Hold on Tight

  “I’ll find her. Keep it up. I’ll find her and she’ll pay,” I swore.

  “Don’t doubt it. I just hope Rock gets here first,” Preston replied.

  I put both hands on the double doors to the frat house and shoved them open, then stalked inside.

  Kimmy came walking down the stairs, looking right at me. Her hair was stringy, and her clothes were wrinkled like she’d just pulled them back on quickly. What the fuck had my brother seen in her?

  “You looking for me?” she asked, then stumbled a step and giggled before grabbing the rail. She was fucked up.

  “Save yourself and go hide your stupid ass,” Preston yelled, purposely drawing attention to the situation.

  “Not scared of a Falco. You just tame ’em with pussy,” she said, then leered at me. As if I’d even touch that nasty shit.

  “Not going anywhere near your nasty snatch,” I said, disgust dripping from my voice.

  She snarled at me. “What, not as good as sweet little Sienna Roy? You’re as bad as him. Can’t-do-no-wrong Sienna. Screw that. The bitch sucked at fucking. Dustin hated sex with her. He just did it ’cause she wanted it. But she was awful at it. He came to get the good stuff from me,” Kimmy spat angrily.

  “I think I just threw up in my mouth,” Preston said beside me, and several guys laughed.

  “Was that baby Dustin’s?” I asked. I didn’t want to hear her talk about Sienna again. She wasn’t worthy of saying Sienna’s name.

  She threw up her arms. “He’s the only one I fucked bare, and he was the only one I had fucked in months. He and I were going to be an item soon. He just had to get rid of Sienna first.”

  He was never planning on getting rid of Sienna. He’d killed himself trying to get to her before I could.

  “And you killed his baby,” I said, needing to hear her admit it.

  She shrugged as if what she had done meant nothing. “I wasn’t gonna have a baby without a man to help me take care of it. I have my life ahead of me.”

  That was all I needed to know. I took two steps toward her as the blood roared in my veins. Then arms that could only belong to Rock wrapped around mine and hauled me back against his chest. “Not gonna let you do this,” he said in my ear. “You’re gonna sleep this shit off, and then you’re getting counseling. She’s high as a fucking kite. Do you think she would have stopped that while she was pregnant? I can answer that. No! She wouldn’t have. That baby didn’t stand a chance. It would have been born an addict if it had even been born at all.”

  I glared at her. I hated her. I hated everything she stood for. But he was right. She’d have killed the baby one way or another. She was trash. My brother had made mistakes, and a girl willing to meet his every sexual whim had been his downfall.

  “Let’s get the fuck outta here,” Preston said.

  “You gonna walk out of here, or am I gonna have to haul you out? We can fight right here, but I’m sober and I’m gonna win. I won’t let you throw your life away over revenge. You have your parents to think about. They need you.”

  My parents.

  I was all they had. Me. The son without the golden halo. The screwup. Me. That was all they had left.

  Present Day . . .

  SIENNA

  Had I always known? I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the wall. Even back then Dustin had been weird when Kimmy was around. And she’d always hated me. I knew she went to the parties he went to. I always thought if they ever did anything, Kimmy would make sure the world knew. But maybe they all knew and no one told me. Because Dustin was their god. They kept his secret.

  But why keep it a secret? Why not just break up with me? If he was sleeping with Kimmy and wanted her, then why was he staying with me? Had it always been a friendship between us? Was there ever love between us? Because it certainly wasn’t what I felt for Dewayne.

  Dewayne.

  I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the pain started again. He had lied to me. I’d trusted him and he’d lied to me. Did everyone lie? Was that the way life was? I couldn’t trust anyone but myself.

  Dewayne had made me happy. He wanted me, but would I be enough for him? I wasn’t enough for his brother. It was possible I wouldn’t be enough for anyone. There had to be something wrong with me.

  My parents had walked away from me. They’d betrayed me. Dustin had betrayed me in the worst way. And now Dewayne had kept it from me. I expected it of the others, but what hurt the most was Dewayne not telling me.

  I wanted to be more important to him than Dustin was. That was selfish and wrong, but it was true. I wanted to be the most important thing to him, because other than Micah, I had been willing to put Dewayne before everyone else. He hadn’t felt the same. He had protected his brother’s memory. He hadn’t wanted me to know the truth about Dustin.

  Not to mention all those letters my mother kept away from the Falcos because of this. She didn’t want me to be another girl Dustin Falco had left knocked up. In a twisted way I understood her logic. But I had made that decision and, unlike Kimmy, I had been Dustin’s girlfriend. Not his secret fuck buddy. It made more sense that I was the one pregnant.

  She’d had an abortion. She had aborted Dustin’s baby. Images of Micah as a newborn when they’d placed him in my arms flashed before me, and my heart broke. He’d been so beautiful and perfect. He’d looked just like Dustin. Would Kimmy’s baby have looked like Dustin too?

  Did she ever wonder? Did she care? Or was Dustin Falco and every memory of him a part of her past she rarely thought about? I would remember Dustin every day of my life. My son was my reminder. And I was thankful for it. Even if my memories were tainted. Even if I hadn’t been enough for Dustin and he had never really loved me. I had loved him. Maybe not real love, but a pure, young love. And I loved our son. Enough for both of us.

  There was a knock on the front door, and I knew Dewayne was here with Micah. I had to pull it together and spend time with Micah until his bedtime. Standing up, I walked to the front door and opened it. Without saying anything, I reached for my son, pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tightly. The feel of his little heart beating was like a balm. He was here. He was my world. I had him. Thanks to Dustin Falco, I had this precious boy.

  “I missed you too, Momma,” Micah said as he patted my back with his little hands.

  I eased my hold on him and pressed a kiss to his head before standing back up. “Go on inside and clean your room. You left it a mess this morning. We’ll play Monopoly when you’re done,” I told him.

  He beamed up at me, and I realized it wasn’t his father’s smile. It was his smile. His own unique smile. One that was a mixture of Dustin and me. He was part of me. I was a good person too. I had good qualities. Things I hoped Micah got from me.

  “Sienna,” Dewayne said, and I looked up at him, wishing I didn’t have to do this. I wasn’t ready to face him yet.

  “You lied to me. You protected your brother’s memory. I understand that, but I also understand that you chose protecting his memory over me. I need more than that. I need to know I can trust the man I’m with. That he’ll never betray me. Maybe that man doesn’t exist, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine. I’m good alone. But I can’t do this with you.”

  Dewayne’s face went pale, and the desire to wrap my arms around him and comfort him was strong. But I wouldn’t. Today I would protect me. I would comfort me. It was time.

  “I was protecting you. If you’d let me explain. You’ll see it was you all along.”

  No. I wasn’t listening to any more. I knew the truth now.

  “Leave, Dewayne. You’re welcome to visit Micah. He needs you. But for a while it’s best you do that at your parents’.”

  Then I closed the door and locked it.

  Micah ran back into the living room and frowned. “Where’s Uncle Dewayne? Is he not playing Monopoly too?”

  No, he wasn’t playing Monopoly. That dream was over.

  “Just me and you, Ace. But we’re a good team, right?
”

  Micah frowned, then nodded. “Yeah, Momma. We are. But I like it when Uncle Dewayne is on our team too.”

  * * *

  Three hours of Monopoly up in the center of my bed, a big bowl of mac ’n’ cheese, and convincing Micah he needed a shower, and I was exhausted. It was bedtime. I had never needed a bedtime more than I did tonight.

  Micah knew something was wrong. He kept kissing me and hugging me. I needed all those hugs and kisses, but it made me try harder to keep smiling.

  “Momma, why is Uncle Dewayne sitting on a sleeping bag on our front porch? Can I go out there with him? I think he has cookies,” Micah called from the living room.

  What? I dropped the towel I was using to dry my hair and walked into the living room. Micah had his face pressed to the window, waving at Dewayne. Who was sitting on a camo-green sleeping bag and eating cookies with a thermos beside him. Had he lost his mind?

  “Micah, go to bed. I’ll be in there in a minute to tuck you in. I’m going to see if Uncle Dewayne got confused and thinks y’all are camping out tonight,” I said.

  “Aw, man, that would be fun. I want to sleep on the porch.”

  I bet he did. “Bed, Micah. Now.”

  He hung his head and walked back to his room, looking back longingly at the window. Dewayne could not do this to him. He had to leave. This was messing with Micah’s emotions, and I wouldn’t have it.

  DEWAYNE

  She was pissed. Well, she could be pissed. I was going to fucking live on this porch if I had to. The woman was going to listen to me. I wasn’t leaving her. I wasn’t letting this shit take her away from me. Not when she was finally mine. I wouldn’t give her up. This life with her was my future. So she could be pissed. I’d wait it out. I had cookies, coffee, and a sleeping bag. Game on.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded as she stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her.

  “Staying as close to what’s mine as I can,” I replied.

  That affected her. I didn’t miss the flash in her eyes before she shut it away. I was taking anything she gave me. I just wanted her.

  “This is messing with Micah’s emotions. He doesn’t understand this. You can’t just do this and not care about how it looks to him.”

  One day when he met the woman who would be it for him, who he couldn’t live without, I would remind him of this time and he’d know that you fought for what you wanted. You didn’t let her go. Women were fucking complicated, but the right one turned the shit in life to gold with a simple smile.

  And of course a magic pussy. Probably wouldn’t tell Micah about that, though.

  “I reckon I’m teaching him a life lesson,” I replied, setting my thermos down and standing up. “He’ll see that if you love a woman, you fight like hell to hold on to her. And you don’t fucking walk away when things get tough.”

  Sienna went so still I was positive she’d stopped breathing. I wasn’t sure what the hell I’d said to put that look on her face, but she wasn’t moving.

  “Take a fucking breath, Little Red.” The woman was trying to scare the shit out of me.

  She took a deep breath and shook her head, then turned away to look out at the yard. Then back at me, then back at the yard. “You can’t say that,” she finally said after all that fidgeting.

  “What can’t I say, baby?” I asked. Watching her flustered reaction was damn cute. If she wasn’t careful, I was going to close this distance she was putting between us.

  “You can’t, you just can’t . . . you can’t say that you love me,” she said, putting her small fists on her hips and trying to glare at me.

  “I reckon I can tell you I love you if I fucking want to. You can kick my ass out of your house. You can be mad at me, and you can make me sleep on this damn porch. But you can’t stop me from telling you that I love you. Every single inch of you. I love your smile, your laugh, the way you light up a room, your kindness, your strength, your stubbornness, your fucking magic pussy. I love all of it.”

  A sob broke free, and then she was crying. Shit!

  Screw this space shit. I took three long strides to her and pulled her into my arms. “I tell you I love you and you cry. I ain’t that bad. I got some good qualities. Number one being you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I loved you when you were a girl, and I love you now. Always just loved you.”

  She sobbed harder, but this time her hands grabbed my shirt and she held on to me tightly. That was a start.

  “I love my brother. But he fucked up. Everything. He made bad decisions and he didn’t know what he had. That night, the night he was killed, I went to find him. Heard he was drinking and partying, and he had a game the next day. And I found him with her. I got so fucking angry. He had you. Why would he need anyone else? I said things I shouldn’t to a drunk sixteen-year-old boy, and he was coming to you that night because I told him I was telling you. I wasn’t letting him do that to you. He panicked and raced out drunk and got behind the wheel before I could stop him.” I paused and took a deep breath. The tightness in my chest was there again. That night was a nightmare I would live with my entire life.

  “I was about five minutes behind him. I was blocked in at the party, and by the time I got my car out, he’d already wrapped his around a tree. I was too late to save him. I wasn’t smart. I got angry and I said things I can’t take back.”

  Sienna wasn’t crying anymore. She had gone still and quiet in my arms.

  This was the truth. She wanted the truth, and it was ugly. It was something I would never be able to get over. But it was the fucking truth.

  “He got behind that wheel. He was the one who got drunk. You didn’t make him do either of those things,” she said, her head tilted back to look up at me.

  I knew that, but I also knew he had been too young to make the right decisions. So ultimately it had been my fault. I hadn’t handled it right, and he’d lost his life.

  “I loved you then,” I told her again. I needed her to understand. For years I had beat myself up about it. I had fucked women. Lots of redheads, trying like hell to forget she ever existed. But my world had lit up like a fucking Christmas tree when she’d walked around that corner in those cutoff shorts. Seeing her again—it had been a jolt I hadn’t known I needed. I had just been surviving. Not really living. I was watching my friends live around me, but I wasn’t living. I was getting by. Making it day to day.

  Sienna made me want to live again. Micah made me want to live. They were mine, and I wasn’t letting them go.

  “I love you,” she said. “I loved you from the moment you found my locker on my first day of high school. I had been so scared and lost. And you’d swooped in and saved the day. I never felt scared when you were around. You made me happy.”

  The screen door opened, and Sienna jumped into my arms. We both looked over as Micah stepped outside onto the porch, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Are we camping out on the porch now?” he asked.

  Sienna started laughing, then shook her head. “Not tonight, kiddo. Maybe another night. Tonight we’re sleeping in our comfy beds.”

  Micah nodded and looked from Sienna to me, then back to his mother. “Is Uncle Dewayne gonna come inside and sleep too?”

  Sienna glanced back up at me. I didn’t want her to make this decision just because she didn’t want to confuse the kid, but right now I would take whatever leverage I could get. I wanted in my woman’s bed.

  “Yeah, Uncle Dewayne is coming inside to sleep.”

  Micah yawned. “You need to get him a bigger bed,” he said, then turned and walked back inside. “Come tuck me in. I’m sleepy.”

  “I’m coming,” Sienna replied.

  “Uncle Dewayne too. I want him to tuck me in too,” Micah called out from inside.

  “We’re coming,” I said, then winked at Sienna, who just smiled.

  Two months later . . .

  SIENNA

  Because I looked for that girl with the red ponytail to come walking across the street eve
ry damn day.

  I stopped and picked up the piece of paper on Dewayne’s empty pillow. The words didn’t make sense. He looked for me to come across the street? When? I stood up and stretched. He had left for work early. He’d let me know last night that he had to go to work early this morning. The big condo project that Falco Construction had gotten had a level being completed today. This was important for Dewayne’s future. His father had never gotten jobs like this, but Dewayne was taking the business to the next level. I was so proud of him.

  I tucked the little piece of paper with the odd note into the pocket of my wrap and went to the bathroom. I’d call him and ask him about it later. Maybe I’d get it once I had coffee. We had gone to bed kind of late last night. He had been unable to keep his hands off me, and I’d enjoyed it very much.

  Another little note was on the mirror. I walked over and pulled it off.

  Because those big, lost eyes looked at me with trust and lit up whenever they met mine. What was he doing? This was crazy. I read it again and laughed, then tucked it into my pocket before brushing my teeth and then my hair. I didn’t have to work today. It was Monday, and I was off. I had to get Micah up and ready, but I’d set my alarm so that I got to drink my coffee before I had to wake up my ball of energy.

  I slipped my feet into my furry slippers now that the nights were getting cooler and making the hardwood floors cold in the morning. I opened my door quietly and went to the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was another piece of paper like the others beside the coffeepot.

  Because hearing you laugh makes everything okay.

  So that one was sweet and made more sense. I got it now. He was leaving me notes about why he loved me. The past two months, Dewayne