The Bernini Bust

  Argyll was both affronted and intrigued in equal measure. This, it seemed, was Arthur M. Moresby III, known as Jack, although he did not know why. So he asked. Jack Moresby looked pained.

  'To distinguish me from my father. My middle name, I hate to say, is Melisser.'

  'Melissa?'

  'Melisser. My mother's maiden name. Father reckoned that being his son gave me too many advantages, so he thought he'd give me something to struggle against. You know, he sort of thought that being beaten up at school for having a cissy name would give me an edge.'

  'Goodness.'

  'Yeah. I can't be called Arthur, as I refuse to be mistaken for him, and being someone who drinks a pint of whisky a day, I naturally can't accept being called Melisser. Jack seems more writerish, I reckon.'

  'You write books?'

  'Just said so, didn't I?'

  A direct manner, just this side of being rude. Argyll began to understand why he was not held in high esteem by architects and people like that. To change the subject he assured him that he did not sell fakes. He was here to deliver a small but exquisite piece of unquestioned value.

  Jack was not convinced, but seemed content to let it pass. Argyll asked if he spent much time at the museum. He nearly choked on his whisky and said he would ordinarily not be seen dead in the place.

  'Look at this bunch,' he exclaimed, sweeping his arm across to include the entire room. 'Have you ever seen such a collection of creeps gathered into a room before? Eh? What you think?'

  Legally, this is known as a leading question and was one which required a careful answer. Besides, as Argyll could assure him, in his line of business a whole room full of creeps was nothing unusual. Who else was he meant to sell his pictures to?

  Jack conceded the point, and refilled. Argyll proffered a bowl of peanuts by way of return. Jack shook his head. Never touched them. The salt made his ankles swell up. Argyll regarded the peanuts with new respect. Which creeps did he have in mind, in particular? he asked, pointing out that, being new to the country, he was not so good at spotting them yet.

  So junior gave a quick guided tour. He was surprisingly knowledgeable, considering that he said he avoided his family and its associates as much as possible.

  Samuel Thanet, he said, pointing ostentatiously to the director, who had been cruising around the room being hospitable ever since they got there. He had a very definite party technique: regulation one minute of conversation then on to the next person. Some people do this well, but not Thanet; he managed to make everything seem an unwelcome chore. Not surprising, really, Jack commented. Thanet didn't really care about people; he was wedded to the idea of going down as founder of the greatest private museum in North America. Using other people's money, of course. Mousy, quiet, nervous, but utterly poisonous. A man who would never do a mean trick - as long as he could get someone else to do it for him.

  'Look at him there,' he said. 'All tweedily a-twitter, waiting for my father to turn up so he can give his boots a good lick.'

  The characterisation seemed a little unfair. Argyll was prepared to agree about the mousy and nervous side, but so far at least had seen nothing resembling venom. On the other hand, he was prepared to admit he did not know the man very well. In any case, his technique clearly worked, whatever it was, if Moresby was on the verge of shelling out over $300 million on a new museum.

  Jack didn't seem very impressed. 'You don't know my father,' he said. 'I'll believe in this new museum when I'm invited to the opening ceremony.'

  He got tired of contemplating the director and moved on. 'James Langton,' he said, pointing at the white-linen-clad man in his late fifties who had been so gratifyingly keen on Titian. 'English slimebag.'

  Argyll raised an eyebrow.

  'Sorry. But you know what I mean. Supercilious, disdainful, mocking, dishonest. Wouldn't you say those are national characteristics?'

  'Not really,' Argyll said, a host of English people fitting that description swarming into his mind.

  'Well, I do. Used to be chief leech, until Thanet came along. Since then he's become an international parasite. Paris, Rome, London, New York, as they say on the perfume bottles. Devoted himself to searching out every overpriced fake in the world for my father's collection, buying it and taking a hefty cut for his services.'

  Argyll felt aggrieved, and mentioned his Titian once more. He was beginning to develop a complex about it.

  'So we all make mistakes,' Jack said with no discernible interest. 'Even a man of Langton's huge talent couldn't get a hundred per cent success rate. He must slip occasionally and buy something genuine.'

  On he went. 'Mummy dearest,' he said, pointing at the petite, expertly dressed woman Argyll had encountered earlier that afternoon. She had arrived twenty minutes earlier. 'She's my stepmother, but she doesn't like to be called that. On the make. Quite assiduous about it. She has a vague southern accent but in fact comes from Nebraska. Do you know where Nebraska is?'

  Argyll confessed he didn't. Jack nodded as though this proved it.

  'Nor does anybody else. She hit the jackpot with my old man, and will stick with him until he croaks and she can get her hands on his money. Unless the museum gets it first.' He regarded the woman with apparent indulgence, then dismissed her abruptly from his mind and switched to another target.

  'David Barclay,' he said firmly, pointing to an excessively groomed personage talking to Anne Moresby. 'His signature will be on your cheque - if you ever get it. My father's lawyer and personal factotum, on permanent secondment from some law firm. The eminence grise of the family. Handsome little bastard, don't you think? The sort that works out before going to the office. So many designer labels on him he resembles the advertising section of Vogue. Drop him in a sewage plant and shit would become fashionable. My father,' he went on in a loud stage-whisper, breathing a whisky fragrance into Argyll's face from close range, 'is a bit of a sucker for up-and-coming professional types. That's why I'm such a disappointment to him. He can't resist someone like Barclay. Nor can my beloved stepmother.'

  'I beg your pardon?' Argyll said, caught a little by surprise.

  'Little David is connected to my family most intimately,' Jack said, speaking ever more loudly. 'All services, legal and otherwise, rendered with equal skill.'

  He sniggered, and Argyll regarded the lawyer with increased interest. He expressed surprise that the man kept his job.

  'Discretion is a wonderful thing. The trouble is, it's not that easy to keep up. Even the best-kept secret is apt to leak out eventually. Given a helping hand, anyway. That's why I'm here, in fact,’ Jack went on elliptically. 'I love firework displays, and are we going to have one tonight.'

  'Are we, indeed?' Argyll said, thinking that perhaps this party might turn out to be more fun than he'd anticipated. 'You don't seem to rate your father's judgement of character very highly.'

  'Me? The grateful son, not respect one of the richest men in the world? I have the highest opinion of his judgement. After all, he spotted me immediately as a drunken, ill-disciplined bum who'd never make a go of anything. And I can assure you, he was right. I have never disappointed him in the slightest.'

  There were distinct signs by this stage that Jack was teetering on the brink of self-indulgence. The last thing Argyll wanted was a detailed account of life with father, so he caught di Souza's eye as the Spaniard wafted past. He barely had time for introductions when there came the sound of Samuel Thanet trying to get the attention of the assembled gathering. Silence gradually fell, and Thanet's high-pitched, reedy voice eventually began to be heard. As everybody knew, he said, this party was in honour of Mr. Moresby's visit to the museum.

  A respectful silence greeted this news, with the museum staff pondering their sins as though Thanet had suddenly upped and announced the second coming. It was a rather soupy speech, to Argyll's way of thinking, a bit over-reverential in the almost hushed way in which he referred to the Great Man. Had the said Great Man been there, this would have been almost u
nderstandable. But Moresby hadn't even arrived yet. Being nice to people behind their backs was going too far.

  Apart from dropping heavy hints about what Moresby was going to say when he arrived, the speech did little except satisfy one small item of curiosity, which was the contents of the box which di Souza had brought over with him for Langton. In fact Argyll had been too busy pondering the implications of the proposed move back to London to wonder very much about this, but he listened with due care and attention as Thanet said he had a preliminary announcement to make about the museum's latest acquisition.

  As he was sure everybody knew, he said, the Moresby's growth strategy - detestable term for a museum, thought Argyll, but let it pass - was to target specific areas of western art, and become world leaders in them. Impressionism, neo-classical, and baroque were high on the agenda, and much progress had been made to date.

  Argyll shifted from foot to foot and leant over to di Souza.

  'So what are they doing buying twelve priceless works of Roman sculpture?' he asked sarcastically. Di Souza gave him a nasty look.

  'And what are they doing buying a Titian?' he countered.

  Then the Spaniard held up his hand for silence. Thanet was at last getting to the interesting bit. Particularly, he was saying, they had decided to give new emphasis to baroque sculpture, and he was proud to announce that, in accordance with the Moresby's tradition of excellence - di Souza snorted - their latest acquisition in this field was a piece of unsurpassed importance. Although it was still in a packing case in Thanet's office, he was happy to announce that the museum would shortly be putting on display a masterpiece by that superlative artist of the Roman Baroque, Gianlorenzo Bernini. The museum now had in its possession the master's long-lost portrait bust of Pope Pius V.

  Both Argyll and Jack were standing next to di Souza, glass in hand, when this announcement was made, and were thus in a position to hear the sharp intake of breath and gargling sound which erupted from the Spaniard's throat as he choked in mid-martini. They also witnessed the rapid change of expression - from surprise, to alarm and on to anger - which flitted across his face as he digested this announcement.

  'Don't worry,' said Jack, patting him on the back. 'This place has that effect on everybody.'

  'What's the matter?' Argyll asked. 'Jealous?'

  Di Souza downed his drink in a gulp. 'Not exactly,' he replied. 'Just heart failure. Excuse me a moment.'

  And with that he shot off in the direction of Samuel Thanet. Argyll's curiosity was piqued so, with as much subtlety as he could manage, he sidled over to see what was going on. Quite a lot, evidently, although most of the conversation seemed to be coming from di Souza. While clearly angry about something, he was at least in sufficient control to keep his voice down, otherwise the cheery atmosphere at the party might well have been severely damaged.

  Argyll didn't catch it all, but the words 'worrying' and 'alarming' wafted in his general direction as he drew near. Di Souza seemed to be demanding to speak to Mr. Moresby.

  There was a lot – especially of Thanet's attempts to pacify – that Argyll didn't pick up. Also in earshot, Jack Moresby was shaking his head with sheer enjoyment. 'Christ, these people. How do you stand them?' he asked. 'Hell, I've had enough. I'm off home. It's not far. D'you want to come around for a drink sometime?'

  He gave Argyll his address and wandered out into the pure air of a Santa Monica evening.

  Meanwhile Thanet was rocking back on his heels due to the unexpected assault, but not giving ground. Initially he seemed to be doing his best to reassure the indignant Spaniard then, as the battering continued, resorted to the reliable technique of stonewalling. He had nothing to do with the bust, Thanet insisted; and di Souza knew that perfectly well.

  Hector was unimpressed, but could do little. He retreated in good order, muttering furiously. Argyll was, naturally, curious about this display, but knew di Souza's volubility well enough to realise that all would be revealed in good time. Hector was legendary for never being able to keep anything to himself.

  'What are you looking at?' the Spaniard said rather sharply in Italian as he returned to the bar.

  'Nothing at all. I was just wondering what you're so upset about.'

  'A great deal.'

  'Go on, then,' Argyll prompted.

  Di Souza didn't reply.

  'You've been smuggling again, haven't you?' he said in a confiding tone. It was relatively well known that di Souza supplemented his income by arranging for works of art to be spirited across the Italian border before the authorities could refuse export permission. They would certainly have refused an above-board application to export a Bernini: there would be thermonuclear detonation if they ever found out that one had been smuggled out of the country.

  'Don't be ridiculous,' di Souza snapped back, with enough uncertainty in his voice to convince Argyll he was on the right track.

  Argyll sucked in his breath and tutted with wholly hypocritical sympathy. 'Wouldn't want to be in your shoes if the folk at the Belle Arte get their fangs into you. Nasty, that'll be,' he said with an uncontrollable grin. Di Souza gave him a very unpleasant look. 'Serious offence, smuggling . . .'

  'It's not smuggling I'm worried about.'

  'Oh, go on, Hector, spill it.'

  But there was no persuading him. Di Souza was panicked and adopting the tactic of saying as little as possible. You could see his point, Argyll thought. A public announcement, and reporters here as well. Had Thanet stood up and thanked di Souza for smuggling the bust out for him, it couldn't have been more awkward. All it needed now was a little whisper, a little looking, and Hector would be in big trouble back in Italy. Standing up in a court and saying that he hadn't known what was in that case would merely be greeted with hearty guffawing from the prosecutor. Argyll found it hard to believe himself.

  'Hmm,' he said thoughtfully. 'You'll just have to hope that no one notices too much. All I can say is you're very lucky Flavia isn't here. She'd have your guts.'

  He shouldn't have said that. Flavia di Stefano had been greatly on his mind all afternoon, all week, in fact, and he had only just succeeded in thinking of other things. If he put his hand on his heart and confessed what it was that most attracted him to living in Rome, he would have had to say that, splendid though the buildings, the art, the streets, the food, the weather and the people were, what he really liked most was Flavia di Stefano, old friend, investigator in the Italian polizia art squad and a woman with a long-standing disapproval of those who smuggle the Italian heritage out of the country.

  Flavia, alas, did not return his feelings. She was a wonderful companion and a perfect friend, but though Argyll had worked hard to persuade her to be something more his labours had produced remarkably little result. He was fed up with it. That was why he was able to reconcile himself to going back to England.

  What more could he do? He'd mentioned Byrnes' proposal to her one evening as they came out of the cinema - with what result? Oh, don't go? Please stay? Even, I'll miss you, would have been a start. But nothing. All she'd said was that if his career would benefit then of course he should go. And changed the subject. Not only that, since then he'd barely seen her.

  'What was that?' he said, coming out of his reverie and realising that di Souza was still talking.

  'I said that when I have sorted everything out with Moresby not even your Flavia will have any interest in me.'

  'If you can. Besides, she's not my Flavia.'

  'I've already told you I can. Simple to prove.'

  'What is?' Argyll asked, puzzled. Evidently he'd missed more of di Souza's conversation than he'd thought.

  'If you can't listen I'm not going to repeat it,' he said crossly. 'It's the second time you've spurned my anecdotes today. Besides, judging by the way the crowds are beginning to practise doing obeisance, I'd guess Moresby is arriving and I need an urgent talk with him. I'll fill you in later, if you can pay attention for long enough.'

  Argyll followed in the slipst
ream of the guests heading for the main door where they could get a decent view of the proceedings. Di Souza was right. Moresby arrived with all the sense of occasion of a medieval potentate turning up to visit some minor province. Which he was, in a way. Compared to the vast range of his interests - Argyll vaguely remembered they stretched from oil to electronics, miscellaneous weaponry to financial services and just about everything in between – the museum was a fairly minor operation. Unless, of course, Thanet managed to prise open the old man's very tight fist and keep it open long enough to build his big museum.

  It was an odd experience, halfway between being impressive and slightly ludicrous. The car was one of those stretched limousine affairs, about forty feet long with a small radio telescope on the back, all black tinted glass and shiny chromium. It swept up to the entrance and a host of nervous museum folk swept down to it, competing for the honour of opening the door. Then one of the richest men on the western seaboard emerged in the fading light of evening and everybody gazed at him reverentially.