Before Now

  would be easier for Lucy to move in with me. Two stories are easier than three with a baby.

  So now I’m hanging her butterfly collection from my ceiling.

  “Right here,” she says, pointing at an open spot. I move the crate I’m using as a makeshift ladder and press the tack into place.

  “So I was thinking,” I state as I hop down. “Since you can’t drink because you’re pregnant, I’m not going to either.”

  She doesn’t respond, so I turn around to make sure she heard me. She jumps into me and I barely catch her before I fall backwards onto the bed.

  Lucy kisses me deeply and I wish I had made this announcement sooner.

  She pulls back, straddling my lap. Her hand smoothes over my chin. “You know, I can’t smoke either.”

  I cock an eyebrow and regard her seriously. “You didn’t smoke before you were pregnant. You didn’t have to give it up.”

  “That’s true, I guess.”

  I tuck her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers linger. “Do you want me to quit smoking?”

  “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. Our lives are changing enough.”

  “That’s not what I asked,” I say.

  “I wish you didn’t smoke because I know it shortens your life and I want you with me as long as possible.”

  My heart starts beating out of control against my ribcage. She’s talking about the rest of our lives. She’s talking about forever.

  “But,” she continues, “I know all you’ve given up for me, Park. I won’t ask you to lose anymore.”

  “Lucy,” I rasp. “I haven’t lost anything. Hell, I don’t even remember anything before you. You’ve erased it all. All that shit from before, none of it matters. None of it means anything now. I tried to avoid this. Us. I tried to ignore the way I felt about you. But it just wouldn’t go away. Before now I just didn’t care. Before now I was just surviving. But now—now I have you and I know…I know I’ve gained everything. Because I want more than right now. I want the rest of my life with you.”

  I slip my hand behind her neck, drawing her closer. “I am so fucking in love with you, Lucy.”

  Her eyes grow glossy and she blinks quickly, sending tears off her lashes. They hit my neck and my heart lurches in my chest. I slide my thumbs under her eyes, willing her not to cry as I dry her tears. Good or bad, I can’t stand to see her cry.

  “I’ve loved you for so long,” she says.

  I close my eyes as her words replay in my mind. This. Right here, is pure happiness. Her lips touch mine, just verification that this moment is absolutely perfect.

  Lucy’s Rules:

  1. Make the conscious decision to look at others with an open mind and an open heart.

  2. Everybody needs someone in their life they can rely on. Try to be that person. Be that person.

  3. Take a chance. Take a lot of chances.

  4. Love whole-heartedly. (Unless in the presence of Park Reed—in which case, guard your heart at all cost.)

  5. Make it your goal to make someone smile daily.

  6. Always expect more of yourself today than you did yesterday.

  7. No matter how many times you’re let down, continue believing in the goodness of others. Learn to forgive.

  8. Make memories.

  41

  Lucy

  Park makes a face at me when the nurse focuses her attention on my arm. As she pokes at my inner elbow, searching for a good vein to drain, I try not to laugh.

  We heard the baby’s heartbeat today. Yes—I cried. I think Park may have even gotten teary for a second, but he fought it well.

  Now I’m getting blood work done. Which kind of sucks, but I’m still floating high from knowing our baby is healthy.

  “I’m having a hard time finding a good vein,” the nurse says, straightening up. “You might be a little dehydrated. I’ll get you some water and we’ll try again.”

  Park pushes off the wall and moves to my side. “Why are you dehydrated? Are you still getting sick?”

  The nurse ducks out the door and I shrug. “No, I haven’t had morning sickness in over a week. It’s just early. I’m not drinking anything while I’m sleeping and I just had that bagel before we left.”

  “You didn’t drink anything? I didn’t even notice.”

  My brows pucker as I look at him. “Why would you notice?” I brush my hand through the air. “She’s getting me some water. It’ll be fine.”

  Before he can respond, the nurse comes back in, handing me a small bottle and I start working on it immediately. I want to get this over with so I can go home and enjoy the next few hours with my boyfriend.

  “How much water should she be drinking?” Park asks.

  “A lot,” the nurse says. “Aim for at least eight glasses a day.”

  Park nods and I can nearly see the wheels turning in his head. I almost groan, but I refrain, sipping from my bottle instead. I’m certain Park’s going to turn into a water peddling tyrant for the remainder of this pregnancy.

  As soon as we’re finished at the doctor’s office, Park drives straight to the grocery store, proving me right.

  I watch him lift a package of bottled water into the cart, his biceps flexing with the movement, and his shirt pulling tightly over his back. And I realize this isn’t so bad. My stomach clenches with desire, the power overwhelming.

  “Maybe you should get another one,” I suggest.

  Without question, Park bends down for more and I get to enjoy the show.

  “Keep looking at me like that, Lucy,” he says, placing my water in the cart, and looking at me over his shoulder. “See what happens.”

  I press my lips together, as he grins wickedly at me. “I can’t help it,” I cry. I fling my hand out, gesturing at him. “You’ve got all that going on and I’ve heard stories about pregnant women, but I didn’t realize it would be like this.” I take a deep breath and sigh.

  “Wait. Back up.” He takes my hand, twining his fingers through mine. “You didn’t realize it would be like what?”

  “I’m hormonal,” I say quietly, glancing around to make sure nobody can hear me.

  “Hormonal?”

  “…yes…”

  His eyes flick over my reddening face and his smile turns so lecherous I have to press my thighs together because that look makes me want to jump him in the middle of aisle five.

  “You mean horny.”

  I yank my hand away. “Yes. Now shut up. People will hear.”

  Park chuckles, totally loving this. “So pregnancy makes you hot,” he muses.

  “So I’ve heard,” I say tightly. “Can we go?”

  “Right here?” He arches a brow, smiling deviously. “I’m down, but I didn’t know you were an exhibitionist. I think I’m going to really enjoy this pregnancy.”

  “I hate you right now,” I mutter.

  “No you don’t,” he says confidently. “You love me. You know how I know?”

  I cross my arms. “How?”

  He steps into me, resting his hands on my hips. “Because,” he murmurs against my hair, “you can’t keep your eyes off me.”

  “That doesn’t mean I love you. It means you have a sexy body and my hormones love you.”

  “Close enough,” he decides. “Why don’t we stop talking about it so I can get you home? I want to make your hormones happy.”

  Sounds like a damn good plan to me.

  ***

  “Your mom is so mean,” Bree says in way of greeting. She flops down on the bed, shaking me with the harsh movement.

  I yawn and glance at the clock. I can’t believe I napped so long. My shift starts in a little over an hour. I slept the whole day away.

  “Lu, did you hear me?” Bree taps my arm, regaining my attention.

  “Mean Mom,” I confirm hoarsely.

  “Yes. She said I can help with your baby shower.”

  I rub my eyes and try to catch up. “Okay…”

  “She’s not letti
ng me throw it. I want to be in charge of your first shower.” She flings her arm over her forehead and exhales loudly. “I’m your best friend. You’re like my sister—my pasty white, soul sister.”

  I scoff. “I’m not pasty. I’m creamy.”

  “You’re mom’s creamy. NO. She’s mean. This is my right and she’s stealing it from me.”

  “B, as my mother, don’t you think it would be her right to give me and her grandchild a baby shower?”

  “No…” She looks away, her lips puckering.

  “Stop making duck lips,” I say. “She said you could help, right? So help.”

  “It’s not the same,” she whines. “I want to pick the decorations and the location. I want to choose the invitations and cake. And I want to play really crazy games that have awesome prizes. She’ll just have candles or bottles of body wash. Everybody does that. I want to make your party special.”

  Awe. That’s sweet. “Well can’t you still do that stuff by helping her?”

  “No,” she sighs. “She told me I can be in charge of party favors.”

  “I bet they’ll be the best party favors to ever grace a baby shower,” I sing.

  “Oh, they will be. You can count on that. I’m going to show your mean-ass mom.”

  “That’s the spirit—the psychotic, over-the-top spirit.”

  She sits up, nodding excitedly. “Mm-hm. That’s right. Oh, ho-ho…you just wait. The best thing to happen to you will be my contribution to this shower.”

  Hopping up quickly, she heads for the door, fueled by her proclamation. “Where you going?” I call after her.

  “I have research to do.”

  I let my head fall back and laugh quietly. The bedroom door opens again and I turn to see Park coming in, a plate in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. Of course.

  “Hey you. Hungry?”

  “Not really.”

  He sets everything down on the nightstand and pulls the blanket back gradually. His eyes follow the length of my body, starting with my toes, before resting on my face.

  “You are so sexy when you first wake up.” He shakes his head, licking his lips. “You’re sexy all the time.” He climbs onto the bed, hovering over me. “But when your hair’s messy and your cheeks have that deep sleep pink to them, I just want to consume you, inch by beautiful inch.”

  Park’s mouth comes down on mine, kissing me greedily. He pulls his hands over my chest, dragging them down to my hips. His hand glides over my small belly pouch, pausing there for a moment, before continuing on. He slips inside my sleep shorts and I break apart.

  His finger slides inside me, moving in a circular motion, and I begin to breathe heavy. I love the way he touches me. The way he knows exactly how to make my body respond to him.

  I open my legs farther and move into his hand. Park makes a low murmur of approval before he severs the kiss. He works his way down my neck, continuing over my chest, and places a kiss on my stomach.

  I lift my hips as he begins slipping my shorts off. Before I have time to register his next move, his tongue is delving into the same spot his finger just vacated. I grab a handful of his hair, gripping it tightly.

  Park growls, pulling back slightly. “You taste sweeter after sleep, too.”

  Holy hell. I bite into my lip as he draws his tongue over me intimately, stroking flawlessly. His hands hold me in place as I begin to wiggle, searching for relief from the intense pleasure.

  I think I say his name. I can’t be sure because I’m shattering into a million pieces. I’m dust. Falling. Floating. I’m fire. Pulling. Clinging. I’m ash. Soaring. Sinking.

  “Jesus, Lucy,” Park chokes. My eyes fly open and meet his. “I have never been so fucking turned on before. That was, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

  I’m panting, trying to regain control of my breathing, and all I can think about is how I want more. I unhook his pants, guiding him exactly where I want him. He gives me what I need, thrusting his hips forward.

  “I need to see that again,” he breathes. “Daily.”

  I think I should be embarrassed, but I just can’t find that emotion right now. Right now, all I can think about is him.

  42

  Park

  While Lucy’s at work, I decide to go see Guy. There’s been so much on my mind lately. I’ve changed a lot in the past few months and with everything happening so fast, I can’t help thinking about what’s really important to me.

  Guy is high on that list.

  He opens the door and I can see the surprise on his face before he steps aside, inviting me in.

  “What’s up Daddy?”

  “You need to quit calling me that. It’s fucking creepy.”

  He chuckles. “Just trying to get you acquainted with the term.” I follow after him to the kitchen. The makings of a sandwich are set out on the counter. He pulls out a second plate, handing it to me, and I work on fixing a snack.

  “So what’s up? You haven’t sought me out since the night you took off. How’d you even know where I live now?”

  “Chase,” I say, answering his last question first. I scratch my chin with the tip of my thumb, my eyes on the counter. “I wanted…” I drop the bread in my hand and face him. “I’m sorry.”

  He stares hard at me for several seconds and then puts the back of his hand to my forehead. “You dying?”

  I duck out under his hand and push his arm away. “I’m serious. I’m trying to apologize for—well, for every shitty thing I’ve ever done to you. You’re my best friend and I’ve been fucking worthless in this relationship. You’ve stuck it out and I have no clue why, but I…I’m glad you did. I just…”

  He nods, clearing his throat. “We’re good, man.” He throws a slice of cheese, hitting me in the face. “Now quit being a little girl.”

  I laugh, tossing the cheese onto the bread. “This coming from the dude that rents chick-flicks twice a week.”

  “This coming from the dude that used to watch those chick-flicks with me twice a week.”

  Damn. Good point.

  “Maybe I’m a little bit better of a friend than I thought because I hated those movies. I only did that so you wouldn’t have to watch them alone.”

  Guy cocks his head to the side and raises his brows. “Don’t make me check your movie collection. I can guarantee I’ll find Titanic.”

  I drop my sandwich. “Hey,” I say defensively, “that is a classic. And Kate Winslet is hot.”

  He smirks at me. “I knew it.”

  “Shut up.”

  He takes his plate to the table and I join him. “So,” he says, “how’s Lulu doing?”

  “She’s good. Getting a little baby bump.” I smile, thinking of the way her belly is showing the first signs of rounding, growing with life. “I fucking love it.” I sit back, tapping my fingers on the table. “I’m in love with her.”

  He has no reaction and it throws me off. I expected him to jump out of his chair and check my head for fever again.

  “I know. I’m happy for you, man.”

  I lift my chin, acknowledging him. “It’s weird,” I confess. “I thought I was in love with Hope. All those years, I really thought she was who I wanted.” I pick at the bread and shake my head. “But that was… Hope just wasn’t the one. Lucy is—everything. She’s everything I want and everything I need. I didn’t think I’d ever find this.”

  “And now you have a baby on the way.”

  I nod. “A baby. Can you believe that? I’m scared shitless. I’ve picked up extra shows, trying to save money. I know we need shit, but I don’t even know what yet. I bought books. Read everything I can, but I still don’t know how to prepare. But, Guy, when I heard the beating of his little heart…” I rub the sting from my eyes. “Best damn sound, ever. And it made it finally sink in. I’m going to be responsible for a person. A person who I’m going to care about every single aspect of their life.”

  “I think you’ll be all right. The fact that you can sit s
till and talk about this with me speaks volumes. You, my friend, have grown up.”

  Is that what I’ve been doing? Growing up? Hell. Lucy’s dad had it right. Where have I been while this was happening?

  ***

  Jessie and Bree come over for our pre-Thanksgiving dinner before we head home for the real thing later this week. Lucy likes to cook and thought it’d be fun to have our own thing. And it was, but the second we’re alone, I pull her to the bedroom. I take a deep breath, inhaling her scent to compose myself.

  “I decided what I want to call you,” I say and my voice is thick with nerves.

  “Oh yeah?” she replies. “What?”

  “I was thinking it’d be really nice to call you Mrs. Reed.” I watch her carefully, trying to figure out what she’s thinking.

  The muscles in her throat work as she swallows and my chest is throbbing as I wait for her reaction.

  “I thought you wanted a name only you could call me. Mrs. Reed is something everyone will say.” Her voice quivers over the last sentence and I don’t know how to take that.