Lovefool (complete 1st part of Lovefool trilogy)

#54 I HAVE NOTHING

  Julian waited for her day after day in front of Sebastian’s house. She didn't appear. He had some things to do in the city just to keep his mask up for people he knew. He drove his Mustang 1968 from one end of the city to another. He went to “Sunshine” three times and checked whether everything was OK. Indeed, everything was OK. April was almost gone. Now everybody was looking forward to the long weekend in May. The first and third of May are national holidays in Poland and people always take the second off as well. Because of so much free time, there are always concerts, events and grill parties everywhere. It was called “Majowka” and it has become a national tradition to celebrate every single day of it.

  In Warsaw, some great concerts with famous stars were planned. Julian should have thought long ago about a special theme for the party at his club, but he didn't care. He was obsessed to find Mia and to make a final decision. Moreover, he was mad at himself, because he let her go. This one time he could follow her and he screwed it!

  His team asked what they should do and he wasn't concentrated enough to answer. In these last days, he wasn't the one to be bothered. He gave an impression as if he was living in another galaxy. He was distracted, irritated and easy to annoy. When he came into the club today, his team looked at him suspiciously. They almost immediately knew that Julian was still in the same bad condition as the days before and even weeks before.

  This club looked classy. Every piece of furniture looked stylish and the paintings on the walls were great. It was a mix of Pablo Picasso and Joan Mirò and every guest of this club wanted to know who painted it. It was so cool! It was a kind of cubism mix, which reminded of a revolution and inspiration in European art. Here in Sunshine the art works were of a neoclassical style like Guernica, but their colours were not typical for cubism. Instead of using monochrome brownish and neutral colours, here you had vivid colours like yellow, red and blue influenced by Mirò. The name of the club was written here and there in Picasso style. This decoration made a great impression and it was no surprise that people wanted to come here. This club has been in since the opening day.

  Whenever someone asked who was responsible for the interior decoration, Julian said that it was a no-name artist. He painted the club for two beers. In addition, people who worked here were as well special. Julian himself looked at every candidate to see who could fit into the team. Therefore, he collected quite interesting and inspiring people, even if they were working in different areas of the club. Even a dishwasher had to be approved by Julian. Consequently, they all became a big family and everybody here was friends. It made the atmosphere better and more comfortable. Moreover, Julian could leave them at their own and they could still manage everything.

  Recently Julian was the weakest member in this community, he obviously didn't care much about this club, and so his stuff had to plan the upcoming “Majowka” event and organized a jazz concert. Up to now, Julian didn't realize that it was almost too late for preparing any event and it if he wanted to, it was too late now anyway. He really wasn't bothered.

  As Maja, one of the waitresses, informed him about this planned concert, he just approved it with “OK” and went out of the club. He was mad. He was furious. He was disappointed and scared. If he could turn back the time, he would do it for every price. His biggest fear was that she was dead and he would never see her again. She didn't look good the last time he saw her and in a worst-case scenario, she could really have passed away.

  Now he couldn't find her. Sebastian didn't know her address and to which school she went. Once as Sebastian wasn't home, Julian got to his apartment and searched for her CV or anything that could be at least a hint how to locate her. He didn't find anything. Mia’s address written in her CV was a false address. Julian checked the entire street for her house and he didn't find anything.

  He walked the streets of Warsaw in his invisible form and visited every single school. He didn't find anything that could bring him to her. This was a bad way to find her. Warsaw was a huge city with many possibilities. It was very complicated to locate a person whose mind he couldn't read. It was like going into a dark room without having a clue in which room you are. He needed some good luck, but up to now he didn't have any or he left the occasion passing by.

  He stuck around the places where she has been already. From Sebastian's memories, Julian knew about the teahouse. It was almost in the Old City. He walked by the Warsaw Castle which was rebuild by the citizens of Warsaw after the war. He looked at the Column of Zygmunt which was a big memorial for a former king of Poland who moved the capital function from Cracovia to Warsaw in 17th century. He went along Krakowskie Przedmiescie and passed the Memorial of Adam Mickiewicz, a Polish figure that can be compared with English William Shakespeare or German Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and then he passed the Palace of the Polish President. Sebastian lived a couple of streets from here. Julian changed his course and turned into that direction. He came to Saski Garden where Sebastian and Mia were running a couple of times.

  As Julian was walking, he passed many people. Warsaw was full of people and its centre was always overcrowded, most of them in a hurry. They were good-looking, but they didn't notice their surrounding. They were annoyed, they were stressed, and they were emotionless. He observed them sometimes. He just stopped, stood there in a crowd and looked at people who passed him by. He didn't like it. He even hated it. However, he had a whisper of hope that she will flow with this human river.

  Julian went to the Saski Garden and sat down on a bench. He had almost lost his hopes. He had been looking for her for almost two weeks now. She didn't get in touch with Sebastian, she didn't try to contact Sebastian, which was suspicious. Sebastian was worried as well. His thoughts were with her, too. However, Sebastian didn't notice as much as Julian did and that’s why Sebastian hadn't such a bad feeling about it. For Sebastian it was quite easy: she will contact him again as she always did. He had to be patient and wait. This was his recipe for keeping up his hope. Julian on the other hand, saw too much to stay calm.

  He sat there, on a bench, and cradled his head in his hands. He just wanted to find her and then he intended to stay at her side. No matter what should happen and no matter, which punishment he would get. A life without her was impossible. She was the missing part of him that he had been waiting for, she had been so near, and he let her go. He stood up and started another round.

  It was already late in the evening and it started getting colder a while ago. This day was quite warm for one of the last April days. People who were still on the street wore jackets and sweaters. The busy hours were already gone and it was more comfortable for him to walk along the streets.

  When he was passing Bertolt Brecht Street on the other side of the river, he could smell her. It was very delicate and almost not noticeable. He stopped and looked around. Finally, he saw her: she was walking down the street.

  No words could describe how relieved he was.