Am I Positive?

Chapter 8

  Alex is burning

  He found out Alex shaking and sweating inside of his pasteboard box.

  “Oh man, what happened to you? “ asked Brian.

  But, Alex was not able to talk and reply him. He was shaking so badly and crouching.

  “I..I..I… I am so… so… bad...man...please help me….” faltered Alex.

  Brian stopped and started to cry. He was having second shock in last 1 hour. He decided to call ambulance and the official on the phone said,

  “Ok, relax now. I got one ambulance on the way back to hospital, they can take you in like 5-10 minutes.”

  Brian thanked her. And he tried to carry Alex to the nearest part of street. But this neighborhood was known as a very bad area. Some guys appeared around Brian and Alex.

  “Hey you, what the hell are you trying to do? You can’t take our man away from here.” warned Brian the biggest of them.

  Brian told them that Alex was his best friend, and he was very sick at that moment. Brian told them he called ambulance. They laughed at him,

  “Oh come on, you think ambulance can get here? If they wanna get in here, they have to pay 500 bucks. And you, if you wanna take him away from here, you gotta pay 500 bucks either.”

  Brian was having the biggest shock at that night. Meanwhile they started to hear the voice of ambulance. But the voice stopped. Some bad guys stopped ambulance. They were asking money. Brian understood they were serious. He decided not to fight with them. He said,

  “I don’t have that much money, so i have to bring him back to his place. But are you gonna let him die? He is HIV positive. He is dangerous for you.”

  This biggest guy touched Brian,” Oh yea, my brother is positive too, half of us here is positive. And we are all alive and healthy, we can beat you very well. We all need money for our drugs ok? Find out money or drug. Otherwise, we won’t let you go.”

  Brian remembered that Alex was hiding some drugs.

  “Ok wait, i will get some drugs for you.”

  They did let him go by himself. Brian ran into somewhere they can’t see. And ambulance had to go away from that area. But ambulance officials called police and informed them about situation. Brian found out drugs at the place Alex hided. He took them and started to run back, but what the f…..The policeman was pointing his gun to him. And the light from policeman car was blinding Brian’s eyes.

  “Hold your hands up and get down” announced policeman.

  Brian got so worried. He was carrying drugs and the policeman was asking him to get down.

  Brian had to think so fast. He held hands up and saw other guys. He indicated them with his hand and shouted,

  “The real offenders are there, sir. They threatened me.”

  The policemen turned to them and also the light turned to them. Brian found a chance to escape. He started to run away, he had to get rid of drugs on him. The policemen realized that Brian was escaping and they got divided into two groups. One of them started to chase Brian, others started to chase real offenders. So, an operation of police started. They communicated with Police Department and they wanted help from air, copper chopper. Brian was running so fast. Meanwhile, he was thinking all the events he was living very fast in a short time. He threw drugs away before chopper arrived. After 5 minutes later, he stopped running. He held his hands up and the policemen arrested him. They took him to the police station. They asked him, if he was the one stopping ambulance. He got angry and said,

  “I am the one calling ambulance. You can check it from phone records.”

  “Oh boy, why did you escape then?” asked policeman.

  “Sir, you acted like i am the criminal. I showed you real criminals. I hope you had them.”

  “What do you know about them? Tell us all the story”

  Brian told them he went to visit his friend Alex. He told that Alex was HIV positive and he found out him sick. He was on fever, shaking. He called the ambulance. But, when he was bringing Alex to the way, these guys stopped him. They asked money. And Brian told policemen, he went to find money. The commissar had a suspicious, because Brian had run. The commissar asked, “Did they ask you only money? How much did they ask?”

  “They asked me 500 bucks.”

  “Did you go to get some money?”

  “Yes”

  “Did you find?”

  “Actually, no. But i was so worried about my friend Alex. So i wanted to go back. I found out you guys. You stopped me.”

  “So, you were just trying to help your friend,huh?”

  “Yeah, absolutely.”

  “Hmm...We found Alex, you are right, he was so sick and on fever. But we also found out that he was a drug user. What would you like to say about this?”

  “That’s the reason how he had HIV.”

  “Do you also use drugs?”

  Brian stopped. He tilted his head and said,

  “I used to, it was just for a short time. I did quit. Please Sir, let me go. I only have grandma, i live with her and she is in intensive care unit right now. Please Sir, please, let me go.”

  “We need to do tests. If you are positive of drugs, we can’t just let you go.”

  They made some blood and urine tests from Brian. Brian was worried so much. He remembered God and Jesus again. He was feeling confused about whom to pray.

  “Please, God...help me, i wanna be near my grandma and my best friend Alex. They need me…” prayed Brian.

  The commissar came, he was smiling.

  “Well, Brian. you are negative. But, you will keep giving tests monthly. We will call you and you have to come to police station and sign daily at first month. If we catch one positive, you will be sued. Deal, son?”

  “Yes, Sir.” replied Brian.

  Brian thanked God, he was thinking, “i asked from God and it seems like it worked out. Oh Jesus, maybe you are just a prophet like Muslims say. I need to learn more later.”

  Brian ran to hospital, he found out both Samantha and Alex were in intensive care unit. He had a chance to talk to Doc.

  “Doc, please tell me, Samantha is my grandma, she is the only one left from my family. And Alex is my best friend. Please, tell me how are they?” asked Brian.

  Cardiologist Ryan said, “ Your grandma Samantha is going better. She had a mild heart attack. But she needs to rest for a long time. She should not work. We plan to take her into service tomorrow if everything goes alright. So, you can see her, ok?”

  “What about Alex?”

  “Well,Alex is a drug user. We found out he has an infection at his heart valve. We took blood cultures and we did required tests and ultrasonographic imaging tests. We found out he also needs a surgery. So,cardiovascular surgeons will take him into surgery soon. So, you better pray for him. “

  “Why did this happen?”

  “This is common at intravenous drug users. Do you know anything else about his health situation?”

  “Yes doc, he is HIV positive.”

  “Oh yea, if you know, i can tell you. And this infection is not a good sign but i hope surgeons will do a great job and may God save him.”

  “Amen, ok thank you Sir.”

  Brian started to keep waiting. He was also praying. After a while, they took Alex to the operating room. He saw Alex sleeping in green clothes. Brian could not stop some tears fall down from his eyes. That night seemed like to pass very hard.

  Meanwhile, his cellphone rang. It was Kelly calling him. He got excited and picked up the phone.

  “Hello Brian, how are you? How is your grandma?”

  “Hey Kelly, thanks for calling. I have just talked to Doc. He said she is doing well. I hope to see and talk to her tomorrow morning. What about you?”

  “Well, i am fine. I was wondering you guys.”

  “Thank you so much Kelly. That’s very sweet of you. You are a very nice friend. I am so happy to meet you.”

  “Me too, Brian. Let me know if i can do anything for you.??
?

  “Thanks alot Kelly. Your friendship is best help for me. I feel you are the gift of God. I would like to see you in person, i would like to invite you to dinner after my grandma is discharged from hospital.”

  “Oh sure, i would like to visit you and her, Brian.” accepted Kelly the invitation.

  Brian approached her with sexual feelings at first. After all stress he lived, he started to feel more emotional about Kelly.

  "Maybe she could be my wife in future " he started to think. He decided to know her more. But he also promised himself to stay away from her sexually until he finds out that he was not positive. He would not want to infect her. He wanted to ask Dr. Hussain. He became like a friend for him and he needed his advice.

  By the way, he was also wondering Alex. It had been a few hours till he had been taken into surgery. Brian dropped asleep where he was sitting. After a few hours later, he was called to be informed about surgery. Cardiovascular surgeon Dr. Phillips talked to him,

  “The operation has been successful. This infection is very common among intravenous drug users. He has bacteria circulating in his blood. He is taking antibiotics right now. Cardiologists also ordered to take blood samples for the test of microorganism. Microbiology laboratory is working on it. And about surgery, we cleaned the gathering around his heart valve. If you had been late little bit more, we might have lost him. Now he is in intensive care unit, all treatment he needs has started. We might change antibiotics according to the report of Microbiology Laboratory. So, that’s it.

  Also, i heard that he is HIV positive. That’s not good but i believe he will get rid of this bacteria, but you need to talk to Dr. Hussain. Because, he can tell you about how strong his immune system is. Sometimes, antibiotics are not enough to clear microorganism, they need a great help of immune system.

  Any questions?”

  “Thank you very much Sir Philips. When can he be taken into service?”

  “Well, it is at control of Anesthesiologist. She should inform you. We do surgery, they follow in intensive care unit.”

 

  “Oh ok, thank you.”

  “You are welcome.”

  After a very long and tiring night, the sun rised, a new day with new hopes started. He woke up and went to canteen of the hospital to have breakfast. Time was showing like 8 am. He decided to visit Dr. Hussain before he starts his work at his clinic. He found him and they started to talk.

  “Good morning Doc Hussain, Sir..hmm how should i call you?”

  “It is ok bro, call me as you wish. We are friends.”

  “Oh ok, thank you Doc. You can’t guess how much adventure i had last couple days. Lots of things happened. But you are about to start work. I just should tell you about my friend Alex. He had surgery last night, he is in intensive care unit right now.”

  “Oh really? “ surprised Dr. Hussain.

  “Yes Doc. He had endocarditis. Doc said it is very common at intravenous drug users. He is taking antibiotics now. Maybe, they can ask you about him.”

  “Oh yes, probably i will be informed today. Oh man, it is very bad. How come it started?”

  “Long story Doc. We can talk later. By the way, my grandmother had mild heart attack. She is at intensive care unit too. I should go back, she might be discharged today, maybe.”

  “Oh man, sorry to hear. You can call me anytime, whenever you need, ok? Feel free…”

  “Thanks Doc. Hope to see you later. I got lots to talk to you. I need you Doc.”

  “Don’t worry brother, i am free today after work here. We can meet at 5 pm. I will call you ok?”

  “Thanks Doc. See you.”

  “See ya”

  Brian came back to in front of intensive care unit. She was waiting for his grandmother. By the way, 2 cops appeared in front of him.

  “We need to go to station. Commissar wants to talk to you.”

  “Oh Sir, please let me see my grandmother. She will be taken to the service soon.”

  “Don’t worry, we informed Docs. They will keep her all day today. We need to take you to the police office.”

  “Oh man, what is my fault again?”

  “Come on, we are doing our job.”

  “Ok you are right. Let’s go then.”

  They arrived to the station and Commissar John talked to him in private.

  “Brian, be honest to me. We found drugs in that neighborhood that you ran away at that night. It was close to area of the way you ran away.”

  “So?”

  “And we found your fingerprints on it”

  “Oh yea, ok sir, let me be honest to you. My friend Alex was very sick. I called ambulance for him. But the area where Alex lives is not close to the street. He is an homeless guy lives in a very dirty area, inside of a box. When i was taking him, we were stopped by that gang. The leader of them asked money from me. I told him that i don’t have money, he then asked for drugs. I remembered that Alex hided drugs somewhere. I went to take it. When i was coming back, you guys stopped me. So i had to run away to get rid of these drugs. “

  “Sounds good, but i talked to this gangster. He denies that he saw you. He doesn’t know you. And he says he didn’t talk to you that night. So, what are you going to say?”

  “Please Sir, be logical. He did a lawless job, he absolutely won’t tell you truth.”

  “You also did a lawless job Brian? “

  “I am forced to do Sir to save life of my friend Alex.”

  “So, you are not a drug user right now, huh?”

  “Yes Sir.”

  “What about Alex?”

  “He also gave up.”

  “Ok Brian. You need to sign some papers. You are just 15. We need your parents? “

  “My parents are away from me. They got divorced and left me alone with my grandmother when i was very little. I even don’t remember their face. So i have been living with my grandmother and SHE IS IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT RIGHT NOW…”

  “Calm down, boy. Ok, we have found out your mother. She lives very far, we informed her about you. She denied coming here and helping you. “

  “Oh really? Where the hell is she?”

  “None of your business. So seems like your guardianship right is at your grandmother. We need to talk to her.”

  “Oh please. She just had a heart attack. Don’t get her down please?”

  “Well, my eyes will be on you. I will keep following you and Alex. If anything wrong happens, i will not be merciful like now. Now i let you go.”

  “Thank you so much Sir. We just try to survive right now in this very unfair world. We want to start a new life. I hope our doc can help us. Thank you so much again.”

  Brian ran back to hospital. The end of the day was approaching. Finally Samantha was taken to the service, and she saw Brian, they hugged each other, they were both crying. Brian told her about dinner he prepared for them, Samantha cried more,

  " Oh sweetie, that is very nice of you, I am sorry if I ever hurt you "

  "You are my mum, I am sorry, I will be a very good son god willing, I will find a job and help you, ok? You don't need to worry and work anymore.. "

  "What if you take drugs again? "

  " Mum, i promise you, i will never take these f...g sh..s. I will be a good man, that might be my last chance."

  " Why do you say so my son? "

  " Mum, Alex is positive, i am negative right now but risk is present, we will retest in a few months, and we will see if i am really negative or not. "

  " Oh sweetie, don’t worry, even if you are positive we can get a very happy long life together, we love each other, we will appreciate each others' value, if we connect each other very tightly, nothing can hit us."

  Brian hugged her very tightly, they were crying again.

  "Nothing can stop us, mum, nothing..." cried Brian.

  " Today is my second birthday, God gave me your friendship, i appreciate you Mum. Mum, i would like to ask you something."

  "Yes, my son."
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  "Mum, Alex is a good boy actually, but you know he is homeless and HIV positive and he just had an operation last night, he is still in intensive care unit. I want to ask you if you let him move to us, i can work and help both of you, mum?" asked Brian.

  "Oh my sweet boy, how merciful and a great heart you have, I am sorry for him. But he is a drug user, what if he gets crisis at home when you are not at home? What can i do? It might be disaster, Brian, maybe he can stay somewhere for drug users? Do you know such a place for addicteds? " replied Samantha.

  "Oh mum, i promised him that i was gonna talk to you about this. If i say no, he will understand your decision, what if he dislikes you? "

  "Son, be honest to him. What can I do if he gets crisis? He also needs HIV medication, right? "

  " You are right, mum. Sorry for disturbing you. "

  "Please my son, i know how great person you are, but there is a horrible truth, and i guess it would be better for him to stay in a place for addicts. Right? "

  "Yeah, that's logical. I hope he will accept it. "

  Samantha smiled.

  " Mum, if you are ok now, can i check out him? He is still in intensive care unit."

  "Sure Son. Don't worry I am ok, sweetie. "

  He went to check Alex. There was no improvement in his situation. "We hope he will be ok soon, but no response to treatment yet. I'm in contact with Microbiology Laboratory. " said Anesthesiologist. Meanwhile her cellphone rang. She talked to the microbiologist.

  "Oh ok, thank you." she hanged up her cellphone.

  " They have just called me from lab about Alex. Now we know the name of bacteria circulating in his blood. "

  "What is it, doc?"

  "Staphylococcus aureus, which could be very dangerous. But we don't know the antibiogram result yet. Tests are being continued by Microbiology Laboratory. He is taking good antibiotics right now. If it is not stronger than usual, we won’t change meds. But if test results are worse, we will have to think about it, also we will ask infectious diseases specialist. Ok?"

  "Yes, doc, thank you. "

  Brian kept praying for Alex. Meanwhile, he remembered Kelly. He gave a call to her. Kelly didn't pick up the phone. He called again. He started to worry, he waited for 10 minutes more. Kelly neither called back nor sent text message. Brian called again, it was ringing but no response. He decided to text.

  "Kelly, are you ok sweetie? I am worried, is there anything wrong? Please call me or text me. " Brian sent text message

  After a few hours later she replied.

  "I don't want to see you again, bye " Kelly replied.

  Brian was so surprised and shocked. He didn't understand what was going on. He called again and again, but there was no response. She turned her phone off. Brian thought what wrong he did.

  "Maybe she is having a bad day " he thought. He decided not to call for a few days.

  Meeting with Dr. Hussain

  While he was waiting, Dr. Hussain called him. Time was 5pm. He was leaving work, he wanted to have a dinner with Brian. Brian got happy with this invitation. They met and went to a restaurant. They sat and ordered their wishes. Brian was so excited to talk to him. He started to tell all of the story. Doctor was so surprised and started to give him advices.

  "Brian, that is a very hard situation, especially for Alex. You all need to keep each other very tightly. You all need to support each other, but don't worry I see the light on your eyes. I believe you can handle it Inshallah."

  "Inshaallah, why do you use this word a lot, doc?"

  "We Muslims should say it alot because in our holy book Qur’an Allah says

  "And never say of anything, "Indeed, I will do that tomorrow,

  Except [when adding], "If Allah wills." And remember your Lord when you forget [it] and say, "Perhaps my Lord will guide me to what is nearer than this to right conduct." {18/ 23,34}

  We believe everything can be done only by permission of Allah. Nothing can be done if He doesn't let. And also we don't have a guarantee to live even next few seconds. So, if we say something to be done in the future, we should say Inshallah. I would like to tell you a funny story about this. There was an old, boring man in a small village in a Muslim country. He decided to go to bazaar one day. His wife saying " Insha Allah " a lot. He was getting mad about it.

  "Why are you saying that a lot? I will go and come back, that is all."

  "Say Inshallah dear, you never know. "

  He disliked her reply then he left. He took his donkey, it started to rain. Some gangsters stopped him and took his donkey and all stuff that he was bringing with him. He couldn't do anything. He understood his mistake. He turned back home. He ringed the door bell. His wife asked :

  " Who is it?"

  "Open the door wife, Inshallah it is me."

  So yeah, we never know huh?"

  "Ha ha, oh yea, his wife was right. Oh man, i understood we have to be good with God. We should be friends. I understood that when my grandmother was in intensive care unit, when Alex was in operation, when i was taken to the station. If you ask him honestly, he will help."

  "Absolutely Brian, that is very nice to hear all of that from you. Do you have some time, we can talk more? "

  "Yes man, but my grandmother is alone at hospital right now. If you don't mind, can we go to hospital after here?"

  "Yeah sure, i would like to visit your grandmother. And i also need to pray soon. There is a place for Muslims to pray at the hospital. You know visiting a patient is a worship in Islam. I would be happy to see her."

  After dinner they came back to the hospital. Dr. Hussain asked him to go to masjid ( small mosque) inside of the hospital. Brian was wondering how Muslims pray. He accepted. First Dr. Hussain performed an ablution. He washed his hands,face, arms, some part of his head and feet. Then, they passed inside of the masjid. He was saying something in Arabic and he was looking at ground. His eyes were on front. Then he bent and straightened and prostrated. Brian was so surprised, he had some questions to ask him. There should have been meanings of everything he did. He tried to do what he does. He felt weird at first. But he felt very close to God when he was prostrating. He decided to learn more about Islam. They were seeing Muslims killing each other on news. But this doctor was very nice. He gave him a confidence. So, he should have talked to him about it.

  After praying finished, Doc smiled at him and said:

  "Wow man, did you pray like a Muslim? How was it? "

  "Awesome man, I would like to talk to you more about this. I felt amazing when my forehead touched the ground. I felt like I was talking to God. I felt like he welcomed and smiled at me."

  "Oh wow, that's nice to hear bro. Ok, let’s visit your grandmother and Alex, then we can talk more about it. "

  They came to the service where Samantha was staying. They came to her room and they saw nobody. Brian got panic. Dr. Hussain talked to the nurse and the nurse told that she had been taken into intensive care unit back. Hussain and Brian went to the intensive care unit, Brian stopped at waiting room. Dr. Hussain went inside of the intensive care unit with his coat. Brian was worried and waiting for doc. After like 10 minutes later, doc showed up in front of the door.

  " Brian, relax, Miss Samantha is ok right now, her blood pressure and heart rate decreased, so they had to take her here. She is taking medicines right now, she'll be ok Inshallah. "

  "Oh, Inshallah sir. But i don’t know why that happened. "

  "That’s why she wasn't sent home Brian. She should had been observed. That's normal and that's the decision of Allah. We have to pray, wait and see, deal? "

  "Ok, sir" started to cry Brian.

  Hussain sat near by him and he tried to help and support him.

  "Brian i really understand you. That's a very hard situation. But i am sure you can handle all of these. I feel that power inside of you. By the way, don’t you wonder about Alex? "

  "Oh yes, i forgot him. How is he doing? "

  "Alhamdulillah which m
eans thank Allah he is doing better, his conscious is back now. He recognized me. He smiled and asked about you. I told him that you were here. He became happy and said "He is the person i only have, he is my family, please protect him. I don't want him to be an addict and HIV positive like me." And i told him not to worry anymore. I am with you guys. "

  "Did he really tell all of these?"

  "Of course man, a Muslim can never tell a lie. I can tell you a hadith about it. "

  " What is hadith? "

  "Sayings of our prophet Mohammad (P.B.U.H.) (Peace be upon him) "

  "Ok, tell me about it. "

  "Friends of our Prophet (PBUH) asked him a question:

  "Oh, Prophet of Allah, can a Muslim drink? "

  "Yes, it is forbidden but he or she can do that as a sin."

  "What about doing a fornication? "

  "Yes, can do as a sin."

  They asked about a lot of sins. Answer was yes, and they asked about telling a lie."

  Prophet (PBUH) replied :" Oh no, a Muslim could never tell a lie. "

  So as you see, a Muslim can do sins, if he or she does, he or she becomes a sinner. But can never tell a lie, being honest is a very important character to be a real Muslim. So, i make you sure that i never told you a lie."

  " Wow Sir, i got lots to learn from you. Ok, i trust you. And about Alex, i don’t know why but i really want to help him. I am in a bad situation, never seen my parents but he doesn't have even a grandmother and a home. So, i pity on him."

  "So, how did you guys meet? "

  "Streets..Actually street basketball. I was playing street basketball when i was around 12-13 years old. My street team played with his street team."

  "Who won?"

  "He he, they won. They were all blacks and big boys. After game ended, one of my teammate started to fight with one of them. The fight got bigger and i didn't want to join but one of them punched me. Alex saw me and he called me near him. And i got rid of this fight with his help. But my left eye was swallowed and hurt. You know my that teammate was killed at this fight. Maybe Alex saved my life. I don't know but after all, we have been best friends and he is homeless since i met him."

  "Now your turn to help him. And you are doing a great job. "

  "Oh here my question. I asked my grandmother about hosting Alex. She said that Alex was an addict, she asked what she would do if he has crisis when i am not at home. What do you think doc? "

  "Your grandma is right Brian. If he has crisis, what will happen? "

  "My grandma told about some places for addicts. She suggested to stay with them for him. What do you think? "

  "Oh, such a great idea, but has to be a safe place, being watched out by the government. "

  "Do you know such a place? "

  "No, but we can search. One more thing, they may not accept him because he is HIV positive. If we all hide it, they can see his medicines. Because they have to check all of the pills taken by patients there. Seems like it is very hard to find a safe place for him. "

  "Oh Sir, what a bad thing drug is."

  "Yes, you are right. "

  "Why do you think that's very common among young people, especially homeless and poor ones?"

  "Oh Brian, look at life. People's souls are hungry. They need to fill it with something, either such a good thing or a bad thing. What should that something be do you think? "

  "What's it doc?"

  "Well, answer is very easy actually. We should first ask ourselves why we are here. Who sent us here. What does he want from us? Brian, that conversation can take long, are you ready right now? "

  "Yes sir, i can listen to you all night."

  "Ok then. Now i will tell you my beliefs.

  Allah created us to be servant to him. But only to him. He has no start and no end. He was not born. He created angels and some other worlds that we don't know all of them. Angels are living things only worship him, obey him. They don't have a decision, they don't have willpower. And Allah decided to create us, human. Angels asked him, " Oh Allah, Our Lord, are you going to create a living thing that will shed blood in the earth? "

  Allah replied them, "I know what you don't know. "

  Allah gave us nefs ( lower self ) which is like a small kid needs to be educated. Nefs wants only to pleasure itself till it is educated. Allah gave us that because of examination. This life is an examination. We need to correct our nefs and educate it. The more we do, the closer we get to Allah. And there was Iblees who was a teacher of angels. He was a very informative living thing. He was a jinn. Allah created the first human called Adam. The first human and prophet. Let’s read it from The Holy Book Qur’an:

  “And We have certainly created you, [O Mankind], and given you [human] form. Then We said to the angels, "Prostrate to Adam"; so they prostrated, except for Iblees. He was not of those who prostrated.

  [ Allah ] said, "What prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you?" [Satan] said, "I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay.

  [ Allah ] said, "Descend from Paradise, for it is not for you to be arrogant therein. So get out; indeed, you are of the debased.

  [Satan] said, "Reprieve me until the Day they are resurrected.

  [ Allah ] said, "Indeed, you are of those reprieved.

  [Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path.

  Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You].

  [ Allah ] said, "Get out of Paradise, reproached and expelled. Whoever follows you among them - I will surely fill Hell with you, all together.” {7/11-18}

  So, we had 2 enemies. First our lower self, our nefs and Satan. Satan can only whisper bad things. But he promised to make people do sins to go to hell forever. He will be punished in the hell forever after doomsday which is the end of life here. So, he doesn't want to be alone there. That's why he wants to steal Muslims' faith. If a person dies without faith, he or she will be punished in the hell. Satan wants that and tries anything possible. But why did Allah create us? Allah says in Holy book Quran,

  "And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me” {51/56}

  So we are here just to be servant. You know machine. When they sell it, they give you a user guide. If you don't use it properly, you can't take advantage of it. So, Allah created our bodies and nefs. He also shows us how to use it in Holy book Qur’an. If we don't follow this guide, we can’t feel real happiness. Our souls can't accept a blank. It should be filled with either good things or bad things. That is a part of examination in this world. We have to do something. So people who can't find peace, they look for it in bad things. Drugs are one of them."

  "Alright, but what does your Holy book Qur’an say to be happy? What should we do?"

  "I was about to come there. Actually it is very simple.

  "...Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." {13/28}

  So, if we remember Allah all the time, we will surely be happy and we will spread positive energy."

  "Am i positive, haha?"

  "Oh yes, you spread positive energy :), but not HIV positive thankfully " smiled Hussain.

  "Look, a person who always remember Allah can never hurt someone, even himself.” continued Hussain.

  “So, our aim should be a servant to Allah. If we live for ourselves, if our aim is to be rich, to have power, we will consume our energy but one side of us will stay hungry. That’s why people trend to fill that blank with extra ordinary things. They follow their ego, lust, nefs and The Satan. They all order them horrible things. And all of these are temporary joys. For example, when Alex takes drugs he enjoys that a lot, but that is for a very short time. He enjoys but this drug is destroying his body,and also opens a way for infections just like right now. So, the life in this world is like that. It seems full of joy, happiness etc. But if we walk away from t
he reason we were sent here, we can’t find real happiness. We only fool with temporary joys and consuming our energy and life span. Life span is our capital. Unfortunately, we are wasting it. So, maybe you can ask how can we be a servant? The answer is easy, by obeying Allah and surrender to Allah. He sent us here and He knows what is best for us. We have to know him first, we have to meet him and we should believe in him then. I guess it has been so long for now. If you want,we can talk about Allah’s properties, his names next time, ok?”

  “Oh sure, Hussain maybe we can meet properly and you can tell me more, or like lectures properly. Would you mind?”

  “Oh that would be awesome Brian. We can meet for like a few hours and can talk longer once a week regularly. Which day is best for you?”

  “You know doc, i am at hospital and i don’t have a job. My life is kinda irregular, hard to say. You pick the day and i will try my best to follow it.”

  “Ok Brian, deal. What about every Thursday night? Between 7-9 pm.?”

  “Sure, great idea. I can listen to you and ask my questions.”

  “Ok, deal. Now let’s pray for Samantha and Alex. May Allah protect them and give them their health back.”

  After waiting little bit more, Hussain asked Brian a permission to go home. Because his wife and kid were waiting for him. Brian was so surprised. How could a doc ask a permission from him? It was first time that someone was asking a permission from him. He smiled and hugged him. Hussain went and Brian kept waiting.

  Bad dream

  Brian was very tired and he found a place to sleep. He dropped off and after a short time started to snore. He was seeing a dream. He saw Kelly was smiling her from far. He was running to get close to her. Each time he gets close, she was moving away. Finally he got tired. And Kelly started to walk towards him. She came close to him and she turned to a black scary devil as she was hugging him. Brian woke up with scream. People were looking at him. Security came over. They calmed Brian. Brian went to wash his face. He was still under shocking effect of Kelly’s attitude. He didn’t understand why she acted so. He decided to search about it. Time was 2 am in the morning and he called her. The phone was out of signal. He started to search about her online. Brian had learned her name and surname. He searched about her at google, facebook, twitter on his smart phone. Finally, he found out her profile in a social website. Her last status was “disappointed.” Brian sent him a message through that website. He was trying to understand what wrong he did. He informed himself and he told that he was in hospital, waiting for his grandmother and friend staying in intensive care unit, he was feeling sorry because he couldn’t be interested in with her enough etc. By the time, he remembered Kelly’s father. He didn’t like Brian at first meeting. He started to search friend list of Kelly. He couldn’t find his photo, but found some male profiles with same surname of Kelly. Brian decided to create a fake profile to be friends with those guys. He decided to learn the reason of Kelly’s act. So, he might do crazy things. He created a fake female profile. He used a random beautiful girl’s photos. He gave a name to that fake profile, “Siobhan Kicker.” He sent a message to one of this guy who has same surname with Kelly. Brian’s mind was very busy with his grandmother and Alex, but when it comes to sleep, he couldn’t have been able to stop thinking about Kelly. And he didn’t mention anyone about this situation. It was nibbling his mind. So he found such a way, and he started to send message to these guys and Kelly through fake profile. And he liked some same pages with them to answer how they found them. He did all and started to wait for replies.

  There was no answer till around 9 am. One of them replied, “Oh Hey Siobhan, thanks for message. You seem like a very nice girl, how did you find me?”

  And the fish was in net. He started to talk more about him. They chatted like almost for an hour and he learned that this guy was cousin of Kelly and Kelly’s father was police. He understood why Kelly left him after that information. Kelly’s father didn’t like Brian at first. So, he probably searched for him and found out his problems. He also learned the name of Kelly’s father. He decided to meet and talk to them when he goes to station. He understood that he had to be ok with her dad if he wanted Kelly.

  By the way, Anesthetist showed up and she told Brian that both Samantha and Alex should stay one or two days more in intensive care unit. Brian asked her if he can go home to take a rest. She did let him go. Finally, Brian was home and took a shower and slept very long. When he woke up, he saw lots of messages on his cell phone. It was that guy,sending “Siobhan Kicker” messages.

  “Oh my god, it should be very hard to be a girl online…” talked to himself Brian. He had learned what he needed. So,he tried to stop that profile and he did. But he forgot that this guy, “Adam” was computer engineer…

  After a few hours later, he left home to go to station first. He decided to find Kelly’s father at station. He went to station, signed the paper and looked around for Kelly’s father. He found his name in front of a room. He clicked the door and came in. Kelly’s father was so surprised and frowned.

  “Sir, may i talk to you?”

  Kelly’s father, Michael didn’t talk and indicated the chair for him to sit.

  “Sir, i met you at the first day i met Kelly. I really like your daughter. I know, i don’t deserve her, but i want you to give me a chance Sir. Please Sir.”

  Michael turned his face to another place and asked him,

  “Does my daughter want to be friend with you?”

  “Yes at first. We didn’t have any problem. But she stopped talking to me suddenly. I guess that’s because you don’t want us to be friends.”

  “My daughter is a mature girl. She can decide whatever she wants. She knows how to choose her friends. You can go now, i am busy here.”

  “Sir, please. I know it is because of my situation. I promise you i gave up drugs. Believe me.”

  “Get out of here” shouted Michael.

  Brian left the room very sad. But he didn’t want to quit. He texted Kelly. He told her about his visit at station. And he also swore Kelly that he had given up drugs. Tests were negative. He told her that he really wanted to know her more and be friend with her. And he went back to hospital.

  After a few hours later, Brian was sitting in front of intensive care unit. Kelly replied him,

  “I am sorry, i can’t be friends with you, please don’t disturb me again. This is my last text message, if you keep me disturbing i will have to inform my dad. Bye…”

  Brian was so shocked, he felt very bad. Also he started to worry and decided to stop sending her text messages. He really was afraid of going to prison, especially at that time when his best two friends were in intensive care unit.