Elise and the Gold Gloop

  “Close your eyes and breathe deeply five times without thinking.” said Auntie Callie. “Then open them, but look aside. You can only see a ghost from the corner of your eye.”

  Elise concentrated on the edge of her vision and then she could see the ghost. It was blurred and hazy like a distant boat on a hot day. She saw a dark haired man with a bushy moustache. He was talking, waving his arms about and laughing.

  “What’s he doing?” asked Elise.

  “He’s re-living his favourite day.” said Auntie Callie, “When you get good at it you can hear them talk. He’s having breakfast on his birthday with his wife and son.”

  “So he’s happy?”

  “Oh yes. They all are. Every year on their favourite day they live it all over again. You can talk to them sometimes, like a sleepwalker. And you can learn a lot about history just by listening.”

  “Is that why you like them?”

  “Yes. They were people once and just because the castle makes strange things happen that’s no excuse for bad manners.”

  “So you only get ghosts in Porridge Castle?” asked Elise.

  “Of course child, there are no ghosts anywhere else. What a strange idea.”

  Elise relaxed and ate her toast. She liked that someone was having their favourite day all over again.

  “Where’s Tea and Cribbins?” asked Elise.

  “I sent Cribbins for more breakfast cake. Your greedy dog scoffed it all, that’s why we’re eating toast.” said Auntie Callie. There was yelp from under the table.

  “Sorry dog, was that your tail? Tea is still in bed. He always was a lazy child.”

  “What do you think the castle wants us to do?” asked Elise.

  “Good question. I think the answer lies in the history of Porridge castle. The first Lord Porridge, Lum Pea, created the castle. He was a shepherd when he discovered the Gloop mines, and frankly went a little over the top.

  No-one knows how many things he made with all that Gloop, as he didn’t last long enough to tell anyone.”

  “Why not?” asked Elise.

  “Flying cows.” said Auntie Callie. “Lum Pea thought it a marvellous new way to travel. Damned fine scoff I understand.”

  “What?”

  “After the crash there was lots of roast beef for dinner.”

  “Oh.” said Elise, “But what does that have to do with the castle now?”

  “It’s too big child. The castle is too big and too complicated. It needs a constant supply of gold Gloop, otherwise things breakdown, and I think the castle is running out.”

  “What happens if it does?”

  “Ring a ring of roses.” said Auntie Callie.

  “Pardon?” said Elise, who was a little confused.

  “We all fall down.”

  When Cribbins returned with fresh cake they had second breakfast, which Smorg thought was the best thing ever. Then Auntie Callie called a meeting.

  “Right, settle down everyone. We need to decide how to save the castle.”

  “I thought we were trying to get Princess Elise home?” said Cribbins.

  “It’s more serious than that.” said Auntie Callie and placed a small bottle on the table.

  “That is the last emergency pot of gold Gloop. We can use it to keep the castle going for a while. Or we can use it to send Elise home right now and hope we have enough time to fix things.”

  “I think we should send her home.” said Cribbins.

  “I agree.” said Smorg.

  “Rubbish,” said Tea “The castle comes first, not some little girl.”

  “Your opinion doesn’t count.” said Auntie Callie, “So we’re agreed?”

  “No.” said Elise and everyone looked at her.

  “Don’t you want to go home?” asked Cribbins.

  “Of course,” said Elise, “But, I don’t want the castle to fall down. What will everybody do then?”

  “We’ll soldier on don’t you worry.” said Auntie Callie.

  “I think we should save the castle and then worry about getting me home.” said Elise.

  “Are you sure?” asked Auntie Callie.

  “I’m not.” said Smorg. Everyone ignored him.

  “Yes.” said Elise, “The castle brought me here for a reason. I think it knows what must be done and I’m the one to do it, with help from all of you, of course.”

  “Then we need a plan.” said Auntie Callie and strode out of the room.

  Auntie Callie returned with an armload of paper and a fistful of pens.

  “Right, let’s get planning. Elise, you do Spider diagrams.”

  “I don’t like spiders” said Elise in a quiet voice.

  “Just draw lots of lines. Call it a Starfish diagram if you like. There you go.” She passed Elise a sheaf of papers. “Cribbins, you do the schedule.”

  “Um, what do I put on it?” asked Cribbins.

  “Lots of times and places, lots of lines and peoples’ names, that sort of thing.” said Auntie Callie.

  “Tea, you do the roles and responsibilities.”

  “Sorry rolls? Can I do them on the carpet?” asked Tea.

  “Absolutely and don’t forget the responsibilities.”

  “Sorry?”

  “Who to blame.” said Auntie Callie.

  “I don’t understand.” said Tea.

  “Quite. That’s the spirit. Come on everyone, we must plan like fury.”

  Auntie Callie drew pictures and created lists at great speed. She trotted from person to person shouting encouragement. Soon the room was a mess of confused paperwork.

  “Right, that’s enough.” shouted Auntie Callie, “Planning is complete. Now I can tell you what we must do.”

  “So why did we do all that?” asked Elise.

  “Things have to done properly young lady. Planning is essential. Now this is what we do…”

  Chapter Eight

  “It’s dark and horrible.” said Tea as he looked down the spiral stairway.

  “Get a move on, there’s still a long way before we get to The Cellars.” said Cribbins

  “I don’t care.” said Tea. “Nobody said anything about dark, dirty cellars and spiders big as horses.”

  Cribbins jumped back, “Spiders? Where?”

  “In the cellars,” said Tea.

  Elise looked at the travelling map. This was definitely the right way.

  “We have to keep moving. Auntie Callie said there was no time to waste.”

  “What does she know?” asked Tea.

  “A lot more than you.” said Elise and pushed past Tea, “Come on, let’s go.”

  Auntie Callie adjusted the giant sink plungers so they just touched the wall, then she pulled a lever and the Mighty Mammoth Steam Powered Wall Climbing Machine sprang into action. One plunger pushed forward, “schlooped” and stuck fast. The machine shuddered and pulled itself up a few inches. Another plunger “schlooped” and it climbed another few inches, hissing steam.

  I wish I’d taken a flying cow now thought Auntie Callie as she sat on the small seat of the machine watching the floor get further away, ever so slowly.

  Auntie Callie hated going to Dumpling Tower. One of Lum Pea’s more foolish ideas she thought. Why would anyone create a floating tower made of suet? It smelt funny in the summer too. The thing she hated most was getting there. It was almost worth the risk of flying by cow. She resigned herself to the long dull trip up the side of Short Tower, the tallest in the castle.

  Elise, Tea, Cribbins and Smorg reached the last step of the long spiral stairway and walked along an arched corridor. It opened out into a wide vaulted room with more corridors leading off in the distance. Lights were strung along the ceiling and walls. It was clean and airy. Actually, thought Elise, this is quite nice.

  “Why’re you scared of the cellars?” asked Elise, “There’s loads of light and everything is normal.”

  “These aren’t The Cellars, these are just cellars.?
??

  “Pardon?” said Elise.

  “These are just underground parts of the castle. We ain’t got to The Cellars yet.” said Cribbins.

  “So these are your scary cellars eh?” asked Tea and smirked.

  “No.” said Cribbins, “As I was explaining –“

  “Don’t you ever listen?” asked Smorg.

  “What?” said Tea.

  “Stupid boy.” said Smorg.

  “We need to go this way for a bit.” said Cribbins pointing to the right.

  “Don’t you even know where they are?” said Tea.

  “The Cellars are everywhere, they stretch under the whole castle and some say beyond. No-one knows for sure; nobody returned from the unexplored parts, but they’re easy to find, just follow the Warning signs.”

  They walked through more vaulted rooms full of barrels and boxes of unknown junk. The air was musty and the light wasn’t so bright. Finally Cribbins stopped and pointed. On the wall next to a dark corridor was a sign:

  Danger Do Not Enter

  “Here we go.” said Cribbins, “This way to The Cellars.” He marched off down the corridor.

  “I wouldn’t go that way, if I was you.” said the Warning sign in a deep voice.

  “Sorry? Did that sign just speak?” asked Elise.

  “You have been warned.” said the sign.

  “Oh. Thank you.” said Elise, as it was only polite.

  “You’re welcome.” said the sign.

  It was much darker here and they only saw the next sign, because it had a light directly above it:

  Danger Of Death

  Do Not Enter

  We Really, Really Mean It

  They followed Cribbins further down the corridor.

  “Are you blind?” asked the sign.

  Everybody ignored it.

  “Deaf or stupid.” mumbled the sign.

  It was difficult to see now and Elise touched the wall with her hand to make sure she was going the right way.

  “Hold on a minute,” said Cribbins, “The switch is around here somewhere.”

  The lights came on. In front of them was an enormous wooden door with metal bands, studs, locks, bars and a great big chain, just to make sure that the door stayed firmly shut. On the wall to one side was a bank of switches. Each one had a big handle and a small white label. Next to it was another Warning sign.

  Don’t Blame Us – You Were Warned

  “That’ll take a while to open.” said Tea.

  “I expect it would,” said Cribbins, “But we’ll use the access door.” He pointed to a little door built into the great big one.

  “What are those for?” asked Elise, pointing to the switches.

  “Those are the lights.” said Cribbins.

  “Switch them on then.” said Smorg.

  “Oh no, we mustn’t do that.” said Cribbins. “Spiders can’t see in the dark. If we leave them off they can’t see us.”

  “But we can’t see them.” said Elise, “And anyway spiders can see in the dark.” She wasn’t really sure about that, but wandering around a dark cellar didn’t seem like a good idea.

  “Um, we always leave them off.” said Cribbins.

  “How many times have you been in The Cellars?” asked Elise. Cribbins looked at his feet.

  “I see.” said Elise, “And who told you to leave the lights off?” Cribbins didn’t answer.

  “Well,” said Elise “I think we should put them on.”

  “Yes ma’am.” said Cribbins quietly. He walked over to the panel and pushed one of the switches. There was a small blue flash.

  “What are the others for?” asked Elise.

  Cribbins peered at the labels. “Dunno, it says ‘The atre’ and ‘Awdit orium’.”

  Elise looked over his shoulder.

  “It says Theatre and Auditorium.”

  “What are they then?” asked Tea.

  “A theatre is where they put on plays.”

  “What’s a play?” asked Cribbins.

  “Never mind,” said Elise, hoping no-one asked what an auditorium was, “just put them on too.”

  There were two blue flashes as Cribbins flipped the switches.

  Cribbins opened the door and peered in. Elise peeked over his shoulder and saw a long, brick lined corridor that looked exactly like the one they were in.

  “Are you going in there?” asked the Warning sign.

  “Yes we are.” said Elise.

  “Oh I give up.” said the sign.

  Everyone followed Cribbins, after Elise gave him a little push, and Tea closed the door after them.

  “Hey,” shouted one the Warning signs, “Did they go in?”

  “Yep.” said the sign by the door.

  “Ha, ha, the spiders won’t go hungry tonight!”

  With a final lurch and a hiss of steam, the Mighty Mammoth Steam Powered Wall Climbing Machine stopped. It clung to Short Tower like a beetle to the top of a broom handle. Auntie Callie stepped on to the roof. She reached down and pulled a lever on the machine and it started back down the wall on automatic.

  Magnificent view, thought Auntie Callie, as she walked around the roof peering down. Below was Gravy Lake, brown and sludgy it bubbled away and smelt faintly of meat. Over it floated Dumpling Tower, all wrinkled and brown like an old cushion.

  “Ah, there you are.” she said and mentally calculated how long it would take the slow moving tower to drift close enough. It would be a good few hours yet. With a sigh, Auntie Callie wondered where she had put her cow saddle then pulled a small book out of her pocket and started to read.

  Chapter Nine

  Elise followed the Travelling Map through the Cellars. The lights were further apart and the walls damp. Soon they found the first dark room. They could see light in the far corridor leading away from the room. In-between was dark space like a huge cave.

  “I’m not going in.” said Tea, “There could be anything waiting in the dark.”

  “Sissy.” said Smorg.

  “Am not,” said Tea, “It’s dangerous. You could trip over or fall down a hole.”

  “Oh come on,” said Elise. “It’s just a bit of dark.”

  She set off across the room. It was darker than she thought and soon she couldn’t see her feet, or hands or anything. Elise stopped to see how far she’d gone.

  “Ooof.” said Cribbins as he bumped into Elise, “Sorry, didn’t expect you to stop.”

  Elise was no longer sure if the little oblong of light she could see was where they were going to or where they had come from.

  “I can see.” said Smorg, “Keep going, you’re fine.”

  They were halfway across, when Elise felt a breeze across her face and something smelt like a mouldy flannel.

  “Can you see anything Smorg?” asked Elise.

  “Nothing.” said Smorg, “Keep going.”

  “What was that?” asked Cribbins.

  Everyone stood still and listened. Elise was sure she heard a faint “tick, tick, tick”, like Smorg’s nails on a hardwood floor.

  “I heard a ‘wump’.” said Cribbins. “There it is again.”

  Elise was sure it was his imagination. She couldn’t hear a ‘wump’ at all.

  “Oh no.” said Cribbins.

  “What’s the matter now?” asked Tea.

  “It’s a Grunderwump.” whispered Cribbins. “We should run.”

  “Grunderwumps don’t exist, that’s just a story to frightening little children.” said Tea.

  “Let’s just get to the next corridor.” said Elise and started off again across the dark room.

  Auntie Callie took one last look down. Dumpling Tower was directly below, but it was still a big drop. She took a few steps backwards, clapped her hands twice, took a deep breath then ran towards the edge and leaped off. She yelled ‘Geronimo’ and held onto her hat as she plummeted downwards.

  Auntie Callie’s sensible tweed dress blew up over her head so she couldn
’t see, but she didn’t mind, she was wearing sensible tweed bloomers and she hated the way the ground rushed towards you.

  Splunge! Auntie Callie landed on top of Dumpling Tower and kept going. She disappeared deep in the suet. Never could stand dumplings, she thought as she pulled the spongy dough aside and clambered into an air pocket. She felt like an ant crawling through a loaf of bread, as she burrowed deeper. Eventually she found a corridor and fell out of the wall onto the spongy floor.

  Auntie Callie stood up and scrapped suet out of her ears and eyes. Her hair was a horrid mess, all snarled up and puddinged. She sighed and clambered back into the suet wall to look for her pith helmet.

  Auntie Callie soon found what she was looking for as there weren’t many corridors, or things for that matter, in Dumpling Tower. The huge brass cauldron was black with age and when Auntie Callie peered inside it was completely empty. She tipped the small jar of gold Gloop into the cauldron and it disappeared immediately. I just hope that’s enough she thought.

  Then Auntie Callie walked all the way to the bottom of Dumpling Tower. Once there she ripped bits out of wall. She was grateful she spent so much time talking with Lum Pea’s ghost. She would never have worked out how to get out of this dreadful place on her own.

  Soon a large section of wall was loose and she gently pushed it outwards. It dropped into Gravy Lake, a few metres below. The chunk of suet wall floated and turned gently in the bubbling, swirling surface. Auntie Callie hoped she wouldn’t lose her balance. That gravy looked horrible.

  Elise, Smorg, Tea and Cribbins made it across the dark room. This corridor was different, much bigger with uneven rock floor and walls, but they felt safer, even though it was dimly lit.

  “What’s a Grunderwump?” asked Elise.

  “Nobody knows what it looks like.” said Cribbins in a quiet voice, “The last thing you hear is ‘wump’ and it grunders your bones for flour and makes pies out of all the bits left after wumping you.”

  “Rubbish.” said Tea.

  Further up the corridor, Smorg barked.

  “Look.” he said.

  On the floor was a large, curved flat thing that looked to Elise like a very big pie crust.

  “See!” said Cribbins, “They’re real.”