Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER IX.

  _Containing as surprizing and bloody adventures as can be found in thisor perhaps any other authentic history._

  It was almost morning when Joseph Andrews, whose eyes the thoughts ofhis dear Fanny had opened, as he lay fondly meditating on that lovelycreature, heard a violent knocking at the door over which he lay. Hepresently jumped out of bed, and, opening the window, was asked if therewere no travellers in the house? and presently, by another voice, if twomen and a woman had not taken up there their lodging that night? Thoughhe knew not the voices, he began to entertain a suspicion of thetruth--for indeed he had received some information from one of theservants of the squire's house of his design--and answered in thenegative. One of the servants, who knew the host well, called out to himby his name just as he had opened another window, and asked him the samequestion; to which he answered in the affirmative. O ho! said another,have we found you? and ordered the host to come down and open his door.Fanny, who was as wakeful as Joseph, no sooner heard all this than sheleaped from her bed, and, hastily putting on her gown and petticoats,ran as fast as possible to Joseph's room, who then was almost drest. Heimmediately let her in, and, embracing her with the most passionatetenderness, bid her fear nothing, for he would die in her defence. "Isthat a reason why I should not fear," says she, "when I should lose whatis dearer to me than the whole world?" Joseph, then kissing her hand,said, "He could almost thank the occasion which had extorted from her atenderness she would never indulge him with before." He then ran andwaked his bedfellow Adams, who was yet fast asleep, notwithstanding manycalls from Joseph; but was no sooner made sensible of their danger thanhe leaped from his bed, without considering the presence of Fanny, whohastily turned her face from him, and enjoyed a double benefit from thedark, which, as it would have prevented any offence, to an innocenceless pure, or a modesty less delicate, so it concealed even thoseblushes which were raised in her.

  Adams had soon put on all his clothes but his breeches, which, in thehurry, he forgot; however, they were pretty well supplied by the lengthof his other garments; and now, the house-door being opened, thecaptain, the poet, the player, and three servants came in. The captaintold the host that two fellows, who were in his house, had run away witha young woman, and desired to know in which room she lay. The host, whopresently believed the story, directed them, and instantly the captainand poet, justling one another, ran up. The poet, who was the nimblest,entering the chamber first, searched the bed, and every other part, butto no purpose; the bird was flown, as the impatient reader, who mightotherwise have been in pain for her, was before advertised. They thenenquired where the men lay, and were approaching the chamber, whenJoseph roared out, in a loud voice, that he would shoot the first manwho offered to attack the door. The captain enquired what fire-arms theyhad; to which the host answered, he believed they had none; nay, he wasalmost convinced of it, for he had heard one ask the other in theevening what they should have done if they had been overtaken, when theyhad no arms; to which the other answered, they would have defendedthemselves with their sticks as long as they were able, and God wouldassist a just cause. This satisfied the captain, but not the poet, whoprudently retreated downstairs, saying, it was his business to recordgreat actions, and not to do them. The captain was no sooner wellsatisfied that there were no fire-arms than, bidding defiance togunpowder, and swearing he loved the smell of it, he ordered theservants to follow him, and, marching boldly up, immediately attemptedto force the door, which the servants soon helped him to accomplish.When it was opened, they discovered the enemy drawn up three deep; Adamsin the front, and Fanny in the rear. The captain told Adams that if theywould go all back to the house again they should be civilly treated; butunless they consented he had orders to carry the young lady with him,whom there was great reason to believe they had stolen from her parents;for, notwithstanding her disguise, her air, which she could not conceal,sufficiently discovered her birth to be infinitely superior to theirs.Fanny, bursting into tears, solemnly assured him he was mistaken; thatshe was a poor helpless foundling, and had no relation in the worldwhich she knew of; and, throwing herself on her knees, begged that hewould not attempt to take her from her friends, who, she was convinced,would die before they would lose her; which Adams confirmed with wordsnot far from amounting to an oath. The captain swore he had no leisureto talk, and, bidding them thank themselves for what happened, heordered the servants to fall on, at the same time endeavouring to passby Adams, in order to lay hold on Fanny; but the parson, interruptinghim, received a blow from one of them, which, without considering whenceit came, he returned to the captain, and gave him so dexterous a knockin that part of the stomach which is vulgarly called the pit, that hestaggered some paces backwards. The captain, who was not accustomed tothis kind of play, and who wisely apprehended the consequence of suchanother blow, two of them seeming to him equal to a thrust through thebody, drew forth his hanger, as Adams approached him, and was levellinga blow at his head, which would probably have silenced the preacher forever, had not Joseph in that instant lifted up a certain huge stone potof the chamber with one hand, which six beaus could not have lifted withboth, and discharged it, together with the contents, full in thecaptain's face. The uplifted hanger dropped from his hand, and he fellprostrated on the floor with a lumpish noise, and his halfpence rattledin his pocket; the red liquor which his veins contained, and the whiteliquor which the pot contained, ran in one stream down his face and hisclothes. Nor had Adams quite escaped, some of the water having in itspassage shed its honours on his head, and began to trickle down thewrinkles or rather furrows of his cheeks, when one of the servants,snatching a mop out of a pail of water, which had already done its dutyin washing the house, pushed it in the parson's face; yet could not hebear him down, for the parson, wresting the mop from the fellow with onehand, with the other brought his enemy as low as the earth, having givenhim a stroke over that part of the face where, in some men of pleasure,the natural and artificial noses are conjoined.

  Hitherto, Fortune seemed to incline the victory on the travellers' side,when, according to her custom, she began to show the fickleness of herdisposition; for now the host, entering the field, or rather chamber ofbattle, flew directly at Joseph, and, darting his head into his stomach(for he was a stout fellow and an expert boxer), almost staggered him:but Joseph, stepping one leg back, did with his left hand so chuck himunder the chin that he reeled. The youth was pursuing his blow with hisright hand when he received from one of the servants such a stroke witha cudgel on his temples, that it instantly deprived him of sense, and hemeasured his length on the ground.

  Fanny rent the air with her cries, and Adams was coming to theassistance of Joseph; but the two serving-men and the host now fell onhim, and soon subdued him, though he fought like a madman, and looked soblack with the impressions he had received from the mop, that DonQuixote would certainly have taken him for an inchanted Moor. But nowfollows the most tragical part; for the captain was risen again, and,seeing Joseph on the floor, and Adams secured, he instantly laid hold onFanny, and, with the assistance of the poet and player, who, hearing thebattle was over, were now come up, dragged her, crying and tearing herhair, from the sight of her Joseph, and, with a perfect deafness to allher entreaties, carried her downstairs by violence, and fastened her onthe player's horse; and the captain, mounting his own, and leading thaton which this poor miserable wretch was, departed, without any moreconsideration of her cries than a butcher hath of those of a lamb; forindeed his thoughts were entertained only with the degree of favourwhich he promised himself from the squire on the success of thisadventure.

  The servants, who were ordered to secure Adams and Joseph as safe aspossible, that the squire might receive no interruption to his design onpoor Fanny, immediately, by the poet's advice, tied Adams to one of thebed-posts, as they did Joseph on the other side, as soon as they couldbring him to himself; and then, leaving them together, back to back, anddesiring the host not to set them at liberty, nor to go nea
r them, tillhe had further orders, they departed towards their master; but happenedto take a different road from that which the captain had fallen into.