I Could Have Lied
I Could Have Lied
By Jason Wallace Poetry
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Published by:
I Could Have Lied
Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry
I
I could have lied
And said that I'm alright
When you asked me how I was
Even though I tried
I never could deny
That I never had enough
So many months, and I'm still here,
Sitting and thinking of you
I find that I sometimes want
To be anything with you...
A friend, a foe,
Just so you know,
You still live inside my mind
I don't know if there's still love,
But if there is, I wish I could try to find
Out what's there
And lose the doubts we shared,
Come to terms with time
I really do
Wish you well,
Though I know a part of me
Just can't tell
If I still miss you
I
I could have lied
And said that I'm alright
When you asked me how I was
Even though I tried
I never could deny
That I never had enough
I never truly gave you up
I
I could have died
When you no longer cried
Because it meant you were over me
I
I could still lie
And fake a face
But you would know it's me
That won't move on
Who after so long,
Doesn't accept that you're gone
All of this, and I don't exist
As what I used to be
The discontent and the hope I spent
Have cut so deep until I can't keep
From wondering where I went
Because I don't know where I am
Or who I am
Or what I'll ever be
I
I could have lied
And said that I'm alright
When you asked me how I was
Even though I tried
I never could deny
That I never had enough
I
I could have lied
And said that I'm alright
When you asked me how I was
Even though I tried
I never could deny
That I never had enough
Bonus Material
Lost It All
I know that you've been waitin
Hopin for someone to come
Sweep you off your feet
Dreaming of the day
When you could finally
Start to feel some kind of complete
All the ones that came along
Did everything all wrong
Treated you like
You were never anything
To take seriously
If you give me the chance
I'll be more than just some circumstance
And try to give you just what you need
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
I'm not tryin to make you think
I'm movin fast
Just to help you make a future
That lets you forget your past
Knowing that the worst parts
Of your life are gone
If you let me be the one to hold you
It could be just like I told you
A fairytale come to life before too long
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
If you get yourself down
And start to thinkin
That there are no good guys around
Maybe you should
Look to me then
Maybe I'm not the kinda guy
You're used to
The ones that used you
Maybe with me, you'd never wonder why
I didn't abuse you
And you'll not need new
Ones to let throw you around
Never let you be you
It could be that my mama raised me better
To at least try to respect a woman
And never let her
Have to feel I'm some unreal
Loser that can't keep it together
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
Or at least lost a lot
Lost so much that everything is not
Anything like you needed
If it's me that makes it seem more
Than just a little, maybe that's
Just the middle
And if you believe in me
You'll see, in the end,
That I really treated
You the way a real woman like you
Needs to be treated
Somewhat My Heart
In the place of our love,
You filled in with hurt,
Colored unimaginable ,
Unfulfilled first,
And I wasn't enough,
And I knew that so much
I tried so hard to make it all work
But you went away worrying and wasted,
Wasting my time
With all those lies,
You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth
Is it a shame
That the one not to blame
Is the one missing the one
That was there only in name
I made mistakes,
But everything I gave,
You would find some way to take
For granted and never grant me
Anything but nothingness,
An unpainted pain until the day that it came
That you left me so alone and so, you walked away
The door that slammed in my face
Left an imprint on all of me to date
And I just can't wait until it will wash away
And leave something sweet in place of the taste
Of bitterness of soul,
Of emptiness so whole,
Shattered but put back together by
The only semblance of simplicity,
Which is always my hate
Though I know I don't
Really feel that way
I never forgot you, and I would have caught you
If you would have let me know that you were falling...
Away
You moved on so easily
Like I was only a filler of time
But all that you would ever be to me
Was more than you minded, what I wanted,
r /> Mine, all mine
And I can't rewind,
But I can't go forward
I don't want anyone...
Like I wanted you
I don't need a thing
That won't need me back
And maybe just lie
And tell me that I
Am everything and anything
When I am nothing and emptying
All of my heart... and falling apart,
And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory
Of something better than
Both of us divided, than all of us untied
Meant to be together, but that was just some lie
Twisted, unfailing, but really failing
Because we believed that we could somehow be
Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful
When it was denied
The only person that I've ever been
Has been a lingerer, a longer,
But never strong enough to begin
To let go of so much of you,
Knowing that my only
Happiness, too
Was wrapped up in wrong
And stolen by the words of a woman
So selfish, untrue,
Melodic, apathetic,
Angelic, and new,
Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,
Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss
But I do sometimes still miss you
I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose
The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one
Who gave me these scars
For some kind of fun
And then took her heart back
Like it was never for me,
A joke that she played because we couldn't be
The things that we stated,
You loved not, only hated
To try them with me
And now that you've been gone for so long,
I wish you well and hope that he
Can make you as happy
As I tried to bring
You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole
I didn't have strength, and you would not go,
But for someone other than
This man that I am,
You'll give your all
I will leave it alone
I will probably keep missing you
Oddly, keep wishing you
Weren't the way I know that you are
Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart
Let You In
I don't wanna be around
If you don't want me
I can't fight for this
If it's fake
I can't escape how I feel
Wanting to know
And hoping it's so....
Real
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I've said so much
That now I want to take back
I promised I'd love you
But do I know how to act
Now that I thought
About how much doesn't add up
Can you be so honest with me
And give me truly my needs
Will I ever be enough
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I fell so fast
That I didn't think
Wanting it to be right
But now not sure if it's really you
If it's honestly
Anything to keep
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I know that right now
I can't help but hide
How I feel tonight
A total change from it all
Can't let you know
That I have my doubts
That it wasn't worth the fall
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
Please tell me the truth
Do I have you
Or is there someone else
Have you lied to me
And let me act so blind
And make a fool of myself
Can I take the pain
That you might put me through
What if it's a lie
And I've given into you
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
Sometimes, I know that I
Can't trust like you'd want
But if you saw my life
You'd understand
How messed up
Everything really is
And how I can't feel
That I've done the smart thing
But maybe still...?
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
If I let you go
Maybe that's ok
So should I let you in
Should I be afraid
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