My Justice My Revenge

  As my eyes met some of theirs the talk would be silenced to almost whispers. They knew we were not one of them. We were on the outside but that was all right, I’ve been there most my life. I have tried to do what was right. Sometimes that led me to be an outcast. A person or place I didn’t always mind being.

  We finished, left a good tip, and headed for the door. The lady who had greeted us as we walked in was back at the front of the restaurant. As she looked at me she said, “It will be all right. Just have faith.”

  As I turned the key in the ignition to start and warm the car, I felt she had done the same for me. She warmed me from the inside out. I did not feel the world on my shoulders as it had felt walking in.

  Unfortunately the feeling didn’t last long. As we walked towards the courthouse from the parking lot my stomach began to turn. I took a deep breath and continued to walk down the sidewalk. Stephanie must have sensed it because she gave my hand a tight squeeze.

  We entered through security again, they went through the x-ray and magnetometer equipment and I used my pass to bypass it completely. No one spoke much to me this time other than to say hello. How’s it going? But there were no elaborate answers. I just answered okay, fine, how about you?

  Back into our room we went. We sat in the same chairs we had sat in prior to lunch. The police officers, who still had to testify, were already back.

  The next called to testify was Officer Karl Robinson. He took the witness stand and told of his involvement in this case. He told how he was ordered to follow in his police car to Jeffrey Motter’s parent’s house. How he arrived, exited his car and waited by the unmarked police car containing Motter. He was standing right next to the car when Motter’s mother approach. Motter’s window was down, his mother walked up to it.

  States Attorney Gary Wagner then asked Officer Robinson, “Was anything said between Mrs. Motter and her son Jeffrey Motter?”

  “Yes.” Officer Robinson looked Wagner eye to eye.

  “Do you recall what was said and if you do could you repeated it to the Court.”

  “I do recall,” Robinson said, he then turned his head to look at the Judge, “Jeffrey Motter said, ‘Mom I sexually abused Tony Carver.”

  “Was there any reaction from Mrs. Motter?”

  “Yes. She said ‘What?’ And he repeated that he sexually abused Tony Carver.”

  “You are sure of those words?”

  “I am sure.”

  “What did you do then?”

  “We went inside the house and executed a search warrant.”

  Officer Robinson went on to testify about what his participation in the search warrant was. Where he stood, what he did, what he saw and heard.

  In cross-examination defense attorney Arnold Kukec exhausted the questioning of what exactly was said at the police car when Motter’s mother was present.

  Kukec went at Officer Robinson full blast on that point, “Were any other police cars pulling up at that time? Any other traffic passing by?”

  “No.” Robinson kept his composure and answered the questions. He sometimes repeated his answers three to four times. The State let it go due to the fact Robinson was handling it so well. They could have objected to “asked and answered” but Kukec could not agitate Robinson.

  “That’s all from this witness Your Honor.” Kukec sat back down and conferred with Theodore Wilson II.

  Judge Peterson then asked both counsels how much time would it take for the next witness? The estimated time was one and half-hours. The judge decided it would be a good time to stop. He admonished the jury not to talk about the case and advised both counsels to do the same and to tell their witnesses to do the same. We would reconvene at nine a.m. the next morning.

  As we drove home I felt as if things seem to be going as anticipated. Tony was done with his part and I could see the tranquillity on his face. I also saw it in Douglas. Maybe we can get through this with out too much fallout. I hoped so. I prayed so.

  ***

  What’s that noise? It’s too far away. It sounds as if someone is talking. Yes that’s it. But what are they talking about? I sprang up in bed and twisted my head from side to side so fast my neck hurt. I looked around. Stephanie was not in bed. I looked towards the night table; the alarm was going off and the radio was talking to me. That was as sound as I had slept in a long time. I heard another voice this one I knew. It was Stephanie’s.

  “Tim, if you are up can you feed the dogs I’m running late.” This came to me not really as a question but as a request.

  As I rubbed my neck I said, “No problem. I’m going to make some tea while I’m down there.”

  “Thanks.”

  I went downstairs with all the dogs following me. They loved the first run out in the yard every morning. They were doing their regular barking and running in tight circles before the door was open. Soon as the door is open enough out they all ran. I grabbed some tea, put on my coat and followed them out.

  “Damn, it’s cold,” I said to myself. This is why I’m supposed to be living somewhere south. Saint anywhere, well not Saint Paul, Saint Pete’s would be sufficient.

  The dogs finished their running around and taking care of some business and they are ready to go back in. We were only out for maybe ten minutes but I was ready to go back in eleven minutes ago.

  Once back in the kitchen I heard Stephanie coming down the stairs, Tony was with her. He said, “Douglas says to wake him up but he didn’t budge for me. Maybe he will for you.”

  “I’m going up, I’ll get him,” I said as I rounded the corner of the stair railing and walked up the stairs.

  At the top of the stairs I turned to look into Douglas’ room. He was seated on his bed, still in his sleeping shorts and tee shirt. “What’s up?” I asked.

  He looked up at me with hair going every which way and the reddest eyes sunken in their sockets. “Nothing really dad. It’s just I wish we could have stopped this all from happening to Tony. He’s really a good kid and doesn’t…” His words slipped into the air as his voice left him.

  His shoulders rose and fell as he held back the tears. I sat down next to him. “Don’t worry; Tony is going to be fine. He’s a lot stronger than I ever knew.” I began choking up myself but I continued, “He will probably pull me through this. He wants to put this guy away, we have to help him with that then we can put it behind us.”

  I put my hand on Douglas’ knee and gave a slight squeeze. Damn that Motter, as quick as lightning, my mind flashed to the fact Motter did that to Tony. He was still ruling my world. A pat on Douglas’ knee and I said, “Go get dressed, we will be leaving soon. I know Tony wants us all with him.” I paused for a moment then continued, “I will always be there for him, and I’ll always be there for you. Anytime. Anywhere.”

  Douglas stood up; smiled at me, told me thanks and went to the upstairs bathroom to get ready. I went to the master bathroom and cried. My emotions were running wild. I could talk a good game but when it came to listening to my own words, I was a little short in the self-control department.

  ***

  We walked down the court hallway headed for our room off of the courtroom. It was Tony and I leading the way for Douglas and Stephanie. As I looked down the hall I saw Jeffrey Motter and his mother standing just outside the courtroom on the opposite side of the hallway. Tony bumped into me as he tried to get as close as he could. He still held a fear of this guy. Why, oh why did I have to bring Motter into my house?

  Motter’s mother was doing her normal staring down as I approached. I looked her right in the eyes and wanted to walk up to her and slap her on top of her head and ask,

  “Don’t you understand this is entirely your son’s fault?” But she did not know. I don’t know how she could not have seen the truth, but she just did not understand it.

  Jeffrey Motter himself kept his eyes on his attorney. He never once looked at any of us, although his attorney, Theodore Wilson II, would glance up for a swift glimpse every now and then.
His eyes looked only at his attorney. I hated his attorney and if after this was over I could damage him in some way, I would cherish the opportunity.

  We passed them without incident. We always had to watch ourselves. We could never say any wrong words or give too hard of a look. You never knew how the courts would interpret it. Would they try to say we were we trying to intimidate them? We knew that somehow it would come back to haunt us. Maybe this is why I was a walking time bomb. I never released my mounting frustrations.

  When we entered our room officers Bill Wasmiak and Dominic Hattle were already seated and stood up as we walked in. Good mornings were exchanged and Bill offered to go to the cafeteria to get some coffee and donuts.

  “Thanks Bill, but you forget, I’m retired. I don’t get donuts every morning anymore. That’s a police thing.”

  I was laughing as I said it but I would have to admit it was true. One thing most people don’t take into consideration about police and donuts is that at any moment police have to dump whatever it is they are eating and respond to a call. Donuts are easily disposed of, but usually it was by shoving the remains into our mouths.

  There was light talk, mostly about life after police work. I told them it really was great. No working afternoons, no changing shifts and walking around being a zombie. “It has been truthfully acceptable so far,” I said. “You know what I like best? It’s when…”

  States Attorney Brent Clark opened the door, “Dominic, you’re up.”

  Officer Dominic Hattle took the witness stand. His questions from both the States Attorneys and the defense were the same as Officer Karl Robinson’s. The only slight difference was when defense attorney Arnold Kukec asked Hattle about what Jeffrey Motter said to his mother in the police car Hattle responded with, “Mom, I sexually abused Tony Carver.” Which was the same response as Officer Karl Robinson, but with the follow up question of are you sure?

  Officer Dominic Hattle replied, “I’ll never forget those words as long as I live. Yes I’m sure.”

  Officer Bill Wasmiak was next to testify. His was the testimony of obtaining different pieces of evidence from Jeffrey Motter’s bedroom. What was found, tagged, and removed. Theodore Wilson II could only try to confuse jurors with why a certain piece of evidence was taken. Did pictures of boys playing with computer games, snowmobiles, and four wheelers really have anything to do with this case? After just over an hour Officer Hattle was done.

  At this point Judge Henry Peterson called for a recess. He removed himself from the bench as the courtroom deputy was saying, “All rise.”

  With all the police testimony done the officers left the courthouse. Detective Tonka and Investigator Hennesey had stopped in but were on their ways to different courtrooms and separate crimes. We were alone in our little room except for Cousin Lee who had arrived during Officer Hattle’s testimony and Stephanie’s mom.

  States Attorney Brent Clark stopped in to keep us up to date as to what was occurring. “The judge is trying to estimate how long testimony will be and when would be a good time to stop.”

  “Who will be next?” I asked.

  “Sammy Bowlinger.” Clark answered.

  “Boy, I did not want to bring him into this. He had suffered enough at the hands of Motter. Is he alone?”

  “No. His mother and wife are out there. He told me they know now what happened to him with Motter, but this will be the first time they hear the actual events of what happened.”

  “I know he never had told anyone, that’s why I wanted to keep him out of it. Motter messed up a lot of people,” I said.

  “It’s going to be a long and rough afternoon,” Clark acknowledged. I could see things were getting to him. All the times he asked us for more answers, more times, more dates, and I would blow up. I was seeing now he was just as frustrated, just as run down by the system and how it treated people. He was not at fault; he was just playing the hand he was dealt. Seems it was time for a new hand.

  The judge had decided to have an early lunch and get started at one p.m. sharp. We decided on a quick lunch at McDonalds.

  When we returned we again went right into the room. We were curious to see Sammy Bowlinger and his wife and mother. To tell them all how sorry we were they had to be here. However, we did not know what any of them looked like and we also didn’t want to see any of the Motters.

  Sammy Bowlinger was called to testify. A young man in his early thirties walked up to the witness seat. He was dressed in a plain gray suit and brown shoes. His head was down as the clerk read him the admonishment to tell the truth. As he answered he would tell the truth he raised his head and looked directly at the clerk. He then sat down.

  The questioning started with background information, name, age, marital status, et cetera. All questions asked and answered. Then came the more poignant questions.

  “Mr. Bowlinger, do you know Jeffrey Motter?” asked States Attorney Clark.

  “Yes.”

  “Could you explain to the jury how you came about to know him and how this relationship progressed.”

  Sammy Bowlinger proceeded to tell a story of how Motter asked him to work for him, paying him more money than he would make anywhere. He had also received gifts, some costing two to three hundred dollars. Motter would take him on trips, out to lunch and dinners, and taking him to trips to his properties on the beach in Florida.

  “How would you describe your relationship with Jeffrey Motter?” asked Brent Clark, “when you first knew him.”

  “Well, at first it was great. He had all the toys. Computers, games, four wheelers, snowmobiles, everything you could ask for. And if he didn’t have it he would go out and buy it for you,” Sammy Bowlinger said.

  “Now, when you say ‘buy it for you’ do you mean you took it home with you?”

  “No. Jeffrey would say he bought it for you but it would have to stay at his house and

  I could play with it anytime I came over.”

  “And these things he “bought” for you, you wanted to play with them?”

  “Oh yeah, they were the latest games and such. He had to pay a lot of money for them.”

  “Did he ever show you any pictures?” States Attorney Clark inquired.

  “At times he did. He had pictures of nude men and women, sometimes alone, sometimes together. We would have conversations about sex and he said looking at pictures made it easier to explain.” Watching Sammy you could see that talking about these times bothered him. Every now and then he would glance towards his wife and mother.

  “Did these conversations of sex ever go any further?”

  “When we were in Florida at one of his places on the beach, I was staying with him for five days. He told my parents it was a present for getting such good grades. Well, there was only one bed and a couch. He gave me the bed and he slept on the couch. The next day he complained his back hurt from the couch. That night he slept in the bed with me. After awhile he said he was hot and took off his clothes. He said he always slept naked, that nothing was wrong with that. He said I should try it. I did. That was the first night,” he stopped, looked up at Clark then he looked at the judge, “that was the first night he put his mouth on my penis.” He never looked at his wife or mother but he could hear his mother sniffling, holding back from crying.

  “I know this is very hard but how many times did this occur?”

  With his eyes filling with tears and starting to snivel he said, “Every other night that time and numerous times when we returned.”

  “These other times you talk about, where did they occur?”

  “Usually his bedroom in the basement, sometimes in his office. Once in his office just as we were getting started Tony’s father, Officer Carver came up into the office. I never said anything to him but after he left Jeffrey said the police really liked him and knew he would never do anything wrong.”

  “Knowing what you know today as an adult, you know you didn’t do anything wrong, correct?”

  “No, I did do something w
rong.” Sammy was now shaking his hands very fast, his head almost in a twitch. His eyes were not only red but had tears streaming down running over his cheeks and onto the table in front of him. His words came out in spurts, as he could no longer control his voice. His wife and mother were now holding each other and also silently crying. With a deep gulp of air Sammy cried out, “I should have stopped him so that Tony would not have been harmed.”

  “Objection Your Honor,” Theodore Wilson II shrieked. “Mr. Bowlinger does not know for a fact Tony Carver was harmed.”

  “He did the same thing to him as he had done to me, and I have been messed up ever since,” Sammy Bowlinger spouted out.

  “Objection Your Honor. Make him stop.” Theodore Wilson II was up out of his chair so fast it crashed into the retaining wall dividing the gallery from the attorneys.

  “Your Honor, Mr. Bowlinger was only making the statement of how he felt after Mr. Motter, the defendant, harmed him. Mr. Bowlinger does know how he has felt over all these years.” States Attorney Clark was also on his feet. He was visibly upset himself for the first time. He wanted to put Jeffrey Motter away for a long time for all the hurt he had caused.

  Judge Peterson called both councils to the bench. All four attorneys approached the bench. “Gentlemen, I’m going to allow this testimony as it is referring to the feelings Mr. Bowlinger felt about his contact with Mr. Motter. Mr. Wilson you will have the chance to cross-examine the witness but for now if you are done Mr. Clark, I’m going to call for a fifteen minute recess for everyone to prevail with calmer demeanor.”

  “I have no further questions of this witness, Your Honor.”

  “I am calling for a fifteen minute recess. Mr. Bowlinger you may step down from the bench we will recall you then.” Judge Peterson then gave Sammy a small smile, as if to say, “It’s all right.” Sammy stepped down.

  Sammy Bowlinger stood up and started walking towards door to leave the courtroom. His mother and wife stood up and proceeded to inch their way past the other people sitting on the benches, moving slowly to their left. They arrived at the end of the row about the same time as Sammy did. Sammy never raised his head to look at them he just walked out. They followed without any words. They knew he just went through the hardest testimony he would ever have to articulate. That is until the defense attorney would ask him to repeat it, perhaps even going into more detail.