Carnal Secrets

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t trust you!”

  Nick felt as though she’d punched him. The breath left his lungs in a whoosh. It didn’t matter that it was his own fault, and it wasn’t even a surprise, but it still hurt like a motherfucker.

  “I don’t trust you not to hurt me. I don’t trust you not to leave me again.”

  Something about the way she’d said the latter words had Nick narrowing his eyes. This wasn’t just about him. Being left was a big thing for her, and there was clearly a story behind that. He cupped her chin. “That’s not going to happen.”

  She snickered, slapping his hand aside. “How do I know that? Huh? How do I know you won’t suddenly decide that not being Alpha isn’t working for you? That you need to leave me behind because it’s ‘not safe’ for me to be your Alpha female? I’m not going through that shit again. You had your chance to claim me, and you fucked it up. Now go.”

  Not a thing could have made Nick move from where he was except for the tears now filling her eyes. He wanted to hold her and comfort her, but if she didn’t trust him, the last thing she would feel was comforted. So far, he hadn’t respected any of her wishes. If he had any chance of earning her trust, he needed to start now.

  Forcing himself to ignore his wolf’s and his body’s demands, Nick stepped back and held his hands up in a placatory gesture. “Okay. If that’s really what you want, I’ll go. But I’m not leaving for good, Shay. I’m not abandoning you again.” He could see that his words had surprised her. “Repeat that to me.”

  Scared that he would sense that a small part of her wanted him to stay, Shaya turned her back to him. “Just go.”

  “Not until you repeat it. Not until I’m positive that you understand I’m not leaving you again.”

  Prepared to do whatever it took to get him away from her, she mumbled, “You’re not leaving.”

  Nick gave a satisfied nod. “I’ll see you soon.” When he reached the doorway, he called out, “Oh, and don’t think about running. I’ll only find you again. Feel free to call Taryn and ask her to come get you, but I won’t let her or anyone else take you. I’ll kill anyone who tries. I’ve hurt you, I get that. We can take this as slow as you want. But I will claim you, Shay. You’re mine. I’m not staying away from you anymore.”

  When the front door closed behind him, Shaya let loose a string of curses. But this time, she wasn’t cursing Nick. She was cursing herself. It was pathetic how easily and strongly she had responded to his touch. Maybe it would be fair to say that it was only natural, given that he was her mate, but it still galled her. His touch had left a tingle of fire in its wake, and now her cheeks were flushed and her entire body was crying out for him.

  Her gaze moved to the cordless phone on the coffee table, and she briefly considered making a call to Taryn. The thought left her mind even quicker than it came. She could easily anticipate what would happen: Taryn, Trey, and some of the enforcers would appear, and every one of them would go ballistic at Nick. He would defend himself, and being as powerful as he was, he’d do extremely well at it. In other words, people she cared about could be hurt. Although she was mad at Nick, she didn’t want him to be seriously hurt either. All she wanted was for him to stay away from her, to let her live her life.

  But is that really what you want? asked a skeptical voice inside her head—one that totally supported her wolf’s urge to claim him.

  Yes, it was.

  Are you sure about that?

  Oh, for God’s sake. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she was having a war with Nick, she was also having one with herself and her wolf. This was not good. Not. Good. At. All.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Reaching the end of Shaya’s driveway, Nick exhaled a heavy breath. Well, things could have gone a lot worse. The bat could have knocked off his head, for instance. That merciless streak had been a shock. Maybe he should have paid more heed to her yard warning sign: TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT, SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN. And then there was the COME BACK WITH A WARRANT doormat. Yep, it was fair to say there had been some hints.

  The fact that he’d had to place his mate unconscious for his own safety was something he’d never forget. Both Nick and his wolf loved that spark of fire in her. Despite being a submissive wolf, she hadn’t hesitated in challenging him verbally or physically. That was a good thing—it was important to him that his mate never feared him or his level of dominance. It would cut him open if that were to ever happen.

  As he walked a short distance and rounded the street to find his motor home, which had been his place of residence for the past six months, he noticed that someone was leaning against it—a very familiar someone.

  Derren’s muscular form stepped out of the shadows. “How did it go?” When the ex-bodyguard’s dark gaze fell on the small wound on Nick’s head, he grinned. “Not so well, huh?”

  Nick smiled; he was actually proud of her for bloodying him. “Didn’t I fire you?”

  “Multiple times.”

  In reality, Nick hadn’t hired Derren in the first place. Back when they were in juvie together, Nick had saved Derren’s life. The wolf had then taken it upon himself to appoint himself as Nick’s bodyguard and escort him everywhere—which it seemed he intended to do until he finally returned the favor. It hadn’t mattered what Nick had said or done, he hadn’t been able to shake Derren off. “I asked you to stay with Jon. He’s Alpha now, and he’ll need you.”

  Derren snorted. “Jon can take care of himself. So can you, but you’re stuck with me—you know this already.”

  Sighing, Nick shook his head. “I told you, you don’t owe me anything.” As usual, Derren ignored Nick’s grumbling. “How did you find me anyway? I would have noticed if you had been following me.”

  “I stayed with Jon long enough to be sure the pack didn’t give him any problems. As I’m sure you already know, he’s doing fine, and he’s been accepted. Though everyone misses you, they understand why you had to leave. As soon as I heard you’d located your mate, I tracked you down using the info you gave Jon this morning. I only got here about ten minutes ago. It must piss you off to know that you’ve been driving from state to state and she was only five hours away from your home.”

  It did. But something else pissed him off more. “It’s not going to be easy to get her to leave with me.”

  Derren’s expression was sympathetic. “You already knew that. Maybe if you told her everything—and I mean everything—it might help her understand.”

  “You’re right. But there’s a problem with that.”

  “Which is?”

  “Shaya has a big heart, and she’d immediately feel sorry for me. I don’t want her to give me a chance because she feels bad for me.”

  “You want to earn her trust.”

  Nick nodded. “And that may take a while.” As a particularly sharp, agonizing pain sliced through his head, he winced.

  “Headaches getting more frequent?”

  The truth was that the headaches had started again two months ago and had very gradually increased in frequency and intensity until he often had one or two each day. Yes, chronic headaches had been a major problem when his cognitive functions first began to degenerate, but that didn’t mean that the same thing was happening again. Headaches could be caused by plenty of things—stress, exhaustion, and emotional tension. There was no denying there had been plenty of that in his life lately. Plus, his father had suffered from chronic headaches most of his adult life; it could be hereditary. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

  “Of course it doesn’t. As long as it’s only headaches we’re talking about. If the memory lapses, muscle tremors, or periods of mental disorientation come back, you can’t ignore it.”

  “I won’t.” But he refused to let fear keep him away from Shaya ever again. So unless the other symptoms returned, he wouldn’t allow himself to even speculate if the headaches were anything to be worried about. Unlocking the door to his motor home, Nick said, “I
need painkillers and sleep. You need to go home. Once again, I’m firing you.”

  Derren gave him a curt nod. “If that’s what you want.”

  What Nick wanted was Shaya. But he fully understood that the process of winning her trust would be gradual. She was upset, confused, and angry—and justifiably so. He knew he was going to need to be patient, understanding, and sensitive. Patient he could do—he was more patient than most. Understanding and sensitive…He wasn’t much good at that stuff, never had been, so this would be new territory.

  He’d have to resist kissing her again. He wouldn’t stop touching her altogether—he needed her comfortable with and used to his touch. But if he laid another heavy kiss on her, she might think he was trying to use their attraction against her to persuade her. Being that they were mates and the urges were so strong, it probably wouldn’t be hard to seduce her. But he didn’t want that to be why she came to him. He wanted it to be about more than the physical side of things. Unfortunately, resisting her was going to be hard as all shit since he was literally hardwired—body, mind, heart, and soul—to want her.

  Groveling wouldn’t do him any good—not that he knew how to grovel anyway—because the last thing Shaya would ever be attracted to or respect was someone worthy of pity. His and his wolf’s pride would balk at it anyway. There was apologizing, and there was acting like a desperate, creepy asshole. He’d done the whole apologizing thing, and now he needed to show her that it hadn’t been an empty apology.

  To achieve that, what he needed right now was a solid plan of action. Nick had always been good with plans. He’d have to insert himself in her life, show her he was there to stay. Words would never be enough, particularly since she didn’t trust him. He would need to be persistent, but not push her, not seem as though he was putting pressure on her as that would only worsen the situation.

  God, he was going to have to do the gift thing too, wasn’t he? He was bad at that. He knew that Shaya wouldn’t want clichés. No, she was the type to appreciate personal gestures. But what were personal gestures? Shit, this was going to be hard as hell. Nick didn’t do romance, never had.

  Another thing he would be sure not to do was expect anything in return. He would take things at her pace…but he wouldn’t let her make him give up. He couldn’t. He truly hadn’t known it was possible for him to feel pain on this scale, hadn’t realized it was possible to feel so torn up inside. He’d known different types of pain in his life, but none of it equaled this—not what had happened to make his wolf surface, not what had happened that got him sent to juvie, and not even finding out that his cognitive functions were degenerating. None of it equaled the pain of being without his mate. He knew without a doubt that nothing could.

  She was going to be late for work again. Groan. On the upside, it was the earliest that she’d ever been late. In pretty much a daze after a crappy night’s sleep, Shaya left the house and began walking briskly down her driveway. And came to an abrupt halt at the sight of something parked at the end of it. It looked like a humungous bus. Coming close, she tried to peer through the blackened windows, but they were too high up.

  Seeing movement in her peripheral vision, she swerved to see a Mercedes convertible pulling up behind the bus. Then the bane of her existence was waltzing toward her, carrying Starbucks takeout. Again he looked dangerous and indomitable. Again he emanated an unflappable confidence. Again he had her traitorous body heating and tingling, readying itself for him—so not good.

  Why couldn’t he look like Sloth from The Goonies or something? She scowled. “You’re still here?” At his presence and scent, her wolf stirred and stretched out inside her, her dark mood lifting.

  Nick arched a brow at her tone. “Good morning to you too, baby. And yes, my head healed nicely, thanks.” His wolf liked her sassiness, was even amused by it—and it took a hell of a lot to amuse his wolf. “Coffee?”

  She barely refrained from shivering at the sound of that masterful voice that she was sure had been designed to taunt, intimidate, and arouse. Determined to ignore the effect he had on her, Shaya moved her attention to the cup he was holding out to her and wondered if he’d known she was a sucker for Starbucks coffee. “What flavor is it?”

  “Caramel macchiato, of course.”

  Yep, he’d known. And he thought buying her a cup of coffee would help even things out? Pfft. Still, it would be a shame to let the coffee go to waste. It would certainly be unreasonable to refuse to drink it based on the buyer. So she snatched it.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Feeling something lick her free hand, she jolted. Glancing down, she found a panting, playful-looking, tail-wagging Labrador. She’d been so transfixed by Nick that she hadn’t even sensed the dog…a dog that was now being happily stroked by Nick. She shot him a questioning look.

  “Shaya, this is Bruce. Bruce, Shaya.”

  “Bruce? He’s yours?”

  He scratched the dog between his ears. “He was supposed to be my brother’s dog, but for some odd reason, he’s always followed me around. I’m better with animals than I am with people.” And he preferred animals to people, actually.

  Frowning, she watched as Bruce scratched at the door of the large bus. Taking out a set of keys from his pocket, Nick unlocked it and the dog trotted inside.

  “He’s a lazy shit. Likes to lie in front of the TV all day.”

  “Wait, this bus is yours?”

  “It’s a Winnebago,” he corrected, resisting the urge to reach out and touch her. He wasn’t a touchy-feely person, but Shaya’s skin called to him. Seemingly of its own accord, his gaze flicked to her sensual lips. God, what a mouth. He wanted to taste it again. Thoroughly and commandingly. Then he would bite that bottom lip, mark it.

  “A Winne-what?”

  “A Winnebago.”

  “Like the one in Meet the Fockers? Hang on, how can you drive this and the Mercedes?”

  “It has a garage for the car. Whenever I want to stop off somewhere for a while, I park the motor home and then use my car to get around. Want a ride to work?”

  Every hormone she had yelled, “Yes!” Lord, he was so gorgeous and masculine and alluring she could cry. But she couldn’t allow that to shake her resolve. “What I want is for you to leave. I made that pretty clear last night.”

  “Did you really think I would?”

  “No. I wouldn’t dare expect you to take my feelings into account.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re playing this little game.”

  He pinned her gaze with his. “This isn’t a game to me, Shay. You said that you don’t trust me not to leave you again. As much as I hate that, I can understand. So it strikes me that I need to make sure you know I’m serious. I need to prove to you that I’m not leaving you. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  The words were so final, left no room for negotiation. Although she’d half expected him to pester her for a little while since dominant males didn’t drop matters easily, she hadn’t expected him to be so committed. Her wolf, who was becoming a real pain in the ass, liked that he had come to her and had every intention of claiming her. As such, she wasn’t particularly happy with Shaya for resisting him. Yeah, well, Shaya wasn’t particularly happy with Nick. “I don’t want you here.”

  “A part of you does, Shay.” He’d sensed it, and he was so damn grateful for it. “It might be small, but it’s there. Beneath all your anger, there’s still a desire to make this work.”

  He was right, the asshole. If he was just any guy, she might have been easily able to forget about him—after all, there were plenty more out there. But she only had one mate, and this was him; a part of her wanted him near and wanted to believe him. But hell would freeze over before she admitted it. “I have to get to work.” Before he could again offer to take her, she raised a hand. “I like to walk.”

  “Suit yourself. Although I should point out that it looks like it’s going to start raining any second now.” He lean
ed back against the motor home and took a long sip of his coffee, ignoring the tap-tap-tapping of her foot.

  When he made no move to drive off in his Winne-whatever-it-was-called, she counted to ten in her head, praying for patience. “Well…are you going to move this…thing?”

  “Nope.”

  Patience all gone. “Nick, seriously, you need to—”

  “You’re going to be late for work if you don’t hurry.”

  She glanced at her watch and cursed. “This and you had better be gone by the time I get home.” Nick simply shot her a lopsided smile. The guy was a menace. How the hell did you get through to someone who had selective hearing? No, actually, it wasn’t selective hearing. He heard and understood every single word; he just didn’t give a crap.

  Sharply she turned and began striding down the street. No more than a minute later, the rain started. Great. The sound of an engine made her turn her head. Nick had parked his Mercedes at the side of the road with the convertible top now up and was opening the passenger door in invitation. She wrestled with herself for all of five seconds before jogging over to the car and jumping inside. “Letting you give me a ride to work doesn’t mean anything.”

  Nick gave her a reassuring “of course not” look, but inside he was smiling. He wasn’t dumb enough to let it surface—he knew he was on shaky ground.

  When he started the engine, she turned to him. “The salon where I work is—”

  “It’s okay, I know where it is,” he told her as he began driving. His wolf let loose a growl of satisfaction—he liked having her in his space, liked having her scent surrounding him.

  “How?”

  “You’re my mate. I’m naturally going to want to know everything about you.” He shrugged; it was simple. “That includes your address, where you work, and your cell number—just thought you should know so you won’t be surprised if a text message from me arrives.”

  She gaped, both offended and shocked. “You can’t just pry into people’s lives like that and find out all their personal details. And how did you find them out anyway?”