Reluctant Gods

  “Doing what needs to be done may not make you happy, but it will make you great.”

  George Bernard Shaw

  18

  I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around and seeing the sights. I crossed the Vltava River on the Charles Bridge, built in the thirteen hundreds. It had statues of saints, kings, knights, and Jesus on the cross. The oxidation on the bronze was rubbed away in localized spots, leaving shiny gold places where the believers rubbed their hands on it, or kissed it.

  There was something familiar about that walk and Prague Castle at the top of the hill. I half expected, and actually looked for, the horses and horse-drawn carriages I somehow heard walking across the bridge.

  Same thing at the Gothic Saint Vitus Cathedral, with its huge rose windows above the door and the massive flying buttresses. Its name was chosen as a name that the Pagan slavs of the time would feel more comfortable with, and could relate to the sound of, in order to help make their conversion easier. The arm of Saint Vitus was then acquired from the Emperor Henry to support the name of the cathedral.

  The power of the Church at that time, both political and social, was extremely evident. A commoner was able to go into a church on Sunday and hear music, see the overwhelming building structures and decorations, stained glass, and so on. It must have been very impressive, to say the least. An entity more powerful than even a King. This would quickly leave a Pagan as a minority, which left the remaining independent-thinking Pagans to be squashed and wiped out in favor of the new power and control regime that created an easily regulated homogenous society. It amazed me to think of it all.

  Staring up at the spires of the cathedral, rain dripped from the gargoyles’ mouths, rain left over from the quick shower that passed while I was inside observing Leyna. I was lost in time, hearing hooves of the past clopping, when a sound from the present day disturbed my reverie.

  My cell phone was ringing. Alexander’s smiling face appeared on the screen.

  “Sir, how is your trip going? The cathedral is amazing, and yes, you’ve been there before, and since you are starting to open to your gifts, you are starting to remember it all.”

  “Alexander…oh, never mind. I guess I can handle your knowing of things. Yes, it is quite amazing and it does feel very familiar.”

  “As it should be, we were there in 1437 after the end of the Hussite wars that ran for the twenty-eight years previous. Those were the religious wars between the Hussites and the Roman Catholic Church. They started when a preacher was accused of heresy and the people rebelled. The Prague priest, Jan Zelivsky, then threw the city’s councilors from the new town hall. Such a mix of Church and state. It’s fortunate you went through it since it helped you assist Thomas Jefferson to write the Constitution, though in a different incarnation then.

  “By the way, you need to get involved in US politics again. The Church and state separation is starting to blur again, if you hadn’t noticed. Anyway, sir, that’s something you can help with later to balance the evil forces.”

  “Jefferson?”

  “Yes. Anyway, the Prague Castle had deteriorated significantly and you were called in by Sigismund’s daughter’s husband, Albert II, Duke of Austria, who had become the Bohemian King after Sigismund’s death in 1437. They viewed you as a possible ally and peacemaker to help rebuild and smooth the transition after the war. Unfortunately, for them, he died two years later. At the same time you were dealing with Leyna’s wildness and her deteriorating situation, or should I say increasing power, which called you home quickly. You loved the city so much and vowed to return. Now you have.”

  “Alexander, you’re such a font of knowledge. I helped Thomas Jefferson?”

  “And many others. You were a free-of-charge consultant, though you always profited from your activities. It created more and more wealth as you helped people.”

  “Interesting. I don’t doubt you anymore Alexander. I never would have known why I feel so connected to this city.

  “Yes, as you open you will remember. You also know Leyna doesn’t care about the money she makes from prostitution as much as she loves the destruction of the lives of the married men she entraps and wipes out. However, of course you must now know, that is the main element of her ultimate demise. The demise she is creating in this life, if you don’t intervene, as she did in her others.

  “Married men?”

  “Of course, sir. She has a video camera in her hotel and she sends the footage to the wives and the men’s powerful associates Someone will try to kill her soon and may have already tried. Please, get her and travel home in the manner you and Aysel traveled to Paris. It will make things much simpler for you.”

  “Like in the hallucination I had?”

  ”Uh, yes sir, like the hallucination. You can do it, believe.”

  “But then how will she learn?”

  “You will teach.”

  “Her? Yeah right. No thanks.”

  Alexander cleared his throat authoritatively. “Excuse me, sir, I think then you should at least be with her at all times, ready to engage your magic should the need arise, unless you want to be doing this all over again many, many years from now when your lives finally intersect again.”

  “Alexander, please. I don’t like her and I can’t bear to watch her.”

  “You must do something, trust me, or as I say, you will endure much more. At the least, make yourself invisible, or take on another form, and be with her all the time so you can protect her should the need arise.”

  “She has many months yet.”

  “Haven’t you heard of people on life support who’ve endured severe injuries and die when Christmas, or their birthday, or their son’s birthday, or whatever arrives?”

  “I guess there are those coincidences.”

  “Yes, sir, coincidences. You must choose. I highly suggest magic for you, if not for you both, and get back here. You must not let her die again.”

  “So I go invisible or take another form? How? By just thinking it and willing it, I suppose. Ridiculous.”

  “Yes.

  “Okay.”

  “Have a good day, Lord Sevilen.”

  I heard the click and emptiness as Alexander hung up on me. I guess his patience was thinning, too. A gargoyle dripped spittle on the ground before me from a hundred feet up. The sun was bright and I smelled the flowers on the woman’s cart that passed me. I heard the clatter of hooves again. I put my cell in its holster.

  I continued working my way back to the hotel. The Vltava River flowed as I made my way along the bordering walk and saw the statues from another vantage point at the river’s edge. They were selling spiced wine at a bar on the river and I decided to stop for one before I continued my trek.

  I took a seat at the nearly deserted bar and instead, decided on a beer, which they poured in European style with the thick head that stuck to the side of the glass as it followed the beer down. It was so different from the way Americans drank beer, trying to avoid making a head. It was rich and creamy, versus light and tasteless. I relished it as I looked around.

  There was a thin, shapely woman sitting at the other end of the bar. She wore a short, well-fitted, low cut top, peasant mini dress with expensive looking stockings and very high strappy heels gracing her shapely legs. Long, hot pink fingernails matched her full, Cupid’s bow painted lips. Silky, blond hair reached the bottom of her back above her round and firm apple bottom. She appeared about five foot two before you added in the heels.

  She smiled at me distractedly. She definitely wasn’t out hunting as Leyna had been, and she looked depressed as if someone she was counting on had stood her up. She knocked the ash off her cigarette and took a last drag.

  I went to the men’s room and found I didn’t have to pay the ten crowns, since I was a patron. I heard a familiar voice as I was leaving the bathroom and soon realized Leyna was in the bar.

  She was sitting next to that woman, who immediately got her things together and left. What should I do
? How do I keep my eye on Leyna? If she sees me, she’ll probably take off again.

  Leyna evidently felt comfortable with the woman, since she chose to sit right next to her when the whole rest of the bar was available. Leyna probably didn’t know if the woman was leaving, or just going to the bathroom.

  Can I? Should I? Could I?

  The woman left the bar through the back door, passing me in the hall, rolling her eyes on the way. It would be imagined and not real, wouldn’t it? I belabored the decision in my mind as I stood in the corridor to the bathroom watching Leyna order a drink.

  I heard Alexander in my head telling me not to let her die, to keep an eye on her.

  Maybe I could become Alexander. I had a good picture of that. But then she’d probably try to mess with him like the rest of the guys. There was only one good option.

  I pictured the woman who’d just left and said to myself, “I am her duplicate in form, clothing, voice, all nuances and mannerisms—complete with her memories, but with my mind.”

  That skin crawling feeling overcame me again. As I stood in the hallway of the bathrooms, I became aware of a purse in my hands and the pull of gartered stockings on my legs. I ran into the men’s room and caught myself from falling in the heels, by holding the wall. I looked into the mirror. It had worked. The exact woman who’d left the bar was staring back at me in the mirror.

  My heart raced. I hung onto the sink to keep from fainting. As I looked in the mirror again, my vision narrowed to a tunnel and went almost completely black. I stabilized and regained my full vision as I looked into her gorgeous, made-up eyes. I blinked and watched my new eyes blink.

  I took a few deep breaths looking at myself in the mirror as if the reflection was someone else.

  My breasts heaved and my dress pulled tight across my chest when I inhaled. I licked my lips noticing they weren’t coated evenly with lipstick. I automatically took the lipstick and reapplied it, shaping them expertly. I sprayed on some perfume. I washed my tiny hands, feeling their sensitivity as the soap slicked them and the towel scratched.

  “This feels real,” I said, as a man entered the men’s room and quickly left. I gathered my wits and went out to sit at the bar, walking naturally in the heels somehow. What an amazing transformation. “I can do this,” I said under my breath.

  Leyna was still at the bar when I took the woman’s seat. I glanced at her, trying my best to be a woman. From the bathroom experience, it seemed I had all the knowledge already. She looked at me and smiled.

  “Still working?”

  “Nyet,” I said, trying to get comfortable with this form and carry on conversation. “On holiday.”

  “Just looking for a man for some fun. How nice,” Leyna said as she shifted in her chair to turn her body toward me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was attracted to me. She put her hand on my leg.

  “Nyet, (My woman’s voice actually came out with an accent too.) I vas going to meet boyfriend here, start holiday, but that vas two hours ago and he no show up. He no answer his cell, it goes to voice mail, and I tink, he accidental pick it up and said allo and then hung up on me.”

  How did I know these things, if in fact they ever happened? My words surprised me as they came out. I had quite a nice woman’s voice, with a very sexy accent.

  Leyna touched the top of my stockings and her fingernail rested on the skin of my thigh. Was this her way of reassuring a fellow woman?

  She said, “I know what you need to do, sweetie, been there, done that. I can help.” She smiled, called the bartender over, and ordered me a drink. He looked at me strangely, thinking I just left.

  “Spaseeba. Zank you, you nice. I tink he come around,” I heard myself saying.

  “No he won’t. He’s just a monkey. Men are monkeys and all they want to do is, well, you know. What they get, they deserve, which as far as I’m concerned, is to lose what they have.” Leyna smiled, handed me my drink, and toasted. “To screwing the guys.”

  I reluctantly clinked and looked at her with a little smile. She had changed her clothes and was wearing tight fitting jeans and a blouse that wasn’t exceptionally revealing. I got the impression she had finished working for the day and was relaxing; satisfied that she had gotten far enough with her goals today.

  It was about six p.m. from what I could tell. I looked at my wrist, and there was no watch. I looked around the bar, no clock. I looked outside. Setting sun in about two hours. Yes, about six.

  “Mmm,” Leyna said as she slid her hand up my leg and smelled my recently sprayed perfume behind my ear. “Smells as luscious as you look and feel. Can I buy you dinner? Maybe we can go somewhere with some good food. Good food and a couple drinks and you’ll feel as good as new.”

  She leaned into me, and I have to admit she was getting this woman excited.

  I had to remind myself why I was there and the danger she was in. I looked around for assailants. There were none. Just the bartender, and Leyna, making me feel crazy. I uncomfortably crossed my legs in the dress and stockings and felt Leyna’s hand remain, just shifting to adjust to my new position. She introduced herself.

  “My name is Leyna DiAmore,” she said as she held out her other hand.

  “Allo, I, uh, nice meet you,” I blurted as I tried to think of an appropriate name.

  “What’s your name?”

  “My name?”

  “Yes.”

  “Of course, my name is…” I heard the name of the woman in my head, but I couldn’t use her real name. “My name is Sahasha. Sahasha Bukasha. Da, Sahasha Bukasha. Nice to meet you.” I offered my dainty hand to her, thinking, “What good will I be to her if she does get in trouble tonight?”

  She gave me a warm, intoxicating smile and laughed. “So very pleased to meet you, Sahasha. You’re so cute. I’m happy you stopped in here. You feel like a lost soul mate to me. Somehow, I feel I know you from somewhere.”

  I thought maybe I could break into her shell, see what made her the way she was and befriend her somehow. Then I could become me again. It might freak her out, but somehow this had to lead to what I needed. I set a mental intention to make it work. I had used magic now, and had a feeling there was no turning back.

  “Why, spaseeba, zanks. Leyna, I don’t tink we meet past, but nice you feel comfortable with me. Maybe ve have dinner after all.”

  We had another drink and some insignificant chatter while Leyna made passes at me and gave me compliments, both of which I was sucking up for some reason, even knowing the woman I was with was someone I didn’t want to be with a moment ago.

  When we were done, Leyna paid the bill and waited while I composed myself and arranged my dress after getting off the bar stool. She smiled and led me to the door, opening it for me. She placed her hand on the small of my back, and insisted I go first.

  The Charles was moving swiftly as we walked past, making our way to Stare Mesto. Leyna held my hand and all the men looked us up and down as we went by. I became acutely aware of my nearly naked and exposed body. We saw a clothing shop and I had to stop.

  “I need get new clothes. Dress too little cloth and not going back to hotel, since I done with bum.”

  Leyna opened the door for me and let me go first again.

  “After you, Sahasha. Forget the bum. I’ll buy you some new clothes and you’re welcome to stay with me tonight if you like. We can have the clothes sent to my hotel and you can change into what you want to wear now in the store.”

  “Really? You are vonderful,” I said sincerely, since she really was being very nice. I was sure her ulterior motives were behind it all, but what could she want from this woman other than sex? I knew she wasn’t trying to blackmail her, or ruin her life.

  “Yes, here look, these jeans would be perfect. Try them on.”

  She bought me about five days’ worth of clothes. The store sent them to the hotel. I emerged from the shop in an outfit very similar to Lenya’s and we went to dinner, walking hand-in-hand again.

  Di
nner was at a restaurant with a local band playing instruments unknown to me, along with a violin and cello. They were quite good, yet improved as we worked on our creamy, rich Czech Pivo from the tap.

  We were in a darker corner of the place, sitting next to each other in a booth. We had a wonderful meal of rabbit in gravy, smoked pork, crispy baked duck with raspberry sauce, sliced potato dumplings, and cooked red and white cabbage with a sweet and sour taste.

  When we were about halfway through, I decided to try to find out why Leyna was Leyna. What made her such a bitch and determined to destroy men? I heard Sahasha’s voice say, “Tell more of you and family, dad, mom, and like. I like know you better.”

  “My mom was an angel. My dad was the devil. He beat her and me and used me for sex, and then beat me and told me I was a dirty girl. He was powerful, mean, rich, and gave me the inside view of what men are like. Now my mom, God rest her soul, really was an angel, but I vowed never to be like her. She was submissive and had no job or any way out of the marriage. Wasn’t gonna happen to me.”

  “Sorry to hear. So now all men same?”

  “Yeah, monkeys. Like the one that dumped you tonight.”

  “Yes. He big jerk. But not all men that way. I had nice men, too.”

  “If they were so nice, why are you still looking?”

  “Not everybody fit perfect. Only some. Ven puzzle work, it make beautiful picture. Not all pieces broken like dad. Say mama like angel. Ever meet angel?”

  “Meet an angel? Why, have you?”

  “Yes, met Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, and Auriel once.”

  Her eyes flew open and her hand went to my thigh. “Really?”

  “Da! Yes!”

  “What did they look like?”

  “Hmm, Michael very big, tall, red blond hair. Raphael light blond hair, light gray eyes. Gabriel beautiful, can’t tell if man or woman. Auriel, vise, older, nice.”

  Leyna was riveted to me. I could see her brain smoking as she said, “Me too! So I’m not nuts?”

  “Just because saw angels no mean not nuts. Which one did your mom look like?”

  Leyna laughed. “None of them, but you know what I meant.”

  “She sweet.”

  “She sure was.”

  “So why you meet the angels? How happen?” I asked, thinking this was going well.

  “Well, I’m supposed to be a god and this really cute nice guy named Sevilen is the guy who is supposed to save me somehow. He’s supposed to be a god, too. They came to tell us to get our shit together or I’ll die on my birthday this year, like I have repeatedly in multiple lives. Some crap, huh?”

  “Maybe not crap. Maybe should be careful not put in any kind of place that make you die. Do you do things to men, you know, to make mad?”

  “Well, yeah.” She laughed. “Maybe my mom was too weak to fix them, but I’ll fix them all.”

  “Even Sevilen?”

  “Well, he’s not powerful and not married, so there isn’t much of a life to destroy there. But he’s still a guy.”

  “A god.”

  “He’s no more a god than I am.”

  “How you know he not a god and if he vas, and you vere, would you believe? Vould you stop hurting all men?”

  “Heck, as a god I could destroy them all.”

  I played with my food, thinking what to do. It seemed so hopeless. Leyna as a god would be like a mean child on a sunny day with a magnifying glass, chasing ants until they burst. My eyes welled up with a woman’s tears. Damn this sucks. At least I was in jeans and not nearly naked in a dress.

  I put my arm around Leyna and rested my head on her shoulder. She was damaged goods and I needed to figure out how to fix her. It wasn’t her fault she was the way she was, and she truly was taking such good care of me. I had gained a very different perspective of her with my masquerade. I was beginning to have a reason, and the will, to help her.

  “You okay?” She lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes, and kissed my cheek.

  “Just tired now.”

  “Okay, we’ll go home and you can rest. It’s been a tough day for you.”

  “Yes, tough. Zanks for taking care of me.”

  “Don’t you worry about a thing, Sahasha. I feel like I’ve known you forever and we’ve always been close.” She hugged me tight.

  We went to the Maximilian Hotel on Hastalska Street where Leyna was staying. It was a small luxury hotel in a very old renovated building. She made me sleep in her bed and she slept on the couch.

  In the morning, I awoke to Leyna sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at me. She held a glass of orange juice and a plate piled high with breakfast from the buffet downstairs.

  “Fuel for my Sahasha.” She was showered, dressed, and smelled wonderful. She wore no makeup, and her natural beauty was astonishing.

  “Allo. Spaseeba, zank you.” I sat up, wrapped the blanket around me and ate off the plate in my lap.

  “I didn’t know what to get you, so I got it all. I want to take you around town. Do you know Prague? I don’t even know where you’re from.”

  “Nyet, from Moskva, Russia.”

  “Good, then let me take care of you. You’ll love it.”

  I ate, showered, and dressed in the clothes Leyna had bought me. It was strange, being in this body, but I was getting used to it. It was small, yet reasonably strong for its size, and very flexible. I seemed to know what to do with it, though. The knowledge of the needed rituals of a woman fortunately came with the body.

  I didn’t want to keep the charade up for long, though. Leyna deserved to know the truth, but I wasn’t sure how to end it.