Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER IX.

  _A visit which the polite Lady Booby and her polite friend paid tothe parson._

  The Lady Booby had no sooner had an account from the gentleman of hismeeting a wonderful beauty near her house, and perceived the raptureswith which he spoke of her, than, immediately concluding it must beFanny, she began to meditate a design of bringing them betteracquainted; and to entertain hopes that the fine clothes, presents, andpromises of this youth, would prevail on her to abandon Joseph: shetherefore proposed to her company a walk in the fields before dinner,when she led them towards Mr Adams's house; and, as she approached it,told them if they pleased she would divert them with one of the mostridiculous sights they had ever seen, which was an old foolish parson,who, she said, laughing, kept a wife and six brats on a salary of abouttwenty pounds a year; adding, that there was not such another raggedfamily in the parish. They all readily agreed to this visit, and arrivedwhilst Mrs Adams was declaiming as in the last chapter. Beau Didapper,which was the name of the young gentleman we have seen riding towardsLady Booby's, with his cane mimicked the rap of a London footman at thedoor. The people within, namely, Adams, his wife and three children,Joseph, Fanny, and the pedlar, were all thrown into confusion by thisknock, but Adams went directly to the door, which being opened, the LadyBooby and her company walked in, and were received by the parson withabout two hundred bows, and by his wife with as many curtsies; thelatter telling the lady "She was ashamed to be seen in such a pickle,and that her house was in such a litter; but that if she had expectedsuch an honour from her ladyship she should have found her in a bettermanner." The parson made no apologies, though he was in his half-cassockand a flannel nightcap. He said "They were heartily welcome to his poorcottage," and turning to Mr Didapper, cried out, "_Non mea renidet indomo lacunar_." The beau answered, "He did not understand Welsh;" atwhich the parson stared and made no reply.

  Mr Didapper, or beau Didapper, was a young gentleman of about four footfive inches in height. He wore his own hair, though the scarcity of itmight have given him sufficient excuse for a periwig. His face was thinand pale; the shape of his body and legs none of the best, for he hadvery narrow shoulders and no calf; and his gait might more properly becalled hopping than walking. The qualifications of his mind were welladapted to his person. We shall handle them first negatively. He was notentirely ignorant; for he could talk a little French and sing two orthree Italian songs; he had lived too much in the world to be bashful,and too much at court to be proud: he seemed not much inclined toavarice, for he was profuse in his expenses; nor had he all the featuresof prodigality, for he never gave a shilling: no hater of women, for healways dangled after them; yet so little subject to lust, that he had,among those who knew him best, the character of great moderation in hispleasures; no drinker of wine; nor so addicted to passion but that a hotword or two from an adversary made him immediately cool.

  Now, to give him only a dash or two on the affirmative side: though hewas born to an immense fortune, he chose, for the pitiful and dirtyconsideration of a place of little consequence, to depend entirely onthe will of a fellow whom they call a great man; who treated him withthe utmost disrespect, and exacted of him a plenary obedience to hiscommands, which he implicitly submitted to, at the expense of hisconscience, his honour, and of his country, in which he had himself sovery large a share. And to finish his character; as he was entirely wellsatisfied with his own person and parts, so he was very apt to ridiculeand laugh at any imperfection in another. Such was the little person, orrather thing, that hopped after Lady Booby into Mr Adams's kitchen.

  The parson and his company retreated from the chimney-side, where theyhad been seated, to give room to the lady and hers. Instead of returningany of the curtsies or extraordinary civility of Mrs Adams, the lady,turning to Mr Booby, cried out, "_Quelle Bete! Quel Animal!_" Andpresently after discovering Fanny (for she did not need the circumstanceof her standing by Joseph to assure the identity of her person), sheasked the beau "Whether he did not think her a pretty girl?"--"Begad,madam," answered he, "'tis the very same I met." "I did not imagine,"replied the lady, "you had so good a taste."--"Because I never likedyou, I warrant," cries the beau. "Ridiculous!" said she: "you know youwas always my aversion." "I would never mention aversion," answered thebeau, "with that face[A]; dear Lady Booby, wash your face before youmention aversion, I beseech you." He then laughed, and turned about tocoquet it with Fanny.

  [A] Lest this should appear unnatural to some readers, we think proper to acquaint them, that it is taken verbatim from very polite conversation.

  Mrs Adams had been all this time begging and praying the ladies to sitdown, a favour which she at last obtained. The little boy to whom theaccident had happened, still keeping his place by the fire, was chid byhis mother for not being more mannerly: but Lady Booby took his part,and, commending his beauty, told the parson he was his very picture. Shethen, seeing a book in his hand, asked "If he could read?"--"Yes," criedAdams, "a little Latin, madam: he is just got into Quae Genus."--"A figfor quere genius!" answered she; "let me hear him read a littleEnglish."--"Lege, Dick, lege," said Adams: but the boy made no answer,till he saw the parson knit his brows, and then cried, "I don'tunderstand you, father."--"How, boy!" says Adams; "what doth lego makein the imperative mood? Legito, doth it not?"--"Yes," answeredDick.--"And what besides ?" says the father. "Lege," quoth the son,after some hesitation. "A good boy," says the father: "and now, child,what is the English of lego?"--To which the boy, after long puzzling,answered, he could not tell. "How!" cries Adams, in a passion;--"what,hath the water washed away your learning? Why, what is Latin for theEnglish verb read? Consider before you speak." The child considered sometime, and then the parson cried twice or thrice, "Le--, Le--." Dickanswered, "Lego."--"Very well;--and then what is the English," says theparson, "of the verb lego?"--"To read," cried Dick.--"Very well," saidthe parson; "a good boy: you can do well if you will take pains.--Iassure your ladyship he is not much above eight years old, and is out ofhis Propria quae Maribus already.--Come, Dick, read to herladyship;"--which she again desiring, in order to give the beau time andopportunity with Fanny, Dick began as in the following chapter.