A Pale Paradise

  ******

  She propped up on one elbow, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder, and quietly observed his face as he slept. The sun was just now setting, creating dusky-purple shadows in their bedroom through the gauzy drapes. She marveled at every beautiful feature of his rugged face, so familiar to her now, and she breathed softly so as not to waken him. How precious he was to her. To think that she had known this man for a mere two years, and she would gladly give her life to spare his. She tilted her face to study him as he turned his head toward her on his pillow and pursed his lips as he snored softly. She blinked slowly, remembering that night she'd attended her first get-together at Emma and Pete's house, a few days before the blizzard of 'eighty-four. As she was leaving, Emma had mentioned to her that Thad was a 'good man,' and that simple phrase had stayed in the back of her mind. Over time, she had understood, and knew that Emma had been right. She also knew, without a doubt, that if her mother were still alive, she would say to her after meeting Thad, "Phyl, that man is a gentleman." Her husband was indeed a gentleman, in every sense of the word. She gazed at him, resisting the urge to run her fingertips down the crease running along the side of his mouth, as she liked to do when he smiled at her. Hmm..m. He might be a good man and a gentleman, but he most definitely knew exactly how to keep her content, although he had, a couple of hours before, teasingly suggested that maybe she needed to go to the doctor first before engaging in any sort of 'activity.' She smiled to herself, recalling how she'd put an end to his teasing pretty quickly.

  She saw that he had squinted open one eye and was watching her. He closed his eyes, and smiled softly, obviously waiting for her to say what was on her mind. She took a deep breath, knowing that she had to tell him, and she watched him for a moment.

  "Thad." She gave in to the urge and ran her fingertips along the crease on his face, fascinated, as always, by the feel of the light stubble on his face.

  "Umm..m?" He slanted his sleepy dark eyes over at her, and she dropped her hand to his chest. She sighed, as she gathered her thoughts.

  "We've been through a lot the last few days."

  "I can't argue with that." He lightly cleared his throat as he watched her.

  "Thad, we haven't really talked about that night in Lucaya, with the gunman."

  "I know." He propped up on his elbow so they were facing each other.

  "After you pushed me out, and I was running for help," she paused, "when I heard the gunshot, I thought you had been killed." He nodded, his eyes serious. "And then, when I heard the second shot, I was sure that there was no way I would find you alive." Her eyes filled with tears, and she ran her hand softly across his chest.

  "I know, Phyl." He swept a stray strand of her hair back behind her shoulder. "I thought I had lost you after the plane crash." She nodded as she saw his jaw tighten as he tried to keep his composure. "This has been no ordinary week, by any stretch of the imagination."

  "I know there have been times since we've been married that I've been upset about not being about to conceive..." her voice trailed off and she lowered her eyes as he caressed her cheek, remembering what a shock it had been to her to have the doctor confirm that she would be unable to become pregnant.

  "It's all right, Phyl." His eyes were soft as he tilted her chin and she lifted her eyes to his. "You know, my love, it's always been all right."

  "I know it is, Thad. But this past week has made me think about it in a different way." She saw him squint his eyes and lower his brows at her as he waited for her to continue. "I realize now that you are all I will ever need in my life. Ever." She exhaled, as she searched his eyes. "I won't waste another minute hoping, that, by some miracle, we'll have a child. I can accept it now. My life is complete with you. I knew it the moment I thought I'd lost you."

  She felt him enfold her in his arms, and he kissed her forehead, brushing her hair, damp from her tears as she allowed her emotions to flow freely, and she fell into a deep sleep in his arms.