The Courage To Love
***
Sean dropped down on the couch next to her and placed a soda on the end table. They’d just returned from The Hub where they’d stopped for a drink after the duck boat tour ended and watched the sunset. As Sean had promised, the sight had been spectacular.
“What’s bothering you?” She placed her hands on either side of his face, the stubble on his cheeks scratching her palms, and turned his face toward her.
“Nothing.”
Under her hands, his jaw tensed. “Something is wrong. Come on, Sean, talk to me. I want to help. Did you talk with your dad again?”
“No. Did you enjoy the tour?” He leaned forward as if to kiss her.
She turned her head just in time and his lips landed on her cheek. If he kissed her now, they’d not finish this conversation. “Then what’s wrong? You’ve been upset all week. And even now you’re grumpy.”
“You’re not going to give up are you?” Sean stood and crossed his arms. “Fine. Whatever. My father wasn’t lying about my mother’s affair, and to top it off Ray proposed to Ma on Monday.”
No helpful words came to mind. No wonder he’d been acting odd all week.
“When my father left, Ma was a mess, so I ditched all my plans. I didn’t even stop to think about it. I took care of her and Charlie. And all of it was her own fault.” The muscle in his cheek twitched as he spoke.
Pain filled her own chest. She wanted to hug him and somehow take the pain away from him. “I’m sorry.” The words seemed inadequate to the pain and anger he must feel. “Did your mom say why?”
“Some half-cocked excuse about their parents forcing them to marry and my father controlling her life.” Sean dropped his hands by his sides. “The why doesn’t matter. She still did it.”
Going on what Sean’s father told them and the little bit Sean shared now, it sounded to Mia like both his parents were to blame. “Sean maybe you’re being a little harsh on your mom.” She took his hand and tugged him back toward the couch. “Parents make mistakes, too. They’re human like us. It sounds like both your mom and dad messed up their marriage.”
Sean glared at her, his lips drawn tight. Okay, wrong thing to say. “Come on, Sean. Try to think of it from their points of view before you put all the blame on your mom. Yes, what she did was wrong, but your father had other ways of handling it. And maybe if alcohol hadn’t been involved he wouldn’t have cut you out of his life. Staying angry at both of them solves nothing. Trust me.”
“So you think we should all just kiss and makeup? Not happening.”
“Maybe not just like that, but come on, Sean, they’re your family.” She squeezed his hand. “My parents almost got a divorce because of my mom’s control over my career. My dad wanted my life to stay as normal as possible. He expected me to go on to college and stuff. Mom got all wrapped up in Hollywood and the money. It took a separation and counseling for them to work through it.” Unpleasant memories of the time tried to sneak up. “I know it’s different, but like your parents they both made some mistakes, and I forgave them.” She tucked a piece of hair that escaped her ponytail behind her ear and considered her next words.“If you make a mistake do you want your children holding it against you forever?”
Even though he never mentioned children, considering the way he viewed family, someday he’d have some.
“If I had kids I wouldn’t make the mistakes my parents made,” Sean answered with extra emphasis on the if.
“Oh. Well, hypothetically then,” she asked as she fought back the disappointment that swept through her heart when he said if.
“Some mistakes are not forgivable, Mia.”
The tone of his voice suggested she drop it, but something deep down kept her going. “And what about your sister Taylor? None of this is her fault. Are you going to ignore her because of your parents’ actions?”
“Really, you want to spend our last weekend together talking about my family problems?”
A tiny nugget of unease planted itself deep inside her chest. They’d not discussed how they’d keep their relationship going once she left Boston, but she assumed they’d find a way once they talked about it.
She swallowed down the panic growing inside her. “Since I am not needed in California until Thursday, I’m not flying out until Wednesday afternoon.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t stick around here until then. I have another appointment with the bank on Monday.”
The seed in her chest sprouted a stem. “That’s okay. I can go back to North Salem for a few days. Once I finish filming in California, I can come back. Or maybe you can come out and visit me while I continue work on the movie. You could stay with me.”
Sean rubbed his forehead. “I think we’re on two different pages, Mia. I thought we were just having some fun together while you were here. I thought you wanted a way to pass your downtime. I didn’t know you were looking for something long-term.”
A lump lodged itself in her throat. “At first that was it, but now I thought we could see where things went. I l—” the word love sat on her lips. “I like spending time with you,” Mia said improvising, not sure if she should drop the big L-word just yet.
“Mia, I’ve enjoyed our time together. It’s been fantastic, but after this weekend that’s it. We’ll both go back to our everyday lives,” he explained, his tone calm and cool.
“It doesn’t have to be that way.” She heard her voice wobble.
Sean gave her a stiff nod. “Yeah, it does, Mia.”
“Why?” she snapped, anger replacing the unease from before. “What are you afraid of?” He wasn’t a player. Over the years she’d dated enough of them to recognize one, so something else fueled his actions now.
Color climbed up the back of his neck. “People like you and me don’t belong together. Your life is in California and mine is here.”
“I think your wrong, and unless you’re afraid, let’s give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen?” She crossed her arms as her own anger gained momentum.
“Let it go.” His tone contained a hint of anger now, too. “Why does it matter anyway? You’ve got men lining up at your door ready to step in. You’ll find someone else in no time.”
“Because I love you.” The words tumbled from her mouth this time.
Sean’s jaw dropped and he stared at her as if she’d announced she came from Mars. “No, you don’t. You just think that now. Once you get home you’ll realize I’m right.” He stood and took a few steps toward the door. “I’m going to head home.”
“Sean, can’t we talk about this? Please.”
Stopping, he turned around. “I’m sorry, Mia, really. But we’re just to different for it to work.” Grabbing his overnight bag, he turned toward the door again. “Have a safe trip home,” he said before walking out.
With the air conditioner cranked up all the way, he eased out of the parking garage and joined the heavy city traffic. Thanks to a concert at the Boston Garden and a ball game at Fenway Park, the traffic rivaled that of rush hour during the week. With no destination in mind, he headed for the highway and considered his options. Home made the most sense. The idea of returning there tonight held about as much appeal as a root canal. Ever since the truth came out, he’d avoided his mother and her constant attempts to talk.
At the same time, though, finding a room in the city for the night at a reasonable price was improbable. Even on a night with nothing going on, the task of finding a decent room under two hundred dollars would be difficult.
Merging onto the highway, he turned up the music. Even with the heavy base resonating through his body, Mia’s sudden declaration rattled around. She didn’t love him. Somehow she confused fun with love. Once she returned home, she’d reach the same conclusion herself. In another month or so she’d not even remember his name. Instead she’d spend time with another A-list actor or musician. Then she’d fly off to some exotic location for a vacation with him.
In the distance he caught site of the exit for do
wntown Salem. On autopilot he changed lanes. Salem would do for tonight. Tomorrow he’d go home and deal with his mother. After exiting the highway, he pulled into the parking lot for the first hotel he saw.
“Can I help you?” the woman behind the reservation desk asked when he approached.
“A room for one.” Sean pulled out his wallet and handed over his driver’s license and credit card.
“Do you prefer a king bed or two queens?” The woman looked down at the license and then her head snapped back up. “I thought you looked familiar. You were on the cover of The Star Report with Mia Troy last week.”
“If you say so,” Sean said with a shrug. “A king bed is fine.”
The woman pulled open a side drawer, the room reservation put on hold. “I have a copy right here.” She passed him the magazine. “The article inside mentions the two of you had dinner at Rialto in Boston last weekend and were seen on a swan boat together.”
Sure enough, a colored photo of them the day they’d had a picnic at the Esplanade along the Charles River took up most of the cover.
“You can keep that if you want. I’ve already read it. What’s she like?”
He handed back the magazine. He didn’t need pictures to remind him of their time together. He had plenty of memories stored away. “Nice. Do you have a room or not?”
The woman put the magazine away and glanced at her computer screen. In silence she typed away, then glanced up again. “You’re all set. The room number is on the card,” she said as she handed him a key card. “The elevator is right around the corner. A continental breakfast is served in the morning until 10:30. Enjoy your stay.”
Compared to Mia’s suite in Boston, room 403 looked like a closet; not that it mattered. It contained a bed and a television, the only two things he required tonight. Tomorrow he’d return to The Victorian Rose and his normal routine.
If everything went as planned on Monday he’d sign the papers for the old Victorian next door. Once the old house belonged to him, he’d start renovations. With some luck, next year at this time they’d open up their second bed and breakfast and he might just move in there himself.
Yeah, he’d made the right move tonight. Picking up the phone, he dialed room service. Once he placed an order for a double cheese burger with french fries and a beer, he turned on the television and forced his thoughts to the future. Unlike Mia, he had no use or love for the past. Only the future mattered.