Of Human Bondage

  His uncle opened his eyes; Philip was glad, for he looked a little more human then. He was frankly horrified at the idea that had come to him, it was murder that he was meditating; and he wondered if other people had such thoughts or whether he was abnormal and depraved. He supposed he could not have done it when it came to the point, but there the thought was, constantly recurring: if he held his hand it was from fear. His uncle spoke.

  ‘You're not looking forward to my death, Philip?'

  Philip felt his heart beat against his chest.

  ‘Good heavens, no.'

  ‘That's a good boy. I shouldn't like you to do that. You'll get a little bit of money when I pass away, but you mustn't look forward to it. It wouldn't profit you if you did.'

  He spoke in a low voice, and there was a curious anxiety in his tone. It sent a pang in Philip's heart. He wondered what strange insight might have led the old man to surmise what strange desires were in Philip's mind.

  ‘I hope you'll live for another twenty years,' he said.

  ‘Oh, well, I can't expect to do that, but if I take care of myself I don't see why I shouldn't last another three or four.'

  He was silent for a while, and Philip found nothing to say. Then, as if he had been thinking it all over, the old man spoke again.

  ‘Everyone has the right to live as long as he can.'

  Philip wanted to distract his mind.

  ‘By the way, I suppose you never hear from Miss Wilkinson now?'

  ‘Yes, I had a letter some time this year. She's married, you know.'

  ‘Really?'

  ‘Yes, she married a widower. I believe they're quite comfortable.'

  CXI

  NEXT DAY Philip began work again, but the end which he expected within a few weeks did not come. The weeks passed into months. The winter wore away, and in the parks the trees burst into bud and into leaf. A terrible lassitude settled upon Philip. Time was passing, though it went with such heavy feet, and he thought that his youth was going and soon he would have lost it and nothing would have been accomplished. His work seemed more aimless now that there was the certainty of his leaving it. He became skilful in the designing of costumes, and though he had no inventive faculty acquired quickness in the adaptation of French fashions to the English market. Sometimes he was not displeased with his drawings, but they always bungled them in the execution. He was amused to notice that he suffered from a lively irritation when his ideas were not adequately carried out. He had to walk warily. Whenever he suggested something original Mr Sampson turned it down: their customers did not want anything outré, it was a very respectable class of business, and when you had a connexion of that sort it wasn't worth while taking liberties with it. Once or twice he spoke sharply to Philip; he thought the young man was getting a bit above himself because Philip's ideas did not always coincide with his own.

  ‘You jolly well take care, my fine young fellow, or one of these days you'll find yourself in the street.'

  Philip longed to give him a punch on the nose, but he restrained himself. After all it could not possibly last much longer, and then he would be done with all these people for ever. Sometimes in comic desperation he cried out that his uncle must be made of iron. What a constitution! The ills he suffered from would have killed any decent person twelve months before. When at last the news came that the Vicar was dying Philip, who had been thinking of other things, was taken by surprise. It was in July, and in another fortnight he was to have gone for his holiday. He received a letter from Mrs Foster to say the doctor did not give Mr Carey many days to live, and if Philip wished to see him again he must come at once. Philip went to the buyer and told him he wanted to leave. Mr Sampson was a decent fellow, and when he knew the circumstances made no difficulties. Philip said good-bye to the people in his department; the reason of his leaving had spread among them in an exaggerated form, and they thought he had come into a fortune. Mrs Hodges had tears in her eyes when she shook hands with him.

  ‘I suppose we shan't often see you again,' she said.

  ‘I'm glad to get away from Lynn's,' he answered.

  It was strange, but he was actually sorry to leave these people whom he thought he had loathed, and when he drove away from the house in Harrington Street it was with no exultation. He had so anticipated the emotions he would experience on this occasion that now he felt nothing: he was as unconcerned as though he were going for a few days' holiday.

  ‘I've got a rotten nature,' he said to himself. ‘I look forward to things awfully, and then when they come I'm always disappointed.'

  He reached Blackstable early in the afternoon. Mrs Foster met him at the door, and her face told him that his uncle was not yet dead.

  ‘He's a little better today,' she said. ‘He's got a wonderful constitution.'

  She led him into the bedroom where Mr Carey lay on his back. He gave Philip a slight smile, in which was a trace of satisfied cunning at having circumvented his enemy once more.

  ‘I thought it was all up with me yesterday,' he said, in an exhausted voice. ‘They'd all given me up, hadn't you, Mrs Foster?'

  ‘You've got a wonderful constitution, there's no denying that.'

  ‘There's life in the old dog yet.'

  Mrs Foster said that the Vicar must not talk, it would tire him; she treated him like a child, with kindly despotism; and there was something childish in the old man's satisfaction at having cheated all their expectations. It struck him at once that Philip had been sent for, and he was amused that he had been brought on a fool's errand. If he could only avoid another of his heart attacks he would get well enough in a week or two; and he had had the attacks several times before; he always felt as if he were going to die, but he never did. They all talked of his constitution, but they none of them knew how strong it was.

  ‘Are you going to stay a day or two?' he asked Philip, pretending to believe he had come down for a holiday.

  ‘I was thinking of it,' Philip answered cheerfully.

  ‘A breath of sea-air will do you good.'

  Presently Dr Wigram came, and after he had seen the Vicar talked with Philip. He adopted an appropriate manner.

  ‘I'm afraid it is the end this time, Philip,' he said. ‘It'll be a great loss to all of us. I've known him for five-and-thirty years.'

  ‘He seems well enough now,' said Philip.

  ‘I'm keeping him alive on drugs, but it can't last. It was dreadful these last two days, I thought he was dead half a dozen times.'

  The doctor was silent for a minute or two, but at the gate he said suddenly to Philip:

  ‘Has Mrs Foster said anything to you?'

  ‘What d'you mean?'

  ‘They're very superstitious, these people: she's got hold of an idea that he's got something on his mind, and he can't die till he gets rid of it; and he can't bring himself to confess it.'

  Philip did not answer, and the doctor went on.

  ‘Of course it's nonsense. He's led a very good life, he's done his duty, he's been a good parish priest, and I'm sure we shall all miss him; he can't have anything to reproach himself with. I very much doubt whether the next vicar will suit us half so well.'

  For several days Mr Carey continued without change. His appetite which had been excellent left him, and he could eat little. Dr Wigram did not hesitate now to still the pain of the neuritis which tormented him; and that, with the constant shaking of his palsied limbs, was gradually exhausting him. His mind remained clear. Philip and Mrs Foster nursed him between them. She was so tired by the many months during which she had been attentive to all his wants that Philip insisted on sitting up with the patient so that she might have her night's rest. He passed the long hours in an arm-chair so that he should not sleep soundly, and read by the light of shaded candles The Thousand and One Nights. He had not read them since he was a little boy, and they brought back his childhood to him. Sometimes he sat and listened to the silence of the night. When the effects of the opiate wore off Mr Carey grew restless and kept hi
m constantly busy.

  At last, early one morning, when the birds were chattering noisily in the trees, he heard his name called. He went up to the bed. Mr Carey was lying on his back, with his eyes looking at the ceiling; he did not turn them on Philip. Philip saw that sweat was on his forehead, and he took a towel and wiped it.

  ‘Is that you, Philip?' the old man asked.

  Philip was startled because the voice was suddenly changed. It was hoarse and low. So would a man speak if he was cold with fear.

  ‘Yes, d'you want anything?'

  There was a pause, and still the unseeing eyes stared at the ceiling. Then a twitch passed over the face.

  ‘I think I'm going to die,' he said.

  ‘Oh, what nonsense!' cried Philip. ‘You're not going to die for years.'

  Two tears were wrung from the old man's eyes. They moved Philip horribly. His uncle had never betrayed any particular emotion in the affairs of life; and it was dreadful to see them now, for they signified a terror that was unspeakable.

  ‘Send for Mr Simmonds,' he said. ‘I want to take the Communion.'

  Mr Simmonds was the curate.

  ‘Now?' asked Philip.

  ‘Soon, or else it'll be too late.'

  Philip went to awake Mrs Foster, but it was later than he thought and she was up already. He told her to send the gardener with a message, and he went back to his uncle's room.

  ‘Have you sent for Mr Simmonds?'

  ‘Yes.'

  There was a silence. Philip sat by the bedside, and occasionally wiped the sweating forehead.

  ‘Let me hold your hand, Philip,' the old man said at last.

  Philip gave him his hand and he clung to it as to life, for comfort in his extremity. Perhaps he had never really loved anyone in all his days, but now he turned instinctively to a human being. His hand was wet and cold. It grasped Philip's with feeble, despairing energy. The old man was fighting with the fear of death. And Philip thought that all must go through that. Oh, how monstrous it was, and they could believe in a God that allowed His creatures to suffer such a cruel torture! He had never cared for his uncle, and for two years he had longed every day for his death; but now he could not overcome the compassion that filled his heart. What a price it was to pay for being other than the beasts!

  They remained in silence broken only once by a low inquiry from Mr Carey:

  ‘Hasn't he come yet?'

  At last the housekeeper came in softly to say that Mr Simmonds was there. He carried a bag in which were his surplice and his hood. Mrs Foster brought the Communion plate. Mr Simmonds shook hands silently with Philip, and then with professional gravity went to the sick man's side. Philip and the maid went out of the room.

  Philip walked round the garden all fresh and dewy in the morning. The birds were singing gaily. The sky was blue, but the air, salt-laden, was sweet and cool. The roses were in full bloom. The green of the trees, the green of the lawns, was eager and brilliant. Philip walked, and as he walked he thought of the mystery which was proceeding in that bedroom. It gave him a peculiar emotion. Presently Mrs Foster came out to him and said that his uncle wished to see him. The curate was putting his things back into the black bag. The sick man turned his head a little and greeted him with a smile. Philip was astonished, for there was a change in him, an extraordinary change; his eyes had no longer the terror-stricken look, and the pinching of his face had gone: he looked happy and serene.

  ‘I'm quite prepared now,' he said, and his voice had a different tone in it. ‘When the Lord sees fit to call me I am ready to give my soul into His hands.'

  Philip did not speak. He could see that his uncle was sincere. It was almost a miracle. He had taken the body and blood of his Saviour, and they had given him strength so that he no longer feared the inevitable passage into the night. He knew he was going to die: he was resigned. He only said one thing more:

  ‘I shall rejoin my dear wife.'

  It startled Philip. He remembered with what a callous selfishness his uncle had treated her, how obtuse he had been to her humble, devoted love. The curate, deeply moved, went away, and Mrs Foster, weeping, accompanied him to the door. Mr Carey, exhausted by his effort, fell into a light doze, and Philip sat down by the bed and waited for the end. The morning wore on, and the old man's breathing grew stertorous. The doctor came and said he was dying. He was unconscious and he pecked feebly at the sheets; he was restless and he cried out. Dr Wigram gave him a hypodermic injection.

  ‘It can't do any good now, he may die at any moment.'

  The doctor looked at his watch and then at the patient. Philip saw that it was one o'clock. Dr Wigram was thinking of his dinner.

  ‘It's no use your waiting,' he said.

  ‘There's nothing I can do,' said the doctor.

  When he was gone Mrs Foster asked Philip if he would go to the carpenter, who was also the undertaker, and tell him to send up a woman to lay out the body.

  ‘You want a little fresh air,' she said, ‘it'll do you good.'

  The undertaker lived half a mile away. When Philip gave him his message, he said:

  ‘When did the poor old gentleman die?'

  Philip hesitated. It occurred to him that it would seem brutal to fetch a woman to wash the body while his uncle still lived, he wondered why Mrs Foster had asked him to come. They would think he was in a great hurry to kill the old man off. He thought the undertaker looked at him oddly. He repeated the question. It irritated Philip. It was no business of his.

  ‘When did the Vicar pass away?'

  Philip's first impulse was to say that it had just happened, but then it would seem inexplicable if the sick man lingered for several hours. He reddened and answered awkwardly:

  ‘Oh, he isn't exactly dead yet.'

  The undertaker looked at him in perplexity, and he hurried to explain.

  ‘Mrs Foster is all alone and she wants a woman there. You understand, don't you? He may be dead by now.'

  The undertaker nodded.

  ‘Oh, yes, I see. I'll send someone up at once.'

  When Philip got back to the vicarage he went up to the bedroom. Mrs Foster rose from her chair by the bedside.

  ‘He's just as he was when you left,' she said.

  She went down to get herself something to eat, and Philip watched curiously the process of death. There was nothing human now in the unconscious being that struggled feebly. Sometimes a muttered ejaculation issued from the loose mouth. The sun beat down hotly from a cloudless sky, but the trees in the garden were pleasant and cool. It was a lovely day. A bluebottle buzzed against the window-pane. Suddenly there was a loud rattle, it made Philip start, it was horribly frightening, a movement passed through the limbs and the old man was dead. The machine had run down. The bluebottle buzzed, buzzed noisily against the window-pane.

  CXII

  JOSIAH GRAVES in his masterful way made arrangements, becoming but economical, for the funeral; and when it was over came back to the vicarage with Philip. The will was in his charge, and with a due sense of the fitness of things he read it to Philip over an early cup of tea. It was written on half a sheet of paper and left everything Mr Carey had to his nephew. There was the furniture, about eighty pounds at the bank, twenty shares in the A.B.C. company, a few in Allsop's brewery, some in the Oxford music-hall, and a few more in a London restaurant. They had been bought under Mr Graves's direction, and he told Philip with satisfaction:

  ‘You see, people must eat, they will drink, and they want amusement. You're always safe if you put your money in what the public thinks necessities.'

  His words showed a nice discrimination between the grossness of the vulgar, which he deplored but accepted, and the finer taste of the elect. Altogether in investments there was about five hundred pounds; and to that must be added the balance at the bank and what the furniture would fetch. It was riches to Philip. He was not happy but infinitely relieved.

  Mr Graves left him, after they had discussed the auction which must be held as soo
n as possible, and Philip sat himself down to go through the papers of the deceased. The Rev. William Carey had prided himself on never destroying anything and there were piles of correspondence dating back for fifty years and bundle upon bundle of neatly docketed bills. He had kept not only letters addressed to him, but letters which he himself had written. There was a yellow packet of letters which he had written to his father in the forties, when as an Oxford undergraduate he had gone to Germany for the long vacation. Philip read them idly. It was a different William Carey from the William Carey he had known, and yet there were traces in the boy which might to an acute observer have suggested the man. The letters were formal and a little stilted. He showed himself strenuous to see all that was noteworthy, and he described with a fine enthusiasm the castles of the Rhine. The falls of Schaffhausen made him ‘offer reverent thanks to the all-powerful Creator of the universe, whose works were wondrous and beautiful,' and he could not help thinking that they who lived in sight of ‘this handiwork of their blessed Maker must be moved by the contemplation to lead pure and holy lives.' Among some bills Philip found a miniature which had been painted of William Carey soon after he was ordained. It represented a thin young curate, with long hair that fell over his head in natural curls, with dark eyes, large and dreamy, and a pale ascetic face. Philip remembered the chuckle with which his uncle used to tell of the dozens of slippers which were worked for him by adoring ladies.

  The rest of the afternoon and all the evening Philip toiled through the innumerable correspondence. He glanced at the address and at the signature, then tore the letter in two and threw it into the washing-basket by his side. Suddenly he came upon one signed Helen. He did not know the writing. It was thin, angular, and old-fashioned. It began: My dear William, and ended: Your affectionate sister. Then it struck him that it was from his own mother! He had never seen a letter of hers before, and her handwriting was strange to him. It was about himself.