Gods and Heroes

  Chapter 4: The Temple of All Gods

  Fotio had been eager to end the journey and had insisted upon taking meals while they rode and stopping only when the horses were exhausted. Thanks to his impatience, the two travelers found themselves on a small hill overlooking The Temple of All Gods on the evening of the third day from Putami.

  Sitting atop his worn out mount, Fotio looked down upon the city as it lay bathed in the soft light of the setting sun and pondered his growing doubt. The same people who had built this beautiful place were seeking his help, and he was going to refuse them. He wasn't quite sure why he was going to refuse them, but that's what he was going to do. He sighed - something he had been doing a lot more of since meeting the priest - and urged Ormi into motion. Akakion hesitated a few seconds and then followed.

  Lifelike statues of Gods and Emperors lined the road winding down from the hill to a magnificent red and blue archway that framed a gap in the high walls. Behind the wall, blue and white buildings rose up from the valley floor, forming intricate patterns of laneways on either side of the road as it wound up onto the slopes of two large and craggy hills. A river flowed under a smaller and bared archway to the east of the road, its course through the city made visible by the lush gardens that were cultivated along its banks. The temple itself rose up on the western side and towered over the tree lined streets and avenues.

  'There is no door in the archway,' Fotio observed.

  'There is, but it has been fashioned by divine hands,' Akakion replied. 'Thulia, the God of Toil, made a gate of air and fire that allows only those that love the Gods to pass. Any who are enemies are incinerated and their ashes scattered to the heavens.'

  Fotio gave him a look. 'That sounds a little farfetched.'

  'Nah, it's true. I've seen it happen.'

  They followed the cobbled road and, after only a short hesitation from Fotio who imagined he felt a sudden heat as he neared the invisible gate, rode through the arch and into the city. Akakion explained that there were no guards because the statues on the road were sentinels and would warn the city if danger approached. Once through the gate, the priest took the lead and immediately turned right onto a narrow path that followed the wall from the inside. 'This will lead us directly to the emperor's compound,' he explained.

  After three days on the road with a surly companion, Fotio looked wistfully at the cobbled boulevard that wound into the city itself. He craved a strong drink and a hot meal amongst normal people, but he consoled himself with the thought that the sooner he saw the Emperor, the sooner this farce would be over.

  The path they travelled may have been narrow, but it made up for its lack of stature with its magnificent attire. The cobblestones were of a dark red hue with fine veins of gold and silver forming interconnected patterns upon their surface, as if a spider had built its web within the stone itself. Red painted columns with blue collars at their top supported a stone roof upon which appeared images of Mazi engaging in Godly activities - usually involving violence. Fotio was fairly sure that the images were only paintings, but they were so realistic that he was half expecting blood to drip down upon him from one of the many battle scenes. Despite the odd image that did not feature violence as a central theme, the ceiling paintings made it clear that Mazi, the Lord of the Gods, did not shirk from a fight.

  The city wall was eventually replaced at the side of the path by the raw stone of the hillside, and soon after it opened into a large open yard in which a small army was encamped. At least, the camp looked like the sort an army would make. The individual soldiers, however, didn't quite fit as far as Fotio was concerned. He turned to Akakion to voice his concerns about the un-military soldiers and was surprised to see the look on the priest's face. It was a curious blend of pride and fear.

  'If these soldiers are here, then the situation is far worse than I feared. These are The Guardians of Eternity, the three hundred soldiers who usually protect the entrance to the realm of the Gods at the foot of Mount Polipsilo,' Akakion replied to Fotio's unasked question. 'They are, without a doubt, the finest body of warriors in the world.'

  Fotio turned his unbelieving eyes back to the strange camp. 'They're naked!' he pointed out, despite knowing it was a redundant statement. Anyone with eyes could see that. 'And some of them are, um, engaging in lewd behaviour. Look at those two over there,' he said, pointing. 'That doesn't look very military to me. Oh, there's three of them.'

  'They are the Army of Lovers,' Akakion explained. 'They owe their ferocity to the fact that each soldier would be ashamed to be seen as weak in the eyes of his or her lover. And they are not naked! Look, can you see? They each have a shield. In battle, they also carry two javelins and a sword buckled about their waist. And they're wearing sandals.'

  While they were talking, one of the soldiers noticed them and straightened up. He was the only one wearing any clothing in the entire camp - a helmet with a long comb running from front to back. Fotio guessed that he was the head pervert.

  'Company! ATTEN-TION!' the hat-wearing soldier bellowed.

  Three hundred naked people disengaged themselves from whatever it was they were doing and stood up straight. Only a few carried a shield despite Akakion's statement and those that did held it over their left flank, which Fotio thought did them absolutely no good at all.

  Tears of pride welled up in Akakion's eyes. 'I trained them all,' he said, 'and they make me so proud.' He crossed his right fist across his chest and then thrust it into the air, middle finger extended to the heavens in a symbolic representation of the landmass of Helvenica. 'Soldiers of Eternity,' he bellowed even louder than the helmet-wearing soldier, 'I salute you!'

  Three hundred middle fingers rose to the heavens in response.

  'I thought I heard the footfalls of a giant,' said a voice from the direction of the temple. A man stepped out from behind the body of naked soldiers. It had to be a man, Fotio thought to himself, because bears can't talk.

  'Your Holiness,' Akakion said as he slid off his horse and onto his knees. The soldiers all followed suit, which left Fotio sitting atop Ormi and towering over everyone.

  'So this is the hero who will save Helvenica and her Gods,' the big man said as he approached.

  Akakion looked up urgently at Fotio, who finally twigged on who was talking to them and slid off his horse and onto his knees.

  The big man laughed and the sound was so rich and hearty that it made Fotio want to join in the joke. The Emperor, for that is who he surely was, came and stood beside the horses. Up close, he looked even more impressive. He was a huge man, a full head taller than Fotio who towered over most, and nearly as broad across the shoulder. But even more striking than his size was his hair, which was curly, and black as night. It hung about his head like a dark and angry cloud, and his beard fell to his chest in dark ringlets that contrasted with his blood red and sky blue robe.

  'The times are too urgent to allow rank and tradition to govern our actions,' the big man said and gestured to Akakion and Fotio to stand. 'And while I am flattered that the Guardians of Eternity hold me in such esteem, I would be grateful if they continued their preparations to march tomorrow.'

  'You heard His Holiness,' bellowed the helmeted soldier, 'back to work.'

  'Word has reached me, Lord Keeper, that you have been struggling of late,' the Emperor said.

  'I am sorry, Your Holiness,' Akakion mumbled, looking at the ground. 'The situation with my wife has clouded my mind.'

  'Mazi is very concerned, as am I,' the Emperor said. 'If the circumstances were any less dire I would have insisted you take some time off.'

  'I understand, Your Holiness. I will do my best.'

  The Emperor turned to Fotio, and a puzzled look crossed his bearded face. 'Have we met before, young hero?' he asked.

  'No Your Holiness, I have never before been blessed by your presence.' Fotio said and made to continue, but hesitated. Throughout the entire journey from Putami, he had planned to beg the Emperor to l
et him return home because he was not a hero and the whole quest felt like a ghastly mistake, but now that the time had come to speak, he wasn't quite so sure.

  What did he have to go home too? He had always thought of his mother's house as home, but pride forced him to spend most of his nights in a stable at the edge of town. And his "friends" were a motley collection of thieves and petty scofflaws who had probably already forgotten his name.

  How could someone like himself say no to an Emperor offering him an opportunity to be a hero, to save his homeland and his Gods, and to stop a long and pointless war? For the first time in his life, Fotio had an inkling that, just possibly, he was his own worst enemy.

  The big man noted the young thief's hesitation and smiled through his big beard. 'Do not doubt yourself, young hero,' he said, as if he had read Fotio's mind. 'You have been chosen by the Gods and while some may doubt their wisdom,' he looked pointedly at Akakion, 'they are not fools. You carry the Stone Mace on your back as if it was the lightest cotton cloak, and your mount was able to carry you and the Mace together, which shows it is not just the strength in your arm that makes it possible.' He looked perplexed for a moment. 'But you do remind me of someone and I cannot figure out who. Never mind, I'm sure it will come to me in time. Your name is Fotio, is it not?'

  'Yes Your Holiness.'

  'I'm sure you will have a major part to play in saving Helvenica and her people, Fotio,' he said and turned back to Akakion. 'I know that you have only just arrived and are in need of rest, but the situation has worsened considerably since you were last here, Lord Keeper. The armies of Monos are almost ready to march, which is why we have summoned the Guardians of Eternity. We hope that they will buy us enough time to allow our own armies to reach full strength.'

  'But Your Holiness, you cannot sacrifice these soldiers for such a trivial gain. They are our most potent weapon.'

  'We have no choice. Our forces are scattered throughout the land and would offer little resistance to the invaders. Only the Guardians can hope to slow them down enough to allow us to muster the strength to face them. There is a chance that they will triumph, however, and that chance is tied to your quest, Keeper,' the Emperor said. 'You and Fotio are going to leave here tomorrow morning, a few hours before the Guardians march. If you can destroy the staff before they engage the armies of Monos, then the Twelve will be able to aid them in their attack. They will be all but invincible.'

  Akakion looked shocked. 'It is a grave responsibility you place upon our shoulders, Your Holiness. Ours is a difficult mission with little hope of success! Such a slim chance of victory means that you are effectively condemning these fine soldiers to death!'

  'If you fail, Keeper, we are all of us condemned. Even at full strength, our armies are no match for the force that Monos is assembling against us, and there is no way he would spare the priests and soldiers of The Twelve if he were to succeed in banishing our Gods.' The Emperor paused and looked long and hard at Fotio, before turning back to Akakion. 'Do not despair, my friend, you have Aquina watching over you. Of all The Twelve, she is the one I would most want by my side in such an endeavor. Your, um, wife, has requested you not return to your home tonight, so a meal and lodgings have been arranged for you here at the Temple.'

  'As you wish, Your Holiness,' Akakion said, but quietly and with no vigor in his voice.

  'Oh, and there is one more thing that you should know. If the reports from our agents are true, then some of the Kings and Queens cannot be trusted. The influence of The Twelve has waned in the spirit realm with the rise of Monos, which has caused disquiet amongst some who are attuned to its influence. We believe that the Harpies who attacked you were also responding to this weakness, so be wary of any spirits you encounter, however benign they may appear. Despite your need for haste, I would recommend you avoid the main roads and steer clear of the big cities, especially Pethamenos directly to the south. Even the Guardians are going to march around it.'

  'Going around will add many days to our journey, Your Holiness. Is it really that bad?'

  'It's worse, Lord Keeper, far worse. The King of Pethamenos has all but renounced The Twelve, and the Church of Psofios has been thrown into chaos.'

  'This is disturbing news, Your Holiness. What of Enorganon which sits just below it?'

  'I will be honest and say that they appear to have resisted the corruption of Monos, but they have strange ways and should be avoided on general principle. They worship Homatos, the god of fertility and some of her, um, uniqueness, has tainted her worshipers.'

  'Yes Your Holiness.'

  'You are a giant amongst us, Lord Keeper, and even the Gods have a great respect for you. If anyone can save us, it is you. With the help of your young friend, of course.'

  'Yes Your Holiness, thank you.'

  'The Captain will show you to your quarters. I must hurry off because there is much to do before the hammer falls. I hope that we will be able to cushion the blow, at the very least, even if we cannot avert a war. Good luck to you both, and may The Twelve be with you.'

  After the Emperor had gone, one of the naked soldiers took the reins of their horses and another led them into the temple. He showed them the dining room where a feast had been prepared for them, and the two adjoining rooms where they could rest.

  'I was surprised you didn't ask the Emperor to free you from this fate,' Akakion said after they had eaten their fill. The banquet, while lavish, was lacking in one respect. He was making up for that lack by pouring stiporo from a flask into two goblets.

  'It crossed my mind,' Fotio said, accepting one of the goblets, 'but where would I go? Back to being a nobody? Back to sleeping in a stable? This whole affair may be mad and will probably lead me to my death, but it's still preferable to going back to my old life.'

  Akakion nodded and drained his cup. He reached into his robe and produced another flask. 'Believe it or not, I understand,' he said, and poured another measure of stiporo. 'I also am starting a new life but, unlike you, I'm not doing it willingly. If we succeed, we will be heroes and all of Helvenica will be thankful, and if we fail, well, it's not like we have all that much to lose.'

  'Got another of those flasks?' Fotio asked. 'Thanks,' he said as Akakion silently withdrew a third flask from his robe and handed it over. 'There is one thing that is playing on my mind. I know what we have to do, but how do we actually do it?'

  'That has been taken care of, apparently,' Akakion said. 'The Gods have managed to infiltrate Monos's camp. All we need to do is get there and they will lead us to the high priest.'

  It finally dawned on Fotio just what it was he was to do. 'We're assassins!' he exclaimed.

  Once again, Akakion shrugged. 'Not really. We must destroy the staff. If whoever is holding the staff refuses to let go, then, yes, we will probably be assassins. Why else would they send people like us?'

  Fotio made as if to say something, but thought better of it.

  'It's war, lad. We're soldiers with a job to do.'

  'Got any more stiporo?'

  (ii)

  Despite spending the night leaning heavily upon the crutch that is alcohol, both Fotio and Akakion felt sober and alert as they stood beside their horses in the pre-dawn gloom. The Emperor had provided a pack mule to carry extra supplies in case something delayed them on the road, but that was the only indication that their journey meant anything to anyone but themselves. Even the soldiers who brought their horses simply passed over the reins and scuttled off with barely a word. Feeling isolated and alone, the two travelers mounted up and rode out of the city.

  Pethamenos straddled a pass in the Irophia Mountains, which meant that they had to journey many miles to the east to avoid it. In good times, some travelers considered the eastern pass a pleasant alternative to the starkness of the city that had Psofios, the God of Death and Order, as its patron. But these were not good times, and so it was with some reluctance that Akakion led them off the main road and onto a smaller, unpaved track that led into the rising
sun.

  Both men were in a contemplative mood, pre-occupied with heavy internal dialogues involving the meaning of life, the mystery of love, and the dignity of the human condition, so the conversation was sparse and distracted.

  'It's funny, isn't it?' Akakion said when the sun had risen above their eye line and they could look ahead without squinting. The trepidation he had felt when they turned off the main road had evaporated with the morning dew.

  'What is?'

  'Us. I mean, look at me. Keeper of the Order on a mission that could make or break the land I swore to protect, and it all seems so irrelevant when compared to my wife leaving me.'

  'Yeah, it's an absolute hoot.'

  'No need to be sarcastic about it,' Akakion said, sounding miffed but pressing on nonetheless. 'It's not as if Sharon and I got along after the first year or two, anyway, which makes it all the stranger.'

  Fotio shrugged and fixed his eyes on the road ahead.

  'What's really weird is that before she left me, I spent most of my time fantasizing about leaving her.'

  Fotio maintained his silence.

  'And it's not as if we ever spent much time together,' Akakion continued. 'As Keeper, I was away more often than not, and on the rare occasions that I was home, she was usually off tending Strigla's Temple.'

  Fotio sighed, but said nothing.

  'And you, from the look of you, I would guess that you are a bit of a lady's man who's gotten tired of his shallow, hedonistic lifestyle. What a pair, eh? It's strange how we've reached the same place from different directions.'

  Fotio looked at the man upon whose shoulders rested the fate of an entire nation. 'Are you pining for a different life, Lord Keeper?'

  'Far from it, young thief, I am well aware of the lifestyle maintained by people of your ilk and have no wish to share it. One partner after another, of all shapes and sizes no doubt, until you can no longer remember who you've been with and how. All that depravity twists and warps your definition of what it is to be human and fills you with a perverse and hollow thirst for carnal pleasure.'

  'Tell me, how was your sex life with Sharon?'

  'Pretty dire.'

  'Thought so,' Fotio said, and then a thought dropped into his head. 'What about that so called army of lovers. They looked like they were into the carnal thing in a big way.'

  Akakion shook his head in dismay. 'Your defective education shines through again,' he said. 'They are devotees of Pomeros, the spirit of free love. They love many, this is true, but they love their lovers for all time.'

  They rode on in silence for a little while. Eventually, Fotio said 'What if I told you that I have never kissed a girl?'

  'What can I say? I am a modern man. Your choice of sexual partners is your own.'

  'No, you idiot! I'm a virgin! I've never been with anyone!'

  For a moment, Akakion looked stunned and then an expression of understanding swept over his face. 'There's nothing to be ashamed of, my friend, I won't judge you on the number of people you've slept with, or haven't slept with, as the case may be.' A lewd wink and a leer accompanied the end of the sentence.

  Fotio was about to make an insensitive comment about the priest's ancestry that would have permanently damaged their relationship so, in a strange way, it was fortunate that a huge net come out of the scrub to his left and dragged him off Ormi, who promptly bolted. The net wrapped around and immobilized his arms, and the horse's panic twisted him in mid air so that he fell, head first, onto the road. The last thing he saw before blackness overcame him were several huge, ugly, humanoid monsters lumbering out of the scrub at the side of the track. He thought that only concussion could explain the fact that they were all dressed in clothes that were the height of fashion and each had a blue, bow-shaped ribbon pinned to its chest.

  (iii)

 

  Consciousness returned to Fotio in stages, as if it wanted him to experience the full horror of his predicament. It began by introducing him to all his aches and pains before opening up his mind to the world at large. Through the ringing in his ears, he heard urgent voices speaking in hushed tones.

  'We've got to let him go, Simon! He's the Keeper! Could you imagine what Mazi would do if he found out we ate his favorite human? He'd be beside himself!'

  'Oh fiddlesticks! Mazi is yesterday's God now that this new fellow's shown up. I say we eat the priest just to show that smelly old beast that we aren't afraid of him anymore.'

  'I don't know about you, my dear, but Mazi still scares the pants off me. He may be fading, but I reckon he'd have just enough power left to send a thunderbolt or two up our backsides. Just let the Keeper go. We can eat the other one. I'll make a nice meat sauce for some pasta so that there's enough to go around.'

  'Quiet lads, the kid's coming around,' broke in a third voice.

  Fotio groaned and tried to roll over, but couldn't. He could feel tight ropes restricting his hands and feet, but it was only after he had opened his eyes that he realized the full extent of his bonds; looking down revealed an intricate web of ropes that totally immobilized him.

  'You know, Simon, I think you over did it when you tied up this little fellow,' said an ugly giant standing a few yards away. He was wearing a bright green shirt buttoned to the collar, matched with darker green pants. In his mildly concussed state, Fotio thought his outfit was quite stylish.

  'I just didn't want our dinner to escape,' said another ugly giant, who was wearing a flame red, one-piece jump suit that Fotio thought was nice, if a little showy. The long white apron he was wearing on top didn't improve it, nor did the belt of various knives that hung around his waist. 'You're always criticizing me for the most ridiculous reasons. Sometimes I think you're just jealous of my superior fashion sense.'

  'Superior fashion sense?' said the first ogre, for that is what these monsters obviously were but, once again, the reality didn't quite fit the myth in Fotio's mind. 'You call what you're wearing fashion? It may be clothing, sweetheart, but it's definitely not fashion,' the Ogre concluded.

  Simon was about to reply when the third ogre, whom Fotio thought was the best dressed of the three in a black and blue leather outfit, spoke up. He'd been studying Fotio intently with a concerned look on his face while the other two had been bickering. 'This kid reminds me of someone, but I can't quite figure out whom.'

  The other two ogres stopped arguing and turned to Fotio. A moment later, Simon let out a horrified squeal. 'You're right, Benny, we've got to let them both go. Look at him!'

  'Oh shit,' was all Benny had to say.

  'Simon, go fetch the Keeper,' the third ogre said and came and loosened Fotio's bonds. 'There's been a terrible mistake, sir,' he said as he worked on one of the more stubborn knots, 'but this is what we've been reduced to. We were once the doyens of fashion on Mount Polipsilo, now we are no more than common thieves, scratching out a miserable living on the misfortune of others.'

  'You only have yourselves to blame, Douglas,' Akakion said. Simon had returned with the priest slung over his shoulder. By the looks of his bonds, Simon had done his as well. 'You all know how sensitive Mazi is. Calling him a redneck beast during a dinner in his own hall was always going to get you in trouble.'

  'Put him down over here, please,' Douglas said, 'but don't untie him yet.'

  Simon did as instructed and then went and stood beside Benny.

  'We realize that what we did was wrong, Keeper, and would have taken it back a thousand times if we could have.'

  'Most definitely,' agreed Benny.

  'In a heartbeat,' Simon averred.

  'Now just to show you how sorry we are, we're not going to eat you, despite the fact that we've got sixty starving ogres back at camp. In return, you've got to put in a good word with Mazi for us. Do you agree?'

  'Yes,' Akakion said without hesitating. 'You have my word that I will do my best to have Mazi lift your exile.'

  'The word of the Keeper is good enough for me,' Douglas said. 'Untie these two, please Sim
on. I can't seem to get the hang of your knots.'

  'But Dougy, what are we going to eat?' Benny whined. 'I'm fed up to the back teeth with nettle pesto on fettuccine.'

  'I think that there is something else that the Keeper wouldn't mind us taking, and it'll be almost as good as fettuccine with meat sauce.'

  'Nooo,' yelled Fotio, jumping to what he thought was an obvious conclusion. 'Don't take our horses! They're old and tough and will taste terrible.'

  All three ogres focused angry stares upon Fotio, who blushed. If Akakion's hands had been free, he would have buried his face in them. Instead, he looked upon the scene with horror and anticipation, as if he were waiting to see what would happen to someone who had just uttered a terrible blasphemy in a temple while the God was present and in a bad mood.

  'We are not savages,' Simon said, after a textured moment. 'We would not eat such beautiful animals.' With an offended look on his face, he took off the belt from which hung many well used butcher's knives, took off his butcher's smock, and withdrew two blue ribbons from the pocket of his fashionable pants. 'These are for you to wear, so that the world will know that you support the Ogre's return from exile. Benny, if you would be so kind.'

  'I was talking about the honey cakes,' Douglas said, and upended one of the packs. 'They would make a nice donation to our cause, which you obviously support because you're wearing the ribbons.'

  'Honey cakes!' squealed Benny. 'I love honey cakes.' He took the ribbons from Simon and moved to pin them onto the chests of the captives.

  'We'll leave you enough food to get you back to the Temple,' Douglas said, looking at the priest. 'But we're going to take pretty much everything else. In our reduced circumstances, we need all the resources we can get.'

  'They're very nice,' Akakion commented, as Benny fastened the ribbon to his chest and Simon busied himself with his bonds, 'but hardly worth all of our food and our horses.'

  'They are worth your lives,' Douglas said. 'Simon, could you go and tell the others we are leaving please?'

  'You're so bossy,' Simon grumbled as he turned and disappeared into the forest.

  'How much should we leave them?' Benny asked, looking wistfully at the pile of cakes.

  Douglas smirked. 'On second thoughts, we'll keep it all. After all, we have many mouths to feed and the Keeper is a resourceful man. I'm sure he and his rugged looking companion will have no trouble finding food in this fertile land.'

  Benny squealed with delight and began shoveling cakes back into Akakion's backpack, along with pretty much everything else. After they had collected most of Fotio and Akakion's possessions and untied them, the two Ogres vanished into the forest with surprising speed.

  'That was well done,' Fotio said, rubbing his wrists where Simon's bonds had been particularly tight.

  'Be thankful you're alive,' Akakion said and wandered over to the small pile of items that the ogres had left behind. 'They've left us our weapons, which is a blessing, and all our clothes, which I'm sure they wouldn't be caught dead in.'

  'I noticed they were very well dressed.'

  Akakion snorted. 'There was general rejoicing when Mazi kicked their backsides off the mountain. Bloody snobs.'

  'Do you think the Emperor will give us new horses?'

  'No, because we're not going back.'

  'But we have no food.'

  'We don't need any food. The trip around Pethamenos takes days but the trip through takes hours. There is a shrine to Mazi in the valley on the other side of the city where we can restock.'

  'But the Emperor warned us...'

  'The Emperor wasn't to know that we would be captured by ogres and taken miles out of our way,' Akakion replied. 'There is a little known entrance to the city near here and I can cast an illusion upon us that will make us blend in. All we have to do is slip in the back door and walk through the city. There shouldn't be any problems as long as we keep our heads down and avoid priests.'

  'Why avoid priests?'

  'They may be able to see through the illusion.'

  'I don't know,' Fotio began, but Akakion cut him off.

  'There is no other way! The Guardians of Eternity have probably already set off and it will take us the rest of the day and most of tomorrow morning to get back to the Temple. If we go through the city, we will be on the other side before nightfall. Instead of losing time, we will have gained it, and the priests at the shrine will give us fresh horses and supplies so we can continue on our way tomorrow morning.'

  Fotio was about to argue, but the priest's face warned him off it. 'Okay, lead the way,' he said.

  'It's off the road to the south. Grab what's left of your stuff and follow me.'

  (iv)

  As far as Fotio could tell, the scrubby forest through which Akakion led them consisted entirely of thorny plants that had a personal vendetta against him. After an hour of skin tearing good times, they emerged from the scrub onto the shore of a wide marshy lake over which hung a faint purple haze.

  'Poh, what a stench!' Fotio said, gagging and clutching at his nose.

  'This is the fabled Hygiene Marsh of Pethamenos. Don't drink the water.'

  'Where's the entrance to the city?'

  'At the foot of the mountains near those buildings,' Akakion said, pointing towards the looming mountains on the other side of the lake. Come on.'

  Through the purple haze, Fotio could just make out a number of buildings clustered together at the foot of the mountains. They gave the impression that they were trying to get as far away from the water as possible.

  'What is this place, and who in their right mind would live here?'

  'No one lives here. The sewer of the underground city runs into the biggest building over there and then out into this valley.'

  'You mean this is a lake of sh..'

  'Yes,' Akakion said, cutting him off, 'but they do something to it in the buildings which they say cleans it all up and gives them power to chase shadows away.'

  Fotio looked around in horror. 'How do you clean turds? And what do you do with them afterwards? And if you think I'm swimming through that bog to get to the other side, then you are out of mind.' Fotio paused a moment and thought about what he had just said. 'More out of your mind than you are, I mean,' he added.

  'We don't have to swim, you idiot, just follow the bloody path.'

  'Hey! What happened to you?' Fotio said, and then looked down at himself. 'And me too.'

  'It's the illusion. I prayed up to get them to disguise us. We look like regular Pethamenosians now.'

  'Nice beard,' Fotio said, running his newly stubby-fied fingers through the luxuriant growth on his face. 'Why are we so short?'

  'They spend most of their time underground and it's stunted their growth, or so I'm told.'

  'Was it the same people who told you about the clean turds?'

  Akakion shot the young thief a look that was no less poisonous for being lower to the ground and partially obfuscated by masses of facial hair. 'Just follow me and try not to draw attention to us,' he said, and set off along the path that ran beside the fetid lake.

  'Why is there a path here,' Fotio asked as they trudged through the purple-tinted atmosphere.

  'They grow food on the other side of the lake.'

  Fotio made a sour face that somehow managed to convey his disgust through his newly acquired thick beard. 'These people are disgusting.'

  'Shhh, stop talking. If anyone hears us, they'll know we're not from these parts.'

  'What does it matter? We're all Helvenican, right?

  'Even before all this nastiness with Monos, the Pethamenosians weren't the most hospitable of people. Everyone passing through the city had to stay on the prescribed path, and they had to be out from under the mountain before sunset. To top it off, the greedy little buggers charged a fortune to travel through. If, as the Emperor believes, the King has renounced The Twelve then they may be even less friendly than usual.'

  As they trudged towards the mountains, Akakion
described his many unhappy encounters with the Pethamenosian authorities in his capacity as Keeper, but Fotio was only half listening. He had an uncomfortable feeling that not all was well, and it grew the closer they got to the mountains.

  'I'm not sure this is a good idea,' he blurted out when they were only a few hundred yards from the cluster of buildings.

  'Don't worry. We just need to keep our heads down and walk swiftly and we'll be through in a couple of hours.'

  'It feels wrong,' Fotio said, and un-slung his mace. It had shrunk along with rest of him, but the haft felt familiar in his hands and that reduced his anxiety somewhat.

  'Just follow me and keep quiet,' Akakion said.

  Grumbling about the ways of priests, Fotio allowed Akakion to lead him towards the largest of the buildings. The handful of workers busying themselves around the shores of the lake totally ignored the two as they walked past. The guards at the door weren't quite so indifferent.

  'What business have you at these gates, citizens,' one of the guards asked as the two travelers approached, his accent so thick that Fotio could barely understand him.

  'We have news from The Temple for the King's ears only,' Akakion said in the same accent,

  'Better you than I,' the guard said. 'Pass this once, but be aware that this gate is to be closed to all but the workers of the field come sunset. The King is concerned for the safety of his people.'

  'And so he should be,' Akakion said. 'War is coming and the Guardians of Eternity are marching.' He strode through the door despite his short legs and Fotio made to follow, but no sooner had Akakion crossed the threshold than the illusion lifted and he was his tall self once again. The guards gasped.

  'Lord Akakion,' the second guard squealed and vanished into the building. The other guard loosened his axe and moved to block their retreat. He did not look happy. 'I am aware that I could not stop you if you wished to leave, but I am willing to die in the attempt.'

  'I would not raise arms against such a valiant soldier and Helvenican, Sergeant Chimento,' Akakion said. 'We will await our fate peacefully.'

  'I know why you are here, Lord, and just so you know, I don't like what's happening,' Sergeant Chimento said, lowering his axe. 'The King rants and raves about how the Gods have abandoned us and let us down, and how we are better off alone. We know it's creepy and wrong, but Psofios has not been seen for many a day, and the King still rules despite his heresy. We have to obey him because that is the Gods' will, is it not?'

  Akakion looked perplexed. 'You know of our mission?'

  'It's not hard to guess, is it,' Chimento said. 'I mean, come on, you can only bad mouth the Gods for so long before they send someone to cut out your windpipe. I just want you to know that we, the guards, are faithful servants of the Gods and will be so for the rest of our days, however many they may be.'

  'I am glad for your loyalty,' Akakion said.

  'Do you have anything to eat?' Fotio cut in. 'We may be here a while and we haven't eaten since breakfast.'

  'Actually, we've got some honey cakes back here,' Chimento said, and ducked into an alcove beside the gate.

  When King Petrakefalo and the royal guard arrived, they found the three of them sitting on the grass a few feet from the door, enjoying a meal of honey cakes washed down with wine.

  'Is this how my guards react to threats to our city? The home they have sworn to protect?'

  'I'm sorry Your Majesty, but this is no enemy. It's Lord Akakion, Keeper of the Order.'

  'Silence!' the King screamed, causing the three diners to jump to their feet. Fotio grasped his mace nervously; his feeling of disquiet had escalated to a full panic. There was something about the King that made his heart race and he was pretty sure it wasn't love.

  'Your Majesty,' Akakion said, 'although I use the term loosely. Why does the divine magic of The Twelve fail when we enter your city?'

  The King sneered at Akakion. 'The Twelve no longer have power in my domain. I have banished them!'

  'Where did someone like you get the power to banish the Gods?' Akakion said, swinging his spear around to point at the King. Fotio took this as a signal to get ready to fight. He grasped the haft of his mace with both hands.

  'Only another God has that sort of power. Are you in league with the enemies of Helvenica? Do you have a symbol from Monos?' Akakion asked.

  'I need no symbol. I have the power of my mind,' the King replied. 'Guards! Arrest these two and throw them in the dungeon.'

  The command did not have the effect King Petrakefalo had expected. The guards all looked towards Sergeant Chimento, who was fiddling with his beard.

  'But Sire, this is the Keeper. If we arrest him, Mazi might get angry and it's not good to have the Lord of the Gods annoyed at you.'

  'Are you questioning me, your King?'

  'Well, you're only King by the will of the Gods, and if they aren't here anymore, then you are no longer the King.'

  'Monos is the only true God and I rule in his name!'

  Fotio had heard enough. He flung the mace with all his might and it struck the King full in the head. He hadn't meant to kill him, but the mace was heavy and travelling at such a velocity that it ripped the King's head right off his shoulders. The body did an acrobatic spin in the air before collapsing in a shower of blood, while the head travelled on a few yards and struck the far wall, where the weight of the mace reduced it to a gory red smear. An eyeball somehow survived the collision and stuck out from the wall, as if interested to see what would happen next.

  'Well, now we know why you were chosen,' Akakion said.

  Fotio felt sick to his stomach but he didn't have much time to ponder the wrongs and rights of what he had done because the ground beneath the King's body began to bubble and boil. Amidst the violet flames, a figure appeared.

  Everyone fell to the floor except for Fotio, who stood staring at the carnage with a look of culpable idiocy on his face.

  'Thank you young man,' said the apparition in the purple fire. It looked like a tall Pethamenosian, but with a violent tinge to his skin and pupil-less eyes as black as night. 'Now that you have sent that fool down to my domain I can deal with him at my leisure.' The apparition paused for a moment and looked at Fotio. 'You look familiar,' it said. 'Have we met before?'

  'No,' squeaked Fotio and looked at Akakion, who was lying on the ground with his face in his hands. 'Are you Psofios?'

  'Yes, yes I am,' Psofios said, 'and I am far from happy!' He looked down at the Pethamenosians who were lying prostrate on the floor, 'you have all betrayed me and The Twelve, and for that you will pay a heavy price. Henceforth, no Pethamenosian shall ever grow hair upon his face.'

  There was a crowded silence as all the guards clutched at their faces, and then a great wailing rose up to the heavens.

  'But Lord, we did not know what the King was up to,' Chimento cried.

  'Oh please, I am a God you know. I could see what was happening and so could you. Count yourselves lucky that I was able to turn my brother's wrath and get you all off lightly. He wanted to bring the whole mountain down upon your heads. Now, tend to our guests. They have a long and hard road ahead of them, and will need a bed for the night and horses and provisions to continue their journey tomorrow.'

  'Your will shall be done, Lord,' Chimento said.

  'It had better,' the God replied and sunk back into the violet puddle of molten rock.

  Chimento sighed and looked at one of the guards who had accompanied the King. 'Hali, get someone to clean this mess up,' he commanded, pointing to the former King's body.

  Hali, being a soldier, resorted to the tried and true military tactic of yelling at people until they did what he wanted them to do.

  Chimento rubbed at his baby pink face and looked down at his beard, which had remained on the ground when he stood up. 'It's a black day for Pethamenos,' he said, scooped up his beard and tucked it into a fold in his armor. 'You've made quite an impact, young man, but I can't say that the old King didn't
have it coming.' He grabbed the handle of the mace and tried to lift it of the ground, but failed.

  'Sorry about that,' Fotio said, and took the weapon from the straining guard's hands. He was surprised to see that despite the gory mess it had created, the mace itself was spotless.

  'We have guest rooms in the palace,' Sergeant Chimento said, not taking his eyes off Fotio. 'If you will follow me, we'll get you settled and organize a proper evening meal.'

  Fotio and Akakion followed the diminutive guard into the side of the mountain. Akakion had visited Pethamenos before, but for Fotio it was like stepping into a new world. He had been expecting cold, dark tunnels of rough stone, possibly with puddles of water created by the dripping stalactites hanging down from the ceiling. The warm, brightly lit corridor was a surprise, as were the many colorful paintings and tapestries that hung on the wall. 'Wow,' he said, 'this is amazing. Very artistic.'

  Sergeant Chimento beamed with pride. 'Thank you. It's a shame more non-Peths don't get to see the corridors of our city. They are heated and lit by the bounty of the Marsh, and the greatest artists in Helvenica fight one another for the privilege of hanging their work on the walls.'

  'You were the last Peth to undergo training with me, young Chimento, and that was well over two years ago,' Akakion said as they traipsed along the corridor. 'Why did Pethamenos stop sending soldiers to the capital?'

  'The King went a bit funny shortly after I returned. He started going on about how Helvenica needed a new direction.'

  'You should have told me.'

  'Yes I should have, Lord,' Chimento said, fingering his hairless chin, 'and for failing to do so I have been adequately punished, don't you think?'

  Akakion smiled. 'Peths are not known for their respect of authority,' he said. 'It's amazing that you all obeyed the King even though he was obviously going mad.'

  'No offence my Lord, but there are many in the city who think that you and the Emperor are a couple of bullies who should keep your noses and tax collectors out of our business. If the King had not denounced The Twelve just now, things may not have gone as well for you as they have.'

  Akakion shook his head. 'The legendary Peth love of coin rears its ugly head yet again. What do you think, Foti?'

  Fotio had been busy admiring the artwork on the walls and had not been paying attention. 'Think of what?'

  'Weren't you listening? The Peth love of money? What do you think about it?'

  'I don't know about their love of money, but these paintings and stuff are absolutely amazing. And nobody's getting killed in any of them. That's almost unique in Helvenica. I wish I could stay longer. Is there an inn or something I can come back and stay at when all this war business is finished? And a guide to show me around?'

  Chimento stopped dead in his tracks. 'What?'

  'Oh. Sorry. I forgot about your xenophobia.'

  Chimento's face couldn't decide on an expression. Shock, disbelief, greed - even anger had a go. It finally settled on confusion. 'I suppose we could organize some accommodation, but it will be fairly expensive. And a guide, someone like my brother in law who is very knowledgeable when it comes to art and stuff, but he'll need to be well paid.'

  'You'd do that for me? I've got a little money saved at home, about three hundred parathes. Would that be enough for a week's worth of accommodation and a guide?'

  Chimento's face registered shock.

  'Oh, I'm sorry! I've insulted you. Many apologies, but I'm new to these parts. Would four hundred be enough? I'm sure my mom could lend me another hundred if she knew what it was for. She loves culture and art.'

  'Four hundred parathes would be enough, yes,' Chimento chocked out. 'I'll organize a special meal for you when we get to the palace,' he continued through a newly acquired manic grin. 'It'll be a taste of the legendary Peth hospitality.'

  'Is Peth hospitality legendary?' Fotio asked Akakion as they trudged along behind Chimento.

  'It's more than legendary, lad, it's mythical,' Akakion growled, 'but I have a feeling we're going to hear a lot more about it regardless of who wins the war.'

  The corridor eventually opened up into a cavern so large that Fotio thought for a moment that they had come out into the open. Unlike the corridors, the soft light of the evening sun lit the cavern through shafts in the ceiling. The cunning engineers of Pethamenos had designed them to focus the light of day onto an ornate building at the cavern's center, giving it an otherworldly glow.

  'The Temple of Psofios,' Chimento said with pride in his voice. 'Few outsiders have ever cast their eyes upon its magnificence.'

  'Not yet, anyway,' Akakion muttered.

  The sheer size of the cavern played tricks with their eyes and warped perspective, so what Fotio thought was a short distance to the temple took several minutes to traverse, and the temple seemed to grow as they approached. By the time they were standing at the door, Fotio could only see the top by craning his head all the way back. 'Wow,' was all he could think to say.

  Beaming like a pyromaniac in a paper factory, Chimento led them inside. 'Our collection of religious art is housed in the temple,' he said leading them through an enormous entrance hall. 'It is even more spectacular than the displays in the corridors. Fotio, however, was not impressed with the paintings and tapestries that lined the walls, all of which depicted the violet-skinned Psofios attending to his divine duties. He noted that they were very similar in theme to the paintings in The Temple of all Gods and at the Palace in Neraki, except that Psofios could be seen visiting bloody retribution on the deserving before and after they were dead.

  Fotio sighed. From the story that Helvenican religious art told, divinity and violence went hand in hand, which didn't feel right to the young thief. The images of violence brought the dead King to the front of his mind, and he wondered if someone would make a painting about that distressing incident to hang on a temple wall. It was certainly gory enough.

  The temple was huge and lit by the same type of smokeless flames as in the corridors. After several minutes leading them through passages and halls, Chimento opened the door to a richly decorated room and ushered them inside. 'I'll go and organize your dinner,' he said, before he and his manic grin withdrew, closing the door behind them.

  Their lodgings were far too big for just the two of them, with several couches scattered amongst exotic statues, and half a dozen bedrooms accessed via discrete doors hidden behind tapestries. Murals of divine violence covered the wall, and a thick, violet carpet covered the floor.

  Fotio ignored it all and threw himself, face first and rather dramatically, onto one of the couches. 'I killed him. I didn't want to kill him. It just wanted him to stop him being an idiot,' he said.

  'What, the King?'

  'Who else have I killed in the recent past?'

  'Lots of Harpies?'

  'They were monsters, not people.'

  'No, they weren't human. They were still people.'

  'Anyway, you said they're immortal. I didn't kill them, I just inconvenienced them for a while.'

  'Many years, actually.'

  'Whatever. What I mean is that King Petrakefalo is dead. He's gone forever. And I did it.'

  'Didn't you listen to anything at school? Anything at all?

  'Why do you always go on about my education?'

  'Because you appear to have not had any! This is something that even an eight year old would know, but you have absolutely no idea.'

  Fotio looked shamefaced. 'I always felt that all that crap had nothing to do with me.'

  'Immortality refers to the body. An immortal will always have a physical presence here in our world, but we mortals are different. When a mortal's body dies, his soul goes to Psofios's domain deep below Mount Polipsilo where the Gods sit in Judgment and assign an eternal fate. That is where Petrakefalo has gone, and a long and painful eternity it will be for him judging by the way Psofios was talking.'

  Akakion sat down on another couch and kicked off his shoes. 'Listen, it's war. People
are going to get hurt. Some are going to die. That's the way it is. This is why our mission is so important. If we can destroy that staff, we'll save many, many lives.'

  The Keeper stared moodily at one of the murals that showed Psofios dispensing justice in his underground realm with what appeared to be a red-hot poker. 'I don't understand what's going on.'

  'What do you mean?'

  'It's difficult to explain but I feel like I wasn't quite me until now. It may have been the stress of my separation from Sharon, but I have a suspicion it was something more sinister. I think that whatever power corrupted the King may have tried to corrupt me as well.'

  'Do you think so?'

  Akakion shrugged. 'I've never, ever blasphemed before in my life, except for that time in Neraki with you. And you tried to kill me when you first met me. You were reacting to me then, in the same way you reacted to the King now.'

  'Hey, keep me out of it. I was in a state of shock when I first met you. The King was clearly off his rocker, and I didn't want to kill him anyway.'

  'But you did. And you thought I was off my rocker when you first met me, and I can guarantee you that had your mace connected, I would have died. And to top it all off, you know absolutely nothing about the land in which you have lived your entire life. Doesn't that strike you as odd? And everybody seems to think they've met you before. The harpies, the ogres, the Emperor. Even Psofios. Everybody. I don't know who you are, young Fotio, but I'm going to find out.'

  'You will? How?' Fotio asked, but he didn't really want to know. It had been an action packed day and he was feeling a little overloaded. 'And I still think you're off your rocker. In fact, I think I'm off my rocker as well.'

  Akakion fell back onto his couch. 'It's difficult to argue that we're sane,' he said, especially since we're going to go against the Emperor's advice and go to Queen Filia in Enorganon. She may be a bit peculiar but she's also an earth spirit and an oracle. If anyone knows what is going on, it's her.'

  There was a knock at the door and Chimento came bustling in followed by two other Pethamenosians carrying trays laden with food. 'The bounty of the Marsh,' he said.

  'She must be practically unique for people like us to label her as strange,' Fotio said, as he wandered over to the table where the Pethamenosians had placed the food.