Private

  back against the stone wall of Billings. We all stood there, not mov-keeping close to the tree line. “He’s always been a mean drunk.

  ing, not breathing, the cold stone radiating chills straight through Takes after his father.”

  our clothes and into our bones. The wind rustled the leaves over an

  “So you think it was just the alcohol talking?” I asked. My heart unintelligible voice, a muffled shout. Then headlights flashed

  actually fluttered with hope.

  between buildings and the sound of a car engine faded into the

  “Does it really matter?” Ariana asked quietly.

  distance. Not until I was enveloped in absolute silence could I find

  “No, it doesn’t,” Noelle said firmly.

  the will to breathe again.

  She was right, of course. I never forgave my mother for all the

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  insanity she spewed when she was on a drunken rampage. Why

  “Who knows?” Noelle said. She didn’t sound scared, but irritated should I forgive Thomas?

  that whoever it was had put her out for those thirty seconds. “Reed,

  “You do realize that you have to stay away from him now, right?”

  listen to me. The good news is that Thomas showed his true colors Noelle said. “The guy is asylum bound if you ask me.”

  up there, and now you know,” she said, casting her gaze up toward I swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah. I think Thomas and I are

  the hill. My heart was still catching up and I could hardly focus. “Do officially over.”

  not let him back in, do you understand me? If I see you so much as

  “Good,” Ariana said.

  talking to that jackass . . .”

  “You’re better off,” Noelle added.

  “I won’t,” I told her, touched by the depth of her passion.

  I almost smiled at her conviction. “Why are you guys being so

  Passion on my behalf. “I promise. I won’t.”

  nice to me?”

  It was an easy choice to make now, between Thomas and the

  They both looked confused. “We’re always nice,” Ariana said, in Billings Girls. Thomas had made it easy. For all his talk about not a tone that made me think she actually believed it.

  wanting to see me get hurt at the hands of the Billings Girls, it was

  “Don’t let it go to your head,” Noelle said simply.

  he who had done the damage. I wasn’t going to let him do it again.

  “You guys . . . about the other night,” I said.

  No matter how much he begged. This time I would be strong.

  “We’re not talking about that now,” Noelle said firmly. I decided

  “All clear,” Ariana said, checking around the side of the building.

  to keep my mouth shut the rest of the way.

  “Let’s go,” Noelle said.

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  They walked me right past the safety of Billings and through the open quad, where they could have gotten snagged by any number of authority figures, making sure I got to my own dorm okay. We said good-bye and I crept quietly inside and up to the bathroom to clean up my wounded knee. With every wince I recalled Thomas’s face

  AN UNEXPECTED VISIT

  and told myself enough was enough. If he ever did beg for my forgiveness again, I just had to remember this pain.

  Constance was out cold when I slipped in, but I didn’t undress, not wanting to risk waking her up and having to explain where I had been. I stepped out of my shoes and crawled under the covers fully I dressed quickly on Friday morning while Constance sang along to clothed.

  her stereo under her breath, bopping around the room as she put There was no chance of me falling asleep. I was too wired.

  on earrings and fluffed her hair. I hadn’t slept at all. Not for one I kept thinking about what Noelle and Ariana had said. How pro-minute. I was exhausted, but exhilarated. Today I would be back at tective they had become. How much they clearly cared. I was back the Billings table. Today was a whole new start.

  in with the Billings Girls. I still had a hope of a future.

  I pulled my pair of backup jeans on gingerly over my injured

  And I had no one but Thomas Pearson and his psychotic temper

  knee and had just fastened the button fly when there was a knock on to thank for it.

  the door.

  Constance shot me an intrigued look. Mostly, the girls on our

  floor just walked into one another’s rooms with no preamble. She opened the door and froze when she saw Thomas standing there. I knew the feeling. The wind was knocked right out of me.

  “Hey,” Thomas said to her.

  He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on the night before

  and his eyes were bloodshot and watery.

  “Can I come in?” he said to me.

  My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Somehow he took that

  as an invitation.

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  203

  Constance stepped mutely backward as he entered our room.

  “I don’t know what came over me last night, Reed. I—” He

  “You were just going to breakfast, right?” Thomas said to

  stopped and pushed his hands over his face and up into his hair. As Constance, leaving no room for question.

  always, it fell right back into place. “Well, that’s a lie. I do know what

  “Oh. Uh . . .” Constance shot me a concerned look and I nodded

  came over me,” he said.

  at her to go. Whatever was about to happen, I didn’t need her seeI was half rapt with attention, half planning my escape route.

  ing it and reporting it to the entire school. “Okay,” she said,

  “I . . . I have a problem,” Thomas said, clasping his hands

  snatching up her bag. “I’ll see you later,” she told me. She closed together. “With alcohol.”

  the door behind her as she fled, probably relieved to be out of the For some reason, this announcement uncoiled some of my

  room so that she couldn’t be implicated if we were caught. I sank muscles.

  down onto my bed, feeling weak.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered.

  “What do you want me to say?” I shot back. “Duh?”

  I didn’t want to be alone with him. I felt trapped and cornered.

  Thomas blinked. Score one for Reed. I actually wished Noelle

  I glanced at the door and wondered if he would try to stop me if I could have heard that one.

  went to leave. I imagined him grabbing my wrist, holding me here,

  “I guess I deserve that, too,” he said with a smirk. And for some and stayed where I was.

  reason, I couldn’t help smirking in return. Slowly, I uncurled my

  “Reed, please. Just listen to me,” Thomas said, sitting at the end legs and sat Indian style against the wall, watching him. It was of my bed. I instantly curled into the corner. Thomas hung his

  amazing how different he was from last night. His body language head. He got up and sat down on Constance’s mattress. “Is this bet-entirely transformed. Not at all belligerent. He looked like Thomas.

  ter?” he asked.

  Regular Thomas. My Thomas.

  I let out a breath. “Slightly.”

  But he was a drug dealer. A liar. A malicious drunk. I had to

  He hung his head and sighed. “I guess I deserve that.”

  remember these things.

  You guess? You guess ?!

  “It’s in my blood,” he continued. “Not that that’s an excuse. It’s He looked up at me, his brown eyes pleading. “I swear to God,

  not. I just . . . I know I have to get help. I know that. I mean, Christ, Reed, I didn’t m
ean to yell at you like that. I didn’t know you were I’ve been wishing my parents would do it all these years, so what going to trip.”

  kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn’t do it myself?”

  I stared at him. What was I supposed to say to that? Oh, no problem?

  “So you’re . . . going to rehab?” I asked.

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  205

  Thomas let out a wry laugh. “I would. I really would. But I can’t.

  “Okay,” I said quietly, clinging to him. “I’ll help you. Whatever Not without my parents finding out. I’m still a minor for another six you need.”

  months,” he said, looking me in the eye. “And I can’t tell them this.

  “Thank you,” Thomas cried into my sweater.

  They’ll just laugh it off. They’ll just tell me to toughen up.”

  As his sobs slowly quieted, I sat there and thought of Noelle. I My heart went out to him in that moment. He looked so vulnerable.

  knew what she would do in this situation. She would be strong. She And scared. Like a little kid whose parents had just let him down for would get up and tell him to go to hell. That she didn’t need this the ten millionth time. He wanted help, but he couldn’t even go to kind of crap in her life. But all I wanted was to keep holding him. I his parents for it. He must have seen the change in my expression wanted both of us to feel that everything was going to be all right.

  because he moved back over to my bed. I didn’t flinch when he

  Eventually Thomas took a deep breath and sat up. He wiped

  reached for my hands. For a moment he stared down at our fingers.

  under his eyes and shot me an embarrassed smile. But even with a

  “I know you won’t forgive me,” he said. “But I need to figure this red nose and a tear-streaked face, he was still beautiful. So incredibly, out and I don’t think I can do this without you, Reed,” he told me, amazingly beautiful.

  looking me in the eye now. He swallowed hard. “I . . . I need your

  “Are you okay?” I asked, my heart heavy.

  help. Please. If you’re not with me on this, I don’t . . . I don’t know

  “I will be. Now.” He took another deep breath and blew it out.

  what’ll happen to me.”

  “Listen. There’s . . . one more thing. I know I have no right to ask A tear spilled over and before I knew it, he was crying. Crying in this, but I’m hoping . . . I’m hoping you’ll still have brunch with us earnest. He leaned toward me and I found myself reaching out to tomorrow,” he said. “My parents are expecting to meet you and I him. Holding him. Letting him sob against my shoulder. How could know they’ll love you.”

  I have ever thought I could turn my back on him? He needed help.

  He was right. He didn’t have any right to be asking me this. But he

  “I’m so sorry, Reed. I swear I’d never hurt you,” Thomas said.

  was so sincere. So troubled and sad and penitent. He was laying his

  “Please. You’ve got to believe me.”

  heart out on the line for me and I didn’t have it in me to crush him.

  He looked up at me, his gorgeous eyes rimmed in red. He seemed

  Not even with Noelle’s voice ringing in my ears. Telling me that so helpless. So scared that I wouldn’t forgive him, that in that if I ever spoke to him again . . .

  moment I was ashamed. Ashamed for being so disloyal. The way he’d

  “Okay,” I said, my throat dry. “I’ll be there.”

  acted toward me—it was an accident. A mistake. Everyone made

  Thomas’s whole body relaxed. His grateful smile touched my

  mistakes. And besides, he loved me. I knew he did. I was all he had.

  heart and I knew right then that I would do anything for him. I did

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  love him. Nothing that had happened had changed that. I was in for whatever was coming. The thought both excited and petrified me.

  “Thank you,” he said, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. I

  closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. He kissed me again, on the lips this time, then slipped out.

  WALK OF SHAME

  When I stepped out the back door of Bradwell alone fifteen minutes later, I was both emotionally and physically exhausted as well as completely unprepared for the sight that met me. A huge crowd of students had formed around Billings and the throng grew with each passing second. What had happened now? My blood pressure raced

  as I joined the confusion. I quickly found Constance, Diana, and Missy in the crowd.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Hey, are you all right?” Constance asked me pointedly.

  It took me a second to realize she was talking about Thomas’s

  visit. Two seconds of intrigue and I’d forgotten all about him.

  “Yeah. I’m fine,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “They’re throwing her out. That girl from Billings,” Constance

  told me, her eyes wide.

  My insides overturned and for a split second my mind went

  blank. For some reason the only Billings girls I could picture were Ariana and Noelle. “Who?” I asked.

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  209

  Missy rolled her eyes. “Leanne Shore. Try to keep up, Brennan.”

  stone bench behind us, which was already packed with people, and I ignored her dig as relief washed over me. Of course. Leanne.

  hauled me up with her. I was appalled at her insatiability, but Why had my brain gone anywhere else? I scanned the crowd for

  impressed by her tenacity. Together we balanced there with a per-Ariana and the others, wondering where they were—what they

  fect bird’s-eye view of the proceedings.

  thought of all this. I saw no sign of them.

  Leanne was the first to walk out, followed by two people I assumed

  “So, what happened? Did she confess?” Diana asked, standing

  to be her parents. Several members of the Easton staff trailed after on her tiptoes in a futile attempt to see over the dozens of kids in them, toting bags and boxes. Leanne was as white as a ghost.

  front of us.

  “Buh-bye, loser,” someone said. Someone who sounded a lot

  “No! They found her crib sheets,” Constance said sagely. “I

  like Noelle. Quickly, I spotted her and the others front and center, heard from one of the girls at The Chronicle.”

  and sure enough, Noelle was waving her fingers at Leanne.

  “Idiot wasn’t even smart enough to burn the evidence,” Missy

  A few people in the crowd snickered. Leanne’s gait changed ever said with mock sympathy, staring at the front door. “No wonder she so slightly and I knew she had heard. This was awful. As much as I had to cheat.”

  couldn’t stand the girl myself, I would never have wished this on

  “Do you think Noelle and the others are okay?” Constance asked

  her or anyone. Why did they have to do this now, with everyone

  me. “Do you think they’re upset?”

  watching? Why wasn’t anyone out here dispersing the crowd,

  “Why?” I replied.

  sending us off to breakfast?

  “Because, they’re all dorm-mates,” Constance said. “They must

  “They want us to see this,” one of the girls on the bench said as be freaking out.”

  if reading my thoughts. “They think that doing this will teach us a Missy snorted a laugh and, for once, I was right there with her.

  lesson or something.”

  The last thing any of those girls was doing at this moment was

  “Well, I know I’m never breaking the honor code,” her friend

  freaking out. Noelle was probably doing a happy little dance some-said. “So, w
ell done, Dean Marcus.”

  where.

  Just then there was a commotion at the front of the crowd. I saw

  “I don’t know. I don’t think they were that close,” I said

  Natasha weaving her way toward Noelle, pushing past a number of diplomatically.

  people along her way. Steam may as well have been shooting out of A hushed silence fell over crowd as the front doors of the dorm her ears. I jumped down from the bench and shoved through the

  swung open. Constance instantly climbed up on the arm of the

  throng to join my friends.

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  211

  “Reed? Where’re you going?” Constance shouted.

  back to wherever she had come from. Once the onlookers started to

  “I’ll be right back,” I replied.

  disperse, I rallied the courage to ask.

  Natasha and I arrived at exactly the same time, me behind

  “What was she taking about?” I asked.

  Taylor, Natasha right up in Noelle’s face.

  Noelle, Ariana, Kiran, and Taylor all turned around and looked

  “What the hell is going on, Noelle?” Natasha demanded, out of

  at me, their expressions flat.

  breath.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know, glass-licker?” Noelle asked.

  “Didn’t you hear? Your roommate is going home,” Noelle said

  Kiran smirked. Ariana stared past me. Taylor quickly looked

  innocently. “She broke the honor code.”

  away.

  “Like hell she did,” Natasha said.

  “Wh . . . what?”

  Noelle’s eyebrows went up. “I’m shocked at you, Miss

  I had no idea what else to say. A cold finger of fear slid down my Crenshaw! Are you suggesting that the Board of Directors has made spine.

  a mistake?” she asked. “Because I would think twice about making

  “I saw Thomas, Reed,” Ariana said. “I saw him leaving your

  that accusation if I were you.”

  dorm this morning.”

  “I’m not accusing them. I’m accusing you,” Natasha spat.

  My heart squeezed down to the size of a rotten peach pit. “He

  I glanced at Taylor, but she hadn’t noticed me there. What the

  was just—”

  hell was this about?

  “I thought I told you never to talk to him again,” Noelle said. “Or

  “You might want to think twice about that, Natasha,” Kiran said, was that just another thing you decided you were above doing?”