My Justice My Revenge

  I had only read the first paragraph when I started tearing up. By the time I was done I was sucking in air as the tears flowed down my cheeks. It made me think of how my son was tortured by these acts against him. How my son felt the pain. How he saw first hand the terrible manipulation that was done to him to put him in a position that he could not control.

  It’s only the victim and the officer on the scene that sees the actual ravages of a violent crime. Such as the man who has sliced his wife thirty times with a butcher knife. She is covered in blood, clinging to life. He is in a rage that she was going to divorce him. But the correctional officers see a man that is on good behavior, talking and joking with them. The judges and jurors see a man in a suit very apologetic about getting a little mad.

  I wanted to tell all the police officers that are the first responders on the scene, “Don’t forget the victim. Don’t forget what you see or you hear. You may be the only voice the victim has.”

  Stephanie came into the room. She saw me trying to hide my crying. She had asked what was wrong. I showed her Tony’s letter. Within seconds she too was sniffling.

  I stood and took her into my arms and said, “I promise you Tony will never be hurt like this again. Never.”

  “I also read your letter; it was on your dresser. There was nothing you could have done. You didn’t know what was going on. Jeffrey used you and me to get to Tony. No one could have anticipated what he was doing.” She held me tight as she spoke. The whisper of her voice was comforting to me. Almost like a washing of my sins, a relieving of the mistakes I had made, came over me. Was I finally truly coming to terms with myself? At least at this moment I felt I was. Tomorrow was going to be another day. We walked out of the room hand in hand.

  Chapter 28

  The day had come for Jeffrey Motter’s sentencing. As I was getting ready I looked at my gun locker. I had already made the decision, no gun. It was not in my hands but rather in the judges. There were still questions about what would happen if… but that would be for another time. As of now we would stand as a family together exposing the insides of the walls we had for almost four years stayed behind.

  It was quiet as we entered the courthouse. Other than hellos and quick smiles we walked through the hallways with little communication with security personnel. As we approached the courtroom I saw a female States Attorney, Paula Winston, whom I had known for several years.

  Paula had seen me approaching and smiled as she offered her hand in greeting. “Hey stranger, haven’t seen you around lately,” she said as she looked from me to my family.

  “Keeping that low profile, under the radar,” this was always my generic comeback. “Paula I would like you to meet my wife,” I turned towards Stephanie, “Stephanie, this is Paula Winston, she works in the States Attorney’s Office. I have known her for many years.”

  “Hello Paula,” Stephanie said.

  “Pleasure to meet you Stephanie,” Paula replied. “How are you guys doing through all this?”

  “Holding up,” Stephanie said.

  “I saw the name a while back and asked some questions. I actually sat in a few times; I don’t know if you saw me?” Paula explained.

  “I didn’t, but I didn’t look around the room much, others I did not wish to look at,” I said.

  “Excuse me for asking Stephanie, but could I speak with Tim alone for a moment?” Paula asked.

  “Sure, go ahead, I am going to freshen up anyway. I’ll be right back.”

  “Mom, I’m coming with you,” said Tony.

  They both walked off down the hall towards the other end. Paula motioned to me to walk with her down to the end of the hall away from everyone.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “I talked with Brent and he said we were reading both victim impact statements, is this correct?”

  “Yes. Why do you ask?”

  “Because I would suggest both of you read your own statements. It will have more meaning because no one will put more passion in reading it than the two of you. I have seen a States Attorney, and this is not a reflection of Brent, but I have seen a States Attorney read a statement so fast all the heart and soul, which was put into it, was lost. Read it so fast, in fact, words and sentences blended together. You would do much better yourself.”

  “Thanks for the advice but I’m not sure I could get through it. It was fairly hard to write let alone read,” I said as I shifted from one leg to the other in a nervous fashion.

  “I don’t want to say ‘I know how you feel’ because I don’t, but I do know what will be more impacting. It’s okay that you fumble words. It is okay you get choked up. This is what puts the punch in victim statements. If you didn’t have the emotion then you wouldn’t be feeling the impact as you do. It’s what would be best for you and your son. Sometimes it even helps the closure aspect of this whole incident.”

  She made sense, but I really didn’t want to read my letter. But I told her I would discuss it with Tony. I gave her a slight hug and thanked her for her knowledge and understanding. She returned the hug then walked past Stephanie and Tony and entered the courtroom.

  “What was that about?” Stephanie asked.

  “She wants Tony and me to read our statements. I’m going to talk to Tony about it.”

  “I think you should too. The judge will see how it has affected you and Tony. He should see that.”

  With that I turned to tell Tony to follow me as we walked to the other side of the hall. I explained to him what Paula had told me. Tony said that would be good with him. In reality he wanted to.

  I looked at Tony and said, “Let’s get into our room to go over what we both will read.” We went into the room and both studied our statements. Hopefully it would go smooth.

  As we were in the room going over our victim impact letters States Attorney Clark was calling another Lakeville police officer to the witness stand, Clifford Russle. Clifford and I were on vacation awhile ago and one thing led to another and the conversation turned to how I was told Jeffrey Motter, while out on bail, had been talking to two boys in front of his house. This was a direct infraction of the bail bond, which had said no contact with children. After I had found this out I contacted the police department, but I was told it had already been investigated and could not be substantiated.

  When Russle returned to work he stopped at two houses and located a woman who stated she had seen Jeffrey Motter with two young boys on their bikes outside his garage on the driveway. She went down by the boys and told them to get away, he was a bad man. Russle testified he had spoken to the woman himself and told the State that if it would have been necessary she would have come in to testify herself. It had never been determined why or how this was missed in an investigation.

  In what I thought was too quick of a time we were entering the courtroom. The States Attorney Brent Clark started talking laying the foundation of our statements then Tony was called to the witness stand.

  Clark asked of Tony, “Please state your name.”

  “Tony Carver,” Tony answered. His voice was soft but steady. He fidgeted in the witness stand and my heart was already going out to him. He was looking down at the letter he had written which he held in his hands. That was when Clark walked up to the witness stand. Tony raised his head and eyes to meet Clark’s eyes.

  “Tony, did you prepare a statement for today to read to the Judge?”

  “Yes.”

  “And are you prepared to do so at this time?”

  “I am.”

  “Then please, when you are ready, please read your letter to Judge Peterson.”

  Tony started reading immediately. It was like he could not wait to tell the Judge or anyone else how he felt, how he had waited so very long for this day.

  He spoke of how when this started he was a child, trusting and carefree. But as he grew older, his teen years he realized what Jeffrey Motter had done to him was wrong. He explained how he told his girlfriend at the time and his parents about what h
ad happened to him.

  He told of how scared he had been over the last three to four years over the fact Motter was out of jail and could hurt him at any time, maybe even kill him. Tony knew Motter was still on the streets hurting other children.

  He brought up the different counselors he had seen over this time. How they helped but he could not go as much as he wanted. He had a job and was having difficulty at school, which he believed was partially do to not trusting or wanting to be around male teachers.

  He looked directly at Jeffrey Motter when he said, “I trusted this man. He acted like he was my best friend. He gained my parents and my trust so much that he received the title of Godfather. Then what did you do? You took advantage of me and my parents.”

  He looked back down at his letter. His voice had become shaky. He stopped for a moment. If I could have I would have raced up there and given him a hug to assure him he was all right.

  He went on to say how this had also hurt his parents because they felt they should have protected him from this man. But Tony knew there was no way to see the wolf under the sheep’s clothing.

  He finished by looking at the judge and saying, “Judge, this man is no less than a monster. You heard it from others and me. Even if he got seventy years and he would be an old man when he got out of prison it would be too nice for him in my eyes. Throughout this whole trial this monster has had the same look on his face. He has shown no emotion because there is no emotion. He has made me lose my emotion but I am trying to regain it back. I’m working on that every day of my life.” At this point the Judge who was looking at Tony smiled and gave him the nod of his head.

  “This man is a monster and we need justice to be served.” With that Tony looked at the States Attorney Clark, stood up and walked back to sit down next to his mother.

  Clark walked towards me as I sat on the end of the bench. I sat on the end so I would not have to step over anyone, as I knew I would be nervous anyway. My legs were bouncing all over the place. I had asked Clark if I could bring my bottle of water with me. My mouth was as dry as it could have been.

  Clark answered, “You have to leave it there.”

  I looked up at him and implored, “Pleeeease?”

  Clark turned to the judge and asked if it would be all right if I kept my bottle of water. The judge said I could. I walked up to the witness stand and sat down holding my bottle. My stomach was turning, my legs bouncing. I was trying internally to control myself but I was not doing a very good job.

  Clark asked me to state my name. Tim came out fine, but as I started to say Carver it came out of my mouth with the voice of a demon attached. I could not control myself. No matter how hard I tried or what I did it wasn’t working.

  The Judge then said, “We will take a short recess.” He stood up and left the bench.

  Clark guided me to a chair almost out of public view. He then asked me, “Can you do this?”

  “I have to,” I said. He then told me to calm down and we would try again in a few minutes.

  As I sat in this narrow hallway down from the courtroom deputy I saw my shadow on the wall. Looking at my shadow I whispered, “We have to do this. We can do it.”

  I looked out into the courtroom and I could see Herman Motter, Jeffrey’s father looking at me. He had a look on his face that said ‘good show’. He saw me looking at him and he shook his head from side to side in disgust of me. I looked back at my shadow and said, “I will do this.”

  It seemed I had a new energy about me. A feeling came over me I could do this. I was called again to the witness chair. As I walked out I thought, “thank you God for helping me.”

  I sat back down in the witness chair, placed my bottle of water down on the table and pushed it away from me.

  “Would you please state your name,” Clark repeated again.

  “Tim Carver,” I said.

  “Would you read for the judge your letter?”

  “First I would like to apologize for before. This letter is from both my wife and me. We want to thank you Judge for hearing us today. When I first heard of this abuse my family was sitting at a picnic bench in my back yard. It was a perfect night, warm soft breeze, good conversation.”

  “But my son ended all that when he told us what Jeffrey Motter had done to him. I asked him what he wanted to do and he told me, ‘protect other kids from him’. I was so proud of him.”

  “Motter was a very, very good friend of mine. He did not have many friends, but I offered him all the friendship I could.” My breaths were coming faster and the letter started shaking more as I continued but I forged on. “Even when we had a falling out it was me who let him back into our lives. Because of this I will always hold over myself the guilt of bringing him into our family again.”

  “My wife and I have had numerous fights over this case and the proceedings, specifically how long it takes. It takes too long. Taking nothing from my son who will be affected by this his whole life, it has also been very hard on my family. It has been all negative.”

  “Much has been said about my life in law enforcement. I could never have been conditioned for going through what every victim goes through, it has been excruciating. I also feel the defense has made a mockery out of my integrity as a police officer.”

  “In closing, let us not forget my son; Tony Carver is the victim here. We hope and pray justice will be served today. It has been a long, long time in coming. Thank you Your Honor for hearing and listening to our words.”

  Clark walked up to the witness chair, saying as he walked, “Thank you, Tim.”

  I picked up my bottle of water and walked back to my seat. When I arrived I sat down next to Stephanie and she gave my thigh a long squeeze. We looked at each other both glassy eyed. No words needed to be spoken; it was all said in the touch.

  After I was seated States Attorney Clark turned towards Judge Peterson and said, “Your Honor, the State rests.”

  Defense attorney Theodore Wilson II then approached the judge’s bench, “Your Honor Mrs. Patricia Motter, Jeffrey’s mother, would like to read a statement. Patricia, would you please step up to take the witness chair.”

  Mrs. Motter shuffled to the witness chair. She did appear the old frail woman. Hard to believe all the hate that frail body held for me. “First Patricia, I would like to ask you a few questions. Was your son Jeffrey ever a problem?”

  “Never. I mean sometimes he would make me mad and I would have to yell at him the same any parent would do in teaching their child right from wrong.”

  “Did he work and help out at home?”

  “Yes, he started working at a very young age. Mostly he is self-taught. Jeffrey is very smart. He has also helped us, his father and me, with bills and he was always buying us gifts.”

  “Patricia, would it produce a hardship for you and your husband if Jeffrey would be gone for a long length of time?”

  “Why yes, it would. As I said before he helps with our bills. We are on social security and don’t have very much money.”

  “Thank you very much Patricia. Now is there something you would like to say to the judge?”

  “Yes. Judge,” as she began to speak she turned in her chair to face Judge Peterson, “Jeffrey is a good boy and a wonderful son. I still don’t believe he has done anything wrong to anyone. He has only helped people, even the Carvers, although they won’t say that or maybe conveniently forgotten.”

  “We need Jeffrey at home, don’t take him away.”

  As Mrs. Motter walked back to her seat, Mr. Herman Motter was walking towards the witness chair.

  “Mr. Motter,” Wilson started, “would you tell the judge your name and tell the judge who you are?”

  “My name is Herman Motter and I am Jeffrey’s father.”

  “You heard Patricia’s answers correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you would answer the same way as she did?”

  “Yes, I would. Jeffrey is a fine person. He has helped me several times throughout our li
ves. Many times he has done more for us than many sons would do for their parents.”

  “Thank you Herman. You may step down.” Wilson waited for Mr. Motter to take his seat when he continued, “Your Honor, I know you will take everything into consideration here today. Not only the aggravation but also the mitigation heard here today. This sentence will not only affect Jeffrey Motter but others as well.

  In closing statements States Attorney Brent Clark went over numerous items of the case and why Jeffrey Motter deserved a harsh sentence. He was asking for one hundred and forty years. There were fourteen charges and Clark wanted charges one and two to run consecutively, the full seventy years on those two charges and the other charges to be concurrent. After about twenty minutes of going over testimony and stating law, Clark was done.

  Theodore Wilson II took about forty minutes to say why Jeffrey Motter deserved a light sentence. He pleaded with the judge that giving him what the State was asking for would in effect be a life sentence. “Jeffrey needs to be able to receive help and in prison that will not occur. I am suggesting a five-year sentence with a doctor’s interpretation if he would be dangerous to society. This is fair and will help not only Jeffrey to overcome any problems, if any, but will also help his parents who depend on Jeffrey’s income.” Wilson then sat down.

  Judge Henry Peterson straightened up papers on his desk. He then cleared his throat and started to give his decision of the sentence. “No matter what sentence I give here today not everybody will be completely satisfied with it. If I hand out a heavy sentence Jeffrey Motter and his family will not agree. If I give a light sentence Tony Carver and his family will not agree. I listened to everybody that spoke today and as much as I believe from Mr. and Mrs. Motter that Jeffrey was a good son, I’m sure if you would have asked the Carvers about him five years ago they would be saying the same accolades about Jeffrey. However things had changed in the last five years.”

  He went on giving arguments of law showing why he was doing what he was about to do. When he finished with the legal foundation he looked up at Jeffrey Motter and said, “Jeffrey Motter I sentence you to two fifty year terms running consecutively and the other charges concurrent.

  Theodore Wilson II sprung from his seat; “We will appeal Your Honor.”

  During all of this I watched Jeffrey Motter, he never changed his expression. He never even moved his head. Stephanie was whispering in my ear, “What does that mean?”