Always On My Mind

Page 20

  Author: Bella Andre

  “Dance with me again, Lori. ”

  She should say no. All she needed to do was put her lips into the right position and breathe out the word. Lord knew she’d had enough practice saying the word, not only as a child, but also during the past week to Grayson whenever he’d been acting unreasonable and she’d been a brat for the sheer pleasure of annoying him.

  But now, when it felt like her entire future, along with the safety of her heart, rested on a little two-letter word, she just couldn’t say it. She couldn’t get her feet to work, either, to walk her out of the barn, so that she could leave Grayson and his cowboy hat and boots and pigs and Sweetpea-the-cat behind.

  And maybe, she found herself thinking as the waltz continued, he had some sort of previously agreed-upon arrangement going with the band, because when he drew her back into his arms in front of the lemonade table and the wide-eyed teenagers, she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

  Being with Grayson was so simple and yet so complicated all at the same time. He made her want to stomp and yell. . . but he’d also just given dancing back to her when she’d thought that dream, that love, might be gone forever.

  Apart from her twin sister, she’d never met anyone whom she hated and loved in the same breath.

  Love.

  Oh God, she was falling in love with him.

  No! She couldn’t.

  Not him.

  Not here.

  And not when she knew he was not only still grieving his loss, but also that he might very well choose to grieve forever.

  All the strength Lori hadn’t been able to find a few moments earlier flooded her as panic took hold. She was out of his arms like a shot, moving so quickly toward the big, open barn doors that she skidded in her heels and barely caught herself on the wall before she went down on her butt in front of everyone. Kicking off her heels and leaving them on the barn floor, she didn’t notice whether anyone was watching her flee, couldn’t feel anything but the pressure of that love she could no longer deny coming down over her chest to wrap tightly around her heart.

  No. No. No.

  What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she love someone who would love her back? Why couldn’t she have what her brothers and twin had? Why couldn’t she find a lover, a friend, someone who would always have her back, someone who would give up absolutely everything for her. . . and someone for whom she would give up absolutely everything? Why couldn’t she be one half of two people who didn’t need anything but each other?

  That was all she wanted. It was all she’d ever wanted.

  Instead, she was wild.

  She didn’t think before acting.

  She talked too much.

  And she fell too fast.

  Lori was running away from the barn dance, sprinting for home, when it hit her midstride that what had started to feel like her home wasn’t hers at all.

  It was Grayson’s. Everything was his. This land. The animals.

  Oh God, even her heart was his.

  And still she ran, barely feeling the dirt, the grass, the sticks beneath her bare feet. The firm muscles in her legs, the power of her lungs, had always made her strong. But Grayson, she found out a breath later when his arms came around her and he lifted her off the ground and against his chest, was at least as strong.

  “You can’t run from me,” he told her in the middle of the field beneath a dark purple sky as he held onto her.

  Lori had always given herself entirely over to love. She’d believed it would make everything okay, make everything work out in the end. But it didn’t. It hadn’t. And she knew she shouldn’t be stupid enough to make that mistake again.

  “Yes, I can,” she said as she fought his hold, as she tried to get back on solid ground where she only had herself to rely on, where she could do whatever it took to keep herself safe.

  “Not tonight, Lori. ” His lungs were pumping just as hard as hers were from the run and from the struggle to keep her with him. “I know you’re not going to stay, but please don’t run from me tonight. ” She made the mistake of looking up into his eyes. “Please,” he begged again, “just give me tonight. ”

  Maybe it was the fact that, for the second time in one night, he’d actually asked for something rather than just demanding it from her. Maybe it was the way he was looking at her, like he’d be lost without her. Maybe it was the fact that their dances together had solidified something that couldn’t possibly be put into words: a connection between two people who were, whether they wanted to be or not, a perfect fit. At least for a little while—while their lives collided.

  Maybe it was simply that falling in love wasn’t something Lori would ever be able to turn away from, regardless of just how much pain she knew would be coming down the pike. And maybe, just maybe, as long as she never actually confessed to him how she felt, that would make it okay to give in to what she felt for Grayson for one night, beneath the moon, with the smell of wild grass and the ocean all around them. . .

  Chapter Seventeen

  Grayson had never wanted anyone the way he wanted Lori, but it wasn’t just physical anymore, even though her beauty while she’d led the entire community in her line dancing choreography had simply stunned him all over again, as though he was seeing her for the very first time.

  He wanted to hear her laugh.

  He wanted to feel her breathing softly as she fell asleep against him, her head on his shoulder.

  And he wanted to see her spin a little dark-haired girl around and around in circles, a girl who looked like both of them, a spitfire who would yell “No” at them just as loudly as she would declare her love before falling asleep in the home they’d made for her and her brothers and sisters.

  They were all crazy dreams—especially the last one. Dreams that would never be anything more than pure fantasy. . . but he already knew those fantasies were what would keep him going long after she left. He also knew that keeping her hidden away on his farm for more than a stolen week or two would unfairly deprive the world of her truly special gifts.

  Lori made everything finally seem real, gave meaning to what had only seemed like routine before. It was why he was afraid to put her down, to let her toes touch the ground again. If she changed her mind about tonight, then all the brilliant colors she’d painted for him since she’d blown into his life like a hurricane would turn back to gray.

  Even after watching her dance, he’d been trying to keep his distance, had been telling himself he needed to do whatever it took to resist her. But then, from across the barn Eric had come for her, to dance with her, to hold her in his arms. . . and Grayson had simply broken. He’d had to pull her into his arms, had to give in to how good he knew it would be to waltz with her, to put his arms around her and feel her lay her cheek against his shoulder.

  He knew exactly why Lori had run from the barn dance—he wasn’t the only one who had tripped and fallen into the last person on earth he should ever want to hold on to. But all the good reasons to stay away from her were lost in the visions of her laughing with men and women who never usually took to outsiders, the way every little boy and girl in the barn had fallen head over heels in love with her as she danced with them.

  How could they not fall for her?

  “I need to love you,” he said against her hair, still holding her so tightly, even after she’d promised not to run from him tonight.

  Of course, she surprised him all over again when she wrapped her legs around his waist and held as tightly to him as he was holding her.

  “Love me, Grayson. ”

  As he finally captured her lips, he realized she kissed the way she danced, without holding anything back. He wanted to lay her down in the grass, wanted to love her beneath the moon and the stars. But he couldn’t stand the thought of her soft skin being scratched by sticks or rocks, so even as he kissed her, he was walking back toward his truck with Lo
ri wrapped around him.

  “Riding you is so much more fun than riding a horse,” she said, laughing against his mouth.

  The sound of her joy was so sweet that he couldn’t keep moving forward, couldn’t do anything but stand in the grass and wildflowers and kiss her.

  “I put clean sheets on your bed today,” she informed him with a naughty little smile when he finally pulled back from her sweet lips, her gorgeous face lit by the moonlight. “Let’s go mess them up. ” And then she was unwrapping her legs from around his waist, saying, “Race you to the truck,” and running off through the field.

  Her long dark hair was flying out behind her as he chased her again, her limbs strong and fast as the satin of her dress tangled up in her beautiful legs, her laughter filling his heart until he was sure it was going to overflow. He reached out for her hand just as she reached back for him, and their fingers threaded together as he pulled her back into him for one more hot kiss.

  He opened the passenger door of his truck for her, and this time when he helped her up, he let his hands roam across her perfect ass, which she wiggled into his palms.

  “You know,” she said as he slid in behind the wheel seconds later, “I’ve never made love in a truck before. ”

  God, he thought as the blood rushed hotter, faster, through his veins, it was tempting. So tempting to stay right here in this dark and deserted corner where he’d parked, and drag her onto his lap, even though he had been fantasizing all week long about making love to her in his bed.

  Grayson had spent the past three years controlling everything. His farm. His animals. His emotions. His needs. But now, in the span of a few seconds, it was all slipping out of his grasp.

  Because the mere thought of taking Lori in his truck was so potent that he couldn’t do a damned thing to stop the Neanderthal lurking inside him from emerging to take. To claim. To possess.

  By the time he had his hands on her and was dragging her onto his lap, hers were already on him, moving up his chest. “Grayson. ” She breathed his name into the crook of his neck, the same place she’d licked on the ride during the storm a couple of days ago.

  Though he was on the verge of ripping off her dress, when she twined her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer with desire raging heated and wild all around them, for the moment, just holding her tight was not only enough. . . it was more than he’d ever thought to have.

  * * *

  I love you.

  Lori knew she could never say the words aloud. Not only was Grayson not even close to being in an emotional position to give his love to her, but he wouldn’t be able to accept her love, either.

  Only, she’d never loved anyone because of what she could get back from them. And, as she pressed her cheek against Grayson’s and felt his breath move with hers, slower now as they shared a perfect moment of closeness, she was shocked to realize that she’d never felt anything this strong, this deep and true, for any other man.

  Because what she felt for the man holding her so tightly—as though he was worried she’d disappear if he didn’t make absolutely certain to keep her there with him—was richer, and so much sweeter, than anything she’d ever felt before.

  She wanted to heal Grayson, wanted to give him her heart, her love, until they finally overshadowed tragedy and pain.

  She wanted to make love with him for hours and hours, knew from his kisses alone that she’d never get her fill of being intimate with him.

  She wanted to be his partner and have him trust that she would be there for him in a way that no one else had ever been.

  And, oh, how she wanted to see him smile. One perfect smile. One full-bodied laugh. And then she’d know that she’d given him something important, something real, something that mattered.

  When he started to rain kisses down over her cheek, and then her chin and neck, she used her dancer’s flexibility to arch way back so that he could have unfettered access to even more of her.

  “Damn you for being so tempting,” he growled with a nip at the upper swell of her breast. “Fifteen minutes, that was all we needed to get back to my farm. Fifteen goddamned minutes. Is that too much to ask? Is that too long for you to stop being so irresistible?”