, his gaze mostly on Sue.

  When the door shut, he faced Lacy and grinned. “Two boxes of condoms, huh? I bet I was good.”

  • • •

  The sound of Jason calling his name brought Chase scrambling to unlock the bedroom door.

  “Hey.” Chase stepped back. Jason, a smile widening his face, walked into the bedroom. “Did you hear any of that?” He glanced around, focusing on the unmade bed.

  “Some,” Chase replied, feeling his frustration peak at having to stay hidden behind closed doors like a wanted criminal. Especially when there were men outside hovering around the woman to whom he’d been about to make love. “Sounded like there was a party going on. What’s that guy, Peter, look like?”

  “A dweeb.” Jason grinned. “But if you really want to see for yourself, we could probably find his ass and other parts of him on the Internet. Or at least that’s what his ex-mother-in-law seemed to indicate.” Jason pressed his hand over his abdomen and laughed. “That was comedy at its best.”

  “I thought I heard Lacy’s mother’s voice.” Chase leaned a hand against the wall, unable to appreciate the humor right now. “Who else was there?” he asked, ignoring his friend’s hysterics.

  “A plumber. Who was accused of sleeping with Lacy.” Jason glanced at the unmade bed. “Then again, it looks as if—”

  “The plumber?” Chase pushed a palm over his face. “First there’s a FedEx man, a vet, her asshole of an ex-husband, and now a plumber?” Chase felt confident Lacy wasn’t sleeping with the plumber, or with any of those men, but just how long was the want-to-sleep-with-Lacy line? “It’s insane. Freaking nuts.”

  Jason held up his hand. “Hey. It’s me she’s cheating on. And after I invested in two boxes of condoms, no less!”

  “I heard that part.” Chase walked back across the room and this time couldn’t help but smile. “I borrowed your name.”

  Jason laughed. “So my name had a little fun, huh?” At Chase’s frown, Jason continued. “Well, I don’t really think she’s sleeping with the plumber. And she swore she hasn’t slept with Peter in over a year. I think the plumber has a thing for the redhead. Not that I blame him. Both her and that Sue woman are fine specimens.”

  “They still here?” Chase asked, knowing Lacy was probably dying from embarrassment.

  “No,” Jason answered.

  Chase went to the front window to see if all the cars were gone. They were; all except one. “Are you driving the station wagon?”

  Jason nodded. “What? I don’t look like a station wagon type?”

  Wanting to see Lacy, Chase turned and walked out of the bedroom. Lacy stepped into the front hall at the same time. He met her halfway and tilted her chin up to see her face. “You okay?” Her cheeks were bright red.

  “It was a three-ring circus. Like something that would happen on a sitcom,” she answered. “It was terrible, awful, it was—”

  “It’s all right.” He pulled her close.

  “No, it’s not all right. My mom thinks I’m sleeping with four different men.” She dropped her forehead onto his chest, took a deep breath and then glanced up. “Which probably wouldn’t bother her if one of them wasn’t my ex-husband. She was part of the free love thing in the sixties, but has a definite rule about not sleeping with your ex-husbands. Both my girlfriends think I’m having sex with the men they wish they could sleep with if they weren’t so scared to let a man get close. My plumber now thinks I offer myself to get discounts. Everybody thinks I had sex twenty-four times with . . . him.” She pointed to Jason, who was stepping into the hall. “And during this whole episode, I’m wearing my robe inside out.”

  Chase bit back his laugh. “I tried to tell you about that.” Leaning down, he kissed her cheek.

  Jason cleared his throat. “Before you two get started on number twenty-five, I need a few minutes.”

  Lacy blushed even brighter and, pulling out of the circle of Chase’s arms, started toward her bedroom without looking at Jason.

  “Lacy?” Jason called as if in afterthought.

  She turned around and met his smile.

  “When you referred to the men your friends wanted to have sex with, I wouldn’t happen to have been one of them, would I? Because if I can help one of them out, well—”

  “Shoot him, would you?” Lacy said to Chase.

  Chase grinned and watched her go. When he turned back, Jason was studying him with a sappy smile plastered on his face. “What?” he asked.

  Jason clapped a hand on his back. “I haven’t seen you look at a woman like that since . . . in a long time.” He sighed. “Too bad she and I are already an item.”

  “Funny,” Chase snapped. “What is it you need to talk to me about?” Then a dire possibility hit. “Is Stokes okay?”

  The smile vanished from his friend’s face. “He’s hanging on, but it’s touch-and-go. He stopped breathing last night.”

  Chase walked into the living room and dropped down onto the sofa. “And you’re not finding anything, right?”

  “I haven’t covered everything yet,” Jason offered, but his voice rang with frustration.

  “Meanwhile, my staying hidden makes me look guilty as hell.” Chase dropped his face in a palm and squeezed his temples.

  “I did find one thing sort of strange,” Jason admitted, sitting down beside him. “When I was going through the files, one of the cases you two worked had a bunch of pages missing from the report. Remember the Brandy Lakes case? She overdosed, and you and Zeke never did make an arrest.”

  “Yeah, I remember.” He looked up. “What’s missing from the report?”

  “Just those pages. I guess they could have fallen out or something, but . . . I thought it might be worth mentioning. Maybe it would trigger something for you.”

  Chase took a deep breath. “I’ll see what I can recall, but if my memory serves me right, there didn’t seem to be anything suspicious about Zeke at the time. Of course, no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t seem to follow the drug trail. I remember the fact frustrated the hell out of me.”

  “Give it some thought,” Jason said. “Meanwhile I’m going to stay away for a while. Don’t call me anymore. I’ll call you in a couple of days, or sooner if I come across something.”

  “You really think Zeke is on to you?” Chase asked.

  “Yeah. Someone follow
ed me today. Big guy. Flashy dresser.”

  “Bruno,” Chase said. “Dancing Bruno,” he added, remembering the incident on the bridge.

  “Anyway, I parked my car at Shelly’s place, jumped out a window, and borrowed her mother’s station wagon. I say the less we communicate right now, the better.” Jason stood. “I’ll be in touch. Oh, here’s Shelly’s number.” He pulled out a piece of paper from his jeans’ pocket. “If you need me, call me here and leave a message. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

  “Who’s Shelly?” Chase asked.

  Jason raised a brow. “My soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.”

  “What did she do?” Chase laughed. “Mention the R-word?”

  “How did you know?” Jason shuddered, then smiled. “Relationships.”

  “You’re pathetic, Dodd.”

  “Yeah, tell me something that half the female population of Houston doesn’t know.”

  “Ever thought of settling down?” Chase asked.

  His friend glanced down the hall. “I might, if you didn’t snatch up all the good ones before I co