The Extraordinary Secrets of April, May, & June

  I also figured out that right before the bell rings, I could disappear and get a head start out the door. It wasn’t even about getting to my next class on time, it was just about getting out of the last one as fast as possible. I couldn’t ditch, mostly because my older, bossier sister was probably watching me like a hawk, but I could do other things.

  And I did them all.

  April came into my room on Thursday after school while I was lying on my bed, editing my online photo album on my laptop. I know my sisters think I have, like, wish-fulfillment issues or something, but I just like looking at the pictures. After being in school all day, escapism is necessary, and France seems like a great place to start.

  “Hey,” April said.

  “Hey hey,” I replied, pulling one headphone out of my ear. “What’s up, buttercup?”

  “Who’s the guy?”

  “What guy?”

  “The one that’s coming over tonight.”

  I frowned. “I have no idea. Why don’t you tell me, Madame Aprilini? You’re the psychic one.”

  She rolled her eyes. “He’s wearing a lot of clothes from Stanford. Does that help?”

  I felt my heart pinball around in my ribcage. “Henry?” I said before I could stop myself. “What do you mean, we’re not … I didn’t …”

  “Apparently he’s coming over to tutor you?”

  “But we didn’t plan it!” I sputtered. “What sort of stalker creepazoid does that?”

  April grinned wickedly at me. “You’re blushing.”

  “No, I’m just turning red with fury because I loathe the ground he walks on. There’s a difference.” I put my headphone back in my ear, but she came over and pulled it out again. “Excuse me,” I said, “you’re violating my safety zone. Physically and emotionally.”

  “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” she said, then plopped down next to me, stretching out her legs on my dark purple bedspread. (I had dyed it myself in the washing machine, which had sort of wreaked havoc on everyone’s else laundry for the next week. Live and learn.) “So?” April prodded. “The guy?”

  “Can’t you just predict it and leave me alone?” I asked. “C’mon, April, this is my happy place. You’re ruining it.”

  “His name’s Henry,” June told her as she walked past my now open bedroom door. “He’s her history tutor.”

  “It’s called the right to privacy, June!” I yelled after her. “Look it up!”

  April just rolled her eyes at June. I don’t know what happened between them, but something did. There’s been a lot of bitchface between the two of them, and whenever one of them enters a room, the other leaves. “So,” she said. “Henry. He’s cute.”

  “Yeah, if you like that cocker spaniel look.”

  “Is he nice?”

  I didn’t even look up from my computer. “Oh, he’s just the best,” I intoned. “After we study together, we’re gonna go to the soda fountain and share a malted. It’ll be dreamy! What about you? Have you banged Julian yet?”

  June poked her head back in the room. “No, she’s using her psychic powers to avoid him,” she announced.

  I nodded. “Nice. Way to go, April. That won’t end badly or anything.”

  “Look, this is way different,” she said as she glared at June. “You have a guy who’s coming over to tutor you. I have a psychic vision with no basis in actual reality. There’s no legitimate suitor potential.”

  “Stop reading Jane Austen. You sound like Emma crossed with Star Trek.”

  April shook her light blond hair in a move that almost resembled June, except that April didn’t do it on purpose. “Whatever, no, I don’t.”

  I needed a subject change, since thinking about Henry was filling me with Stanford-colored rage. “Hey,” I asked April. “Am I going to Paris?”

  “What?”

  “Am. I going. To Paris?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “That’s what I’m asking you. You can see the future, tell me where I’ll be in five or ten years.”

  “You know it doesn’t work like that,” April said. “I can’t pick and choose what things to see.”

  “What about London, then? Do you at least see London?”

  “I see London, I see France!” June started to chant from the bathroom. “I see—!”

  “I see someone getting choked with their toothbrush!” April yelled at her. June stopped singing immediately.

  “Let’s get back to the important issue,” I said. “Have you banged that guy yet?”

  “Really, May, that’s just rude.”

  I smirked. “I’ll take that as a no, then.”

  “Look, I’m probably wrong, anyway.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, because you’ve been so wrong before. You wish you were wrong.”

  June came back into my room, now delicately patting a powder puff across her face. “So your tutor is coming here? To our house? Tonight?”

  I spun around and fixed her with my death stare. “If you even read his mind—”

  June just shrugged. “I cannot control the great inner workings of my glorious brain.”

  “Wait,” April interrupted before I could go for June’s throat. “Oh, crap, why didn’t I see this?”

  “What?” I asked. I suddenly felt a little sick. Every time April has a vision it seems to lead to disaster, and I didn’t even want to think about the sort of disaster that could happen when Henry and I were around each other. It would probably lead to someone missing a limb. “Does one of us wind up in the emergency room or something?”

  “No, it’s not that,” April said. She suddenly looked uncomfortable. “It’s Thursday. Mom has her date tonight.”

  It felt like all the air went out of the room when she said that, but then I realized that was just me disappearing again. “C’mon, May,” June said, already looking wary. “Don’t kid around.”

  April had her frantic face on, her eyes darting towards the door. “May!” she hissed. “It’s Mom—she’s coming up! Get back here!”

  Five seconds later, I was sitting on the bed next to April, with June standing next to us, clenching her puff in her fingers. “Oh!” my mom said when she saw us. “Look at you girls, it’s like you were expecting me.”

  “Hi, we’re fine,” April said. Only she didn’t look fine at all. She looked like a nervous Chihuahua. Next to me, June giggled and I dug my elbow into her arm, silently telling her to be quiet.

  “Um, girls,” my mom said again, and then she sat down in the black beanbag chair I keep in the corner of my room. “I wanted to tell you, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. But I’ve just been trying to figure out the best way to tell you this—”

  Oh, God, this was agony. I couldn’t watch another version of the “Girls, we have something to tell you” speech, so I cut right to the chase. “Are you going on a date or something?” I asked her.

  April made a tiny yelping noise that, again, sounded very Chihuahua-like.

  My mom looked, well, shocked as hell. “Um, yes,” she said. “Yes, I am. Tonight. His name is Chad—”

  Of course his name was Chad. Of course it was. Nothing sounds douchier than Chad.

  “—and he works in the office with me and he’s very nice. But I want you girls to know that it is just a date. That’s all it is.”

  The three of us stared silently back at her, and suddenly June shivered.

  “And he’s coming over tonight at six to take me to dinner,” my mom added.

  “Is he paying?” June asked.

  “Um, I don’t know, Junie Bee. Maybe, I—”

  “He should pay,” June said. “If he doesn’t …” She mimed drop-kicking someone, and our mom laughed.

  “So June is okay with it,” she said. “What about you, May?”

  It took all of my strength to not disappear. I could feel my heart squeezing itself tight, my ribs shimmering with energy, the roots of my hair quivering in anticipation, but I held on tight and tried not to ache with the effort.


  “It’s fine,” I lied. “Whatever. You’re a single woman. Go forth.”

  My mom smiled and looked at April, who just nodded. “Totally fine,” she said. “Did you tell Dad?”

  I gotta hand it to my sister sometimes—she knows how to ask the good questions.

  But then she raced on before my mom could answer. “Because I really think he’d be okay with it,” April continued. “I mean, really, Mom. He would be. I’m positive.”

  The three of us smiled at my mother. “I’ll talk to your father,” she said. “It’s not your job to worry about that.” She paused. “So this is okay?”

  We nodded as one.

  “So why do you all look robotic all of a sudden?” she asked.

  Someone had to think fast and let’s face it, I was the perfect candidate. “Hey, guess what?” I said. “There’s this guy coming over tonight. He’s my educational enhancer—”

  April snorted. “Tutor.”

  “—and he’s gonna enhance my European history skills tonight at seven using our kitchen table and probably a Snapple, too. If I’m feeling generous.”

  “I think he likes Sprite better,” April said quietly. “Just a hunch.”

  My mom just blinked at me. “You have a boy coming over?”

  “She doesn’t like him,” June said quickly, avoiding my glare. “Don’t worry, Mom.”

  My mom smiled a little. “And you know this because … ?”

  “Because I told her,” I said, cutting June off before she could open her mouth again. “It was a moment of weakness. I think someone spiked my drink with a truth serum.”

  My mom grinned and got up to kiss the top of my head. I still like it when she does that, even though I can’t tell her. “Fine,” she said, “but April’s in charge.”

  “Must be a day that ends in Y,” June muttered.

  “And I’ll be home by nine thirty at the latest,” she continued before kissing April and June, too. “I’ll call if we get stuck in construction traffic or something.”

  We waited until my mom went into her bedroom before collapsing in various states around the room. “That almost killed me,” I muttered. “I thought I was gonna disappear right in front of her.”

  “I love how I get to supervise your education enhancement date,” April giggled. “This is gonna be the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Breathing will be harder that this.”

  June was still quiet, though, gazing off into space. “Stop it,” I told her. “You’re spying in someone’s brain. Knock it off.”

  “No, I’m not,” she said automatically.

  “Whatever. Liar,” I said, but she didn’t even bother to defend herself, so I left it alone. It’s no fun when June doesn’t react.

  April was lying down on the floor now, her hands over her eyes. “I know this much,” she said, then sat up and looked at us. “We are gonna screen this Chad guy like he’s never been screened before.”

  “Homeland Security’s got nothing on us,” June agreed, then gave me a shove as she walked past. “I’m out,” she said. “The mindreader needs a nap.”

  At five fifty-nine, the three of us were carefully arranged around the living room. April had the remote, and June’s legs were slung over the chair. But I don’t think any of us could have said what we were watching on TV. We were just waiting for Chad.

  Ten seconds before the doorbell rang, April suddenly sat up and said, “Showtime,” and we were at the front door before my mom even got downstairs.

  “Girls, you don’t need to meet him like an army,” she said, shoving us back. “He’s not gonna attack us.”

  June and I looked to April for confirmation on that last part, and she just nodded and pulled us back so my mom could open the door.

  Chad, I’m sorry to tell you, looked totally normal. I don’t know what I was expecting—fangs or too much body hair or terrible cologne—but he just looked like any guy you’d see at Starbucks. “Hi,” he said. “You must be Carolyn’s daughters.”

  “No,” I said. “We’re just extras. She hired us from the agency.”

  “Oh my God,” April muttered, just as my mother shoved me backwards and blocked me from the doorway. They work as a team sometimes, April and my mother.

  My mother smiled and brought him into the foyer, where my sisters and I eyed him warily. “I recognize you girls from the pictures on your mother’s desk at work,” Chad said. “She’s always talking about how proud she is of you.”

  June, a sucker for any compliment, no matter how clichéd, beamed like the sun. “Who does she talk about most?” she asked. “April, May, or me?”

  “I’m April,” April interrupted, stepping in front of June. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Why does she always have to be such a freaking goody-goody? It makes it that much harder for me to be … well, me.

  My mom introduced the three of us, and when it got to my turn, I shook his hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you,” and then felt the pinky finger on my left hand start to tingle.

  I shot a look to June and imagined myself disappearing. June raised her eyebrows and then slowly nodded. “Got it,” she mouthed, then cleared her throat. “Hey, Mom, can we go watch TV? It’s an America’s Next Top Model marathon, and I want to see where that one girl pours beer on that other girl’s weave. It’s a classic.”

  April coughed to cover her laugh.

  My mother looked at us, then back to Chad. “These are my daughters,” she told him. “Feel free to run screaming.”

  No time like the present, I wanted to say, but I knew my mom would ground me for a million years. And besides, I was too busy worrying about my left hand, which was starting to vanish no matter how much I concentrated on keeping it in my hoodie pocket.

  But Chad just grinned and said, “No, no, my kids like that show, too. Nice to meet you girls.”

  June literally jumped at the sound of April’s and my thoughts screaming out of our brains, and I didn’t have to be like June to know that April was thinking the same thing I was. Kids? Chad has kids!? We could potentially have step-brothers or step-sisters?

  “It was really nice meeting you, too,” April said as we almost stampeded over one another in our rush to get out of the foyer. “Have fun tonight.”

  “Kiss-ass,” I hissed as soon as we were out of earshot. “Do you want a bunch of snot-nosed kids moving in here and making us share rooms and chore lists and quality time?”

  “It’s a first date, not a wedding,” April whispered back. “You and June are such drama queens.”

  “Hey, I practically went deaf from the sound of your thoughts, too,” June huffed. “It was like a train whistle. Now who’s the drama queen, huh?”

  “I’m not a drama queen; I’m just the oldest. It’s hard enough watching out for you two, much less—”

  “Do you think he has any sons?” June asked. “Like, cute ones?”

  April and I stared at her in horror.

  “What?” she demanded. “Don’t judge me, I’m just asking! It’d be nice to have a brother, so I didn’t have to deal with you two all the time!”

  I threw my hands—well, hand by this point—up in the air and faced my sisters. “Can we just vet this guy already?” I demanded. “Before he takes our mother and dumps her body in a river or something equally terrible?”

  April just sighed. “He’s a nice guy,” she told us. “I saw it. He has a daughter who looks about thirteen and a son a few years younger, and he’s taking them out for pizza tomorrow night. He’s a good dad.”

  “How great for them,” I muttered, but there was a stabbing pain in my stomach when I said it, and I felt the whoosh of air and watched my sisters blink and then look around for me.

  “Okay, May, you do your thing,” June sighed. “April and I will do the hard work. You just float and be all creepy and invisible. We’ve got this.”

  I burned with fury, but stayed hidden. He’s a good dad. The words almost sounded like they were mocking me,
like April had said it on purpose, even though I knew she hadn’t. Chad probably wouldn’t have cancelled a trip to Houston. I hated Chad now. Screw him and his kids and their pizza time. If my mom was lame enough to date him, that was her stupid problem. They didn’t need a chapero—

  Oh my God, I was a genius.

  “I can follow them!” I cried, snapping back to earth so fast that I accidentally stumbled into April. “Sorry, ow. But I can follow them! I can be all invisible and see what happens!”

  “Now that’s stalker-y to the tenth power,” June said. “You wanna follow our mom and Date Guy? What if they kiss? Oh my God.” She shivered again. “That is like my worst nightmare. What if there’s slurping noises? Oh, ew ew ew.” She hopped up and down and waved her hands in front of her, wrinkling her nose like she smelled something terrible.

  “They do not kiss,” April said definitively. “They—uh oh.”

  “Uh oh what?” I demanded. “Uh-oh what?”

  “They’re going out for Mexican. You know Mom’s allergic to avocados.” April raised her eyebrows. “Oh, crap.”

  I rolled my eyes. “April, please, your language. My delicate ears.”

  “Oh, wait, no, she’s fine.” April’s forehead smoothed out, and she looked relieved. “There’s no guacamole or anything. Phew, okay, anyway. She’s just gonna have the enchiladas and a glass of wine and—”

  “If Chad drinks and drives, then I have to follow them,” I interrupted. “It’s my family duty.”

  “—and Chad has a Coke,” April continued. “There is no drinking and driving, and I don’t see you anywhere in the backseat, May. So there.”