My Sweet Escape

“I want you so bad, Red,” he said into my mouth.

  “I want you, too,” I said, shoving my hands under his shirt to finally get them on those abs. Yep, they were everything I thought they would be. And more.

  He kissed my cheeks and under my ear and down my neck. Shit, this was happening. This was really happening.

  “Oh, fuck, Joscelyn.”

  “Dusty,” I said. Well, it was more of a moan. I didn’t seem to be able to say anything right now without a moan behind it. That might be a problem.

  He stopped kissing me and looked down at my face. Why, why had he stopped? No stopping.

  “Oh, Red. What have I done?” He kissed me on the forehead and climbed off me.

  What. The. FUCK!

  He stared down at me as if he’d made some terrible, irreversible mistake. His face was one of horror as he backed away from me. If I wasn’t pissed that he’d stopped kissing me, I might have laughed at the situation happening in his pants.

  “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m...I’m so sorry. I have to go.” He looked at the stairs as if they were his escape route from a certain and imminent death.

  I finally put some words together without the moaning.

  “Like that?” I didn’t have to point, but he looked down.

  “Fuck.”

  Pretty much.

  “Do you have a sweatshirt or something I could borrow?” His eyes were wide like he was a caged animal. Damn, he was really freaking out, and I didn’t see what the big deal was. Who cared if he kissed me? I was an adult, nearly nineteen. A few months ago, during my crazy phase, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

  “Why don’t you just...take care of it? Bathroom’s right there.” I pointed. I wouldn’t seriously do that to him, but I was still pissed about the nonkissing.

  “Shit, Jos, please. I can’t...I can’t with you here.” He put his hands over the area. I could probably take care of it for him. Not that I had much experience, but how hard could it be?

  He looked at the ceiling and closed his eyes like he was concentrating on something. I could be a total bitch and drag this out if I wanted. Instead I got up and went to my room, grabbing a sweatshirt that I’d bought in the boys’ section of a store that might be big enough for him.

  “Here,” I said, coming back and handing it to him. He tied it around his waist with the main part covering his issue. “Need a hand with that?”

  I’d hoped he would laugh, but he just looked hopelessly embarrassed. Well, that was nice. Now I got to be on the other side of it.

  “You think this is funny?” Oh, now he was the mad one.

  “It is pretty funny. You know, unless you’re you.” I smiled at him.

  “I can’t have this, Jos. I can’t be like this around you. I never should have been alone with you like this. It won’t happen again.” He turned to go up the steps, but I grabbed the back of his shirt.

  “Why? Why can’t it happen?” He faced me slowly.

  “Because...you’re off-limits.”

  “Off-limits? What, you think my sister would get pissed? You’re really going to let that stand in the way of this? Whatever this is, or could be? She’ll get over it.”

  He shook his head.

  “No, it’s not that. It’s not just Renee.”

  Now we were both frustrated.

  “Will you do me a favor? Will you just be straight with me, for five seconds?”

  “I have to go, Jos. I’m sorry.” He jerked away from me and took the stairs two at a time before wrenching open the door and slamming it behind him. I heard voices above and then the front door close seconds later. He’d gotten out of there like he was on fire.

  The door opened again to reveal Hannah’s slack-jawed face.

  “What the hell just happened?”

  It was going to be a long night.

  * * *

  I filled Hannah in on most of the details, mostly because the whole thing was so unbelievable, I had to say it out loud to make sure it had actually happened.

  “Girl, he has it for you so bad.” Everyone else had gone to bed, so Hannah had sneaked into the kitchen and gotten snacks, including a bag of M&M’s and Skittles that I’d stashed in the back of the cupboard behind the flour.

  “Well, yeah, I guess he kinda does.” Understatement.

  “And by ‘bad’ I mean, he wants to take you to pound town.”

  I threw an M&M’s at her.

  “You are disgusting.”

  “He wants you on board his meat rocket. He wants to put his basilisk in your Chamber of Secrets.” I kept chucking candy at her, but she didn’t stop and we were both laughing so hard that the candy missiles were ineffective.

  “I swear, you know way too many of those,” I said when she finally ran out.

  “Well, I’ve put all that time not going on dates to good use.”

  “Clearly.”

  I found an M&M’s in the blankets and popped it into my mouth.

  “Back to more important matters. How was it?” Her eyes gleamed.

  “It was...” How could I describe it? “It was really good. He puts the ‘issing’ in ‘kissing.’”

  “He wants to put his issing in you.”

  * * *

  It was much later that I finally went into my room and went to bed and Hannah went to sleep on the couch.

  I was definitely too wired to sleep for a while, so I listened to some music. It was an Ingrid kind of evening, so I put “Can’t Help Falling in Love” on repeat.

  The moments with Dusty replayed themselves in my mind, in slow motion, and then sped up. I relived the feel of his mouth capturing mine, his hands wrapping themselves in my hair. And I’d been...yeah, I’d never been like that. I hadn’t felt out of control. It was more the opposite. It was like I knew what I wanted and how to get it with complete and perfect clarity.

  But it wasn’t going to happen again, at least according to Dusty. What was his deal? I was kind of done with him jerking me around. I’d have to find a way to get him to tell me. Maybe I could kidnap him and tie him up. That could be enjoyable. There were lots of other things I could do if he was tied up. I’d never seen the appeal before now.

  My phone interrupted my visions of Dusty tied to a chair. I’d put it on vibrate, just in case he decided to text or call and tell me he was sorry. Again.

  We need to talk.

  Well, don’t be ominous at all, Dusty. If I didn’t know exactly what it was about, I’d be freaked out of my mind.

  Go for it. I’m all ears.

  My phone rang a few seconds later.

  “Are you awake?” he said, his voice almost a whisper, as if he was afraid of waking me.

  “Dude, if I was sleeping, I wouldn’t have answered the text.”

  “I guess that’s a good point.” I thought he would laugh, but he didn’t. “Look, Jos. What I did was completely inappropriate. I took advantage of you and it won’t happen again.”

  “You took advantage of me? Um, what kiss were you experiencing, because the one I was sharing with you was pretty fucking amazing. Like, earth-shattering and fireworks and all that. If there were Kissing Awards, that would have won in a landslide.”

  He took a few seconds to answer. He sighed.

  “It was pretty epic.”

  “Pretty epic?”

  “What do you want me to say, Jos? That if I were in the same room with you that I’d kiss you like that again? And again? And again? I’d kiss you until we both forgot our names. I’d want to take off that shirt and those shorts and count every freckle until I knew exactly how many you have. And then I would taste every inch of you until it was burned into my memory so I could never forget it. And then...” He stopped and I almost screamed in frustration. While he’d been talking
, my hand had drifted down to my shorts so I could find some release from earlier. I burned with it.

  “And then?!” I finally said.

  “Jos, I’m not having phone sex with you right now. Why do you keep doing that to me?”

  “Oh, do not blame this on me, buddy. I’m not the one who tackle-kissed you. That was all you. It’s not my fault you can’t keep it in your pants. Or, you can, but it did not look comfortable. How are you doing now?” I may not have had a hard-on, but I was definitely suffering from some sexual frustration.

  “Great. Just great.” Ha-ha. I smelled another lie.

  “So what are we going to do? If we can’t be together, according to you, and you can’t be around me without getting a bad case of hard dick, what are we going to do?”

  This was all him.

  “I don’t know, Jos. I just...I can’t see a good way out.”

  “You know you’re the only one standing in the way of this, right? Unless there’s something I don’t know about, which, if there is, I think you should fucking tell me because I’ve had it with people not telling me things like I’m a child and I can’t handle it.”

  “I don’t think you’re a child.”

  “Then why do you treat me like one?”

  He exhaled one long breath.

  “I knew about you. Before you came here. When Hunter and I became friends he invited me over a lot and I met Renee and she was always talking about you. She was pretty much at her wit’s end. Hunter offered to let you come here and she told your mom and you know that part of the story. You know, I don’t think I can do this over the phone. Can I...can I come over?”

  “You sure you’re going to be able to control yourself?”

  “Jos.”

  I rolled my eyes, which he couldn’t see. “Okay, okay. Everyone’s sleeping, but I think I can get upstairs without waking everyone up. I’ll come out to your car, okay?”

  “I’ll text you when I’m out front.”

  We hung up and I turned my music off. I cracked my door open and looked at the couch. I knew it was going to be cold as hell outside, so I put some sweatpants on over my shorts and a sweatshirt on. Additionally, it would serve to cover my body to save him from temptation. You couldn’t get much unsexier than sweatpants and a baggy UNH sweatshirt.

  Ten minutes later my phone buzzed and I crept out of my room and went up the stairs. Hannah made a humming noise in her sleep, so I figured I was good.

  The house was dark and still. No sounds even from upstairs. Good.

  I was glad that Mase and/or any of the other residents of the house weren’t watching me anymore.

  Dusty pulled right outside the house, the headlights off. I crept down the porch and ran down the walkway.

  “Anyone see you?” he said as I closed the door. He had the heat blasting, and I wrapped my arms around myself. Even after only seconds outside, I was cold.

  “No, I think we’re good. It was quiet upstairs and Hannah was sleeping. So, continue.” I put my back against the door and turned toward him.

  “Where was I?” Oh, it was not my imagination that he was still checking me out, even with the sweats. He must really have a thing for me. Or maybe he was trying to get out of telling the truth.

  “My eyes are up here,” I said, using my fingers to point to my eyes. He cleared his throat and blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he was looking at my eyes and not my chest. Like he could even see it, all covered up as it was.

  “You were right about when Hunter told Renee that I could stay with them.”

  “Right. Well, I’d seen pictures of you. Of how you used to be. Of course I thought you were, well, you know you’re stunning, Red. Even with your hair all pulled back and in those straitlaced clothes. But I didn’t think...” He stopped and took a breath. He was usually so confident with words. They seemed to come easily to him, but he was having a tough time finding the right ones.

  “They asked me—specifically Hunter asked me—to watch out for you. To make sure you didn’t get into any trouble. He knew that I had recently gotten myself out of a lot of it, and he trusted me.”

  I wished he wouldn’t have found those words, because each one of them punched me in the stomach with their meaning.

  It wasn’t real. None of it was real. He’d been forced to be friends with me because Hunter asked him to. It had all been an act. He had been playing a part. Saying his lines. Only I didn’t know we were in a play. Just a few minutes before he’d had me hotter than I’d been in my life and now I was ice-cold. Frozen.

  “Fuck. You.” They were the only two words I could come up with, and I hurled them at him as hard as I could before I fumbled for the door.

  “Jos, wait! There’s more.” Yeah, I didn’t want to hear it. I finally got the door open and started running back toward the house.

  “Will you just listen, for fuck’s sake!” He caught up to me and I struggled. I wasn’t going to yell because then I’d wake up the entire street and I didn’t need Stephen King coming out of his house and seeing me and Dusty fighting. I would probably die of embarrassment.

  “Will you just stop for a second?” He held my shoulders so I couldn’t go.

  “Let go of me!” He let me go immediately, as if he was appalled that he’d grabbed me. I turned my back on him, expecting him to try to physically stop me again, but he didn’t.

  “Joscelyn. Please. Just give me five minutes. Then you can hate me for the rest of your life. But just give me five minutes. And please, get in the car. It’s cold out here and you don’t have a proper coat on. Please.”

  Oh, if he hadn’t said please. And if his voice hadn’t had that begging tone in it. When I spun back around I found that he was desperate. His stunning eyes begged me.

  “Five. Minutes.”

  We got back in his car, but I kept my hand on the door so I could make my escape if I had to.

  “That’s what it was. At first. It was me looking after you because Hunter asked me to. He thought you could use a friend who had been where you’d been, and I kind of owed him. He helped me out a lot, and he was there for me when I needed someone. I saw it as a chance to pay it forward. That’s all it was at first.”

  He took a deep breath, and I waited for him to say something that would make everything he’d said before okay. Because it definitely wasn’t, right now.

  “And then I met you and from that first second I knew that it could never just be that. Some sort of charity mission. You were...you. So beautiful and funny and smart and I just wanted to be around you all the time. You’re...addicting, Jos. I can’t seem to get enough of you. You can see how this complicates things. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t in the plan when I told your sister I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. That ‘anything’ probably included kissing you and almost doing several other things that she would probably kill me for even thinking about.”

  He did have a point there. Renee would skin him alive if she knew about what we’d done, and almost done, on the couch in the man cave. And then she would have given me a very long and potentially very graphic lecture about sexually transmitted diseases, complete with a condom demonstration. I’d already been through it several times, and I didn’t want to relive the experience. When it came to “the talk,” I’d gotten more than I ever wanted to know from Renee. That was probably why I was so willing to hold on to my virginity.

  “I swear, Jos, I never meant to fall for you. I tried to stop it, but I didn’t have a whole lot of choice. You’re impossible not to fall for.” I stifled a laugh.

  “What’s so funny about that?”

  “You, saying I’m impossible not to fall for. Have you met me? Do you not see what I’m wearing right now? I’m not exactly supermodel material. I’m also not very nice, either. I’ve been mean to you on more than one occasion. I’m not that g
irl. The girl all the boys fantasize about when they jack off. I might have been, before, but I’m definitely not now.”

  “And that, my lovely Red, is exactly why you’re impossible not to fall for. Not caring is pretty damn sexy. You don’t care what people think of you.” Oh, how wrong he was. He had no idea how much I still cared. It was why I didn’t want anyone to know about the blog, or about my new job at the paper. In my other life, I’d spent my entire existence caring what people thought of me. You couldn’t turn that off so easily.

  “I care, Dusty. I care way more than I should.” Why did I feel like I was going to cry again?

  “Oh, Red.” He reached out to touch my face and I flinched back.

  “No. Just because you say all those nice things, doesn’t make it right. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Sighing, he dropped his hand into his lap. “Because, at first, I wasn’t supposed to, and then, after meeting you, I didn’t want to. I thought I could just go along and carry an unrequited hard-on for you forever. I had it all planned out.”

  “Sounds like it.” I wasn’t convinced.

  “It drove me crazy, Jos. You drive me crazy. You’re driving me crazy right now. All I can think about is that you’re mad at me, and I should feel worse about lying to you, but all I can fucking think about is kissing you again and finding out what’s under all that material you’re wearing.” He had his hands covering... Oh.

  “That bad, huh?” Not going to lie, I was having the same issues. I just didn’t show it as much as he did, but I was affected, too.

  “You have no idea.”

  “I think I have some idea.” My “ideas” were making themselves known. Loudly. I was going to have to finish what we’d started earlier. The question was, would we finish it together, or would I have to go it solo?

  “I’ve told you, Jos, I don’t have the cleanest past.”

  “I don’t care. I’m not all that pure anymore, either. Screw purity. I’m still mad at you, but can I just put that on hold and be mad at you tomorrow so you’ll kiss me?”