Addicted

  Despite the aftershocks of pleasure rippling inside her, the same doubts she’d harbored last night crept in. “Goddamn it, Len,” she choked out. “What does this mean?”

  “I still don’t know.” He sounded beyond frustrated.

  She hastily pulled up her pants. He did the same, then flicked the condom into a nearby Dumpster.

  They stood there staring at each other for several long beats. Then they spoke at the same time.

  “We’re friends—”

  “Our friendship—”

  Awkward laughter echoed between them.

  “You first,” he said gruffly.

  She pressed her lips together, searching for the right words. “Our friendship is important to me. I don’t want to jeopardize it by getting into a relationship.”

  “Me neither.”

  She gulped. “But I don’t want to stop what we’re doing.”

  “Me neither.”

  “So . . . what now?”

  He ran a hand through his messy dark hair. “Don’t know,” he muttered again.

  They released simultaneous sighs and leaned against the wall, side by side. His presence was so familiar, so comforting. She’d known this man since they were children. And while normally she could read his mind, right now she had no clue what he was thinking or feeling. What he wanted from her. What she wanted from him.

  She’d always had a clear vision for her future. She’d longed for the same three things since she was a kid—a home she felt safe in, a man she was in love with, and a child they would raise together.

  And you can’t have that with Lennox?

  The question lingered in her mind and left her feeling perplexed. It was difficult to explain, even to herself, why it couldn’t happen. She just knew, deep in her bones, that letting herself fall in love with Lennox would destroy everything they had.

  Or build on it.

  Or that. But the fear that stabbed into her heart at the thought of losing her best friend was too strong to ignore.

  Lennox must have felt the same way, because he cursed softly. “We keep it separate,” he said.

  She wrinkled her forehead. “What do you mean?”

  “We’re friends. We’ll always be friends. That can’t and won’t change.”

  Jamie nodded slowly.

  “So when we fuck, our friendship doesn’t enter the picture. We’re just two horny people who want to get off with each other. We don’t bring our history into it. We don’t bring our feelings into it.” His tone was steadfast. “When we’re in bed, we’re not the Lennox and Jamie who have known each other forever. We don’t discuss our plans or reminisce about the past. We don’t do anything but make each other come. When our clothes are on, we’re Lennox and Jamie again.”

  She gave another nod.

  “It’ll just be sex,” he maintained.

  “Len—”

  His hands were suddenly on her face, cupping her chin with an odd combination of tenderness and force. “I won’t lose you, love,” he said fiercely. “You know me—I’m terrible with women. I boss them around and piss them off. I get bored so fast it makes their heads spin. I don’t stay with anyone for more than a few months.”

  She did know that, and maybe that was why she was so certain a relationship with Lennox could never work out.

  In the back of her mind, a desperate voice insisted that Lennox could never grow tired of her. He was still by her side, after all, even after so many years.

  But the idea that he might leave her one day was too much to bear. If abiding by his rules meant keeping this man in her life, then she’d agree to anything he asked.

  “Just sex,” she echoed, but she remained doubtful. “Do you really think we can keep things separate?”

  Lennox answered in a grim voice. “We don’t have any other choice.”

  13

  The second week of training was under way when Reese finally decided to drop by and observe one of the events. After all, she had promised Sloan she’d try to be nicer to Rylan.

  But she got the feeling Rylan could see right through her. Ever since she showed up, he’d been eyeing her as if he expected her to attack him at any second.

  She didn’t blame him. She’d been nothing but bitchy to the guy. Most times he deserved it—he could be so unbelievably annoying sometimes—but there were times when he didn’t deserve the attitude she gave him. She knew that, and yet whenever Rylan was around, it seemed she was in a constant state of bitch.

  As she observed the shooting competition, she discovered that Rylan and Pike had worked wonders these past two weeks. Teenagers who’d never even held a gun were now shooting bottles right off the ledge where the targets had been set up.

  She couldn’t contain a burst of satisfaction. A storm was brewing in the free land, and she needed her people trained and ready when it came time to take action. Even the kids.

  Other people might have vacillated, questioned whether or not they were doing the right thing by instilling violent instincts in these children. Not her, though.

  Her whole life had been gearing up to this point. Years of barely checked rage and meticulous planning had brought her here. Cozying up to the Enforcers, allying herself with outlaws like Tamara, not to mention Garrett and his northern community, Mick in the south, Brynn on the coast. She’d started putting the pieces in place when she was twelve years old, far younger than the kids who were currently firing weapons and kicking the shit out of each other all around her.

  “Let’s take a break, guys.” Rylan clapped his hands, then approached the raised ledge where Reese had taken up residence.

  He stopped when his bare chest was inches from her face. The man had an impressive amount of muscle. And his skin still bore his summer tan. Or maybe he had a naturally golden skin tone. None of his tattoos were in color, she noticed as she swept her gaze over his chest. They were all done in black ink, some beginning to fade, others still crisp and defined. There was a lot of text, scrawled quotes she’d never taken the time to read because she didn’t want to know more about this man than she already did.

  “Enjoying the show?” he drawled.

  She pretended he wasn’t referring to the way she’d checked out his chest. “They’re looking good. You guys are excellent teachers.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy with our progress.” He smirked. “Care to tell me the reason for it?”

  “I already did. I need my people to be able to defend themselves and each other.”

  “Still sticking to that story, huh?”

  Lord, he was like a dog with a bone. No, he was like that stray dog that used to scamper around the camp she’d lived in before discovering Foxworth. Stealing scraps, begging, causing trouble, and the moment someone caught on to his tricks, he’d sit like an angel and peer up with big innocent eyes. Roll over and beg for you to pat his belly.

  The comparison made her chuckle.

  “What?” Rylan watched her suspiciously.

  “I was just thinking how you remind me of this stray puppy at my old camp.”

  He didn’t appear to be insulted. Instead his eyes gleamed mischievously as he said, “Woof.”

  Reese couldn’t stop the smile that tugged on her lips. She immediately scolded herself for it, but it was too late. Rylan had already seen it.

  “Was that a smile? Holy shit. I didn’t realize your mouth was capable of doing that.” He paused, tilting his head playfully. “You know, I could make you smile a lot more if you spent a little time with me . . .”

  “I think Pike is calling you over.” He wasn’t, but her remark achieved its purpose. Rylan glanced toward his friend, and when he glanced back, Reese had banished all traces of humor from her face.

  Rylan sighed. “You’re so goddamn difficult, Reese.” He stalked off, visible frustration tightening his shoulders.
br />   The smile broke free again. She enjoyed pissing him off. Which was probably why this be-nice-to-Rylan plan was so fricking challenging for her.

  “Aw, take pity on him already, will you?” Jamie strode up with two water bottles, handing one to Reese as she hopped up on the ledge. “I’ve never seen him chase after someone this hard.”

  “I’ve never seen him chase anyone, period,” Reese said dryly. “I’m not sure why he’s even bothering with me, seeing as how women flock to him with no effort on his part.”

  Jamie grinned. “With good reason. He’s a spectacular lay.”

  Reese couldn’t help being intrigued. And when she decided to voice the question on her tongue, she told herself it was for information purposes only. She’d seen Rylan in action, but the woman next to her had actually experienced him. “All right, I’ll bite. What makes him so spectacular?”

  “The piercing, for one.” Jamie’s blue eyes took on a dreamy quality. “Have you ever fucked a man with a pierced cock?”

  Reese shook her head.

  “Well, it feels incredible, hits this spot inside you that makes you lose your mind.” The blonde offered a tiny smile. “Plus, he likes it rough, which is always fun. And he’s not bad with his tongue either.”

  “I’m still not seeing the spectacular part.”

  Jamie looked thoughtful. “Honestly? I think it’s just him. His enthusiasm, his lust for life. It’s downright contagious. And he loves women—no, he worships them, and he truly cares if they get off. I’ve been with a lot of men who didn’t give a shit if I was enjoying it.”

  “Tell me about it.” Before Jake, there had been some real assholes in her bed. Most of the time she hadn’t cared, because the sex had only been a tool for her. She’d learned at a young age that sex equaled power. Which meant that sacrifices—often in the form of orgasms—had to be made. Even so, it had certainly been a nice change to meet a man who actually cared about her pleasure.

  “You should give him a chance. Or in the very least, a test run.” Jamie wiggled her eyebrows. “If he doesn’t make you come at least three times, I’ll eat my hat right in front of you.”

  Reese had to laugh. “Nah, I’ll pass. Plenty of other men around if I have an itch that needs scratching. Like your buddy Lennox. Now, there’s a man who knows the meaning of multiple orgasms.”

  To her surprise, Jamie blushed. Then she averted her eyes.

  “Did something happen I’m not aware of?” Reese asked slowly. “Did you and Len get into an argument? Are you not friends anymore?”

  “No, we’re still friends.” Jamie mumbled something else under her breath. Something that distinctly sounded like “and we fuck now too.”

  “I’m sorry, did you say you’re fucking now? Since when?” In the three years she’d known them, Jamie and Lennox had been purely platonic.

  “Since four nights ago,” Jamie confessed.

  “Was that really the first time you two had sex? After all these years?”

  “Yep.”

  “Why did you wait so long?”

  “Because he never seemed interested in it. And I valued his friendship too much to push him.” Jamie sighed. “Lennox doesn’t do relationships. He fucks and runs—that’s how it’s always been with him. The moment someone gets too close, he bails.”

  Reese pondered that. “Does that mean you’re ready to lose him as a friend?”

  “I won’t lose him.” Jamie’s reply was swift and firm. “We agreed to keep our friendship out of the bedroom. If we’re naked, we’re just two strangers. No feelings, no history.”

  Reese snickered. “Yeah. Good luck with that.”

  “It’ll work,” Jamie protested.

  She doubted it. Maybe she was a cynical bitch—okay, fine, she was a cynical bitch, period. And she knew without a doubt that the kind of history Jamie and Lennox had wouldn’t just disappear once their clothes were off. It would bleed into every sexual encounter. And if love entered the picture? Forget it. The two of them were screwed.

  “Things are absolutely going to change if you’re sleeping together,” Reese said gently. “You know that, right?”

  “Not necessarily. You’ve slept with Lennox and it hasn’t changed your friendship.”

  “Len and I have never been, nor will we ever be, as close as you two are. He’s my friend, sure, but there’s no chance of me ever falling in love with him.”

  “How can you be so sure of that?”

  “Because he’s not my type. We have a good time in bed, but that’s as far as it will ever go.” Reese smiled. “He’s one hundred percent your type, though.”

  Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “How would you know what my type is?”

  “I’ve known you for three years, honey. I’ve watched you for three years. Lennox is exactly the kind of man you want. He is the man you want.” Reese shrugged. “You need to be prepared that the relationship you had before is going to change. Sex always changes things.”

  Jamie was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth now. Reese felt bad about upsetting her, but she wasn’t one to mince words. Besides, it was better to prepare Jamie for the worst than to coddle her. Better that the woman knew precisely what was in store for her rather than be completely blindsided when her entire world was turned upside down.

  Because sex had a disturbing way of stirring shit up. Reese had learned that the hard way.

  * * *

  “Why are we doing this again?” Jamie asked later that evening. She was highly amused as she watched Lennox pick the lock at the entrance of the sprawling one-story building.

  “Because Reese has something against history,” was his distracted reply.

  Okay, then.

  Grinning, Jamie took a step back to peer at the sign above their heads. The white concrete was crumbling in some places, but she could still make out most of the letters that spelled out FOXWORTH PUBLIC LIBRARY.

  Decades’ worth of rain, snow, and other weather damage, along with total lack of upkeep, had eroded both the sign and the building. The path leading to the front steps had grass growing between the cracks in the pavement, and some of the weeds on either side of the front doors were taller than Jamie.

  Lennox was using a slender metal hook to maneuver the inner workings of the lock. The lock-pick kit was one of the most valuable treasures they’d procured during their years of scavenging. Jamie had found it at a hardware store in a western city that was almost completely destroyed by the bombs that fell during the war. Some place called Boise.

  Gosh, she’d loved the years she and Lennox had spent driving through what used to be America. The places they’d visited had the most interesting names, far more exciting than “the Colonies.” She always joked to Lennox that if she’d lived in the world before the war, she would’ve chosen to reside in Hippo, Kentucky.

  “You know, we do have books in Foxworth.” Beckett had been smoking a cigarette near the Jeep, but now he joined them on the library steps. “I’ve got a whole stack of ’em in my garage.”

  “Textbooks?” Lennox countered. He popped his current tool in his mouth and used another one to poke at the lock’s cylinders.

  “No, but I have some pretty cool fiction books. There’s a bunch by this author named King. Really creepy shit.” Beckett shivered.

  Jamie laughed, but Lennox was too focused on breaking into the library to show any amusement. When the lock finally clicked, he gave a satisfied grunt, then rose to his feet and pushed the door handle.

  “Randy and the other kids have zero knowledge about the history of our world,” he said, sounding annoyed. “They don’t even know prewar geography. And the other day I was talking to that kid Ethan about basic types of government, and he was staring at me like I was speaking French. And then when I said that, he asked me what French was.”

  Jamie frowned, surprised by that last bit. She an
d Lennox had grown up with people who’d believed in the importance of a well-rounded education, so she was well aware that languages other than English had once been spoken in the world. Hundreds of them, in fact. When the council had taken control, they hadn’t just eliminated religion, class, and politics, but also decided there should be only one global language, and they’d chosen English. Anyone who’d survived the war and didn’t know the language had been forced to learn it.

  “Reese and the others only teach them stuff that’s pertinent to the world as it is now.” The sneer on Lennox’s face revealed that he didn’t support that philosophy.

  Beckett countered with “Because now is all that matters. Who cares about how the globe was split up before the war? We live in the Colonies now.”

  “It’s important to know where you come from,” Lennox said firmly.

  He opened the door and the three of them stepped inside, where darkness instantly engulfed them. They flicked on their flashlights. Three pale yellow beams lit up the space, illuminating a small lobby area. All the computers on the large circular desk were covered by ten layers of dust.

  “This way.” Lennox shone the light on an arched doorway to the left.

  The second they crossed the threshold, the familiar scent of books triggered a wave of nostalgia that transported Jamie right back to her childhood. Her and Lennox’s parents had accumulated hundreds of books over the years. Oftentimes they had to leave them behind when they abandoned camp, but they’d always found new ones along the way, a new collection to build on.

  She breathed in the musty smell of well-read pages, tracing her fingers along the dusty spines of the books in the first aisle. A little metal tag told her she was in the self-help section. She moved her flashlight over the titles and snickered at the first one she saw. The loud sound bounced off the walls and echoed beneath the high ceiling of the library.

  “What’s so funny?” Beckett came up beside her.

  She pointed the light at a book called A Man’s Guide to the Secrets of the Female Mind.

  He snorted. “This author is clearly a fraud. Everyone knows the female mind will remain a mystery until the end of time.”