Black and Green

  There was a thud of something like a hand slapping the wall. “Fuck me. Spider,” Gabriel grumbled softly.

  I had no time to respond before there was a soft knock at the door. “Sang?”

  I lit up the flashlight and held it upright like a candle to light up the space a bit more. I opened the door and peered into the well-lit bedroom. “Yeah?”

  Jimmy squatted, sitting on his heels, and leaned into the attic space. He scratched at the tight curls on his head. “Mom thinks you’re weird for wanting to sleep in here. Are you sure you want to?”

  She’d already said it was okay. Why was she sending him to talk to me? Or was he doing this on his own? “Don’t you want your own room?” I asked.

  He raised an eyebrow. “There’s no light in there.”

  “I know,” I said and fidgeted with the flashlight. It shut off on me and I fumbled to get it back on again. I probably sounded like a complete goof wanting to sleep in the attic, and now I felt like a klutz. “I can put a lamp in here.”

  “And no air conditioning.”

  “It’s cold right now,” I said, quieter. Why did it matter to him? He’d get his own room if I stayed in here. Or did he not want me to stay in a space where I might pop in on him at odd times? “I won’t need it for months.”

  “It’ll be freezing at night.”

  “I’ve got a heater and a sleeping bag that warms up.”

  “We can share the room,” he said. He placed a palm over his heart. “I swear, I wouldn’t ever do anything. I won’t bother you. You don’t have to sleep in there.”

  “It’s fine,” I said. “This gives us separate spaces.”

  He grunted and repositioned himself to sit cross-legged in front of the door. “Seriously, is it me?”

  “No,” I said, but a blush heated my cheeks. I reached for one of the bags, unzipping it a little and then stopping because I had no idea what the guys had put inside. I didn’t want Jimmy to see something he shouldn’t.

  “I know we just showed up out of nowhere,” he said. He stared at his knees, rubbed one with a palm. “I just feel like I’m shoving you in there.”

  Oh. He sort of was, but was it his fault? He was trying to be nice and it probably seemed like I was recoiling from him. Not a great way to start. “It is a little weird we don’t know each other,” I said. “But I like this attic space. I don’t mind staying in it.” Especially if Gabriel and the others would be lurking around.

  He pressed his lips together, thinking. “Well, maybe for a night or two? Maybe you’ll come out later?”

  “Maybe,” I said softly, although I was more hoping he’d just get used to it. And also that I might not be here that long.

  “I might have a lamp in the boxes in the garage,” he said, scooting away from the door. “I’ll see if I can find it.”

  I wanted to say I didn’t need it, but he was already on his way out, and I wanted him to go. He left the bedroom, and I wasn’t sure about shutting the door again. How soon would he come back?

  “Motherfucker needs to back off,” I heard Gabriel mutter behind me.

  I closed the door for the moment, scurrying to the back of the attic space. My knees burned a bit from crawling across the carpet. I used the flashlight like a candle, leaving it upright as it illuminated my face and the space inside the attic. “He’ll see you if he comes in here.”

  Gabriel crouched on the beanbag and leaned out, hovering close over me. The beam of light the flashlight created gave him a long nose and heavy shadows around his eyes, so he looked a little spooky. “I’m not leaving you here alone with him. Or her, for that matter. We don’t know shit about either of them.”

  “They don’t seem bad,” I said. “They just don’t know what they’re doing.”

  “That’s bad enough,” he said. “We need a safe way to get you out of here without attracting the police, or Volto, or FuckFace McCoyFuck.”

  That did make it much more complicated. “Mr. Hendricks doesn’t have anyone watching the road right now, does he?”

  “Not at the moment, but we’ll have to watch out if we’re going to be climbing in and out of windows.”

  Then maybe it didn’t matter if I slept in the attic, if it was going to put them and me at risk by drawing attention from anyone. I sighed, gazing back toward the door, now dark, listening for Jimmy.

  Gabriel reached for my face, redirecting me by the chin to look at him again. He hovered close, his nose near mine, his eyes half-open as he gazed down at me.

  “Never thought we’d be like this again, Sang,” he said quietly. “In this house, alone, waiting for someone to catch us.”

  I clutched the fibers of the carpet, much like I’d done sitting downstairs with him months ago. In a closet. Naked. Afraid he’d get caught, yet then, he wouldn’t leave me either.

  I couldn’t have made it out without him.

  His mouth twitched. His gaze traced over my face, stopping at my cheeks, my chin, my jaw. The deep analysis caused my cheeks to heat.

  Those crystal eyes finally traced their way to my lips, holding steady.

  He bent forward, kissing me softly enough that our skin barely touched. A brushed kiss that sent a ripple of depth and feeling through me as if he’d kissed every part of me, even if it was brief and simple.

  His lips were a touch dry. I relaxed my lips, puckering only a little, afraid to go too far with a deeper kiss, but desperate to feel how he felt for me at that moment. Would he soon have to leave me because Jimmy was getting too close, or because Carol came back to demand that I sleep in the bedroom?

  He backed his head away to look at me again. “Feels like ages ago we sat in that closet, and it was only a few months.”

  “A lot has changed.”

  “Not enough.” He smoothed his fingers across my cheek and tilted his face closer until his forehead nearly touched mine, almost too close to look directly at him, but I couldn’t turn away. The blond locks of his hair seemed to glow against his face in the light. His bright blue eyes were dim, sad. “I promised myself this wouldn’t happen again.”

  “We didn’t know what was here,” I said. “But this...isn’t as bad as it could be.” I wanted to give him some hope. I needed to feel the same thing, but I needed to convince him not to do anything too rash.

  “Our backs are against the wall,” he said, holding more firmly to my face. He readjusted so he could hold on to each of my cheeks with both palms. “Same rules apply, Trouble. She lays a hand on you, or it looks like anyone does anything, you’re coming with me. No hesitating like last time.”

  Could I make such a promise without knowing what would happen?

  What would I have to go through to be able to walk away quietly without causing more problems in the future? Last time I’d left, we’d left a door open so that I’d return if called upon to, and now I was here and stuck. I didn’t want to be in this position again.

  I didn’t want Gabriel to have to go through this a third time.

  We needed to find a way for me to be out without problems. As much as I desired to be with them right at this moment, I needed to be stronger if we were ever going to be out from under all of it.

  It was just so hard to be that strong.

  Thunder erupted on the stairs. At least we could hear when Jimmy was coming.

  Gabriel groaned and pulled away. I started crawling toward the doorway so I could meet him at the door.

  Jimmy opened it up before I could fully get to it and started coming in. “Found it,” he said.

  He was going to find Gabriel if I wasn’t careful. “Thanks,” I said, getting on my knees and deliberately getting in the way of him coming in further. Gabriel could hide, but not if Jimmy thought he would come in and stay with a light on and poke around. “If I can just plug this in, I’ve got it from here.”

  Jimmy paused. “Do I need to bring up an extension cord?”

  I didn’t think I could stand him coming back and forth to bring me things. “I’ve got it. Don??
?t worry. I can vacuum the bedroom, too. Don’t you have to help with dinner?” I forced a smile.

  He nodded slowly and backed up. I followed, intending to get the vacuum and hopefully to stop him from wanting to come back into the attic.

  I avoided looking at his face. I was too stressed and I was sure if he looked at me too long, he’d see how tense and nervous I was and would know I was hiding something.

  The vacuum was just inside the door next to the wall. I found a wide head attachment and sought out a socket to plug it in to. The whirr built up momentum. I spoke louder so he could hear me. “I’ll get started.”

  “Don’t forget the corners,” he said, eyeballing me and backing away.

  When he thundered down the stairs again, I closed the bedroom door. I locked it at first, out of habit, and then quietly unlocked it. He might find it too weird if I was locking him out.

  I sighed.

  There was a soft scratch of wood against wood, and then the door opened from the attic. Gabriel peered out. He mouthed at me, “Fuck us.”

  I agreed with the sentiment.

  The vacuum covered our noises, and I spent a good deal of time getting every corner, and sucking up cobwebs from behind the bookshelf and from the vent. I caught sight of the camera, peered at it. It was tiny.

  Someone was watching from it, I was sure. I waved shortly with a couple of fingers at whoever it was.

  Gabriel kept the attic door open and quietly went about unpacking my bags. The space was narrow, and the slant of the roof made it so you had to crouch to walk anywhere inside, and it was easier just to crawl. He shoved the small wardrobe around until the right side was up against the wall next to the door, and the wardrobe blocked the view of deeper inside the attic.

  Doing this made it so that I’d have to crawl around to get further inside, but it would give him and anyone else a head start into the very back if the door was suddenly opened. Behind the wardrobe and against the rest of the wall, he set up the cot. The foot of it faced the alcove on the far side. He placed a sleeping bag on the cot and then plucked through lots of clothes, rearranging them to place into the wardrobe.

  I vacuumed slowly so it could mask what he was doing, although it blocked me from being able to hear what was going on in the house downstairs.

  I did the corners first and then the rest of the room. For the sake of it, I took a sock and wiped away dust from the window and around books on the bookshelf. I even pulled out the rest of the clothes from the closet. I didn’t wear them, but I’d make space available for Jimmy.

  When things seemed tidy, Gabriel had most of my clothing sorted away in the wardrobe. He had the light working, too, along with the battery-operated heater. “We’re going to need more batteries,” he said. “And we should get them ourselves, so they don’t think this is going to be a waste of their money.”

  “Are you sure it’s safe for us to set this up so you all can come in?” I asked. “I mean with Carol and with Jimmy coming in here at any time, they’ll find you one day.”

  Gabriel focused on the clothes he was rearranging in the wardrobe. He harrumphed. “You can’t stay here by yourself. She may not be like your stepmother, but this whole place is about to go down if she finds out about you. Too many odd variables to leave you alone here.”

  I sighed. I couldn’t imagine what Carol would do about my father once she learned the truth. I made sure the door was securely closed and knelt by the duffle bag, finding a tablet that I thought was Kota’s, Nathan’s 3DS and some games I didn’t recognize. I held them up. “Did we mix things up?”

  Gabriel looked over at what I was holding and raised an eyebrow. “Most of your real things aren’t even back from camp yet. All this is what was around Nathan’s or Kota’s place.”

  “They want me to use their things?”

  “We share, remember? If you want your other stuff, we can swap it out later.” He closed the wardrobe and grasped the handle, thinking. “Wait,” he said. “Maybe I should get them to bring a kit in here for us. And some bottled water.”

  I collapsed onto the cot, sitting back against the wall. Energy was draining quickly from me. It was already a long day, and at some point I’d have to go to dinner. The desire to nap or simply zone out was very strong, but I strained to listen for Jimmy or Carol...or anyone. “Will we need to set up to stay for so long? Do we have a plan yet?”

  Gabriel sat back on his heels, staring at me for the longest moment.

  Suddenly he dropped everything and crawled toward me. He nudged my knee, motioning for me lay down on the cot.

  I relaxed on my side and he joined me on his side, facing me, his arm folded to prop up his head. “I don’t know yet,” he said quietly. “I don’t know about a plan. I wish I did.”

  “I’m trying to think of one.”

  “We all are.”

  My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to be strong, but it was fading fast and I was ready to just walk out the door.

  I wanted to beg him to take me out of here.

  But I didn’t. I sucked in my emotions and buried them. If I pouted, or I complained too much, it would probably mean I would get out of here. Gabriel and the others wouldn’t let me stay if I really asked them.

  I didn’t yet know the cost of asking such a thing. We didn’t have all the information, and everything was too volatile. My mind was too clouded to think.

  I wasn’t wholeheartedly thinking of the current situation.

  My mind couldn’t stop running over everything I’d overheard not a couple hours ago.

  The boys had been fighting over me.

  And now we were fighting together to get me out, but what strain would it put on them at this moment, when they were already so very stressed out for other reasons?

  Not So Hungry

  I wanted to stay vigilant about where Jimmy and Carol were and what they were up to, but Gabriel pulled me into him, and his arm cushioned the pillow. I didn’t want to pull myself away, and being still allowed me to drift in and out of sleep. It revitalized my courage some, but did little to pacify the depth of sadness I was feeling over having returned.

  When I couldn’t sleep anymore, I simply breathed him in. I traced my fingers over his chest a little, feeling his breath at my forehead.

  His fingers found the small of my back, and he made small circles, and then hearts, and then circles again.

  I stared unfocused at his chest. In the silence, I waited for disaster, or the buzz of a phone that would call him away.

  He took the clip from my hair and set it aside. He gently combed my hair with his fingers and massaged my scalp.

  It relaxed me. He pressed his scruffy cheek to my forehead and breathed slowly. The warmth of him made it so I didn’t need a blanket. He was enough.

  I wanted to enjoy the quiet moments, yet my heart was wound as tight as the nervousness in my stomach. I couldn’t fully relax knowing the others were in turmoil. However, it wasn’t just the current situation with Carol, either.

  Hours ago, Kota had discovered that the others all held romantic feelings for me. He’d learned about a plan the others had been trying to come to terms with.

  If we were going to stay together, they wanted to be open with their feelings for me, and for me to be open with them.

  It was an idea that defied what we’d all come to believe was normal. We weren’t even sure exactly how to do this, and what it might look like in the future.

  He confessed he didn’t understand how it would work out, and it created so much uncertainty.

  The others had talked about it being difficult, even North, who had previously been very insistent that it would work.

  I flipped over on the cot, not finding a spot that was truly comfortable. It wasn’t the cot. It wasn’t Gabriel. I just couldn’t stop hearing the doubt from everyone else echoing inside me.

  Here I was again, in trouble, an impossible problem before us. I would always be a problem to them. They were the only people in my life
who I felt cared for me, and I was risking their futures, their own safety, to help me. On top of it, having a relationship together wasn’t something any of us had planned, but it felt like I was asking a lot of guys who were already risking so much for me.

  When I flopped over again, Gabriel tucked me into him and kissed my forehead. “You okay?”

  I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk about it yet. I didn’t want to when I was already overwhelmed and stressed.

  I honestly didn’t want to end up crying again after such a long day. Mostly I needed sleep. Hard sleep. I needed to stop thinking long enough to get my emotions under control and to think rationally.

  I buried my head into his chest instead of answering him. He hugged me close, and I stopped trying to think on it for now.

  Gabriel eventually pulled away. I sensed him moving around and I opened my eyes just enough to watch what he was doing.

  He lit a small camping lamp but masked it a bit so it wouldn’t shine directly on my face. He put away the rest of the items in the bags: books, a laptop, a notebook and pens. He remade my book bag with textbooks so it was ready for school.

  The laptop he hid underneath the beanbag chair. It seemed a dangerous spot to put it. It’d get crushed if anyone sat in the bean bag. I wondered why someone would include it, but it might be for keeping an eye on all the cameras in the house.

  When everything was put away, he played on Nathan’s 3DS. I was comfortable zoning out on my back on the cot, watching him or staring at the ceiling.

  Eventually, I got up, sensing time had passed and that at some point I’d be called out, either for dinner or to check on my progress.

  I put on a bra, tucking Victor’s phone into it.

  Just when I’d finished, Jimmy thundered up the stairs again. Gabriel groaned, but moved quickly to hide behind the wall in the alcove.

  “Sang,” Jimmy called from just behind the door. “You ready for dinner?”

  Nerves sparked throughout my body. Was I ready for this?