Unraveled

  She felt so sick she had to sit down. Deacon was absolutely right in his accusations.

  “And the worst part of this? I’ve watched Knox grow more confident since Ronin left him in charge. He’s been Ronin’s second-in-command for so long, waiting for Sensei to make a decision, that he became Ronin’s mouthpiece. Ronin’s way of dealing with things is to make Knox do it—but that doesn’t mean Knox has a voice. So with Ronin being away, Knox has had a chance to show he’s a good, strong, fair leader. And he’d counted on your support—if not in private, definitely in public.”

  “Until last night.”

  “If you cared about him, you wouldn’t have acted just like your fucking brother.”

  When Shiori’s expression must have looked blank, Deacon clarified. “Knox has had to watch Ronin fight and listen to Ronin’s ‘I don’t give a fuck what you think’ attitude for several years. Knox had been helpless to stop it. And now you did the same thing to him? You think he wanted to watch the woman he cares about get a public beating? No.”

  Her tears fell when the magnitude of what she’d done finally hit her.

  “I’m not a touchy-feely guy. I’m an asshole. But Knox is a good man. And to be totally fucking honest, he doesn’t deserve the shit you’ve brought into his life. What the fuck do you think will happen when Ronin finds out you two are involved? He’ll be a dick. But it’s doubtful he’ll be a dick to you, because even though you are a haughty bitch, you’re his family. Ronin will take every single bit of his frustration out on Knox. Know why? Because he always does. But this time it’ll be worse, because it is personal. And when Ronin finds out you were beaten to a pulp in the ring, who’s he gonna blame? You? Fuck no. He’ll blame Knox because he’s Shihan. Ronin knows who is supposed to make that final decision—and it’s not the goddamn fighter. The reason for that is exactly what went down in the ring between you and Mia last night.”

  “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

  “It happened all the same.”

  “What do I do now?”

  “Why’re you asking me? I saw one of the best guys I’ve ever known embarrassed and forced to leave a fight he’d helped set up because he couldn’t stand to see you get hurt. And knowing you, you expected him to be waiting around, ready to pick up the pieces.”

  She had.

  “I’m proud of him for walking away. I’d be even happier yet if you went back to Japan.” He paused. “Because we all know that’s what’ll eventually happen. You’re leaving. You’ve got Knox all wound up and caring for you when you’ve never had any intention of staying here.”

  She wanted to scream that he couldn’t make assumptions when she hadn’t made any decisions about that. Instead she snapped, “My personal relationship with Knox isn’t your business, Deacon.”

  “Yes, it is. Who do you think he’ll lean on after you’re gone? Won’t be Ronin, because he’s firmly on Team Shiori.”

  “Where is Knox right now?”

  “Like I said, I don’t know. But even if I did? I wouldn’t tell you.”

  Last night Shiori had thought she couldn’t feel worse or more alone.

  Turned out she was wrong.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  SATURDAY night Knox went to Twisted.

  Security was on the slim side, so Merrick had been glad to see him and put him to work.

  For the first two hours Knox tended bar. He kept his eyes on the new submissives who seemed determined to cause a scene—and not the good kind of scene.

  The bar stayed busy. When it slowed down, he got to catch up with the regulars, who asked why they hadn’t seen him in the past few weeks.

  Because I have a Mistress. And it’s a little fucked-up with my refusal to let her claim me in public even when she’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

  That’s why Knox hadn’t removed his bracelet before coming to the club. But none of the regulars had commented on it, which he found odd.

  Since the club members exchanged first names only, Knox had deemed the conversations here superficial. But Merrick claimed money and job prestige automatically segregated people. By having their baser desires out in the open, it brought like minds together, not like bank accounts.

  That was another wrinkle in the Shiori situation.

  But he didn’t want to think about that right now. He tried to refocus his attention on the clubgoers around him. He should talk to Bobby Sue about why she chooses men who are old enough to be her father. Talk to Ridge about the appeal of violet wands. Talk to Merrick about—

  “Knox?”

  He spun around and smiled when he saw the redhead at the bar. “Vanessa. I haven’t seen you in ages. How’ve you been? You’re looking good.”

  Vanessa blushed. “Thanks. I’ve been working out of town. But to be honest, I considered giving up my membership.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m just not getting what I need out of it anymore.”

  “Weren’t you hooked up with Master Jack?”

  “For a short time. But he’s not a one-sub guy, and I’ve no interest in being part of a harem.”

  He rested his elbows on the bar. “What are you looking for tonight? I can give you the rundown of what’s happening. It’s probably not too late to get in on the disco orgy at the main stage.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Might be fun to watch, but too many players. Once, at an orgy I turned my head and this guy was about to stick his dick in my ear.”

  “No shit?”

  “I’m thinking . . . of all the holes in this room you can put it in, you’re eyeing my ear?”

  He laughed for the first time in forty-eight hours.

  “You have a great laugh, Knox.” Her gaze lingered on his chest. “You have a great everything. So what are you doing here?”

  “Helping out. I needed a distraction from my real life.”

  “I could be that distraction, if you’re interested.”

  Knox picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I’m flattered. And if I weren’t spoken for, I’d take you up on it.”

  “That sounds like a permanent spoken for, not just tonight.” She curled her hand around her glass and studied the bracelet dangling from his wrist. “Am I right?”

  “Yeah. It’s a little fucked-up. Actually, it’s a lot fucked-up.” He sighed. “Sounds like paradise, huh?”

  “Rough times are what makes the good times so sweet.”

  Before his bar shift ended, Master Dan approached him. “Hey, Knox, you have free time tonight?”

  “As of right now, I’m on security for two hours and then I’ll get a break.”

  “Can I schedule you?”

  “Sure. Just have someone tell me what room you book.” But chances were high it’d be the green room, since he preferred it.

  “Great. Thanks.”

  Master Dan was a pain slut. Normally he had Master V the sadist work him over, so Master V must not be here.

  Soon thereafter Greg relieved him from bar duty and sent him to monitor the orgy. Not his favorite assignment only because watching orgies was too damn distracting.

  “Knox?”

  He half turned toward the male sub Vic. “Yeah?”

  “Are you booked for tonight?”

  “I’ve got a couple of things going on. Why?”

  “I’d like to book you for half an hour. Just me.”

  “What’ve you worked up to now?”

  “Canes. It’ll be my first time.”

  “Okay. I’ve got one that’ll work. Look for me in the green room.”

  After the orgy group took a break, he did too. He prowled the halls, telling himself he wasn’t looking for an exotic woman wearing a mask.

  But he didn’t know what he’d do or say if he ran into her.

  Any doubts he’d shoved aside about letting her define his orientation had come back stronger than ever.

  If he was truly submissive,
he wouldn’t have a problem telling people in the club. People outside the club didn’t matter; he didn’t ask for the gritty details on their sex lives, so offering up his own preferences wasn’t an issue.

  The other thing that’d been niggling in the back of his mind? Most of the time Shiori didn’t feel like a Domme.

  What if when she came to America she’d created this whole new persona for herself? Even her background in the Tokyo clubs could’ve been fabricated if she’d paid the right person enough money. God knew she had plenty of the green stuff.

  But his angry mental accusations didn’t ring true either.

  Shiori was a Domme. He suspected she’d been an unsatisfied Domme as she tried to find her own way. She was such a sexual woman; how could she take on subs who weren’t fulfilling that need in her? He might still have reservations about how far he’d be willing to follow submissive behavior, but he couldn’t imagine anything he’d rather do than spend time naked with Shiori, catering to her every sexual need.

  Yes, sexual incompatibility hadn’t ever been a problem for them.

  It wasn’t doing him any good dwelling on this shit, so he cut down the hallway and knocked on the door to the green room.

  Master Dan waited completely naked. He wore a different expression from his usual—normally anticipation was etched on every line in his face. Tonight he looked like he’d already been beaten.

  That set him on edge. As far as Knox had seen, Master Dan didn’t have any limits for pain play. They’d discussed a safe word one time, and the man had never uttered it—not even the one time Knox had accidentally made him bleed. “So, Master Dan, you know I’m gonna ask what’s up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “First, why aren’t you having Master V give you what you need? And second, why have you got more dread going on than excitement? Sets off my warning bells, man.”

  Master Dan slumped in the only chair in the room. “You noticed that, huh?” He sighed. “Of course you noticed because you’re damn good at what you do.”

  “Thanks . . . I think?”

  “You don’t take that as a compliment?”

  Knox scratched his head. “I don’t know how to take it. As it’s something I can’t put on a résumé. ‘I excel at beating the fuck out of men with whips, canes, and floggers. I’ve been given excellent recommendations from the masochists on being able to deliver extreme pain without breaking the skin. Sorry. No references are available because of privacy restrictions.’”

  Master Dan looked at him sharply. “Having a crisis of faith, son?”

  Knox didn’t mind that Master Dan called him son, since he was Knox’s elder by twenty years. “Yeah, I am.”

  “Can I help?”

  Here was a chance for an unbiased opinion. “How would you categorize me?”

  Master Dan scrutinized him to the point where Knox felt fidgety. “Gut reaction?”

  “Yeah.”

  “A switch.” Master Dan grinned. “Surprised?”

  “A little. So you must know I’ll ask you why.”

  “Because you couldn’t do this”—he gestured to the wall with the instruments of pain—“if you weren’t somewhat Dominant. No offense, but no one would trust a submissive to get the job done. And you have earned the trust of the most experienced Masters here.”

  “But?”

  “But being a pain expert isn’t sexual for you. You don’t get off on it like sadists do. And you have a hard line against using your skills on a woman. Which to me says you hold women in a higher regard than men. You’re in security, and that proves you have a protective nature. So when it comes to sex, I’d say you were submissive. But not to just any Domme. And yes, it has to be a real Domme you’ll submit to, not just a bossy bitch in the real world.”

  “How the fuck did you know all that?” But what Knox wanted to ask was how long Master Dan had suspected that about him.

  “Being a Master or a Mistress—a good one at least—involves more than agreeing to a temporary power exchange for a mutually beneficial sexual encounter. I’ve learned to read people. Am I always right? Nine times out of ten. But that’s only because I’ve had years of practice.”

  “So I’ve been in self-denial? Because until I met her, it never even crossed my radar that I’m submissive.”

  Master Dan shook his head. “No. I suspect you didn’t know because you’d never met a Domme who made you curious enough to explore those tendencies. And since you’re a big, macho guy, I can only guess how much that freaked you out.”

  “It did.”

  “Past tense?”

  “I’ve accepted it—more or less.”

  “That isn’t convincing me, Knox.”

  “It’s complicated. My Mistress . . . She and I work together. For lack of a better way to explain it, I’m her boss. So we do have real-world power exchanges and adjustments. I thought I was the one having a harder time making the transition, but then she completely fucking blindsided me in a work situation.”

  “That does make it more difficult. This happened recently?”

  “Two days ago. I’ve been avoiding her ever since because I don’t know what comes next.” He sent Master Dan a sheepish look. “I figured putting my skill set to use on someone here would help me forget. Not good to be here and be unfocused. So I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you tonight.”

  “You’ve helped me more than you realize. More than whipping the shit out of me would have.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “As you could tell when you walked in this room tonight, I came here for the wrong reasons. So talking to you has brought me out of the dark place I sometimes drift into.”

  “Are you involved with a sub right now?”

  He smiled sadly and pulled on his clothes. “No. Hence the dark place.”

  “Are you looking for a distraction?”

  “Maybe. Why? You playing matchmaker now?”

  “That comment might’ve earned you extra-hard lashes next time.” He grinned. “Do you know Vanessa the sub? She’s somewhere between my age and yours?”

  Master Dan’s interest perked up. “Very curvy redhead?”

  “That’s her. I was talking to her earlier at the bar. She’s having some of those same thoughts you are, so maybe you two could commiserate together.”

  “I’ll see if she’s still around. Thanks for the tip.”

  Knox remained in the room for ten minutes, waiting for Vic, who only showed up about half of the time, until he gave up and returned to the main bar area.

  The place had filled up.

  Just as he headed to the bar to tell Greg he was done for the night, he heard a familiar voice saying his name. It was like music coming from her lips. He turned around slowly, wondering if he’d just imagined her voice because he needed to hear it so badly.

  It was Shiori, acting every inch the Domme in tight black leather pants, a crop top emblazoned with watercolor images of peacock feathers, and a vivid blue eye mask.

  Dammit. She looked good enough to eat. One tiny bite at a time.

  He bowed to her. “Mistress B.” Then he started to retreat.

  She grabbed on to his forearm. “Knox, wait. I came tonight to talk to you.”

  “How’d you know I’d be here?”