The Courage To Love

  ***

  He pulled at the tie around his neck as he headed back home. The damn thing felt like a noose. Yet today the noose had been necessary. As tempting as it was, he couldn’t show up for an interview at MIT’s Lincoln Lab in his favorite Harley-Davidson T-shirt and jeans. Thankfully, the position didn’t require a tie. Only one guy he’d meet with today wore one. Tie or no tie he wanted this position with a team that developed systems for chemical-sensing robots. At the moment it was out of his hands. He’d given his best possible interview and all he could do now was sit and wait for a decision.

  Once again Ray’s car sat in front of the garage when he pulled into the driveway a little later. With the exception of one day that week, Ray had shown up for dinner every night. Today, though, the sight of his car didn’t bother him. For the first time since Sean had learned of their relationship, anger didn’t cloud his mind. Instead only excitement and optimism filled it. For the first time in years he had complete control over his life.

  “Sean, you’re home.” His mother reached him just as he entered the kitchen. “I tried your cell several times, but you never answered it.”

  “I turned it off before the interview. I guess I forgot to turn it back on when I left.” He pulled the phone from his pocket and turned the device back on. Sure enough he’d missed five calls, all from his mom.

  “What’s wrong? Is the kitchen sink leaking again?” If it was, she should’ve asked Ray to fix it.

  His mom shot a glance over at Ray, then reached up and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Mia was in a bad car accident last night. I saw it on Good Morning America this morning.”

  An invisible hand squeezed his heart and suddenly he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. “Is she okay?”

  Maureen bit down on her lip and wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t know. They didn’t give a lot of details. They just said Mia and her co-star Mark Walden were at a red light when their car was struck. Both were rushed to the hospital.”

  Visions of Mia covered in blood sent a chill through him. “Did they say what hospital?” Not that it mattered. Even if he called they wouldn’t tell him anything.

  “No, they just said a local hospital.” His mother’s voice cracked, and he fought back his own tears.

  As he stepped away from his mom, he replayed their last conversation in his head. She’d told him she loved him and what had he done? Turned around and walked out on her. He’d ignored his own feelings. Pushed them down deep and hoped they’d go away. Now those same feelings as well as new ones mingled, threatening to choke him.

  He needed to see her. Needed to make sure she was okay. But how? The only number he had was her cell. He doubted she’d answer that from a a hospital bed. If only he had Avery’s number, but he’d never seen a need for it.

  Think. “There’s got to be a way,” he said, his voice not much above a whisper.

  “Sara. Isn’t Mia friends with Charlie’s sister in-law?” Lost in his own thoughts, his mom’s voice reminded him she still stood there. “Maybe she can help.”

  In less than an hour, he had the name of Mia’s hospital and a plane ticket to Los Angeles. He’d never cared that his sister married into one of the wealthiest families in America. Only her happiness had mattered, and Jake made her happy. Today, however, he considered his association with the Sherbrookes a huge plus. Not only had Sara gotten him the info he wanted, she’d made arrangements for him at a Sherbrooke hotel not far from the hospital and arranged a car to pick him up at the airport. The only thing he’d done was get himself to the airport in Boston.

  A squat man dressed in a black suit approached him as he exited the tarmac connecting the plane to the airport in Los Angles. “Mr. O’Brien?” the man asked.

  Sean nodded.

  “Once we get your luggage we can leave. I have instructions to take you directly to Los Angles Memorial unless you want to check into your hotel first.”

  He patted the duffel bag he’d carried on board. “This is all I’ve got. Let’s go.” The hotel would still be there in a few hours. He could check in then.

  Rivers of water streamed down the window of the car, and dark clouds blocked out any sunshine. The palm tree leaves swayed violently back and forth. The whole scene mimicked his mood. Ever since he’d walked out of Mia’s hotel room, a heavy cloud had hung over his heart. He’d tolerated it because he’d known she was safe, back in her own world surrounded by her glamorous friends. The minute his mother dropped the news on him about her accident the heavy cloud crashed down on him, setting off a storm of emotions he’d never experienced before. Now those feelings battered his mind and heart a bit like the way the wind battered the trees outside.

  As the car turned off the highway, the-high pitched wail of an ambulance shook him from his thoughts. The hospital had to be close now. Soon he’d see her and assure himself she was okay. According to Sara, Mia’s injuries weren’t life threatening. Until he saw her with his own eyes, though, the unrelenting fear filling him wouldn’t go away.

  “I was instructed to be available for you all day. When you are ready to leave just call me,” the driver said before handing him a business card with a phone number.

  “Thanks.” Oblivious to the rain, Sean opened the door and jumped out before the driver could get around to open it.

  A line of people stood in front of the information desk inside the lobby, but he bypassed it, again thankful for how resourceful Charlie’s sister-in-law was. Sara had provided him with Mia’s floor and room number.

  Leaving the lobby behind, he followed the arrows to the appropriate elevator. As he went deeper into the hospital the pleasant smell of flowers he had noticed in the lobby disappeared. By the time he stepped off the elevator the pungent smell of industrial cleaner and death, or at least a smell that reminded him of death, surrounded him. The last time he’d stepped foot in a hospital was when his grandmother died. He’d been fifteen, and she’d experienced a stroke the day before Valentine’s Day while helping his mom in the kitchen. Per his grandmother’s wishes his mom had made the decision to remove her from life support, so both he and Charlie had made one last visit to see her before they removed the various devices keeping her alive.

  Mia’s not going to die. He repeated the words in his head as he headed for Room 127.

  A bald man with no apparent neck, dressed in a dark suit, stood outside Mia’s door, his arms crossed. “Only family, hospital employees, and listed friends are allowed inside,” the guard said in a cool professional voice. “I’ll need your name and an ID.” The guard pulled a small notepad from his breast pocket.

  “Sean O’Brien. I’m a close friend. She’ll see me.” At least I hope so. She’d been with her co-star at the time of the accident. Maybe she’d already found his replacement.

  The guard scanned his notepad and then looked up. “You’re not on the list, so I can not let you in.”

  He hadn’t come this far to be turned away. “Talk to her assistant. She’ll verify that I’m a friend.”

  “When Ms. Troy returns I’ll speak to her,” the guard recrossed his arms and moved so that he blocked the door.

  “Listen, I get it. You’re doing your job, but I need to see Mia now.”

  The guard’s nostrils flared, and he took a step toward him. “Not happening, buddy.”

  For a moment he considered rushing the guard. While the man was muscular, Sean had several inches on him as well as a few pounds, but causing a scene in a hospital could get him arrested. A police record was something he didn’t want.

  “Joseph, is there a problem?” Avery’s voice came from behind him and he turned around.

  “Sean? What are you doing here?”

  “He wants to go inside, Ms. Troy, but he’s not on the list you left me.” The guard spoke to Avery, but his eyes never left Sean.

  Avery’s eyes searched his face as he waited, then she looked over at the guard. “It’s okay, Joseph. He’s a close friend of my sister. He can go in. Add h
im to your list.”

  After giving the guard instructions, she looked back at Sean, and he saw the questions in her eyes. “The pain medicine they’re giving her makes her tired. She’s probably still sleeping.”

  If it meant he’d be near her, he’d sit by her bed all day and watch her sleep. “I won’t wake her.”

  Avery gave him a small knowing smile. “Stay as long as you want.”

  A lump formed in his throat and his hands shook as he pushed open the door. He made a quick sweep of the room. There were no monitors or beeping machines, only a single hospital bed.

  Ungluing his feet from the floor, he crossed to the bed. Mia’s skin matched the color of her pillowcase and a gauze bandage covered part of her forehead. Her right arm rested on top of the sheets and a bandage covered it. Judging by the way the sheets fell against her legs, a cast covered part of her right leg.

  One last step put him close enough to touch her. As gently as he could, he put his hand over hers. Beneath his fingers her skin was warm and some of his fear slipped away. She appeared banged up, but okay otherwise. If she was in any real danger beeping machines would fill the room, wouldn’t they?

  He let go of her hand just long enough to pull a chair alongside her bed. Then he sat and waited. After the way he walked out on her, she might tell him to get lost as soon as she opened her eyes, but he planned to be there when she did.

  The group of construction workers in her head cranked up their jack hammers again. How she wished they’d leave and take the elephants dancing on her body with them. Maybe if she remained still all the pain would stop, or at least fade a little.

  Keeping her eyes tight to keep the light out, she reached for the call button. With any luck it was time for more pain medicine. When her hand wrapped around something warm instead of the cold plastic she sought, she opened her eyes. For a moment she gazed at the arm on her bed. Although it hurt, she moved her head, following the arm up to the body connected to it. When she spotted the dark blond hair on the head resting on her bed, she stopped breathing.

  It’s the medicine making me hallucinate. Sean is back in North Salem, not in my hospital room.

  Afraid he’d disappear into thin air, she trailed a finger down his cheek. Warm flesh and stubble registered against her skin. “Sean?” she whispered, her voice coming out hoarse. “Sean,” she said again when he didn’t respond.

  This time his head shot up and he met her gaze. “You’re—”

  “What are you doing here?” she asked before he could finish his sentence. Back in Boston he’d made his feelings known so his presence here now went against all logic. Unless, had he changed his mind? No, that didn’t make sense either. Men like Sean didn’t change their minds. Once they made a decision, they stuck with it.

  “How did you know where I was? Did Avery call you?” Her sister loved butting into her life.

  “No. I got the information from Charlie’s sister in-law, Sara.” He leaned forward, his eyes sweeping over her face. “How are you? Do you need anything?”

  She ignored his questions. Right now she planned on getting her own answers. “Why are you here, Sean?”

  “I needed to make sure you were okay.”

  His words sent a jolt of hope through her heart. “Sara could’ve told you that.” Most likely Sara had called Avery for her status and thus knew the extent of her injuries. “You didn’t need to come here.”

  “When Ma told me about the accident, all that mattered was getting to you.” Sean’s voice cracked and he paused to clear his throat. “Even when Sara reassured me your injuries weren’t life threatening, I had to see you for myself.”

  For the moment reassuring him meant more than getting her own answers. Despite the pain, she gave him a smile. “I’m in pain, but I should be out of here soon.”

  Rather than relax, Sean’s brows came together as he frowned.

  “Smile, will you? I’m fine.”

  Sean stood and took a few steps away from the bed, his head bent as if deep in thought. When he turned back around determination replaced his frown. “What I said in Boston, I meant.”

  The hope from a moment ago disappeared and her heart plummeted.

  “Or at least I thought I did. When Ma told me about your accident, my heart stopped. The thought of you hurt or worse scared the shit out of me and I realized how much I need you.” Sean rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Since I walked out on you in Boston life has sucked, Mia. I never planned on it, but I love you.”

  His eyes once again met hers and the uncertainty she spotted pulled at her heart. “Sean, I—”

  “Let me finish,” he said, holding her gaze. “I know I was an ass in Boston and I know you could have any man you want. But if you give me another chance I promise to do everything I can to make you happy.”

  Hope again bloomed. “You don’t need to do anything. Like I told you that night, I love you. Nothing has changed that.”

  His shoulders dipped as he relaxed a little. “You mean the world to me.” He crossed back to her side. “I love you Mia.” Then, as if she were a fragile butterfly, he leaned over and kissed her lips.

  “I won’t break.”

  The rough skin on his fingertips trailed down the side of her face. “You’re in pain already. I don’t want to do anything to add to it.”

  “At least sit next to me.” She patted the empty space on the bed. “There’s plenty of room.”

  In all the time they’d spent together, she’d never seen him move with such slow careful movements. Despite her best efforts, she laughed at him.

  “What?” He settled himself next to her, his hand wrapped around hers.

  She touched his cheek again. “Nothing. I’ve just missed you. I still can’t believe you’re here.” Content for the first time since leaving Boston, she rested her head against him.

  For a long while, neither spoke or moved. Only when a nurse came in to check Mia’s vitals did Sean release her hand.

  “It’s time for your pain medicine.” The nurse in light pink scrubs handed Mia water and a cup containing pills. “I’m leaving in half an hour and Kate will be your nurse again tonight.”

  Mia took the medicine and waited for the nurse to leave. “Go back to your room for a little while and get some rest. You look tired. Maybe get something to eat, too,” she said as the door closed. “This medicine knocks me out.”

  Sean shook his head. “No, I—”

  “That wasn’t a suggestion. You look about ready to fall asleep. I’m not going anywhere. Get some rest and come back in a few hours.”

  He clenched his jaw tight, a telltale sign he wanted to argue. “Fine, but I’ll be back with dinner. What do you want?”

  “Pizza.” To hell with counting calories today.

  When Sean finally left, she stopped fighting gravity and let her eyelids close. Darn, the pain medicine kicked in fast. Taking in a slow deep breath, she let her mind wander as it drifted toward sleep. Never in a million years had she expected Sean at her bedside, but he’d been there. Happiness started around her heart and spread outward. He’d dropped everything and traveled across the country because he loved her. That action alone reinforced how different he was from other men she’d dated in the past. That difference was only one of the reasons she loved him.

  Somehow it’ll work. “We’ll figure it out,” she said as she turned onto her good side and let sleep take her.