Extracted

  ***

  “Best. Party. Ever.” Ethan laughs, helping himself to another slice of cake. Okay, it’s a gluten-free, reduced sugar, organic, soy-based cake. Still, it’s pretty good for being little more than a fiber bomb.

  Flynn raises a glass of pineapple juice. “Here’s to our newest Rifters!”

  Cheers fill the room. I sit in the corner, pushing bits of almost cake around my plate. I should be relieved and excited like the others, but there’s a nagging feeling in my gut I just can’t shake. Kara kept her word, dressing me up like her own personal Barbie. I’m trying to keep my legs crossed in the short lacy dress, but it’s hard because it’s so tight. Still, when I saw myself in the mirror, I had to admit I looked really good. Older. Hot, even. I do feel better, or at least I did until I walked into the party and everyone stared at me. Now I’m just feeling uncomfortable.

  “What’s up, Grumpy Butt?” Ethan asks, nudging me so hard I nearly drop my almost cake.

  I sigh, set the plate on the floor by my feet, and readjust myself in the hard wooden chair. “Nothing. I’m just tired, I guess.”

  I rest my elbows on my knees and hold my chin in my hands. Kara is flirting with a group of boys in the corner. Some of the other kids are huddled near the punch bowl, Riley among them. Mistress Catherine and the others are chatting. No one is paying any attention to us.

  I glance back at Ethan. He’s waiting patiently for an answer. With each second that passes in silence, however, his expression grows more worried.

  “No more classes,” I say softly, unable to keep the sadness out of my voice. “No more tests. No more being kids. It’s time to grow up.”

  “You’ve always been a grown-up,” he says, nudging me again.

  “Not always. Not yet.” I let the words hang between us before continuing. “I guess I’ve just been thinking about the future a lot lately. About what kind of person I’m going to become.”

  “Well, that’s a depressing thing to be thinking about at a party. For example, right now I’m thinking, I wonder if there’s any way to sneak out of here tonight for a swim?”

  I feel my eyes light up. That would be perfect. But as quickly at the thought comes, it’s crushed. “We still have the Pledge Ceremony.”

  “So we go after, just you and me.”

  I want to. I really, really do. But it feels like a bad idea. I shake my head.

  “Ember, I’m really worried about you. You’ve been a little off the past few days.”

  What can I say? The truth makes me sound like a paranoid lunatic. Even though I’m not looking at him, I can feel his eyes on me. Something in the bottom of my stomach tightens. For a second, I imagine us somewhere else—two normal people, at a party. Maybe we dance and he grabs me by the waist, pulling me close. Eye to eye, he lowers his head, bringing his lips to mine.

  The thought shatters inside my head like glass. What’s wrong with me? This is Ethan. I mean, Ethan. Even so, a warm flush spreads through my whole body. He’s still looking at me, and I can barely stand it. I’m about two seconds away from a full-on meltdown. “I’ve also been thinking about Caesar.”

  “That’s a weird thing to be thinking about. Even for a bookworm like you.”

  I shake my head. “I mean bridges. Remember the story of Caesar crossing the Rubicon?”

  He stares at me blankly.

  “I mean, sometimes, you cross a bridge that’s so important, you can never go back, you know? Like when he crossed the Rubicon, and then burned it down behind him. No retreat.” His brow furrows like he’s trying to follow me but can’t quite make it. I sigh. “Forget it.”

  He smirks and touches the side of my face. “Are you asking me to commit arson with you?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? It could be fun.” He pauses. “The swimming, that is, not the arson.”

  I roll my eyes and answer with all the sarcasm I can muster. “Because I don’t trust myself alone with you. You, and your awesome brain and your great, big biceps.”

  I laugh as he pouts and flexes. “But my biceps are awesome, too.”

  I want to give him a playful nudge or a pat on the back, just some kind, any kind, of physical contact. But there’s this little voice in my head telling me it’s a bad idea. So I just shift in my seat. “Never mind. It’s just—I’m kind of looking for quiet. I need to think and clear my head.”

  “I can be quiet,” he says, and I almost laugh out loud.

  Raising an eyebrow, I tilt my head at him.

  “Well, I can be quiet-ish. Okay, I’m lying. I suck at quiet. It’s my one shortcoming.”

  I raise my eyebrow again, and he throws his hands in the air.

  “Fine, woman. If you really want to be alone, I’ll leave you be.”

  He moves to leave, and I grab his arm so fast he almost falls over. I’m clinging to him, and though I don’t know why, I’m pretty sure I’m going to burst into tears any second.

  “Can’t bear to see me go, I see.” He pauses and looks at me seriously. “Ember, I don’t know what’s gotten under your skin today, but you can’t let it eat at you. We can’t afford to worry about what might happen in the future. We have our hands full with dealing with the past. Let yourself live in the moment, okay? Let go of the rest.”

  I sigh, wishing it were that easy. “If we don’t worry about the future, who will?”

  Holding his hands in the air, he wiggles his fingers. “Here. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll look into my crystal ball.”

  “I don’t see a crystal ball.”

  “Shhh! It’s invisible. Yes, here. I see your future and you will be…” He sticks his tongue out the side of his mouth before standing up. “You’ll be who you are, who you always were. You’ll be Ember.”

  He grins. I can’t help smiling back, even if it’s not an entirely happy smile. “And you’ll be Ethan.” And things will always be just as they are right now, I add silently. In my mind, I can see the bridge between us. Do I dare cross it? Ethan is a flirt by nature. What if he doesn’t even feel the same? Can I take that risk?

  He holds out his hand to me and I take it, letting him tug me to my feet. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he kisses the top of my head and mutters, “Always.”

  The words are enough to blow past my doubt. If there is a bridge separating us, I’m about to burn it to ash. I wrap my arms around his waist and whisper in his ear, “I need to get out of here. Now.”

  The emotions of the day have come rushing back at me like a tidal wave. My hands shake as he leads me through the crowd, out the door, and down the hall. Behind us, the music fades away. He presses his palm against the next door we come to, and it slides open.

  It only takes a second for the lights to sputter to life, but in that instant, I forget how to breathe.

  “What do you know, we do have a library,” Ethan muses, his back to me.

  The door grinds shut behind me, and my knees turn to jelly. Somehow, Ethan has his arms around me, helping steady me before I hit the floor. Still, we’re a little off-balance, so we fall and stumble back against the door.

  “Whoa, Ember. What’s wrong?” I can’t answer. My throat is swollen closed, or at least that’s how it feels. Around me, the room spins. My chest tightens until I’m sure it will crush me. I grab the back of his neck with both hands and pull his face down so our foreheads are touching. Tears roll down my face. Ethan’s blue eyes find mine and lock on.

  “It’s okay. I’m here.” Taking my hands, he slides them down just an inch so I can feel the strong rhythm of his pulse under my fingers. “Close your eyes. Focus on my heartbeat, only that and nothing else.” He closes the space between us and presses himself against me until I’m not sure where he ends and I begin. “Breathe with me.”

  I nod and obey. Closing my eyes, I focus on the steady, reliable pattern of his heart beating under my hands. The tightness in my chest starts to relax. When I can breathe again, all I can smell is
Ethan. Spicy and warm. Eventually, my pulse matches time with his. I take a deep breath, aware of him in a way I’ve never been before. Opening my eyes, I find he’s still staring at me, only now his eyes aren’t so wide and nervous. He is looking at me from beneath his thick blond lashes, and his pupils are so big I think I can see stars in them. His hands are pressed against the door on either side of my waist.

  He grins, and I can tell he’s about to say something. Knowing Ethan, it will be some ridiculous quip that will make me rethink this. Before he can get a word out, I stretch up and press my lips against his.

  He freezes, his heart stuttering under my fingertips. I pull back, sure I’ve done something wrong—crossed that invisible line. I’ve never kissed a boy before, not like this. A rush of heat floods to my cheeks, making me almost unbearably hot under his unreadable expression. I open my mouth to apologize.

  “I—” He cuts me off by taking my face in his hands and kissing me. I run my fingers through his hair as he moans into my mouth. Everywhere we are touching, my skin burns until I’m sure I’m going to burst into flames. Moving his hands around my waist, he pulls me from the door and lifts me off the ground, carrying me over to an empty study table. He breaks the kiss just long enough to gently set me on it.

  “I told you that you couldn’t resist me,” he jokes, his voice deep and rough.

  I sigh. “Well, everyone should get to be right once in their life.”

  Leaning into me, he touches the tips of his fingers to my bottom lip.

  “We belong together. You know that, right?” he says, barely louder than a whisper.

  I kiss his fingertips. “Yes,” I say breathlessly.

  He kisses me again, but this time, the burning urgency is cooled into a slow, almost painful deliberateness. With his arm behind me, supporting me, I let mine wander up his back. He shudders, and I smile against his lips. My heart is pounding so hard I wonder how I don’t die from the pressure building inside my chest.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” Kara’s voice calls from the doorway, making me jump. “But it’s almost time.”

  Ethan sighs deeply, not looking at her. “Okay. We’ll be right there.”

  Over his shoulder, I see Kara. She winks, turns, and struts out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. Ethan presses his forehead against mine, his eyes squeezed closed. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my racing heart. I nudge him with my nose and he opens his eyes, grinning at me. Not his usual cocky smile, but a smile of satisfaction, almost relief. I understand the feeling. Some part of me has wanted to kiss him since the first day we met.

  I kiss him quickly and push him away. He steps back, offering me a hand off the desk. I slide off and straighten my dress, feeling silly and embarrassed but unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face. Only Ethan would cure a panic attack by causing a heart attack.

  In the back of my mind, a little voice reminds me that we aren’t alone in the library. Tesla, or whatever circuits and gears now make up Tesla, is watching. Listening. Not even that kiss had been ours alone—not really.

  The thought wipes the grin off my face as we walk hand in hand back to the ballroom.