Can we even hope to be moral in this?
There is no high ground here
In the sneaking
And the whispering even when we are alone.
We have to face that they won
That we gave in too soon
Too easily.
We played a game not worth playing
Instead of taking the road to ending
The travesty perpetrated against us
We became them
There is no kindness here
This should have been a journey
A trip into something special
As we tripped and fell
Into love
I looked for and found
Soothing in your arms
I used and consumed
As I let you do the same
But to what end?
And now it must end?
Because for all its potential
This thing we are doing
Has polluted what we could have permitted into being
Finding peace in each other
I’m not going to say it to you
I won’t tear you asunder so heartlessly
Like he would
Like he did
I won’t say I’m sorry either
Being better having known you
And been known by you
To have a friend who adored me so well
But we have reached our zenith
Our parting
I wish you well
As I unravel you from my being
And unravel her form my living
But I know this is an ending
A tragedy really
Good luck unwinding
And know that you will be missed
Now taking a lover.
Seeking eligible male for sexual rendezvous only.
Woman in need of a lover
Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:
1-268-722-????
Serious inquires only
James
The Agreement
I hereby agree not to love you
No deep feelings
No thoughts of something more
No “L” word
I hereby agree not to love you
To be gone by morning
To not let our lips touch
To not gaze too long
Or too longingly
I hereby agree not to love you
Not to wait for your hellos
Not to say long goodbyes
Not to miss you
Ever
I hereby agree not to love
To keep my satisfaction physical
And limit my interest
To below the belt matters
Between the sheets matters
Between my legs matters
And to all associated matters
In the interest of the reciprocity of pleasure
I hereby agree not to love you
A courtesan’s wager
A venture into empty intimate
A foray into sweat and heat and moaning
That ends in soap and steam
When I wash you off me
I hereby agree not to love
Not to incite conversational journeys
Into the plane our personal
No detours into any alley
Leading from this casual interaction
I hereby agree not to love you
Not to seek to own
Or be owned
Or be chosen
Not to be things characteristic of love
Catching Feelings
Hard to notice how you snuck in
How your greetings had me smiling
How your absence called for longing
How comfortable was only that with you
Hard to notice when you snuck in
With feel goods in the early morning
And I caught myself waiting
For our little check ins
Just calling to see how I would do
Hard to notice when you snuck in
When midday sneaking
Turned to lunch and dinner meetings
Long talking and sweet reminiscing
Getting lost in the me and you
Hard to notice when you snuck in
When your fingers grazed my cheek
And your lips lingered softly
And passion began to burn deeper,
In somewhere other than our loins
Hard to notice when you snuck in
And took me into you
And similarly made a place for yourself
Somewhere I cannot give name
And make this real
Because you snuck in when I wasn’t looking for love.
Broken
Why would you want me?
This mangled me,
This unrecognizable farce
Of the woman I wanted to be
Why would you want to take on
All this damaged?
Insecure and reclusive
A façade of a person
A malady made flesh
Ironic though maybe
That you should be the one to make me see him
My Him
My broken reflection
In the masculine
Shattered and scared
We fit in with all our jangle pieces
Don’t we?
Being the same shade of functionally defective
But know I never meant to hurt you
I never had a taste for immaculate
Being so far removed from it
And finally accepting of it
And I will not demolish you
Like I did him
Here lies an epitaph to us
This is my divergence
From the illusion of being someone you could own.
How it Ends
Now seeking love.
Driven Women seeks fulfillment
No games
Just call:
1-268-722-????
Serious inquires only
Him
Familiar
Touch me there
You know where
Just there
Right there
Yeah just like that
Kiss me
Like you mean it
Capture my lips and enforce yourself upon me
Make me yours
Make me feel like you want me
Like that
I know that fire in your eyes
That light that burns
Intensifies as the act ensues
I know it well
Like a long lost friend
Glad to see it coming back
Yes just like that
That rhythm
That driving force
That relentless building
That catch and release
Until you’re ready
But you won’t be ready just yet
This is settle in for the long ride
I would be satisfied to never be free of this moment
Torture me with your knowing
Mmmm like that
Just like that
Administer that playful smack
Twist that hip just so
And hit that spot just so
Just like that
Like that
Right there
Just there
Where I and you meld
And dissolve thought in the release
Yeah like that, just like that
So She Said…
“Baby” she sighed,
“There’s a burden I got to make known
I want you to hear my side,
But before I do, let’s set the tone by laying pride aside”
She started,
“Baby there is you, but for a time there was him,
I won’t insult your intelligence
And say he wa
s nothing, he was something.
But what he was is not you, me and him,
We were never us”
She continued saying
“It started out as nothing, really nothing.
We were companions of an intellectual sort
We took joy in idle conversation,
That became the heavy precipitation,
Of deeper meditation,
Rising from the mutualism of loneliness.”
Eyes downcast she carried on saying.
“He found comfort in the simplicity of our interaction,
It was belly laughs and
Easy smiles that bought us two closer
We supplied a mutual shoulder,
To share the weight of our enigma, you and her….”’
Pause…she squared her shoulders,
And continued spinning her tale.
“In the space between breaths we made the transition,
From damp shoulders to warm arms,
Replaced by soft lips flavored with the common need
For an absentee lover
He searched for her in the curve of my body and I
Looked for you in the warmth of his smile,
But baby I’m soo sorry”
Words and tears tumbled freely… she related her reason.
“Baby I don’t mean to call you selfish,
But while you built your ego a citadel against me,
With the security of my fidelity a foundation
Under the brick and mortar of their affectionate praise
You expected me to lay waiting,
For you to deem me worthy of your time,
He wasn’t looking for a return on some investment,
He found something in the possession of me”
And in his mind he’s thinking
How could she misinterpret so blatantly
Misunderstood so simply
That he carried her with him,
Made space in a place too scared to name,
More intimate than his heart
More passionate than his spirit
More epic than his pride…He took her with him
He lived and breathed her,
Ate her, loved and dreamed her.
He was a slave to this empress
A point it seemed that had failed to impress
And for all of this, she looked at him expecting reprieve
Because she said sorry.
The Conversation
Then he said:
“Baby I know I have a funny way of showing it,
I know it might not always be clear,
But babe I love you,
Loved you from the moment you spoke to me
That first time
I could feel it, the way our material intertwined”
So she said:
“Baby I never meant to hurt you
Even though you stripped me bare.
I wanted to impale you on the spike of your own infidelity
And leave you for dead.
Baby you hurt, me.
I knew it when I missed you sitting right beside me.
But in my redress I only hurt more than I healed
It’s time to let me go”
Then he said:
“I’m the sum of my flaws and I admit that freely
But you belong to me
Whether or not you choose to believe me
I’m yours…I belong to you
I covet you the way a rich man loves his money
You are mine”
So She said:
“I shouldn’t be afraid of you,
I shouldn’t fear your absence, or dread your coming
I shouldn’t hate that I love you
Or resent my own faithfulness.
Baby you know I love you”
They said together:
“Is that enough?
Where do we go from here?”
Then he said:
“I’ll be your pillar if you let me,
Flaws and all I’ll try”
So she said:
“I’ll be your comfort if you let me,
Fear and all I’ll try”
To read more from Michelle Toussaint visit,
deathbyexpectations.wordpress.com
whatthehellisreal.wordpress.com
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