Convenient Love

then lifted them to the television screen.

  He stared at her. The silence stretched endlessly. It was killing him, so he asked. "Did you come here for a reason? You seemed upset."

  "My grandmother had a stroke. She's all right now. Mom is going to take care of her."

  "I'm sorry. I mean I'm glad she's okay." He searched his mind, trying to recall if she was close to her grandmother. He didn't think so, which made him wonder what had her upset.

  "Dad won't let me go to school full-time in the fall." As she planned. Her great plan, to get the fuck out of town. He encouraged that plan. He helped her with it. Someone had to get out of this town. Few people actually did. If Penny did, it would be as if a part of him had as well.

  "Well, that's just shitty. Why? Why not?"

  "I have to take mom's day shifts." Her voice cracked. And he realized she was crying. Fear paralyzed him. He didn't know how to comfort her. His mother didn't cry. And no other female had been close enough to cry in front of him.

  "I'm sorry," she said. "Where is your washroom?"

  His brain scrambled to recall when the last time he wiped things down. His mother wasn't exactly the domestic type. He couldn't forbid her from going and he couldn't say there wasn't one, so he gave her directions.

  She disappeared down the hall. Shawn grabbed a beer from the fridge. Despite the day's heat, he felt chilled after his encounter with Penny. He twisted the top off the cold bottle and took a swig.

  The heat returned when Penny appeared in the kitchen doorway. "I thought maybe I had chased you away," she said. "I'm sorry to breakdown in front of you. That's unfair."

  "Look at it this way: you get to work with me more often." He set the bottle on the counter. Humour and camaraderie should break the tension. And the air hung thick with tension. He tickled her side, the same as he had when she was a kid.

  She squealed and jumped away. He held his hand in a claw. "I forgot how ticklish you are."

  She tried to edge around him, toward safety. But he closed in on her personal space. Then he touched her in the vulnerable space between her hip and breast. Instead of finding freedom, Penny found herself trapped in a corner of cupboards and him.

  He tickled her for a moment, until she begged for mercy. Then he stopped with his body close enough to feel her heat. His hands rested on her hips and she looked at him. They were breathing in heavy puffs. Exertion, he told himself.

  She looked at him. And Shawn wanted to move away, until he met her eyes. Her eyes didn't look innocent. They held a demand that he take the physical play to the next level.

  He took the challenge and pressed his hips against hers. Pinning her. He brushed hair back from her face. Her cheeks and eyes were still red. He lowered his head and brushed his lips right under her right eye. He could hear her breath catch.

  And she raised her face to meet his. In fact, she forced him up a level. She pressed her lips to his. All his repressed feelings bubbled up. She had changed from the gawky, awkward eleven-year-old to this beautiful nineteen-year-old woman.

  He could not dwell on her changes now. He could analyze that later. He needed to take charge of this moment. He cradled her head in his hands and tilted her slightly left. She was incredibly innocent. As if she had never been kissed.

  "Open for me sweetheart," he murmured, pulling at her bottom lip with a thumb. Her eyes were hazy, but her lips parted. He took advantage and licked inside her mouth.

  All his midnight fantasies, his hidden desires were culminating.

  He had to stop.

  He withdrew his tongue. Feeling him withdraw, she pressed closer. He pulled his mouth from hers. His hands dropped to her hips, not ready to let her go. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't ... We can't."

  Penny shook her head. "Why? I'm willing. You seemed to- I was okay right?" She started to push herself away.

  He pulled her tighter with a groan. Rock and a hard place. How to stop this without hurting her feelings? "You were fine sweetheart." Inexperienced. Didn't any of her dates kiss her? She'd had her share over the years.

  "I haven't done that with too many guys. It never felt right." Yeah. "I was always waiting for you."

  Shit. The place he was trapped in got tighter. Much like she would be. He wrapped his arms around her. Thinking about burying himself inside her was not helping. But he couldn't get the idea out of his mind.

  "Sorry," she said.

  "Don't be sorry, please." He released his hold on her then with one arm loosely around her shoulder, he steered her to the living room. He sat her on the sofa and moved away to the armchair. Space was good. He couldn't push her away while touching her. And he needed to push her away.

  "You look far too serious. It was a first kiss. Celebratory." She looked at him. Shawn wished he'd had more than half a beer. She looked at the floor in front of her. "You're the only good thing about being stuck here. Unless you think of me as a little sister. But she felt nothing brotherly in that kiss, so I have to think you like me as much as I like you."

  "It's not about how I feel about you," he said, interrupting her flow of words.

  "Okay 'cause I've-"

  He cut her off. "You're going to get out of here. Sooner or later. Sooner than me. And if we get involved-" He closed his eyes. "I can't give you anything, Penny. You'd only stay stuck here, working the convenience store."

  "So? I didn't ask you to give me anything." She stood and looked straight at him. "Since I was eleven, since you came to ask for a job, I have been in love with you. Eight years. Nearly half my life, Shawn."

  She stood and he could see her hands shook. She made fists so they would stop. She thought she was in love with him. He had loved her nearly as long as he'd known her, but he had no idea how she felt. He started to reach for her, then pulled back. No, he had to be strong.

  She was so blindingly beautiful that he found it near impossible. "You think you love me now. But in a few years when you realize that you are trapped here. You'll resent me for it. Better you leave now."

  She shook her head. "Clearly, I can't reason with you now." She started for the door. Then she stopped. "This isn't the end of this Shawn Moore. I won't let you go so easily." She moved and kissed the top of his head. "See you at work tomorrow."

  She disappeared out the front door. It squeaked as she opened and closed it. He would oil it later. First he had to find someone to change shifts with. Forever.

  Penny sat on her bed. She had done her hair and put on a little makeup. In a few minutes she had to head to work. She had to face Shawn for the first time since their confrontation. And that kiss.

  She'd heard that he tried to change his shifts for the next weeks, but no one had been willing to change. He also had responsibilities at the shop that forced him to be there during certain hours. She knew when he would be there.

  Then she had to consider the nonsense he spouted earlier. Resent him. Nothing to give her. What the hell?

  First, she was trapped in this town anyway. Her parents were here. Her brother was here. The store was here. Her store. Their store.

  As for what he had to offer- that was a bullshit excuse. She didn't want anything. Annoyance gripped her as she realized yesterday was the first day she had been to his house. She allowed him to put her off for eight years. She accepted his excuses.

  Damn him, and his ideals. She didn't live in splendor.

  Her parents owned the four bedroom house they lived in. And their furniture wasn't faded and torn. They weren't that well off, if their daughter couldn't go to college full time due to family emergency.

  According to Shawn, they were too different to be together. But they were more alike than different.

  Penny raised herself from the bed. To hell with her plans of getting out of here. To hell with everything. She would convince Shawn that they were meant to be together.

  The only problem was figuring out how to do that.

  Penny walked into the store with her head held high. Shawn stood behind
the counter. Her heart leapt to her throat at the sight of him. She smiled at him, while focusing on breathing and walking.

  She hung her purse on a hook in the office. She sat at the desk and waited until she calmed. Good grief, she had known Shawn for years. Even when he didn't know how she felt, she never felt like this. Now that he knew, she was twelve once more. At least that's how it felt.

  She was being ridiculous. She forced herself to the front. A couple of customers were in the store, people from town.

  She could see the gas jockey, Phil, at the gas pump, filling a car. The girl in the driver's seat leaned out the window to chat with him. To each their own.

  "How are you?" she asked Shawn.

  "Fine." He avoided looking at her. That was fine; they had six hours to work together. "I have to go do some paperwork in the office for an hour."

  "Okay. I'll take charge. Work Phil's ass off." She smiled at him.

  He kept going to the office. "Hey Shawn. Nothing has changed."

  The look on his face said he didn't believe her words.

  The evening was busy, as a result they weren't alone. At closing Shawn's ex-girlfriend, Monica, came in. Penny was sure her arrival was to push Penny further away. She didn't believe Shawn had any attachment to the ditz. Shawn occasionally complained about Monica being on the prowl.

  Her unaffected manner was affecting Shawn. As Penny performed her closing duties, Monica prattled on about her friends and partying. At first Shawn pretended to be interested. But when Penny involved herself, he scowled. As