The Loneliness of Stars

  ~David Steinros, in a lecture at the Pilot’s Academy in Weirnberg

  The stars were calling to me. I heard the gentle, soothing voice speak to me, begging me to stay with them forever. “We are right for you, Jak. We can be your family – don’t leave us. Come to us, and stay with us. We can help you, we can make you happy. Come to us, Jak…”

  I wanted to. I felt my feet begin to float above whatever ground I stood upon, leaving the thin layer of grey mist behind me. I held out my arms, and I began to become warmer. A happiness began to enter my soul, and I closed my eyes.

  Something tugged on my foot, and then pulled me down. Hard. I landed on the ground again. I opened my eyes in anger, searching for the one who had taken my joy away from me.

  The strange green-cloaked man stood in front of me again. “You,” I said. “Why do you stop me? Do you never want me to be happy again?”

  The man said nothing.

  “Who are you? What do you want from me? I just want to go to my family…”

  “They are not your family.”His voice was rich and deep. “Do not go to them. You have work to do, Progenitor. You must not go to them.” I blinked, and wondered how I could be a progenitor when I was very clearly gay.

  “Now go, and do not return here.” He walked forward and pushed me.

  And I was awake. I slowly sat up, my head whirling. I had dreamed a similar dream three times – it must mean something. I put my legs on the floor, rubbed my eyes, and stood. Glancing at the chronometer, I saw that it was very early in the morning of the day-cycle on the ship. I wondered how long the days were here.

  I walked out of my room and wandered idly around the ship. The hospital wing was locked, and I didn’t want to wake Gerald – or Adam. My feet led to me one of the two crew’s messes. I hadn’t spent much time in there, other than when I played Michaela or someone else at spissyx. I walked over to the spissyx board, and looked down at it for several moments. I shook my head and walked over to a nearby couch (like most furniture on the ship, it was bolted to the floor). I sat down on it, and looked at the broken game monitor. I sat in silence, staring at the screen.

  “Hey there.” I started and looked over at the entrance to see Michaela standing there.

  “Hey.” I am not very eloquent that early in the morning.

  She sat down beside me. “What are you doing up so early?”

  I shrugged. “Bad dream. I couldn’t sleep.”

  She nodded in sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged again. “It’s not so bad. Why are you up?”

  It was her turn to shrug. “Couldn’t sleep – I’m too excited. Plus, I was on duty in the observatory.” I flinched. Did I still have duty there? Why did we still need to have someone on watch?

  I asked her my questions. She smiled. “Of course you still have duty there. Even though you blacked out during the descent, you’re still on this crew. And as for your second question, we’re on an unfamiliar planet; we don’t know what’s out there, and it’s always good to know what’s going on.” I nodded. It made sense.

  “Did you see anything outside?” I asked.

  “Well… sort of.”

  I tilted my head. “Sort of?”

  She nodded. “Here, I’ll show you. Come on.” She stood, and a few moments later, I forced myself to do the same. We walked to the observatory in silence.

  When we got there, I saw what she meant.

  You couldn’t see more than a few centimeters outside. The air was completely filled with violently swirling green clouds. “What is that?” I asked in a hushed voice that still carried in the vast space of the dome.

  The man on duty turned and shrugged at my question. I hadn’t noticed him. “A storm of some kind, it looks like.”

  Michaela nodded in agreement. “Aye. We’re not sure what caused it – it could be a coriolis storm, or perhaps just a lot of wind moving the clouds around. Or it could be a cycle-storm. That’s what I think it is.”

  “A cycle-storm?” I hadn’t heard of those before.

  The man answered. “Yeah.” I waited for more, but nothing came. I turned to Michaela.

  She looked at the man. “Very helpful, Felzmad.”

  He looked at her questioningly. “What?”

  She sighed dramatically. “He was asking what one was, if I judged the nature of the tone of his voice correctly.”

  Felzmad looked at me sheepishly. “Sorry.”

  We waited a moment. “Well, aren’t you going to explain?” Michaela sounded amused.

  The man started. “Of course, of course! A cycle-storm is a storm that always exists, and never dissipates. Either it stays in one place, and appears to move as the planet rotates, or it moves, but at a different speed or maybe in the opposite direction of the planet.”

  I nodded in understanding. “Is it dangerous out there?” The question sounded stupid to me as soon as the words left my mouth.

  Michaela shrugged. “We don’t know. Looks like it though – those clouds are moving pretty fast.” I had to agree with her. “I wonder why they’re down so low though – maybe it’s some kind of gas from the ground, being blown around.”

  Felzmad was shaking his head. “No, I doubt it. These clouds are very thick – I doubt any natural gas that exists at this altitude would look like that.” I was surprised – I had thought that more dense objects were on the bottom, less dense on the top. I said so to the two crewmembers.

  “Yes, this is normally true. There are reasons that it doesn’t apply in this case, but I am too tired to explain right now. If you’re really curious, come find me when I’m more awake.” Felzmad did look exhausted.

  We watched the clouds swirl in silence for a while. “Was anyone out there when it started?” I asked.

  “Nope. Vincent and I made sure that everyone was inside and the ship secured when the evening part of the day-cycle began. We don’t know what it’s like out there. Better safe than sorry.” Even though we all knew we were doomed to die on this barren planet? I felt the thought coming from Felzmad, too, even though he had turned around to watch the clouds.

  I watched the clouds with him for a few moments, then decided I should go see if Joseph was ready for me. I bid Michaela and Felzmad farewell, and told them where I was going. She laughed. “Joseph went crazy when we landed, and made frozen meals for the next five days. You should have seen him – it was terrifying. I didn’t know people could move that fast. But he said we are to help ourselves, and that he was too excited to cook every day. You’re off of kitchen duty for now, though you probably should report to him every once in a while. Now, go back to sleep. Or try to.”

  I gratefully saluted and did as I was bid.

  18

  “Good food. Clean water. Air. Good lodging. Off-duty time. Camaraderie. Clear authority. Certainty. Respectability. Fairness. Morality. Confidence. Relative lenience. That is what a crew wants from a captain, and if one of these things ceases to be provided, trouble will begin brewing.”