The Good Father

  “So we’re going out for dinner tonight,” he said. “Blue Moon?”

  “Awesome,” I said, then caught myself. “I mean, wonderful.”

  He laughed. “How’s the baby doing today?” he asked. “Sounds like it was pretty terrible last night.”

  It suddenly hit me that he always called Hannah “the baby.” I didn’t think I’d ever once heard him call her by name. But at least he’d mentioned what happened.

  “She seems fine,” I said. “I bought the monitor in Morehead City, so we’re all set.”

  We talked a few minutes longer, and then I curled up under the covers and closed my eyes, but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. I thought about how I could bring up the subject of Alissa and Will with Dale again. It hadn’t gone well the first time on that drive to my doctor’s appointment, and now I felt nervous just thinking about it. He could intimidate me, I realized. He was so much older than me. Smarter. Wiser. More worldly. He wasn’t afraid of conflict. Of saying no. Was I going to feel this way the rest of my life? Afraid to bring up topics that might set him off? I had to learn to do it. I just needed to be firm.

  But not tonight. It would ruin the evening. Ruin his good news and his good mood. I knew what he’d say, anyway: no way. I’d be screwing up his careful campaign if I invited Will into our lives.

  But why did I need his permission? I sat up and looked out the window, arms folded across my chest. I was part of the Hendricks family now. I had some of their power. I was closer to Alissa than any of them and I had a mind of my own. I’d talk to Will myself. I’d find out how he felt about the whole situation and then I’d take it from there.

  That couldn’t hurt anything, could it?

  31

  Erin

  “When’s Daddy coming?” Bella looked up from her coloring book. We’d been sitting in JumpStart for nearly an hour and I was beginning to get anxious. It was ten o’clock, well past the time Travis and Bella usually showed up in the coffee shop. What was he waiting for?

  “I’m not sure, honey,” I said. “Probably pretty soon. Should we play I Spy again?”

  She let out a very long sigh. “Okay,” she said finally, but her gaze was on the door. So was mine. Come on, Travis. I had my lecture ready to deliver to him, but it was changing by the minute. It’s one thing to leave her with me the way you did, another to not show up on time to pick her up. Although he really hadn’t given me a time, had he?

  “Erin?” I turned to see a woman standing a few yards away from me. She was silhouetted against the window and I couldn’t make out her features. “I thought that was you,” she said.

  I shaded my eyes and recognized her as the mother of one of the kids from Carolyn’s first year of preschool. I couldn’t remember her name.

  “How are you?” She took a few steps closer and sat down on the arm of the couch.

  “Good,” I said, my brain scrambling for her name. “How about you?”

  “We’re all fine.” She smiled with a shake of her head. “I have to say, I’m so glad to see your little girl here.” She nodded toward Bella. “I’d heard a rumor—” she blushed “—I heard she’d…that there was an accident, but it must have been someone else they were talking about, and I’m just so relieved.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to get into it with her. This was why I’d moved away. Why I hadn’t wanted to go back to work. All the acquaintances and customers asking questions and making comments and offering relentless sympathy. And now this misunderstanding that left me speechless.

  “I don’t remember her name,” the woman said. “What’s your name, honey?” she asked Bella, who glanced at her and then at me before returning her attention to her coloring book. It looked like neither of us wanted to talk with the woman.

  “Bella,” I said. I felt like I was betraying Carolyn with the lie.

  “Bella. I don’t remember that. She’s a little one, isn’t she? Jade is ridiculously tall now. Is Bella still going to preschool?”

  I wanted to escape. I looked at my watch. It was the only thing I could think of to do. “Oh, wow, I was supposed to make a call fifteen minutes ago.” I dug in my purse for my phone. “I’m so sorry,” I said, pulling it out. “It’s great to see you.”

  “Oh, you too, Erin,” she said, standing up. “Bye-bye, Bella.”

  “Bye,” Bella said without looking up from her coloring book.

  I faked my phone call until the woman had left the coffee shop, but no sooner was she out the door than Nando stopped by my chair with a tray covered with samples of cake.

  “It’s our new red velvet cupcake,” he said. “Would you and Bella like to try a piece?”

  “I don’t think so, thank—”

  Bella was on her feet in a flash, her hand on my knee and her gaze on the tray. “Can I?” she asked me.

  I smiled and put my hand on her back. “Sure,” I said, and I took one of the little chunks of cupcake and handed it to her.

  “Where’s her dad today?” Nando asked.

  “I’m babysitting her,” I said. “He’s working.”

  “My daddy’s coming soon.” Bella spoke around the cake in her mouth.

  “Oh, that’s great he found work,” Nando said.

  “Yeah, it is.” I nodded. “Thanks for the cupcake.”

  “Thank you,” Bella said, swallowing.

  Nando laughed. “She is one cute kid,” he said, and then he carried his tray toward the tables by the windows.

  Another hour passed. Bella and I played games, did puzzles, walked around outside the store, split a muffin and ate a packet of dried fruit. It was clear he wasn’t coming. How could he do this? How could he just dump his child on someone and disappear?

  Finally Bella flopped down on the sofa. “I want my daddy,” she whined. She’d been so good all morning, but I could see her disintegrating by the minute. Soon she’d need a nap, and then what? What if I took her back to my apartment and then Travis showed up at JumpStart? Although, frankly, I’d given up on that happening. Something was just plain wrong about this whole situation. I knew what I needed to do—exactly what I didn’t want to do; I needed to call Protective Services. I hated those people with a vengeance. I understood they had a job to do. I knew they saved some kids’ lives. But after Carolyn died, they’d badgered Michael and me relentlessly, asking so many questions as they looked for someone to blame. Of course, there were never any charges. It had been an accident, pure and simple. But I was on their radar. If I showed up now with a child who didn’t belong to me, I could just imagine the questions. They would never end.

  One o’clock, I thought. If he didn’t show up by one, I’d have to make the call.

  * * *

  One o’clock came and Bella had reached the end of her rope by then and so had I. I tried to figure out what to do. I didn’t want questions; I only wanted Bella to be safe. Somehow, I’d have to turn her over to Protective Services without giving my name. I wrote a note on a napkin. Her name is Bella Brown. Her father’s name is Travis. They’re from Carolina Beach…or at least that’s what he told me. He abandoned her. I opened her purse and slipped the napkin inside when she wasn’t looking.

  If I called the police from my cell phone, they’d have my number and the questions would begin. I looked around at the few women and men sitting in the coffee shop. I could ask to use someone else’s phone, say that mine had died, but I was too familiar a face in JumpStart. It would be too easy to track me down.

  I knew I wasn’t thinking straight. All I knew was that I needed to get help for Bella and to keep myself out of it. I watched her as she paged through one of the books, her cheeks red from crying.

  “Come on, Bella,” I said, getting to my feet and gathering up our books and stuffed animals. “Let’s get some lunch.”

  “Mickey D’s?” she asked.

  “Yes.” Actually, McDonald’s would be perfect.

  We went out to the car and buckled ourselves in. Then I drove down the long row o
f stores in the parking lot, trying to figure out my next step. If the shopping center had any pay phones, they were well hidden. Maybe in the Target. I parked the car in the massive lot and unbuckled my seat belt. “We need to run in here for just a minute,” I said, “and then we’ll go to Mickey D’s, okay?”

  I thought she was going to start crying again, but she seemed too worn out to make a peep. She clung to my hand as we approached the store. On the sidewalk out front, a teenage boy was organizing the shopping carts.

  “Is there a pay phone in the store?” I asked.

  He looked at me blankly as though he’d never heard of a pay phone. He was so young that maybe he hadn’t.

  “No, ma’am,” he said finally. “I don’t think there’s one anywhere around.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I held Bella’s hand as we walked into the store and over to the service desk. We had to wait in line with a bunch of adults, and I looked down at her, knowing all she could see was a sea of grown-up legs. She leaned against me the way I’d seen her lean against Travis and I remembered how loving Travis was with her. How much he clearly cared about her and how jittery he’d seemed the morning he left her with me. I wished I knew what was going on. I wished I could find him and talk to him and see what kind of help he needed before I put into motion this unstoppable train.

  We’d reached the front of the line.

  “Yes, ma’am?” the woman behind the service desk said to me.

  “I was wondering if you have a phone I could use,” I said. “My cell died and I need to make a call.”

  She gave a little roll of her eyes, but nodded me over to the end of the counter and set a chunky black phone in front of me. “Thank you,” I said, and I dialed 911 with a trembling finger, then turned away from the service area so I wouldn’t be overheard.

  “What’s your emergency?” the dispatcher asked.

  “There’s a little girl sitting alone in the McDonald’s in the Brier Creek Shopping Center,” I said. “She’s been there for a while. She’s about four years old.”

  “What’s your name?”

  I hung up.

  “Come on, Bella,” I said. “Let’s get some lunch.”

  I wondered if the police would get there before I did, and I rushed Bella into her car seat and drove the length of the shopping center as fast as I dared. I pulled into a spot in front of McDonald’s. It was late enough that there was only one other person, an elderly man, in line in front of us. Bella knew exactly what she wanted—a Happy Meal—and I ordered nothing for myself. We sat down near the window. My plan was this: as soon as I saw the police car, I would tell Bella I needed to run to the restroom and then I would leave. Leave McDonald’s. Leave her. Drive away. Maybe I would park a short distance away and watch to be sure they found her and took her with them.

  And then she would have been deserted twice, I thought.

  I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t leave her that way. I needed to tell them about Travis. I needed to explain.

  Bella picked at her burger and handed me the toy to unwrap. A little fairy. Or maybe it was Tinker Bell? I didn’t look too closely as I handed it back to her.

  So, they would ask me questions, I thought as I watched Bella make the fairy hop across the table. They’d stick my name in their system and say, “Oh, she was the mother of that little girl who fell off the Stardust Pier in Atlantic Beach back in the spring. And now she shows up with this kid and a far-fetched story?” But I couldn’t desert her. I’d have to work with the authorities. Be a grown-up. Do whatever I needed to do to help Bella. Maybe they’d let her stay with me as they tracked down Travis or her mother? Not once they realized who I was, they wouldn’t. They’d see it as a little sick that I’d taken this child in so easily, wouldn’t they? A woman clearly not recovered from the death of her own daughter? Was it a little sick?

  It took another twenty minutes before the police car showed up in the parking lot along with a car that read DSS on the side. Department of Social Services. A male police officer got out of the cruiser, and a woman got out of the DSS car. From where I sat, they both looked stern-faced and annoyed. They said a few words to each other, then headed toward the entrance. The woman was about fifty and she was as big as a mountain. She had to be nearly six feet tall and while she wasn’t obese exactly, she was huge. I looked at the tiny little girl sitting across the table from me.

  “Go to the moon!” Bella said to the fairy, and she made it jump from the top of her Happy Meal box to the table and then up my arm. She smiled at me, all pearly baby teeth and big trusting eyes.

  I wasn’t turning her over to these people. No way.

  The officer and social worker walked into the restaurant and the few customers looked up at them with curiosity. I tried to pretend I was one of them, just a curious mom bringing my little girl to Mickey D’s for a Happy Meal. The officer and social worker eyed everyone in the restaurant, then went up to the counter to speak to the server, but I couldn’t hear their conversation although I certainly tried.

  “Aren’t you hungry, honey?” I asked Bella, who was too busy playing with the fairy to notice her food. “Eat a little more of your burger.”

  She took a bite, watching me, an impish look now in her eyes. The toy had cheered her up, and she chewed her food playfully, mouth partly open as though taunting me to tell her to chew with it closed. I didn’t care how she ate. I was just relieved to see the contentment return to her face. I couldn’t imagine, not for a second, turning her over to these two people who looked scary even to me.

  The officer was moving from table to table, talking to customers, while the mountainous woman walked into the separate play area and studied the two children who were scrambling through the tubes. In a moment, the officer was standing right next to my chair. I looked up at him, trying to think what an innocent woman would say at that moment.

  “Is everything okay, officer?” I tried.

  “Did you notice a little girl alone in here, ma’am?” he asked.

  I shook my head and looked around as though searching for an abandoned child. “We’ve been here about twenty or thirty minutes,” I said. “I didn’t notice a little girl, though I wasn’t really looking, either.” I felt like a criminal and wondered if he could pick up the shiver in my voice. He was staring at Bella, who seemed fascinated by the shiny badge on his uniform.

  “Thank you,” he said finally, and he walked over to the social worker, who shook her head. They returned to the counter and I watched them exchange a few words with a man who might have been the manager. The officer handed him a card. I watched them leave. In the parking lot, I saw them chat for a moment. Then the social worker shrugged and the two of them climbed into their separate cars and took off. I let out my breath. I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding it in.

  A few minutes later, Bella and I were driving across the parking lot again. I parked right in front of JumpStart, ran inside to scan the place quickly for Travis, then ran back to my car.

  “Nap time!” I sang out.

  “Where’s Daddy?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure, honey, but I bet we’ll see him tomorrow.” What could I tell her? We’d go back to JumpStart in the morning. Tonight, Bella and I would once again be on our own.

  * * *

  In the apartment, I tucked her in for a nap and was relieved when she instantly fell asleep. Then I called Gene at the pharmacy.

  “Something’s come up,” I said. “I won’t be able to start tomorrow. Probably the next day, but—”

  “Erin,” he said. “We’re counting on you tomorrow.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. This is out of my control. A family matter.” I knew that would silence him. My whole absence had been a family matter—Carolyn’s death—and I knew Gene wouldn’t probe. That didn’t stop him from being angry, though.

  “Do you know how hard I had to push to get them to keep this job open for you?” he asked.

  “I know, I know. I’ll call you Wednesday. Don’t co
unt on me till Thursday, though, okay? I have something I need to work out. I promise I’ll be in Thursday. Absolutely. Really.”

  I went back into my bedroom and looked at the little girl in my bed, thinking that I’d just made one more promise I wasn’t sure I could keep.

  32

  Travis

  Around seven that night, I got on the beltline that circled Raleigh and took the exit for the neighborhood where I was supposed to make the drop. I was three hours early, but I wanted to see where I was going while it was still light out. People did this all the time, I told myself as I drove. Criminals, anyhow. I’d help the guys in the house unload the cases, get my money, and with any luck, I’d be home free. I pictured it all happening, nice and neat.

  The neighborhood surprised me. It wasn’t run-down, like I’d expected it to be. It was a nice, middle-class neighborhood with winding streets and yards that looked like someone cared about them. I drove past the address where I was supposed to make the drop, not slowing down enough to attract attention. The house was a white split-level, the yard a little overgrown and an old maroon truck in the driveway. There was a kid’s tricycle on the lawn. We weren’t talking about a bunch of hardened criminals here. That made me feel better, like if this was a family with kids, they couldn’t be all bad or all that dangerous. Suddenly Roy and his gun and the whole mess at the truck stop seemed far away. Now I was picturing a husband and wife helping me unload the cases from the back of my van. I could ask them about their kids.

  I parked the van around the corner. I’d wait here till ten, when I was supposed to make the drop. I’d bought a burrito at Taco Bell and I unwrapped it and began to eat. I was so close to this mess being over.

  At five to ten, my hands were sweating. I’d tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I kept picturing Erin and Bella together and what Erin must have thought when I didn’t show this morning. And then suddenly it hit me: Wasn’t tomorrow the day she was going back to work? Shit. Was it? She would have had to call the cops today, then, wouldn’t she? I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. I’d be at the coffee shop when it opened in the morning. Maybe she still had Bella and she’d try one last time before she went to work, hoping I’d show. And I’d show. Oh, yeah. I’ll be there, Bella.