Amazombia

  Chapter 34.

  I awaken on a soft pillow bed. I try to open my eyes. I can’t see. My eyes must be swollen shut. I go right to the wiggling. Oh. I can wiggle my fingers and toes but it hurts terribly. I hear some people talking, but everything is muffled. I go to move. Utoh. I’m stiff. Am I dead? No. No harps, no pitchforks. I wonder what limbo feels like.

  “Is he alive?”

  “Is he awake?”

  “He’s definitely a zombie. We should put him out of his misery.”

  “Oh, no, no no. He is merely awakening from the anesthesia; please allow me to show you. Hello in there, I hope you don’t mind this.”

  I feel a soft hand take my left hand. My left arm is stretched out, and I can’t move it. It feels good to be numb. Ow! Some jerk just pinched my hand.

  “See the reflex? Were he dead, he would attempt to break from the body cast in response to my touch. See how he lays there? He is as comfortable as a turtle on his back. Aren’t you?”

  Another pinch, I would flinch but I can’t feel my face. I feel like I am wrapped like a mummy.

  “Well how long will he be wrapped like a mummy, doctor?”

  “Oh, several weeks at least, we have to let the bones settle. The swelling is good for him now, though. No swelling of the brain, his skull is abnormally thick, you see.”

  I feel my head getting wrapped.

  “Wow, it sounds like his head is made out of a coconut, can I try?”

  Ow. Ow. Ow. My head is not a coconut.

  “Stop that, leave your father be.”

  Her father? Could that be? Could it? I start wiggling my fingers frantically. I go to talk, but my mouth feels like I got a million marbles in it.

  “Oh, see, he is into a spasm again, I will have the nurse bring something for his pain. We can only hope that there is brain function.”

  “Don’t we all, Doc!”

  I hear laughter around the room. I feel woozy. I’ll get some rest. Gimmie a moment.

  Blackness.

  “Hello, hello in there?”

  Oooh. My head is aching terribly. Someone is caressing my fingers. I make a peace sign with my fingers.

  “Hey, look what Daddy just did!”

  “Shh! We don’t know if it’s really him.”

  “Si, his him, Senorita.”

  My name is called.

  “Can you hear us in there?” A familiar voice calls my name again.

  I give an OK sign with my fingers.

  I hear a loud moan next to me.

  “Hey, Doc, what happened to this other guy?”

  “Oh, he was brought in the same time as your man there. Beaten just as badly, too. I don’t hold out hope for him, not at all. But that is not to say your man will make it either. Things are very touch and go, you know. Now we can only wait.”

  That’s enough for today. Sorry for all this slow going business. But I need to rest again.

  I sleep.

  I awaken.

  I see gray light. Like I’m trying to look at Barbara Streisand in one of her later movies. Everything is blurry. I must be looking through gauze.

  I tap my fingers, and I feel a soft hand next to mine. Longish fingernails. Man, it would just stink to wake up from a coma only to find myself surrounded by zombies. But remember my promise; I don’t go for the cheap scares.

  The fingers next to mine are warm and give a soft, tight squeeze.

  “Morning, sunshine! Rise and shine, today’s the big day,” says that oh so familiar voice. I won’t get my hopes up.

  All I see is gauze. I hear the sound of high heels click-clack out of the room. Then I hear moaning next to me. Remember my promise? Well, you can forget it. All I can see is gray light, and I can’t move. Your guess is as good as mine as to who is out there- oh, hello! Someone just landed on top of me. Oh, I heard something like a bed pan crash to the floor just now. Never mind…it was definitely a bed pan. Filled, too. Oh, that smells almost as bad as whoever it is that’s trying to claw into my turtle shell right now. Oh, those claws are caressing my fingers again. Hey? What’s going on?

  I hear footsteps come into the room. Someone just screamed. Oh, that siren can’t be good. Hey, where did that guy go? Oh, there he is, he’s back to caressing my fingers again. Oh, it feel s so good, I itch all over. Oh yes, oh this is heaven. Oh, I wish he would try to scratch my tootsies.

  “Shoot him, Doctor!”

  BANG. BANG. BANG…..BANG.

  “Senor, allow me, por favor.”

  Bang.

  “His not hard, Senor.”

  “Why, you made it look so simple.”

  “Just as you make fixing my amigo look so simple, Senor. Please, help me to get this off him.”

  “Is he OK, Doc?”

  “Oh, I believe so. See, the undead patient there did not even break the skin. Your man is quite lucky, I do say. Shall we take the bandages off today?”

  “You know, Doc. He was never really a rip the band aid off kinda guy. I think we should wait.”

  “Oh no, Senorita. His not the same as you remember him, he strong like a bull.”

  “Really? A bull?”

  “Oh Si, Senorita. Very strong.”

  “Just the same, Doc, I believe we can wait, if that’s OK with you two?”

  “Oh, Si, Senorita. His not my decision to make.”

  “Doc?”

  “Oh, I agree. Another day wrapped up like that never spoiled the fruit cake my dear Aunt Tilly used to send each year for Christmas.”

  “Were they any good, Doc?”

  “Oh, ho ho ho. I could never tell. We never unwrapped them. What do you think of that, young fellow?”

  I feel my body get nudged as everyone laughs at my expense. Oh. Oh sheesh. What if they had to amputate things? I try to wiggle my uh…oh thank heavens. I’m not a fruitcake…no offense to fruitcakes.

  I hear everyone walk out of the room, and down the hall I hear, “So tell me what happened…”

  I fall asleep.