Joseph Andrews, Vol. 2

  CHAPTER XI.

  _In which the history is continued._

  Joseph Andrews had borne with great uneasiness the impertinence of beauDidapper to Fanny, who had been talking pretty freely to her, andoffering her settlements; but the respect to the company had restrainedhim from interfering whilst the beau confined himself to the use of histongue only; but the said beau, watching an opportunity whilst theladies' eyes were disposed another way, offered a rudeness to her withhis hands; which Joseph no sooner perceived than he presented him withso sound a box on the ear, that it conveyed him several paces from wherehe stood. The ladies immediately screamed out, rose from their chairs;and the beau, as soon as he recovered himself, drew his hanger: whichAdams observing, snatched up the lid of a pot in his left hand, and,covering himself with it as with a shield, without any weapon of offencein his other hand, stept in before Joseph, and exposed himself to theenraged beau, who threatened such perdition and destruction, that itfrighted the women, who were all got in a huddle together, out of theirwits, even to hear his denunciations of vengeance. Joseph was of adifferent complexion, and begged Adams to let his rival come on; for hehad a good cudgel in his hand, and did not fear him. Fanny now faintedinto Mrs Adams's arms, and the whole room was in confusion, when MrBooby, passing by Adams, who lay snug under the pot-lid, came up toDidapper, and insisted on his sheathing the hanger, promising he shouldhave satisfaction; which Joseph declared he would give him, and fighthim at any weapon whatever. The beau now sheathed his hanger, and takingout a pocket-glass, and vowing vengeance all the time, re-adjusted hishair; the parson deposited his shield; and Joseph, running to Fanny,soon brought her back to life. Lady Booby chid Joseph for his insult onDidapper; but he answered, he would have attacked an army in the samecause. "What cause?" said the lady. "Madam," answered Joseph, "he wasrude to that young woman."--"What," says the lady, "I suppose he wouldhave kissed the wench; and is a gentleman to be struck for such anoffer? I must tell you, Joseph, these airs do not become you."--"Madam,"said Mr Booby, "I saw the whole affair, and I do not commend my brother;for I cannot perceive why he should take upon him to be this girl'schampion."--"I can commend him," says Adams: "he is a brave lad; and itbecomes any man to be the champion of the innocent; and he must be thebasest coward who would not vindicate a woman with whom he is on thebrink of marriage."--"Sir," says Mr Booby, "my brother is not a propermatch for such a young woman as this."--"No," says Lady Booby; "nor doyou, Mr Adams, act in your proper character by encouraging any suchdoings; and I am very much surprized you should concern yourself in it.I think your wife and family your properer care."--"Indeed, madam, yourladyship says very true," answered Mrs Adams: "he talks a pack ofnonsense, that the whole parish are his children. I am sure I don'tunderstand what he means by it; it would make some women suspect he hadgone astray, but I acquit him of that; I can read Scripture as well ashe, and I never found that the parson was obliged to provide for otherfolks' children; and besides, he is but a poor curate, and hath littleenough, as your ladyship knows, for me and mine."--"You say very well,Mrs Adams," quoth the Lady Booby, who had not spoke a word to her before;"you seem to be a very sensible woman; and I assure you, your husband isacting a very foolish part, and opposing his own interest, seeing mynephew is violently set against this match: and indeed I can't blamehim; it is by no means one suitable to our family." In this manner thelady proceeded with Mrs Adams, whilst the beau hopped about the room,shaking his head, partly from pain and partly from anger; and Pamela waschiding Fanny for her assurance in aiming at such a match as herbrother. Poor Fanny answered only with her tears, which had long sincebegun to wet her handkerchief; which Joseph perceiving, took her by thearm, and wrapping it in his carried her off, swearing he would own norelation to any one who was an enemy to her he loved more than all theworld. He went out with Fanny under his left arm, brandishing a cudgelin his right, and neither Mr Booby nor the beau thought proper to opposehim. Lady Booby and her company made a very short stay behind him; forthe lady's bell now summoned them to dress; for which they had just timebefore dinner.

  Adams seemed now very much dejected, which his wife perceiving, began toapply some matrimonial balsam. She told him he had reason to beconcerned, for that he had probably ruined his family with his tricksalmost; but perhaps he was grieved for the loss of his two children,Joseph and Fanny. His eldest daughter went on: "Indeed, father, it isvery hard to bring strangers here to eat your children's bread out oftheir mouths. You have kept them ever since they came home; and, foranything I see to the contrary, may keep them a month longer; are youobliged to give her meat, tho'f she was never so handsome? But I don'tsee she is so much handsomer than other people. If people were to bekept for their beauty, she would scarce fare better than her neighbours,I believe. As for Mr Joseph, I have nothing to say; he is a young man ofhonest principles, and will pay some time or other for what he hath; butfor the girl--why doth she not return to her place she ran away from? Iwould not give such a vagabond slut a halfpenny though I had a millionof money; no, though she was starving." "Indeed but I would," crieslittle Dick; "and, father, rather than poor Fanny shall be starved, Iwill give her all this bread and cheese"--(offering what he held in hishand). Adams smiled on the boy, and told him he rejoiced to see he was aChristian; and that if he had a halfpenny in his pocket, he would havegiven it him; telling him it was his duty to look upon all hisneighbours as his brothers and sisters, and love them accordingly. "Yes,papa," says he, "I love her better than my sisters, for she is handsomerthan any of them." "Is she so, saucebox?" says the sister, giving him abox on the ear; which the father would probably have resented, had notJoseph, Fanny, and the pedlar at that instant returned together. Adamsbid his wife prepare some food for their dinner; she said, "Truly shecould not, she had something else to do." Adams rebuked her fordisputing his commands, and quoted many texts of Scripture to prove"That the husband is the head of the wife, and she is to submit andobey." The wife answered, "It was blasphemy to talk Scripture out ofchurch; that such things were very proper to be said in the pulpit, butthat it was profane to talk them in common discourse." Joseph told MrAdams "He was not come with any design to give him or Mrs Adams anytrouble; but to desire the favour of all their company to the George (anale-house in the parish), where he had bespoke a piece of bacon andgreens for their dinner." Mrs Adams, who was a very good sort of woman,only rather too strict in oeconomies, readily accepted this invitation,as did the parson himself by her example; and away they all walkedtogether, not omitting little Dick, to whom Joseph gave a shilling whenhe heard of his intended liberality to Fanny.