Queen

do that?

  The truth of it hurt Queen, and she began to lose her temper for the

  first time since she had started working for him, so she sat on the very

  edge of the rocker.

  "Happy?" she said angrily.

  "At least you sittin'," he said.

  There was silence.

  "What you want to talk about?" Queen demanded.

  "Nuttin'," Alec said gruffly.

  They sat in silence and talked of nothing, and Queen relaxed, and leaned

  back in the chair. They rocked together in silence, and it was pleasant

  to both of them. Then Queen got scared because it was too pleasant. She

  got up to leave.

  "How's the savings goin'?" Alec asked her.

  "Getting there," Queen replied steadily. "I'm getting there. "

  The hours were long and the work was hard, but it was rewarding in ways

  that had nothing to do with money. Queen's heart went out to the

  motherless children, and she identified with them, for she remembered her

  own desolation and loneliness after Easter died. She understood why

  Freeland resisted her, and she did nothing special to try to win his love,

  but treated him with scrupulous fairness, as she treated the others. It

  was not that Freeland didn't like her. but he was shy of this new

  authority figure in his life, who was not his real mammy. He longed for

  love from her, but did not know if she could give him what he needed,

  because he perceived her as hired help, not as family, and was frightened

  of opening his heart to her. She might leave, as his real mammy had done.

  He played challenging games of discipline with her, to try her, and to his

  surprise she always passed his tests. The longer she

  748 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

  stayed, the more he trusted her, and the more he tried to work her into the

  fabric of his heart, but he was still confused. He didn't understand why he

  had to have a bath in front of her, for example.

  It was bath night, Friday night, and Queen was soaping Abner in the big old

  bathtub. Minnie and Julie were done, and tucked up in bed. George was

  fixing a broken chair-his bathtime was later-and Freeland was slowly

  removing his clothes.

  "Why cain't I have a bath on my own, like George?" he asked, reluctant to

  take off his pants.

  "Coz George is older," Queen told him. "He's a man."

  "I's nearly a man too," Freeland insisted, and Queen understood his

  problem.

  "I guess you nearly are," she said sympathetically, although Freeland was

  still some way from puberty. "All right. I'll turn my back."

  She turned away from him, and the grateful Freeland dropped his pants and

  slipped into the soapy water. Queen turned back and lifted Abner out to dry

  him. Freeland still felt the need to confirm his manhood to Queen.

  "Couple of years, I'll be old enough to work on the farm," he said. "Then

  no mo' school. I hates school."

  George, working on the chair, chuckled, and Queen was surprised.

  "I sorry to hear that, Freeland," she said. "Why you hate it?"

  "Jus' coz," he shrugged.

  "Jus' coz he ain't too good at it," George murmured, the devil in him, and

  Freeland flicked some soapy water at him.

  "Am too," he muttered.

  Queen, drying Abner on her lap, chatted to him about school. She suggested

  he play a game with school, and Freeland was intrigued. He liked games.

  " 'Stead of going to school thinking you're going to hate it," Queen

  suggested, hoping she didn't sound as if she were preaching. "Why not go

  wondering if there's anything interesting you can learn? Will you do that

  for me?"

  Freeland shrugged. It wasn't the most exciting game, but he'd give it a

  try, even if only a halfhearted one.

  A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 749

  "Good boy," Queen said. "And in return, I'll let you bathe yourself, and

  stay up later each night, like George." Freeland thought that was a

  pretty good bargain.

  She tucked him into bed, in the shed, kissed him good night, and came

  back into the main room of the shack. George had finished the chair and

  was testing it.

  "Freeland ain't never gwine like school." He smiled at Queen. She sat

  with him, and found out the way of it. Boys went to school because they

  had to, up to fifth grade, or sixth grade at most, and then they left and

  worked the land, sharecropping for their fathers, or entered a trade.

  "What if he's good at school?" Queen wondered. "What if he likes it? What

  if he ain't good at farming?"

  "Don't happen," George shrugged. "Be a terrible waste of a good pair of

  hands."

  Queen's primary concern was for Abner. She had no idea what he would be

  when he grew up, but she was determined he was going to have a good

  education. She remembered Cap'n Jack, and how he had taught her, and she

  regretted she had not had the opportunity to learn more.

  She said good night to George, picked up Abner from the cot, and went

  outside, to go home.

  Alec was sitting on the porch as he always did at night, puffing on his

  pipe and staring at the stars. Queen came out to him and sat in Tennie's

  chair, as she always did. They rocked in unison, and talked of the

  children, and of the farm. It was going to be a good season.

  "You work hard for it," Queen said.

  Alec nodded. "I do," he agreed, He looked at Queen.

  "So do you."

  She nodded her agreement.

  They tdiked of Massa Cherry, and Dora, and the mansion and the town, and

  then Queen got up to leave.

  "Best be on my way," she said.

  "How's the savings going?" Alec asked her.

  "Getting there," Queen said steadily. "I'm getting there."

  Christmas came and it was the most wonderful festival she had ever

  experienced. For the first time in her life she had a family who loved her

  to share her Christmas with. She gave

  750 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

  presents to everyone, and they gave gifts to her, and she cried a little at

  the mutual generosity. Minnie and Julie helped her cook a special Christmas

  dinner, a fine big turkey with all the trimmings, and everyone helped wash

  up. Abner fell asleep on Alec's bed, and Queen didn't see the point of

  waking him up to go home, so she tucked him in with Minnie and Julie. She

  went outside and sat with Alec.

  "Where's Abner?" he asked her in surprise, and she told him that there

  didn't seem to be any point in waking the boy, that Minnie and Julie would

  look after him until tomorrow. Alec nodded in satisfaction, for he knew

  this was a major step for Queen.

  " How's the savings going?" he asked her, to make her feel secure. Queen

  looked at the stars, and nodded her head slowly, but she did not speak.

  It was odd to go home without Abner, but she knew he was in good hands, at

  home. She laughed, and thought that she had two homes, a little room in the

  mansion where she slept, and a wooden shack down the road where she lived,

  and was loved. She began to think that one day she might have to make
a

  decision as to which was ' her real home, but thought perhaps she already

  knew. The immensity of that decision and its ramifications frightened her,

  and suddenly she wanted to run back to the shack, snatch Abner away, and

  bring him home to his mammy, but she didn't. She consoled herself with the

  thought that it was all out of her hands. She was happy with her life as it

  was, and unless Alec did something to disturb that, she didn't have to make

  a decision of any kind. If anything were to change, she still had her

  escape. The lifeline that he threw her every night by asking about her

  savings, which indicated that he accepted she would one day leave, was her

  salvation. Even if she knew it was a pretense.

  She glanced at the little fire in the grate, and the flames were steady and

  calm, and did not leap into her mind. She knew that the fire demons inside

  her were not dead, only sleeping, but that, in itself, was a considerable

  advance.

  The cold days of winter gave way to spring, and now Queen was such a

  permanent fixture in Alec's shack, her working positions were reversed. She

  worked full time for Alec, and

  A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 751

  part time for Massa Cherry. To an extent she maintained her job with Massa

  Cherry so she could keep her room in the mansion, for that, like Alec's

  constant questioning about her savings, was an escape from something she

  was not yet ready to commit to.

  She loved to take the children shopping on Saturdays, for then they

  seemed like a real family. Alec changed the work schedule so that

  Freeland could have the day off, with George, while he ran the ferry.

  They'd buy the weekly provisions, and talk with all their friends in

  town, and Queen would take them all out to tea, or find them a treat.

  Candy apples were their favorite, and although Queen could make them

  better, buying them from the store was a favorite, tiny extravagance. On

  the Fourth of July she took them all to the fair, and Alec gave her a

  special allowance, so they could go on all the rides. They had a splendid

  day, although Abner was sick from eating too much, and in the late

  afternoon they headed for home, to eat with their father and then come

  back to see the fireworks.

  Scores ofcarriages and carts were lined up outside the fairgrounds, with

  people coming and going, and suddenly there was a cry for help.

  Someone had let off some premature firecrackers, and a frightened horse

  had broken loose and was dragging its young white rider with it, the

  boy's foot caught in the stirrup,

  People were screaming and running out of the way. Without a moment's

  hesitation, George ran at the horse, grabbed its reins and hung on,

  trying to drag the terrified animal to calm. The horse, bucking and

  rearing, smashed George against a fence, but he held on.

  Others came running to help, subdued the horse and rescued the boy, who

  was scared and bruised, but otherwise unharmed. Queen's only thought was

  for George. Followed by her children, for she thought of them all as her

  own, she ran to him. He was lying on the ground, grimacing in pain, his

  leg broken.

  The white boy's hysterical mother had found her son, and was clutching

  him to her. He, shaken by his adventure but rather proud of it, insisted

  he was all right.

  "That nigger saved me," he said. His mother came rushing to Queen, and

  thanked her profusely, asked after George's welfare.

  752 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

  "I think his leg's broke," Queen said. The mother, more interested in her

  son's welfare than George's, drifted away, calling for help for the poor

  nigger. Other, kinder, black men volunteered their help and their advice.

  Someone had a cart, and carefully they laid George into it, to take him and

  his family home.

  At the shack, they carried George inside, while Queen organized the

  children. She sent Freeland to tell his father, and told Minnie and Julie

  to take Abner to Dora, at the mansion.

  But Freeland did not go. He was staring at the shack, and tears were

  rolling down his cheeks. Queen put her arm around him.

  " He gwine be all right, Queen?" Freeland stammered through his tears, for

  George was his hero. Like any good mother, Queen folded him into her

  embrace, and dried his tears, and told him to go fetch his pa. She would

  look after George, and he would be all right. She promised.

  George was lying on Alec's cot, sweating and moaning gently. One of the

  black men who had brought him in offered to go for his brother, who could

  set bones. Queen shook her head. She could do it. She sent the men to find

  pieces of wood and cloth, and sat with George.

  She stroked his forehead, and he smiled that it was bad, and apologized to

  her, but held on to her hand.

  11 No need to be sorry," Queen assured him gently. "That's what I'm here

  for."

  She smiled, and kissed him tenderly.

  "That's what mammys are for."

  George knew it was a lie, for she was not his mammy, but it was sweet to

  him. The men had found suitable pieces of wood and cloth, and Queen told

  George that it would hurt, but she had nothing to give him, there was no

  liquor in the house.

  George nodded, and the men held him down while Queen felt his fractured

  leg. She found the break, and caressed it for a while, crooning softly to

  George, who gritted his teeth. Suddenly, and with a strength and sureness

  that surprised the men who were watching, she set the bone.

  Alec came home with Freeland and it was all done. George was asleep, his

  leg in makeshift splints. Dora came by to see if she could help, and took

  Freeland back to the mansion to

  A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 753

  eat with the others, as a special treat. Queen made a scratch meal for the

  men who had helped her, which they ate gratefully, and after some small

  conversation, they drifted off to their homes.

  Queen sat rocking on the porch with Alec. The sun had gone down; the night

  was clear and the moon full. They rocked in silent unison for a while,

  with Alec puffing on his pipe, and it felt good to both of them. Although

  she understood much of the complexity and depth of her relationship with

  Alec and his family, she had never thought of him as a husband or bed

  partner. She had come to love him, but not in the way that she had loved

  Davis. It was a different sort of love, with mutuality as its basis,

  mutual trust, mutual loneliness, and mutual need. She admired him and

  respected him, and believed he felt the same about her. She knew that Alec

  would protect and cherish her, defend her and provide for her, and she

  would respond in kind. If passion was missing from the equation, perhaps

  that was no bad thing, for in its place was something of infinitely

  greater value to her.

  She regarded her new family as one of misfits: the orphan George, who had

  become like a son to her, the motherless children of Alec,
the widowed

  father, and she, the dispossessed black who looked white, and mother to

  a boy whose father was dead. The mutuality of need extended beyond her-

  self and Alec; it embraced all of them. The puzzle now was the next step.

  Would it be more than it was, or was that enough? Was this as much as God

  gave? It was almost as if Alec was not prepared to test that limit, and

  Queen was not anxious that he should, lest she lose what she had.

  "You got another pipe?" Queen asked him eventually.

  Alec was only mildly surprised, and reached for a corncob pipe from the.

  window ledge behind him. He gave it to Queen, and she sucked on it. He

  offered her his tobacco, but she shook her head. It was fine as it was.

  They rocked some more in silence, and Alec was moved by what had happened

  that day, and deeply grateful that this woman had come into his life.

  "Ain't nobody sat in that chair since Tennie died," he said. "It was her

  chair. They all know it, an' they don't sit in it."

  754 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN

  Queen nodded, knowing that she did not have to move.

  "Didn't think I'd ever find anyone to take her place," Alec said. "Didn't

  think anyone would sit in that ol' chair again."

  Queen nodded again. It was a good chair, a comfortable chair. It was

  home.

  "How's the saving goin'?" Alec asked her softly, and Queen shook her

  head.

  "Not so good," she said. "Not real good at all."

  It wasn't true. She was saving well, but even if she saved all the

  fortune that her grandfather had once made, she would never have enough

  money to leave here.

  Alec stretched out his hand to her. She reached to him and put her hand

  in his, and he grasped it hard.

  "That's all right, then," he whispered, and his voice was gruff with

  affection.

  They were married in the local church, and it seemed to them that all of

  Savannah came to their wedding. Minnie and Julie were bridesmaids, George

  was best man, and Dora looked after Freeland and Abner.

  Queen looked wonderful in white, and Mr. Cherry gave her away, because

  she had no pappy to do this for her.

  When the service was done, Alec kissed her, and then Dora and George

  brought a broom, and placed it in front of them. Alec and Queen joined

  hands and jumped over the broom into the land of matrimony, as thousands

  of their forebears, slaves, had done.

  They were free, and were proud of their freedom, and cherished it, but

  not ashamed of their days of slavery, for it was not of their choosing

  and they had survived. Free, they jumped over the broom in remembrance

  of all those who had not survived, and in remembrance of the small

  traditions that had helped so many endure the long years of their

  bondage.

  Free, they jumped over the broom, and were married, and turned back to

  the cheers of the applauding congregation. And when Queen smiled at Alec,

  it was with a smile that might break your heart.

  88

  Her father was dead, killed in an accident to his carriage caused by a

  runaway wagon.

  Mr. Cherry himself told her the news, in the quiet of his study. He had

  read it in the newspaper.

  Queen was surprised that she was not more distressed. She nodded her

  head, thanked Mr. Cherry, left the house, and walked down by the river,

  trying to remember Jass, who had once been the most important person in

  her life. She had thought about him occasionally in the years of her

  marriage to Alec, but only occasionally, and then as some fond memory of

  some other life that did not matter to her now. Her new family occupied

  the totality of her heart, and Alec had become husband, father, and lover

  all rolled into one. She had given him two children, Annie and Conway,

  fine healthy babies who were growing into fine small people whom she

  loved as much as any of the others, certainly not less than Abner and

  perhaps only a little more than those who were not of her own body. Abner

  was still her darling, for he was her firstborn son, and had shared a

  suffering with her that the others had not known, but how do you divide