Until June

  Coming out of the memory, I smile, put my car in reverse, glance over my shoulder, and back out of the drive and onto the street—all the while avoiding looking in Evan’s direction. I don’t even have to peek in my rearview mirror to know he’s following. His truck’s so loud, the sound of it rumbles through my car like a constant reminder.

  When we were together, he had a car. It was a small two-door Honda. It was old, but it was reliable. His dad, who hadn’t done much for him, helped him rebuild the engine the summer he graduated high school, and he cherished that car, because it was one of the few good memories he had with his father.

  Now, his Honda is long gone to parts unknown, and he drives a truck. Only his truck doesn’t look like any run-of-the-mill truck. It is huge and black, down to the rims. I have no doubt he could turn out the headlights at night and go invisible. But I’m not going to think about that, even if I really want to know what exactly he is doing working for Jax.

  Swinging into the grocery store parking lot, I find a single space in a row with cars ten deep on each side and pull in, making it so that if Evan wants to park, he has to do it somewhere not close to my car. Putting the Beetle in park, I grab the small envelope of coupons I keep in my glove box, open my door, and get out. Spotting Evan pulling in to a space across the lot, I quicken my steps into the store and grab a cart. Knowing I need everything, I start in the produce section so I can work my way down each aisle of the store. When I finally reach the cash register, my cart is overflowing. I not only picked up the basics, I picked every single food item that caught my eye. This means I have a cartful of mostly junk food, because I’m shopping on an empty stomach. Lucky for me, I have a boatload of coupons and know my junk food binge isn’t going to send me spiraling into debt.

  “June?”

  Hearing my name, I turn and feel my shoulders stiffen slightly when I come face-to-face with a guy I dated in high school, a guy who—even at seventeen—played me for a fool. He was the first, Evan was the second, and the third was Lane. He would be the last, though. I was now going to bat for the other team, or at least pretend to.

  “Matt, how are you?” I ask, even though I couldn’t care less. I’m not a bitch, or at least, not normally, but he did a number on my teenage heart. I may not be a bitch, but I can definitely hold a mean grudge.

  “Good, just moved home. I’m working for my dad.” He smiles.

  “Sweet.” I semi-smile back then turn my body partially away from him when the cashier asks for my coupons.

  “Are you home?” he asks, and I direct my attention from the cashier to him and start to reply, when I feel heat hit my side. I know he’s there. I can tell from his smell and the heat coming off his body, but when his arm slips around my shoulders in the familiar way he used to hold me, my body stiffens and my eyes fly up. All I see, though, is the set of his jaw.

  “Evan.” He sticks his hand out toward Matt, and my breathing becomes choppy as Matt’s eyes scan between my ex-husband and me.

  “Um…Matt,” he says, returning the handshake before looking at me. “I…I’ll see you around,” he mutters then disappears out of sight so fast I don’t even see him go.

  “Honey,” the cashier calls, and I turn to face her, dislodging Evan’s arm from around me while taking a step to the side to put farther distance between us. “You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost,” the woman says softly, and I take in her worried look then inhale a deep breath.

  “Yeah…um, what’s my total?” I whisper, and her eyes soften then look past me, and I feel the warmth of Evan leave my side.

  “You sure you’re okay?” she asks quietly.

  “Sure.” I smile, and she nods like she doesn’t believe me, but that’s okay, because right now, I don’t believe myself.

  “One hundred and seven, sixty-two. You saved over fifty dollars.” She grins, and I attempt to smile again as I hand her the money, but my face feels like it may crack when I do it.

  “Thank you,” I mumble, taking my change from her, then I thank the young girl who just bagged my groceries, wrap my hands around the handle of the cart, and push it out of the store, ignoring the fact I can feel Evan trailing close behind me.

  “June.”

  “Don’t.” I shake my head, not even looking in his direction. I can’t deal with him, not now. Loading all the bags in the trunk, I jump into my car, buckle up, reverse, and head for home, avoiding looking in my rearview or thinking about what just happened, though I can feel it clawing at my insides even as I park in my driveway.

  “Did you just move in?” a woman’s voice yells as soon as I swing the door to my car open. Looking around for where the voice came from, I get out and slam the door shut. “Over here, honey!” the voice calls again, and I find a petite woman with black hair standing on the porch of the house next to mine with her hands on the railing and her body hanging half over.

  “Hi!” I call back, and she smiles.

  “So, are you moving in?” she asks, and my guess is she missed the moving truck in the driveway this morning.

  “I am, or I did this morning,” I reply, moving toward my trunk so I can get my groceries out.

  “Hold on. I’m coming to introduce myself,” she yells once more, and I start to giggle, surprised she didn’t just shout her name to me and have me holler mine back. Leaving my groceries in the trunk, I meet her halfway on the lawn between our houses, wondering how the hell she is capable of walking through grass in her heels. I would be on my face if I were her, but she looks like she does this every day.

  “I’m JJ.” She smiles once she’s close, and I notice that her hair isn’t just black; it’s black with large chunks of purple running through it that make the grey of her eyes pop. “Just two of the letter J, not the actual name Jay spelled out twice.” She grins, and I grin back, sticking out my hand.

  “June, like the month June.”

  “So you moved in this morning?” she asks, looking at the house behind me.

  “I did.”

  “I was at work,” she mutters then jabs her thumb toward her house. “My old man was asleep ’til I got home, so he missed you movin’ in too.”

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you now.” I smile again, and her eyes scan over me then go kind of squinty.

  “You ain’t got no problem with bikers do you?”

  “Um…no…” I shake my head and my smile widens.

  “Good. Not that it happens often, but my old man’s boys do sometimes show up, and when they do, things can get loud. If you have a problem, you can come over and tell me. If you don’t have a problem, you can just come over and have a beer.” She grins, and I laugh, thinking I like JJ already.

  “I’ll probably take you up on that offer.”

  “Good, now I gotta ask, who’s the hot guy in the truck?”

  I don’t turn around. I know without looking who she’s talking about as her chin lifts behind me. “Umm…” I wonder how the hell to explain Evan to her.

  “Never mind. I can see you don’t want to talk about it right now. I’ll stop by and bring tequila tomorrow. You can tell me then,” she states, inviting herself over.

  “His story will probably take two bottles of tequila,” I mumble, and she smiles again, this time bigger.

  “I can already tell you’re my kind of people.” She looks me over then peeks over my shoulder again. “You two fit, and from the way he’s looking over here, I’m guessing he knows that, but like you said, that’s a story for tequila, so I’ll let you go and we’ll talk about him tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow,” I agree, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “It was nice meeting you, JJ.”

  “You too, girly. Tomorrow.” She smiles then turns and flounces through half my yard and hers, heading up to her front porch. Just as she gets there, the door opens and a big, bearded man—who is not at all unattractive—steps out onto the front porch, takes her hand, and lifts his chin to me. Giving him an awkward wave, I watch JJ smile up at him and say something that
has him grinning while shaking his head before dragging her through the door and closing it.

  I know it right then and there—I’m going to love my new neighborhood…or I will love it once I don’t have Evan standing guard outside of my house.

  Chapter 2

  Evan

  “You’re my Ev,” she whispers, looking down at my ring on her finger while her thighs press tight to my hips.

  “Always, beautiful.”

  Her gaze meets mine and she pulls back, causing her dark hair to glide softly across my chest as she sits up. My eyes drop to my hands and I watch as they move up the silky skin of her thighs, the soft curve of her waist, and then over her breasts, the weight filling my hands.

  “Ev.” She slides me inside of her, and my hips surge upward, sending me deeper. My eyes move to hold hers as she lifts then falls slowly¸ so fucking slowly that I know she is going to kill me. But I wouldn’t mind dying like this, deep inside of her, surrounded by beauty.

  “Fuck,” I breathe, and she smiles. She’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Nothing better than her. Perfection. “Kiss me.” I slide one hand around her back and pull her forward, taking her mouth and tasting her on my tongue. Nothing sweeter than her, fucking nothing.

  “Oh, God,” she whimpers down my throat as she convulses around me.

  Blinking my eyes open, my pulse races and I wrap my hand around my cock, squeezing tight as I mutter, “Fuck,” to the ceiling while trying to catch my breath. When I first got home from Afghanistan, my dreams were the nightmares I lived there, the nightmares of losing men I considered brothers. Now my nightmares are the loss of her—June.

  Rolling out of bed, I move to the small, attached bathroom, turn on the faucet, lean forward, cup the water in my palms, and splash my face, letting the cool liquid wash away the last of my dream. Resting my palms on the edge of the sink, I drop my head forward and squeeze my eyes closed, wondering how long the memories of June and me will haunt my nights. Lifting my head, looking at myself in the mirror, I stare at the man before me—knowing I’m everything my father said I am.

  “Fuck!” I roar, pulling back my arm and swinging, watching the glass shatter as my fist makes contact and my image disintegrates.

  Chest heaving, I drop my head again, pulling in ragged breaths.

  Heading down the hall, I see Harlen coming out of his room and lift my chin.

  “You heading to work?” he asks, stepping in sync with me as we move down the outside corridor of the compound toward the kitchen/cafeteria.

  “Yeah,” I mutter, lifting my chin to Z when I spot him sitting at a table as we enter through the door. The large room, which used to be the lunchroom when the factory was working, now holds a few round tables near the entrance for the kitchen. An eighty-inch flat-screen TV is hung with a warn leather couch in front of it, and two pool tables are set up in the back corner. Most days, the room is packed with the men who either work or live here, most of them are transitioning from military to civilian life.

  “You still looking for another bike?” Harlen questions from my side, bringing me out of my thoughts as I pour myself a cup of coffee.

  “Yeah, I just haven’t had a chance to look. Not sure I want new,” I mutter, watching him nod and cross his arms over his chest.

  “I might have something for you. A bike came in yesterday, and the guy mentioned selling. I’ll feel him out when he comes in today.”

  “Let me know,” I mumble then look at the clock and see I need to pick up Sage at the office in ten. “Later.” I lift my chin to Z and head out to my truck. Climbing in the beast, I put my coffee in the cup holder, back out of the parking space, and head toward town where the office is located.

  “What the fuck is the deal with you and June?” Sage asks, hopping into my truck, setting his cup of coffee in the cup holder between us, and buckling up. I wasn’t going to answer his question. One, it isn’t anyone’s fucking business. Two, he and Jax have no fucking clue that me and June had a history, and they weren’t going to learn that shit from me. June didn’t tell anyone about us when we got together, not even her sisters, who she told everything to. I didn’t understand her reason for keeping us a secret. I didn’t fucking like it, but it was what it was.

  When we got married, she still didn’t share about us. I was okay with that. She said she had a plan and was going to tell her parents while I was away. That way, they had time to settle into the idea that their daughter was a married woman, and then when I got home, she would introduce me to them. My headspace at the time was completely jacked, and like I said, I didn’t think much about it. The only thing I knew was I had a good woman, a woman who loved me, a woman I loved, so I was letting her lead where her family was concerned.

  Obviously, shit went down when I was away, and I ended our relationship, permanently. So there was no longer a reason for her to tell anyone she had been married, which she didn’t, and I wasn’t going to enlighten them to the fact we had history.

  “She fucking called Jax this morning, telling him to keep you away from her,” he continues, and I feel my muscles tighten.

  Yesterday was a fuck-up on my part. I should have kept out of the way, but I couldn’t stand the idea of that little fucker asking her out and her saying yes, so I stepped in.

  “Are you even fucking listening to me?” Sage demands, and I turn my head and raise a brow. “I know you were married,” he whispers, and my muscles that were tight wind even tighter. “Know it wasn’t long, but do know she was your wife. I don’t know what the fuck happened, but I have to tell you. I like you, man, but you fuck with my cousin’s head, do something to hurt her again, and you’ll answer to me.”

  “Do not,” I breathe, “fucking threaten me.”

  “It’s not a threat, brother. It’s a promise. I know she was fucked up for a while. Everyone knew she was fucked up, but she wouldn’t talk about it, about what happened. Now I know her fucked up came because you guys ended.”

  “She moved on,” I say, reminding myself of something that fucking kills me every time I think about it.

  Snorting, he shakes his head. “If you really think that shit, then you’re fucking stupid.”

  “Whatever,” I mutter instead of punching him in the face then put my truck in reverse and head out toward town to meet up with a potential client.

  “I see he’s back,” I hear JJ say just as June opens the front door to her house. Seeing her, my hands form fists. Her dark hair is down around her bare shoulders. The black, cotton strapless dress she has on makes her skin look even more golden, and her face is completely free of makeup. I know if I were close, I would see the light scatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose and the golden flecks in her eyes.

  “I’m working hard at pretending he’s not,” June tells JJ, who holds up a bottle of tequila, the same bottle she walked out of her house with. She shoves it toward her, laughing as she says, “This will help you forget.”

  Taking a step back with the bottle close to her chest, she lets JJ inside, and I hear her quietly reply, “Not sure about that,” her eyes move through her yard to me. My heart stops the same way it did the first time we met, only this time, instead of her lips parting and her eyes shining in wonder, her eyes narrow, her lips tighten, and she closes the door, giving me everything and absolutely fucking nothing.

  “Fuck,” I rumble, tilting my head back. The first time I saw June, I had been walking out of the auto supply store where I worked when she had been walking in. I was off for the day, but when she tilted her head back toward me with her lips parted, whispering, “Thank you,” as I held open the door for her, I knew I needed to talk to her, so I followed her back inside.

  She didn’t talk much. She told me what she was looking for, and I showed her where she could find it. Her cheeks were an adorable shade of pink by the time she checked out, and then got even darker when I asked her for her number as I walked her to her car. I knew the second I met her there was something di
fferent about her, something I couldn’t put my finger on, but I knew she was going to become important to me.

  She wasn’t important—she was fucking vital, the best thing that ever happened to me. But then I had to let her go so my fucked up didn’t ruin her.

  Getting in my truck, I start it up and stare at her house, knowing there is no way anyone will fuck with her, not while I’m out here or JJ is inside. No one would be stupid enough to court the kind of repercussions they would receive from Brew if they fucked with his old lady. And I would kill someone without blinking if they got too close to June.

  She was fucked up. Sage’s words have played in my head over and over today. When I was with June, we talked about our future a lot and made a million fucking plans. She knew I owed at least four years to the marines. I signed up for the service before we met. I didn’t have the money for school and the marines gave me the opportunity to get an education and make some money while doing it.

  June was on my orders, and after boot camp, we were scheduled to go to Germany. She wanted to see the world, and I was happy to have the ability to give her that. She knew we would be there for two years but also understood two years wasn’t long and that when the time was up, we could move back stateside or find somewhere else to explore. She was excited to be with me, to start a life, and to see the world.

  I just didn’t bank on me being one of the top shooters in my class. I had never held a gun in my life and knew jack-shit about shooting. But the moment they placed that piece of metal in my hands, it became an extension of me. I was good—so fucking good that they sent me to Afghanistan on the first tour out after boot camp. Seeing what I saw, living through what I lived through, I knew I couldn’t touch June again. She deserved more, she deserved everything, and I would never be worthy of her.