Divorced, Desperate and Delicious
Lacy parked in front of Kathy’s trailer, hiccupping and wiping her eyes as she got out of the van. Knocking on Kathy’s door, she heard her friend call out for her to come in.
Lacy took in a deep breath, stepped inside, and hoped Kathy went straight for the heart when she killed her, because right now her heart was hurting so badly that it would be a relief not to feel it anymore.
Kathy rose from the table where her boy Tommy sat with schoolbooks in front of him. “I was just starting to get worried.” Her friend stretched and stopped midway through a yawn when she noted Lacy’s tears. “What’s wrong?”
Lacy hiccupped, and a new wave of tears filled her eyes. “Allergies,” she said, gazing at Tommy. “Hi, guy.”
Tommy grinned. “Hi, Lacy. How’s your fish doing?”
“He’s fine. Still singing.” She tried to smile. “He’s a good fish. Doesn’t eat much.”
Kathy shook her head. “Tommy, why don’t you go watch television in Mama’s room?” She kissed the boy’s forehead and then turned back around. “What’s up?”
Lacy walked to the kitchen table, dropped down in a chair and tried blinking away the tears. “You’re going to kill me.”
Kathy dropped into the seat across from her. “So you are sleeping with my plumber.”
“No.” Lacy shook her head and sniffled. “It’s the White Elephant.”
“You’re sleeping with my White Elephant?” Kathy grinned.
Lacy sucked in her bottom lip, then let it out. “Remember, you told me not to get one scratch on it?”
Kathy’s brows pulled together. She looked toward the front door. “How bad of a scratch is it?” She pushed a carton of Kleenex toward Lacy.
“Bad. But you know I’ll pay for it. Every penny. I swear I will.” Lacy pulled out a tissue and blew her nose.
“Am I going to cry when I see it?” Kathy stood up.
“You probably shouldn’t even look,” Lacy said. “I’ll drive it home and tomorrow I’ll take it to be fixed.”
Kathy took two steps toward the door and hesitated. “No one was hurt?”
“No. Just the White Elephant.”
“Is it, like, just limping, or is it gasping for its last breath?
“Both,” Lacy said.
“Is the damage in the front or back?” she asked.
Lacy winced. “Both.”
“Left or right side?”
“Both.” Lacy wanted to drop her head on the table and sob.
“Damage to all four sides?” Kathy put a hand over her heart. “How many cars did you hit?”
“I only hit two cars,” Lacy explained, feeling an anxiety attack brewing inside her. “But it was shot on the other two sides.”
“Shot?” Kathy’s hazel eyes widened. “By bullets? Real bullets?”
“I hit a red Buick on the left side and the black sedan on the right, and then I ran through a security gate. The bullets hit the right side and the back. They took out the front windshield. And I think they did some damage to the bumper when it was towed to the police station. Oh, and the passenger window is history, too.” Lacy’s eyes filled with tears again. “I’m so sorry.” She hiccupped.
“Po . . . lice station?” A stunned look appeared on Kathy’s face. “Why was it towed to the police station, and who . . . who was shooting at my elephant?”
“It’s a long story.” Lacy blew her nose and her insides started shaking again. “Fabio found him by the shed last week.”
“Found who?”
“Chase. The man I was having sex with.”
Kathy laced her hands together and pressed them to her chin. “You had sex with someone your dog dragged in?”
“He didn’t drag him. He just found him, and then I found them both. And he was shot and I thought he was going to shoot Fabio and then he handcuffed me to the bed and took my antibiotics for my female infection.” She sniffled. “Then Sue came over and started talking about becoming lesbians.”
“Are you having a mental breakdown or something?” Kathy’s brows puckered. “Because I have some Prozac.”
“No. I’m not having a nervous breakdown.” Lacy shook her head. “But I fell in love with him.”
Kathy’s mouth dropped open. “You fell in love with the man your dog found and who handcuffed you to the bed and took your female infection medicine?”
Lacy nodded and hiccupped again. “Yeah. And now they’re keeping him for questioning. Not for shooting that other cop. They know he didn’t shoot him, but they still think he stole the drugs.”
One of Kathy’s eyebrows rose. “He didn’t shoot a cop? But they’re questioning him about stealing your antibiotics?”
“No,” Lacy said. “They think he stole cocaine.”
Kathy’s mouth dropped open again. “So you had sex and are now in love with a drug dealer?”
“No! He’s a police officer.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.
Kathy held both her palms up in the air. “Wait! I’m totally confused here. He’s a policeman?”
“Yeah. You know the cop they’ve been looking for?” Lacy asked.
“The cop?” Kathy’s gaze went even wider. “The one whose body was found in the lake this morning?”
“Yeah,” Lacy said. “That one. I’m in love with him.”
Kathy reached over and took her by the shoulders. “You just hang on a little longer. I’m getting the Prozac.”
Chapter Twenty-nine