Give Me Grace

  I bit back a moan just thinking about him.

  Mac speared me with a look of sympathy.

  “What? It’s hot, okay?” I waved my hand at the broken air-conditioner. We were all suffering. The night was steamy and oppressive. A storm was supposed to hit earlier and sweep the humidity away, but it obviously had better things to do. I grabbed a hair tie from the dining table as I walked past. My hair was wrapped around my sweaty skin like damp tentacles. I peeled it off me and tied it in a knot on the top of my head.

  “Give me that,” Henry growled at Mac. He reached for the frozen bag of peas she had plastered over half her face.

  “Get lost, Henry.” She slapped his hands away. “I’m not wrestling with you over iced vegetables. It’s too damn hot.”

  “It’s too damn hot to do anything,” I complained as I flopped in the chair beside the three-seater couch they were splayed over.

  “Or wear clothes apparently,” Mac replied with a pointed look at Jake. He was sprawled across the other couch in nothing but a pair of boxer-briefs. Granted, we were all wearing next to nothing, but this was Jake and he was built like a tattooed Thor. No wonder Mac had cried dibs on the frozen peas because all that rippling muscle was making me sweat on a whole other level.

  “It’s even too hot to jack off,” Cooper piped up from the floor where he lay watching television.

  “It’s never too hot for sex,” Frog countered from the couch opposite me. Rather than watch television like everyone else, he was busy sticking a skewer down the cast on his arm. I felt sorry for him. Having a plastered arm in this heat must suck donkey’s balls.

  “True that,” Cooper agreed. I looked his way. He watched me, his lips curled suggestively. “Maybe Grace and I could test that theory.”

  “I’d be willing to test that theory on the first person who fixes the air conditioner,” I joked.

  “Me too,” Mac added.

  Jake’s eyes fell on Mac as he stood and if I said I averted my gaze from all that sexy, rippling muscle, it would be a big, fat lie. I glanced across at Mac to see if she was similarly affected. She was studiously watching the television. I didn’t believe it for a second. Not because Cooper had flicked the channel to an old episode of Murder She Wrote, but because from the time it took for Jake to walk across her field of vision and out the front door, she didn’t blink once.

  I heard the neighbouring front door of the duplex slam where Jake, Frog, and Cooper lived. Five minutes later, he returned wearing a tiny pair of football shorts. Was that his definition of getting dressed? Because they were smaller than his boxer-briefs. The guy rarely wore a shirt when he was playing the drums. Granted it was sweaty work, and that sheen of perspiration on his pecs reeled in the female groupies, but he hardly wore a shirt when he wasn’t playing either. I assumed it was how he was most comfortable, but maybe he was doing it to get a reaction out of Mac. With her being unusually quiet, I’d give him points for it working.

  Cooper dragged his eyes away from the television as Jake returned. He strode back through the middle of us, carrying a large metal toolbox.

  “What’re you doing?”

  Jake dumped the toolbox on the timber floor with a clank, answering Cooper all the while looking at Mac. “Fixing the damn air conditioner, idiot, what does it look like I’m doing?”

  Henry, Frog, and Cooper all shared a smirk as Jake crouched and began rifling through a bunch of metal gizmos.

  “Nothing like the incentive of sex for a guy to get his tool out,” Cooper quipped, and all three of them laughed.

  Jake looked directly at me and winked. With a metal doovalacky in his hand, he stood and said, “Of course. Grace said she’d be willing to test the theory. There’s nothing sexier than a willing female.”

  Everyone faltered, including me. Was this his tactic—making Mac jealous? That was like poking a tiger with a really big stick, and I wanted no part of it. I hope he wasn’t firmly attached to his balls.

  “I think that I … uh … might go to bed.” I started inching off the couch as I spoke. “To sleep,” I added hastily as I stood. “Good luck with the … er…” I ran my eyes over Jake and exhaled a sharp puff of air as I tried to think “…air conditioner. The air conditioner. Night all.”

  A chorus of goodnights were called out as I made my way up the stairs. Mitsy followed on my heels. Surrounded by other people, the dog came off loyal. I could almost believe I was the only important person in his life. It all changed the minute we were alone. Reaching my room, he peeled off towards his bed, and I to mine. He growled when I walked past him, breaching his personal space to set my phone on the bedside table.

  Stripping down to a tiny pair of rainbow striped cotton and lace panties, I slid under the sheets and promptly closed my eyes. After a minute, memories of Casey—the way he kissed me, his tongue and hands on my body—had my heart racing and the sheets sticking to my body. I kicked them off with an irritable huff. Another minute later and I’d peeled the panties down my legs and tossed those too. Now completely naked, I was spread across the bed like a starfish and praying for a cool breeze.

  I closed my eyes again, and this time I must have drifted off because Mitsy growling woke me.

  “Shut up, dog,” I mumbled into my pillow.

  His growling got louder.

  “Gonna kill you,” I slurred tiredly. “In the morning though. After sleep. You’re gonna get it.”

  Mitsy’s growling reached offensive levels.

  “What, dammit?” I sat up, scooting out of bed half asleep. When I stumbled over to Mitsy’s area by the open window, I realised it wasn’t even him growling, it was Casey’s car parked out the front by the kerb. My brow furrowed. He’d cancelled tonight, hadn’t he? Was he here for me or some other reason? Maybe someone had been hurt. Fear knotted my belly. I grabbed for my panties and tank top, hopping about as I slid them on hastily.

  My heart hammered with apprehension as I made my way quickly down the stairs. It turned to confusion when I noticed no one was around. The duplex was dark and still. With a quick glance behind me, I slipped out the front door, letting it softly click shut behind me. Casey was sitting in his car, staring straight ahead as I walked down the drive. Opening the car door, I slid inside and shut it. He didn’t acknowledge my presence, or even look at me at all. He simply shifted gears, and with a quick glance in his rearview mirror, pulled out onto the road.

  I clicked my seat belt into place. “Casey?”

  With a hard swallow, he shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road as we drove. Despite his controlled composure, his face was pale and tension surrounded him like an aura.

  “Casey, you’re scaring me.”

  “I’m sorry.” Our eyes met for a brief moment, the connection intense. Raw pain flickered in his eyes before it was quickly banked. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  His palm slid over my bare thigh, riding upwards as he continued to drive. The touch sent arousal spiking through me, but not enough to override the concern.

  “Where are we going?”

  He shook his head as if he had no clue. After a moment, he replied, “I want to drive, but I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you.”

  My eyes fixed on his profile as he drove. The knuckles of his right hand were white on the steering wheel and his jaw tight. Something wasn’t right. In fact, something was very wrong. I slid my hand over his, my pulse racing when he flipped his palm over and grabbed hold.

  “Casey?”

  He glanced over at me.

  “I want to be with you too.”

  His answer was a squeeze of my hand before letting go.

  We sat in silence as he drove. I stared at the dashboard, having no idea what to do or say or how to fix what was wrong.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Sure.” A smile came to his lips. It was forced because it never reached his eyes. “Just a bad day at work, you know?”

  “No, I don’t know. Maybe you should tell me.?
??

  The roads were eerily quiet when he pulled to a stop at a red light. “I don’t want to talk right now.” His hand fell on my thigh again, the calloused palm scraping my skin as it slipped upwards. Reaching between my thighs, he dragged my panties to the side and slipped his fingers inside, gently massaging my clit and dragging a moan from my throat. He leaned over, putting his mouth on my ear, his breathing coming harder and heavier.

  “I want to fuck you, Grace. Not just tonight, but every night,” he professed, his fingers working me expertly. The red light turned green, but with no cars around, Casey ignored it. “Hard enough for it to hurt, so that when you leave, me fucking you is the only thing you can think about.”

  I closed my eyes, my head falling back against the headrest. I wanted him to fuck me that hard. I wanted to feel him inside me even when he wasn’t there, but not like this. Not when he was using sex to mask a hurt so painful and deep I could feel the ache of it surrounding me until I felt suffocated.

  “No,” I gasped.

  He froze at the single word, his hand stilling instantly.

  “There’s something wrong, Casey. I can feel it.”

  His hand slipped out of my panties and I mourned the loss. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped.

  Tension bled into the car as he put it in gear and accelerated swiftly. My eyes burned. When we were good, it was wild and intense and consuming, but we always spiralled into such a hot mess. I wasn’t sure if Casey and I would ever find a happy medium.

  Drawing a deep breath, I forced calm. “Maybe you should take me home.”

  “No.”

  My brows flew up. “No?”

  “No.” He shook his head, his tone cold and harsh. “This was your deal, and now you want to turn it into some kind of relationship? That’s not what this is. This is about you and me and sex. So maybe you should spread your legs so we can both get what we want.”

  I flinched, his words a slap in the face. Clenching my jaw, I ground out, “Take me home.”

  Casey pulled the car over, jerking the wheel so hard I lurched forward, the seat belt cutting into my chest. I winced as we pulled to a sudden stop. He wrenched on the handbrake and turned the car off. Twisting in his seat, he faced me, furious.

  “If I’ve had a bad day, I’m not inclined to share it with you, or share anything else for that matter. I just want to have it fucked out of my system. Don’t you get that? I want to lose myself in fucking you until I can’t feel anything else.” He grabbed the bulge in his jeans, raking his eyes over me brazenly before returning to my face. “Don’t tell me this isn’t what you want.”

  I sucked in a breath. “You asshole,” I hissed and scrambled for the door handle, my heart pounding with hurt and anger and so much else I almost couldn’t breathe from it.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Casey grabbed at my arm before I could get the door open. “You can’t go out there with barely anything on.”

  “I don’t care!” I shouted, trying to shrug him off as tears started falling down my face.

  “Grace!”

  “God. Just leave me alone!” I slapped at his hands as we grappled in the car. “Anywhere is preferable to being in here with you!”

  Casey stiffened at my words, both of us breathing harshly in the sudden quiet. He drew back in his seat, effectively distancing himself from me.

  “Fuck,” he roared and slammed his fist against the steering wheel. “Fuck!”

  I sat there unmoving, trying to control my breathing. A thin sheen of sweat from the heat coated my body as I wiped at the tears on my face.

  “Sorry,” he rasped. Taking the wheel with both hands, he pressed his forehead against it, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m not…” he started and then paused, seeming unable to go any further. He shook his head in frustration before facing me. There was something fractured in his eyes, something that wavered between desperation and despair. It made my blood run cold. “A little girl got shot today. It doesn’t look good for her,” he admitted, his voice hoarse and tired. “And I’m fucking losing it because it shouldn’t have happened. If I’d found her sooner, then maybe she wouldn’t be in the hospital right now fighting for her life. I … God …” He breathed shakily. “I shouldn’t have come over. I started falling apart and my first instinct was to come to you and I’m sorry.”

  His first instinct was to come to me? What was I supposed to do with that? It made me want to cry because being that person for him was only temporary. He needed so much more than what I could give. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “This is about more than that little girl, isn’t it?”

  “I can’t talk about it right now.” He swallowed, rubbing a trembling hand across his eyes. “I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

  Casey let go of my hand and got out of the car before I could respond. The heat of the night swirled inside as he shut the door behind him. I watched as he walked around the front of the car. For a brief second, the glare of the headlights illuminated his pants and rolled up sleeves of his dark shirt. He looked tired and rumpled and so completely defeated my heart gave a lurch.

  “Dammit,” I muttered when he leaned up against the hood. Glancing around, I spied his jacket on the backseat. I grabbed it and slipped it on, the sleeves falling past my hands. Pushing them up my forearms, I reached over and pulled the keys from the ignition and slipped them in the jacket pocket. When I opened the car door, the sound of crashing waves was loud and the smell of salty ocean thick in the air. We’d pulled off somewhere along the headland of one of Sydney’s beaches. A cliff top coastal walk ran somewhere along here, from Bondi to Coogee. I knew because I’d been meaning to do the two-hour walk since arriving and hadn’t yet had the chance.

  I walked around to the front of the car. Rather than looking out to the dark waves crashing below, Casey’s head was bent, his arms folded.

  He was right, in a way. This was about sex and the wild attraction we had for each other. Expecting a relationship for the short period of time I was here was unfair. What was also unfair was expecting him to talk about what was in his head if I couldn’t do the same.

  I stood in front of him and he looked up. “Grace,” he whispered. Unfolding his arms, he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

  My chest brushed against his when I stepped in between his spread legs. Wrapping my arms around him, I hugged him, not letting go as I spoke. “It’s okay to lose it, Casey. Maybe you think I don’t see you, but I do. You’re always the first to smile, and to laugh and tease, but underneath it all, you’re scared of letting everyone down so you hide what hurts the most so you can be the person they all need you to be. You put everyone above yourself, but whatever it is that hurts will never heal while you keep doing that.” I exhaled shakily before continuing. “I know, because I used to do the same thing.”

  Feeling his body tremble, I squeezed tighter. His arms came around me, wrapping tight enough to squeeze the air from my lungs. A sob tore from his chest, and then another, until his face was buried in my neck. I held on, my eyes burning at seeing such a big, strong man hanging on by his fingernails.

  “Whatever you’re doing now is not enough,” I whispered thickly when he drew back. “You have to let go of what hurts.”

  “What hurts you, Grace?” His beautiful blue eyes watched me intently, waiting.

  I released the breath I’d been holding and gave him a faint smile. “Country music mostly, and algebra. Falling down stairs is up there too. That never ends well.” Casey chuckled softly just like I’d hoped he would. The sound lifted my heart. “What hurts you, Casey?”

  He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, the touch soothing me. “Getting kicked in the crotch,” he replied and I laughed. “The Hawks beating Freo in the AFL final. The thought of you leaving.” His eyes locked on mine. “When I’m with you, touching you, breathing you in, I forget who I have to be and I’m just me. When you leave, you’ll take that with you.”

  I
leaned in and pressed a long, lingering kiss to his cheek. He shuddered, his grip on me tightening. Turning his face, he brushed his lips against mine. I relished the brief contact before taking a step back, the small rocks jabbing into my bare feet. The sharp stab of pain was a welcome distraction from the ache in my heart.

  “Casey.” I looked away. “This … thing between us. I never expected it. Whatever it is, the intention was never for it to hurt. Maybe we should stop before it gets worse.”

  Casey shook his head, opening his mouth to speak but his phone rang. Frowning, he dug in his pocket and pulled it out. His body tensed when he checked the caller ID. It rang and rang, the mechanical tune cutting through the crashing sound of waves.

  I looked from the phone to him. He was staring at the screen with drawn brows. It was clear there was an internal battle raging inside him. “Casey?”

  As though reaching a decision, he tucked the ringing phone back in his pocket and grabbed hold of my hands. “Then let it hurt,” he snarled as he dragged me close. “Let it. We’re not stopping, Slim. You’re mine. Every night for the next five weeks. Just you and me. Fuck everything else.”

  “I can’t. We can’t,” Grace amended as she tried tugging her hands free. I refused to let go. Instead, I spun her around and walked her backwards without taking my eyes from hers. “We should stop this now.”

  When she collided with the hood, I lifted her up. She gasped when I sat her down on it. The sound was sweet and had my cock throbbing and filling in my pants. Resting her feet on the front bumper, she hiked up her knees, and I took a moment to enjoy the display. “There’s no such thing as can’t.”

  Grace arched a brow, her pupils dilating when she glanced down at the growing bulge in my pants. “Are you trying to dazzle me with logic?”

  “It’s either that or I dazzle you with my cock.” Spreading her legs, I pushed my way between them, groaning when she wrapped them around my hips and rubbed up against me. “Which would you prefer?”