Carnal Secrets

  His gaze snapped to her. “You’ve heard of shifters whose animals have surfaced early before, right?”

  She nodded. “I don’t know any. But I’ve heard that it can happen.”

  “Do you know what happens to them in later life?”

  At his hard tone, a blast of cold traveled down her spine. “What?”

  “Healers aren’t sure why it happens, though they speculate that it’s because the body and the mind were forced to deal with changes they weren’t ready for at a young age and that those changes put too much of a strain on them. It causes the cognitive functions to degenerate later on. When I found you, I was having healing sessions to try to fight it. The sessions worked. But I had that fear that the improvement was only temporary. I didn’t want you to be my caregiver. It didn’t feel fair to claim you and then have you burdened with someone you had to take care of—a patient instead of a mate.”

  There was almost a click in Shaya’s head as everything he’d done or said since they first found each other fell into place for her. She finally understood. But…“Nick, you’re a fucking idiot.” There was no anger or harshness, just pure and utter exasperation. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this in the beginning?”

  “You would have insisted on sticking by me.”

  “And you wouldn’t have done the same if the situation was reversed? Don’t dare tell me that that’s different! It’s not! You should have told me! You should have given me the choice to stand by you, to be there for you!”

  “When I found you and realized I couldn’t claim you without endangering you, it seemed…fitting. It made sense that I wouldn’t be allowed to have my mate, considering the shit I’ve done and not regretted. And you’re so damn sweet and perfect, whereas me…I have more coldness in me than I care to admit.”

  “You still should have told me! Why in God’s name didn’t you mention this to me three weeks ago?” To think how much of a bitch she had been to him when all he’d been trying to do by not claiming her was, in his own warped way, protect her.

  “I didn’t want a chance out of pity. I wanted it because I’d earned it.”

  Dominant males and their pride. “You still shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

  “And you don’t have your secrets? Don’t think I don’t know that you’re keeping things from me, Shay. You have a huge issue with being alone. I haven’t pressed you about it because I didn’t feel I had a right to when I was keeping things from you. But I’d say it’s only fair that you tell me.”

  “I don’t like talking about it.”

  The ache in her voice made Nick’s hackles rise. “I don’t like talking about what happened that day in the woods…but I told you when you asked.”

  Okay, that was fair. It was a long moment before she spoke. “I was a twin. An identical twin. My sister, Mika…she died in the womb.”

  His eyes fell closed, and he cursed. He took one of her hands in his. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  “Even then, before we were born, we’d bonded. That probably sounds dramatic and impossible. But it’s no different from saying that babies can hear their parents’ voices from the womb and can find them soothing. Mika and I had each other all those months. As I was growing up, that ‘empty’ feeling was always there. That feeling of being alone.” She smiled as a memory came to her. “When I was little, I used to pretend that Taryn was my twin.”

  The image of a small version of Shaya feeling so lost and empty that she used her friend as a substitute sister almost broke his heart. “I’ll bet Taryn was happy to be part of that game.”

  Shaya’s smile widened. “Yeah, she was. She never had any siblings, so we both got a lot of fun out of that little fantasy.” Her smile faded as she continued. “But maybe I would have coped a lot better if it hadn’t been for what happened when I was four.”

  It was a struggle for Nick to keep his voice even when anger was riding him at the idea of anything hurting her. “What happened, Shay?”

  “For the first four years of my life, my parents and I didn’t live on pack territory. The Alpha—Taryn’s dad, Lance—didn’t approve of my mom mating a human, even though my dad was her true mate. So they lived in a house close by. But my parents…See, my dad was a Navy SEAL, so he went away a lot. My mom wasn’t very good at handling it—not that I can blame her. It must have been hard. Every weekend, she’d go out with her friends to bars and clubs. She used to leave me alone in the house while she went, even when I was little.”

  Leave a child alone? “But surely there were members of your pack who would happily have taken care of you while she was gone.”

  “Of course there were. But she liked leaving me there alone because she knew I didn’t like to be alone. She liked to hurt me. Maybe it was that when she looked at me, she always remembered that there should have been two of me. Or maybe it was because she felt my dad paid more attention to me than to her when he was home. Or maybe it’s just because she is, naturally, a very self-centered person.” And a hypochondriac, to boot. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  Keeping his touch gentle was a struggle, but he managed it for her, massaging her hand with both of his. “Go on.”

  “I remember I used to sit on the stairs, crying, waiting for her to come home. Sometimes I’d fall asleep like that. Other times I’d stay awake until she was back. But one Friday night she went out…and she didn’t come home that night. Or the next night. Or the next night. The longer she stayed away, the more I panicked—not just because I was alone, but because I was really worried that something bad had happened to her, that she’d been hurt or worse.”

  Her pain was so deep it felled him. His wolf growled, hating it. “Shay, what happened to her?” Her answer surprised him.

  “Nothing. She was fine. She’d stayed away because she wanted to—she was laughing at how shook up I was. I swear, Nick, by the time she got back I felt like the walls were going to close in on me.” When he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight to him, she didn’t fight him. She melted against him and greedily took that comfort. “My dad hit the roof when I told him. I wasn’t supposed to tell him, but I was so angry with her that I did. He insisted we all move to pack territory, because he wanted to be sure that I was safe whenever he was away. Lance didn’t want us to move there, but Taryn’s mom raged at him until he allowed it. Then I met Taryn, and I was never alone again after that.”

  Nick exhaled a long breath. “Shit.” And now he understood just how badly he had hurt her by not claiming her, by abandoning her—even if he believed he’d done it for the right reasons. “I really did fuck up big-time, didn’t I?”

  “That’s not the only thing I’ve kept from you.” Pulling back to meet his gaze, she nibbled on her lip. “I’m a salient submissive.”

  Nick’s brows almost hit his hairline. Salient shifters could be dominant or submissive and were very rare and unique in that they existed near the periphery of dominant and submissive. The fact that they were almost a perfect blend of both gave them an advantage over all shifters—their submission couldn’t be forced. Even Nick, despite how powerful an Alpha he was, could be forced to submit if the dominant vibes being directed at him were powerful enough to do it. But neither salient submissives nor salient dominants could have their submission forced…which explained why Taryn had looked shifty when Nick mentioned that dominant females could defeat Shaya simply by throwing their dominant vibes at her. As it was, such an attack would have no effect on her.

  It didn’t change any of his worries about her safety as an Alpha female, but it at least meant that she couldn’t be intimidated into submitting. “You must be proud to be a salient submissive.”

  “I often wonder if it means Mika would have been a salient dominant.” Watching as his brow creased, she asked, “Another headache?”

  He shook his head. “No. I hate hearing pain and tears in your voice. It cuts through me. You’re not ever allowed to cry. Ever. I really can’t take it when you cry.”

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; “There’s something I don’t get. If you’re so worried about whether you’re truly healed, what made you come here? What changed?”

  “I found out you’d gone. The idea that I’d never see you again, never get to touch you…It made me realize just how important you are to me. All of a sudden, all that other shit fell away, faded into the background. My pack, my issues…they didn’t seem significant anymore. And that’s because, compared to you, they’re not.” He cocked his head as he studied her intently. “Have you really been happy these six past months, Shay? Really?”

  “If I said I was…?” She wasn’t, of course.

  “I’d still want the chance to see if you can be happier with me.” When wariness entered her expression, he kept one arm tightly locked around her while sliding his free hand through her hair and around to her nape. He squeezed lightly, as if it would help him get through to her. “You can trust me.” He dabbed a light kiss on her neck. His wolf growled in approval as her scent washed over him. “You can trust me.” He dabbed another kiss on her neck and then licked his way to the hollow beneath her ear. He scraped his teeth over the spot and then sucked at it. Releasing a soft moan, she dug her fingers into his shoulder, and he thought she’d shove him away. She didn’t. “I’ll never leave you again, Shay.”

  Lifting his head to examine her expression, he saw several emotions flash across her face—all of which had come and gone too quickly for him to identify them. “Not ever, I swear.” He brushed his mouth against hers and nipped her lip. “I’m not asking you to let me claim you straightaway if you’re not ready for that yet. But I’m asking you to let me in a little.”

  Looking into those dusky-green eyes, Shaya saw a possible future there. She saw everything she would ever have wanted. With all the things she’d said and done to him these last few weeks, she’d pushed him to the brink; she’d hurt him and his pride, but he was still here. And now that Nick had told her everything, now that she knew the complete truth and understood all of why he hadn’t claimed her initially, the pain inside her eased. Oh, she still wanted to smack him over the head for not telling her all this before, but knowing Nick as she did, she could understand why he hadn’t. More importantly, she understood that he’d never meant to or wanted to hurt her. Still…“Fuck up this one chance and I’ll cut off your balls, put them in a blender, and make a margarita out of them.”

  He winced, smiling. “Understood.” Sweeping the pad of his thumb across her velvety soft bottom lip, he asked in a whisper, “Does this mean you’re willing to let me in a little?”

  “Yes.”

  Satisfaction, exhilaration, and triumph rushed through him. “I need your mouth, Shay,” he growled. “Open for me.” His tongue shot inside to find hers, groaning at her taste. It wasn’t a kiss. It was an explosion. An explosion of need, of heat, of desperation.

  Needing to go deeper, Nick knotted a hand in her curls and angled her head how he wanted it. When she tried taking control of the kiss, he growled into her mouth and tightened his hold on her hair. She softened slightly, and he growled again—this time in approval. He slid his other hand down to her ass and cupped it possessively. It was the hottest ass, and it was his. He rocked her hips against his, making them both groan. At the sound of a heavy knock on the front door, they broke apart.

  “Nick, you need to get out here,” called Derren.

  “What is it?” Nick gritted out.

  “Trust me, you need to get out here.”

  Squeezing his eyes closed as he dug deep for self-restraint, Nick took a long breath. “I’ll be right there.” Opening his eyes again, he nearly groaned aloud at the heated expression on Shaya’s face. “We need to postpone this for now, baby. But later, when I’ve finally got you in bed, nothing will stop me from getting inside you.” It was as much a warning as it was a promise. Shaya’s nod of acceptance settled something deep inside him. “But until then…” He bit her. Bit down hard in the crook of her neck, wanting and needing to mark her in some way, just as he’d been aching to since first laying eyes on her. She moaned and held his head close. He took the hint and sucked hard, ensuring it was a definitive mark that no one could miss.

  Keeping Shaya behind him, Nick opened the door. Whatever he’d been expecting to find outside, it hadn’t been the rebels.

  “We thought you might want to know,” began one of them, “someone vandalized the salon where your mate works last night.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Before Nick’s car had fully come to a stop, Shaya was attempting to jump out of the passenger seat. She might have been successful if Nick’s arm hadn’t clamped around her waist.

  “Wait.” He didn’t release her until she nodded.

  Shaya thought it was strange how he could sound so unyielding yet so gentle at the same time. Taking a proper look outside, her mouth fell open in horror as she saw the front windows of the salon almost completely shattered and the door hanging from its hinge. Pieces of broken glass littered the sidewalk like glistening diamonds, and the salon’s sign had been splashed with black paint. “Oh my God.” Her wolf whined, anxious and angry.

  Once Nick had opened the passenger door, Shaya was out of the vehicle and dashing toward the salon only to, once again, be hampered by an arm around her.

  “It’s okay, baby, Kent’s not inside. He’s over there.”

  Kent caught sight of her at the same time as she spotted him, and then they were hugging each other hard. “Thank God you’re okay,” said Shaya. Her words came out in a rush. “When I heard what happened I started panicking that maybe you’d been hurt and then you weren’t answering your cell and my mind was just running away with me and I was imagining you dead, covered in blood and—”

  Kent poked her shoulder. “For God’s sake, woman, breathe. I’m fine, really. The damage was done last night. I sent Paisley home a few minutes ago. She was white as a sheet.”

  Draping a supportive, comforting arm around Shaya, Nick gave Kent a half smile. “What about you?” At that moment, Derren appeared at their side.

  “I don’t think there are words to describe what I’m feeling right now.”

  “How much damage is there?” asked Nick.

  “Damage is a mild word for this,” said Shaya. “It looks like a tsunami hit it.” Nick’s hand slid around her throat, and his thumb massaged her nape soothingly. His presence and his touch anchored her when she wouldn’t have believed anything could at such a time.

  “Shaya’s right, this is beyond damage or vandalism. This is…” Derren broke off, searching for an explanation that seemed to be just out of his reach. But it wasn’t out of Nick’s reach.

  “Personal,” finished Nick. “It seems personal.”

  “How bad is it?” Shaya asked Kent.

  Kent puffed out a long breath. “Bad. Bottles of shampoo and conditioner have been poured everywhere. The mirrors have all been smashed. The leather chairs have been slashed with scissors. To add to that, broken mugs and plates are scattered all over the kitchenette, and the contents of the fridge have been thrown around. And then there’s the office—it looks like a hurricane hit it. Papers and magazines and notebooks and files are all over the places. The computer hard drive, monitor, and keyboard have been completely wrecked. What’s baffling the police is that the safe hasn’t been touched and neither has the till. But I have a pretty good idea why that is.” Noticing Nick’s confusion, Kent added, “For the same reason that the vandals entered through the back door. That’s right: The damage to the front door wasn’t done out of a necessity to get inside—they basically did it for sport, along with the rest. The reason for that is the extremists are involved. I recognized a few of the scents.”

  “The extremists?” echoed Shaya.

  Kent’s voice was gravelly with emotion. “All I can think is they discovered I’m a half-shifter.”

  Before Kent had even revealed the extremists’ involvement, Nick had known they were responsible, because he could clearly see Logan among the gathering humans.
His expression was smug and daring. Little bastard. Vandalizing Nick’s mate’s—or girlfriend, as Logan believed—place of work definitely counted as personal and was definitely one very good way to rile him.

  As both Shaya and Kent tracked Nick’s hard gaze, they each snarled at Logan as the same realization dawned on them.

  “He’s got balls, showing up here after what he’s done,” hissed Kent, moving toward him. Derren’s hand on Kent’s arm stopped him.

  “Not balls,” said Derren. “He’s hoping Nick will react.” Derren briefly explained the situation. Nick had expected Kent to be pissed with him, to blame him to some degree for bringing this trouble to his salon. But Kent gave Nick a look of sympathy.

  “I can’t imagine what you must have gone through in that place. A lot of shifters don’t last in juvie.”

  “You’re not going to blame me for what happened to your business?”

  Kent frowned. “Why would I do that? He did what he did because he’s a bastard, not because of you. Besides, I was expecting it to happen sooner or later—though I thought it would be because they discovered I’m a half-shifter.”

  As Nick’s eyes again locked on Logan, Shaya could almost feel his fury. Enraged though she was, she knew better than to confront Logan, particularly right now in front of all these people and a news reporter—oh yeah, any crime that might possibly be related to shifters counted as news. “Nick, don’t give him what he wants.” He didn’t respond. “Look at me.” Finally, he did. “Don’t play into his hands.”

  “Right now, I need to make some calls,” announced Kent. “I need to get some people out here to deal with this mess.” He patted Shaya’s hand. “You need to go home.” When Shaya opened her mouth to object, he raised a hand. “There’s nothing you can do here. All you’ll be doing by sticking around is upsetting yourself. Now go. You’d say the same thing to me if it was the other way around.”