Beautiful Oblivion

  I pulled away from him. "You can't come tonight. Just in case my brothers find out what happened."

  Trenton laughed once. "I'm not afraid of your brothers. Not even all three of them at the same time."

  "Trent, they're my family. They can be assholes, but they're all I've got. I don't want them to get hurt any more than I want you to."

  Trenton hugged me, this time squeezing me tight. "They're not all you've got. Not anymore."

  I buried my face in his chest.

  He kissed the top of my hair. "Besides, that's one thing you don't mess with."

  "What?" I asked, pressing my cheek against his chest.

  "Family."

  I swallowed hard, and then rose up on the balls of my feet, pressing my lips against his. "I have to go." I hopped up into the driver's side of the Smurf and slammed the door.

  Trenton waited for me to roll down the window before he responded. "Fine. I'll stay home tonight. But I'm callin' Kody so he can keep an eye on you."

  "Please don't tell him what happened," I pleaded.

  "I won't. I know he'll tell Raegan, and she'll tell Hank, and then your brothers will find out."

  "Exactly," I said, appreciating that someone else saw how protective Hank was of me. "See you later."

  "Is it all right if I come by after you get home?"

  I thought about it for a moment. "Can you be there when I get home?"

  "I was hoping you'd say that," he said with a grin. "I'll be in Dad's truck."

  Trenton stood in the yard, watching me back out of the driveway. I drove to the Red, and was thankful that it was the busiest Sunday night we'd seen in a while. Freezing temperatures were a deterrent to tattoos, but clearly not to liquor, flirting, and dancing. The girls still wore sleeveless club tanks and dresses, and I shook my head at every woman who walked in shivering. I worked my ass off, slinging beers and mixing cocktails, which was a nice change from a long day at Skin Deep, and then went home. As promised, Trenton was sitting in Jim's bronze pickup next to my parking spot.

  He walked me inside, and helped me clean up the mess we'd left when we carried my dad out to the Jeep. The pieces of the lamp jingled and clattered as we dumped them into the trash can. Trenton propped the end table back onto its broken legs.

  "I'll fix that tomorrow."

  I nodded, and then retreated to my room. Trenton waited in my bed while I washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I crawled under the covers next to him, he pulled me against his bare skin. He had undressed down to his boxers, and had only been in my bed for less than five minutes, but the sheets were already warm. I shivered against him, and he squeezed me tighter.

  After a few minutes of silence, Trenton sighed. "I've been thinking about dinner tomorrow night. I think we should wait a little while. It just seems like . . . I don't know. I feel like we should wait."

  I nodded. I didn't want our first date to be weighed down with thoughts of the earlier events of that day, either.

  "Hey," he whispered, his voice low and tired. "Those drawings on the walls. Are they yours?"

  "Yeah," I said.

  "They're good. Why don't you draw me something?"

  "I don't really do that anymore."

  "You should start. You have my art on your walls," he said, nodding to a couple of framed drawings. One was a penciled sketch of my hands, one lying on top of the other, my fingers displaying my first tattoo, the other was a charcoal of an emaciated girl holding a skull that I had to have when he'd finished. "I'd like to have some of your originals."

  "Maybe," I said, settling against the pillow.

  Neither of us had much to say after that. Trenton's breathing evened out, and I fell asleep with my cheek against his chest, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

  *

  Every night for a week and a half, Jim's truck was a fixture in various parking spaces outside my apartment. Though I should have been worrying about my brothers coming over to pester me, or even fearing that my father would come back, I had never felt so safe. Once the Intrepid was fixed, Trenton began coming to the Red at close and walking me to my Jeep.

  In the early morning hours of Thanksgiving, I was lying with my back to Trenton, and he was running his fingers softly up and down my arm.

  I sniffed, and wiped a tear that was getting ready to fall from the tip of my nose. Dad was still living at the house. Those of us who knew about what had happened decided to keep it from the rest of the boys, and to keep the peace at least until after the holidays, I would celebrate elsewhere.

  "I'm sorry you're upset. I wish there were something I could do," Trenton said.

  "I'm just sad for my mom. This is the first Thanksgiving we won't see each other. She doesn't think it's fair that he gets to be there and I don't."

  "Why doesn't she make him leave?" Trenton asked.

  "She's thinking about it. But she didn't want to do that to the boys during the holidays. She's always tried to do what was best for all of us."

  "This is not what's best for all of you. It's a no-win situation. She should just kick his ass out and let you spend Thanksgiving with your family."

  My lip trembled. "The boys will blame me, Trent. She knows what she's doing."

  "They won't ask where you are?"

  "I haven't been to family lunch in weeks. Mom figures Dad won't let them ask too many questions."

  "Come to my house, Cami. Please? My brothers are all coming in."

  "All of them?" I asked.

  "Yeah. It's the first time we've all been together since Thomas moved away for that job."

  I pulled a tissue from the box on my nightstand, and wiped my nose. "I already volunteered to work the bar. It's just Kody and me."

  Trenton sighed, but he didn't push the issue any further.

  When the sun rose, Trenton kissed me good-bye and left for home. I slept in for another hour and then forced myself to get up and around, finding Raegan cooking eggs in the kitchen. For half a second, I expected to see Kody, but it was just her, looking lost.

  "Are you spending the night at your parents' tonight?" I asked.

  "Yeah. Sorry you're stuck working."

  "I volunteered."

  "Why? Didn't your dad freak out?"

  "It's Hank and Jorie's first Thanksgiving at their house, and yes, Felix did freak out."

  "Aw, that's nice of you," she said, letting the scrambled chicken fetuses slide off the skillet onto her plate. "Want some?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

  I made a face.

  "So," she said, shoveling a forkful into her mouth. "Trenton has practically moved in."

  "He's just . . . making sure I'm okay."

  "What does that even mean?" she asked, looking at me with disgust.

  "Felix might have come over last weekend after I got back from the employee meeting. And he might have tried to attack me."

  Raegan's fork froze halfway between the plate and her mouth, and her expression morphed from confusion, to shock, to anger. "What?"

  "Trenton was here. But I'm not really . . . speaking to Dad, or any of my family, really."

  "What?" she said, getting angrier by the second. "Why didn't you tell me?" she shrieked.

  "Because you overreact. Like this."

  "How exactly am I supposed to react? Felix was in our apartment, attacking you--whatever the fucking fuck that means--and you decide not to tell me? I live here, too!"

  I frowned. "You're right. God, Ray. I'm sorry. I didn't think about you coming home and him being here."

  She put her palm flat on the counter. "Is Trent staying here tonight?"

  I shook my head, and my brows pulled in. "No, he has family coming in."

  "I'm not leaving you here alone."

  "Ray . . ."

  "Shut your face! You're coming to my parents' house with me."

  "No way . . ."

  "You are, and you're going to like it, as punishment for not telling me your psycho, wife-beating father barged into our apartment to attack y
ou, and is still at large!"

  "Mom has him under control. I don't know what she did, but he hasn't been back, and Colin, Chase, and Clark have no clue."

  "Did Trent beat his ass?"

  "I'm pretty sure he broke his nose," I said, cringing.

  "Good!" she yelled. "Pack your shit! We're leaving in twenty minutes."

  I complied, throwing together an overnight bag. We threw our luggage into Raegan's trunk, and just as she began backing out of the parking lot, my phone chirped. I lifted it and stared at the display.

  "What?" Raegan said, her eyes dancing between me and the road. "Is it Trent?"

  I shook my head. "T.J. He was hoping I could drop him off at the airport tomorrow."

  Raegan frowned. "Can't his dad or somebody?"

  "I can't," I said, tapping my answer into the phone. I dropped it into my lap. "So much could go wrong if I did."

  Raegan patted my knee. "Good girl."

  "I can't believe he's in town. He was so sure he wouldn't be able to come home for Thanksgiving."

  My phone chirped again. I looked down.

  "What does it say?" Raegan asked.

  " 'I know what you're thinking, but I didn't know until a couple of days ago that I would be home,' " I said, reading his text aloud.

  Raegan's eyes narrowed as she watched me tap out a short response. "I'm confused."

  "I don't know what Eakins has to do with his work, either, but it's probably the truth."

  "What makes you say that?" she asked.

  "Because he wouldn't be coming here otherwise."

  When we got to Raegan's, her parents were surprised but happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms. I sat on the navy-blue kitchen counter, listening to Sarah tease Raegan about how hard it was to break her from her blankie, and listening to Raegan tell stories about Bo, her dad. Their home was decorated in red, white, and blue, American flags, and stars. Black-and-white pictures were framed on the walls, telling stories of Bo's naval career.

  Raegan and her parents waved good-bye as I left for my shift. The Red Door's parking lot was more concrete than cars, and the small crowd didn't stay long. I was glad I was the only bartender. I barely had enough tips to make the night worth it.

  Trenton texted me a half dozen times, still asking me to come over. They were playing dominoes and then watching a movie. I imagined what it would be like to be snuggled on their dad's couch with Trenton, and was a little jealous of Abby that she got to spend time with the Maddoxes. Part of me wanted to be there more than anything.

  When I checked my messages just after close, I saw that Trenton had texted with news that Travis and Abby had called it quits. Just when I didn't think I could take one more disappointment, my phone rang, and Trenton's name appeared in the display.

  "Hello?" I answered.

  "I feel terrible," he said, quiet. He sounded terrible, too. "I don't think I can slip out of here tonight. Travis is in pretty bad shape."

  I swallowed back the lump forming in my throat. "It's okay."

  "No. It's a lot of things, but it's definitely not okay."

  I tried to smile, hoping it would carry over into my voice. "You can make it up to me tomorrow."

  "I'm so sorry, Cami. I don't know what to say."

  "Say you'll see me tomorrow."

  "I'll see you tomorrow. I promise."

  After we locked up, Kody walked me to my car. Our breath glowed white under the security lights.

  "Happy Thanksgiving, Cami," Kody said, hugging me.

  I wrapped my arms around his large frame as best I could. "Happy Thanksgiving, buddy."

  "Tell Raegan, too."

  "I will."

  Kody began texting the moment he walked away.

  "I assume that's not Ray," I said.

  "Nope," he called back. "It's Trenton. He wanted me to text him after I dropped you off at your Jeep."

  I smiled as I hopped up into the driver's seat, wishing I was on my way to see him.

  When I got back to Bo and Sarah's, the windows were glowing. They had all waited up for me. I hopped down out of the Jeep and slammed the door. I'd nearly made it to the front door when a car pulled up to the curb. I froze. It wasn't a car I recognized.

  T.J. stepped out.

  "Oh, God," I said, puffing out the breath I'd been holding. "You scared the shit out of me."

  "Jumpy?"

  I shrugged. "A little. How did you know where I was?"

  "I'm pretty good at finding people."

  I nodded once. "That you are."

  T.J.'s eyes softened. "I can't stay long. I just wanted to . . . I don't really know why I'm here. I just needed to see you." When I didn't respond, he continued. "I've been thinking about us a lot. Some days I think we can make it work, but then I put those thoughts away when reality sets in."

  I furrowed my brow. "What do you want from me, T.J.?"

  "You want the honest truth?" he asked. I nodded, and he continued, "I'm a selfish bastard, and want you all to myself . . . even though I know I don't have time to spend with you. I don't want you with him. I don't want you with anyone. I'm trying to be an adult about this, but I'm sick of holding everything in, Cami. I'm sick of being the bigger person. Maybe if you moved to California? I don't know."

  "We wouldn't see each other even then. Look at the last weekend I spent there. I'm not your priority." He didn't argue. He didn't respond at all. But I needed to hear him say it. "I'm not, am I?"

  He lifted his chin, the softness in his eyes disappeared. "No, you're not. You never have been, and you know that. But that's not because I don't love you. It just is what it is."

  I sighed. "Remember when I came to California, and I mentioned that feeling that doesn't go away? It just did."

  T.J. nodded, his eyes floating around as he processed my words. He reached for me, kissed the corner of my mouth, and then walked back to his car, driving away. As the taillights disappeared when he turned the corner, I waited for a feeling of emptiness, or tears, or something to hurt. Nothing happened. It was possible that it just hadn't hit me, yet. Or maybe I hadn't been in love with him for a long time. Maybe I was falling in love with someone else.

  Raegan opened the door before I knocked, and she handed me a bottle of beer.

  "It's Black Friday!" Sarah said from the couch, smiling. Bo held up his beer, welcoming me inside.

  "Less than five weeks to Christmas," I said, holding up the beer to greet Raegan and Bo. The thought of a Christmas alone made me feel sick to my stomach. Hank would close the Red, so I wouldn't even have the option of working. I wondered how Felix would explain that away to the boys. Maybe he wouldn't get the chance. Maybe Mom would kick him out, and the dust would settle enough by then that I could come home.

  We sat in the living room chatting for a while, and then Raegan and I crawled into her pink, frilly bed. Posters of Zac Efron and Adam Levine still covered the walls. After we changed into sweats, we lay on our backs and propped our feet on the wall above her headboard, crossing our sock-covered feet at the ankle. Raegan clinked her beer bottle to mine.

  "Happy Thanksgiving, roomie," she said, tucking her chin to take a drink.

  "Back atcha," I said.

  My cell phone pinged. It was Trenton, wondering if I'd made it home yet.

  I tapped in the words "Staying w Raegan at her parents tonight."

  He replied, "Good. Huge relief. I've been worrying about you all day."

  I sent back a wink face, not sure what else to say, and then let the phone fall to the mattress next to my head.

  "Trenton or T.J.?" Raegan asked.

  "God, when you say it that way, it sounds awful."

  "I happen to know the situation. Who was it?"

  "Trenton."

  "Are you worried about T.J. being in town at all?"

  "This is so awkward. I keep waiting for him to text me that he's heard all the dirty details about Trent and me."

  "It's a small town. It's bound to happen."

  "I'm hoping
whatever brought him here is keeping him too busy to talk to anyone."

  Raegan touched her bottle to mine again. "To impossibilities."

  "Thanks," I said, drinking the rest in a few swallows.

  "It's not like there are that many dirty details anyway, right?"

  I cringed. Trenton wasn't exactly a virgin or insecure, so admittedly I was more than surprised that not one of the nights he'd spent in my bed did he try to undress me.

  "Maybe you should tell him you have glow-in-the-dark condoms in your nightstand from Audra's bachelorette party," she said, taking a swig. "That is always a good icebreaker."

  I chuckled. "I also have regular."

  "Oh, right. The Magnums. For T.J.'s tree trunk."

  We both burst out laughing. I giggled until my sides hurt, and then my entire body relaxed. I let out one last sigh, and then flipped around and rested my head on the pillow. Raegan did the same, but instead of lying on her side, she was resting on her belly with her hands tucked beneath her chest.

  She looked around the room. "I've missed talking about boys in here."

  "What's it like?" I asked.

  Raegan narrowed her eyes at me and smiled, curious. "What is what like?"

  "Having that kind of childhood. I can't imagine wishing I could go back. Not even for one day."

  Raegan's mouth pulled to the side. "It makes me sad to hear you say that."

  "It shouldn't. I'm happy now."

  "I know," she said. "You deserve it, you know. Stop thinking you don't."

  I sighed. "I'm trying."

  "T.J. should let you tell. It's not fair to put this burden on you. Especially now."

  "Ray?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Good night."

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  In the early hours of Saturday morning, Trenton shot me a text that he was at my door, so I hopped up from the love seat and opened it.

  "I have a doorbell, you know," I said.

  He frowned, pulling his coat off and hanging it on the closest barstool. "What are we? In 1997?" He grabbed me and flipped us both over the back of the love seat, landing on his back with me on top of him.

  "Smooth," I said, my eyes falling to his lips.

  He leaned up and kissed me, and then looked up. "Where's Ray?"

  "With Brazil. They're on a date. That's why she left early from work tonight."

  "Weren't they just arguing yesterday?"

  "Hence the date."

  Trenton shook his head. "Am I nuts, or was she happier with Kody?"

  "She feels like this is her second chance with Jason, so she's trying to iron out the kinks, I guess. She said she was staying at his apartment tonight."