Outside (Outside Series #1)

  We wave goodbye to him as the copter spins upwards and away.

  Uncle Tom, Ma and I follow everybody else into the brightly lit house. Ma looks meaningfully at her brother and he stares back at her with an unreadable expression. Then Ma leads me through to the cramped sitting room where I get the biggest shock of my life. For there, sitting on the edge of a faded terracotta sofa, in my grandparents’ house, sits a person I have never met, but whose face is tangled up in my brain like a tumour. He gazes up at me with a nervous smile.

  It is Ron Chambers.

  ‘You,’ is all I can whisper.

  ‘I think it’s about time you found out the truth,’ says Ma quietly, looking at my stunned expression.

  Chapter Forty Two

  Eleanor

  *

  Tom and I sat in the kitchen while he told me Connor’s story. It broke my heart to hear it. I cast my mind back all those years ago, to when Connor had been taken by the soldiers from my parents’ house. I remembered the heartbreaking terror of it all. The not knowing. And now, after all this time, I was finally going to find out what had happened to him.

  The soldiers had put him into one of the convoy vehicles along with several other prisoners. They were taken to Portsmouth. Once there, Connor had been briefly interrogated, thrown into jail and left to stew for almost six months, without charge.

  During a spitefully cold February, they released him with no explanation. His camper van had disappeared, he had no money and he had no means of contacting anybody for help.

  Weak and disorientated, his first thought was to get home to Ripon to see his parents and build some long-overdue bridges. But Ripon was miles away and he didn’t know how he would get there, other than walk. Another option was to try to make his way up to Gloucestershire, back to me.

  After four months of struggling on foot in freezing conditions through newly hostile territories, he reached Uley in rags, starving and barely alive. It may have been June when he arrived, but summer was slow to arrive that year.

  By the time Connor reached his destination, Eddie Donovan had been hard at work and the Uley Perimeter had been sealed off from the outside world. Guards patrolled constantly and a large impenetrable set of iron gates kept the undesirables out. Connor was understandably wary of approaching the guards and lacked the energy for any sort of confrontation in his present state. The possibility of being arrested again was one he couldn't face.

  He decided to pay a visit to Abigail Robbins’ mansion, set a couple of miles outside the Perimeter fence. He didn’t particularly relish the thought of seeing her, as he was convinced she was partly responsible for what happened to him. But he was out of other options. Anyway, maybe she could shed some light on why Uley and its inhabitants were now behind bars.

  Abigail herself opened the door and Connor hardly recognised her. She was plastered in make-up, wearing next-to-nothing and she shook uncontrollably.

  ‘Connor? What are you doing here? You were arrested. You look awful, skinnier than ever.’

  ‘They let me go. What happened to you?’ He didn't wait for a reply. ‘How can I get into Uley?’

  She laughed, a dry, hollow sound. ‘You won’t get in there. No one can. It’s only for the privileged few. They‘ve barricaded themselves in and left the rest of us to rot.’

  ‘Where’s Eleanor?’

  ‘You mean you haven’t heard?’ She smiled a mean smile. ‘She married Johnny Culpepper. She didn’t hang around after you left. Legged it down to sunny Bournemouth. Now she’s lording it up with her rich husband.’ She paused to gauge his reaction and was disappointed to see none. ‘Poor baby. Did you think she’d wait for you?’

  Connor felt sick. He didn’t know whether to believe her or not.

  ‘Now I, on the other hand, am much better suited to you,’ she said. ‘I’ve got a new profession - I’m a tart, a hooker, a prostitute, whatever you want to call it. I can do you a really good deal, Connor.’ She put a hand up to his cheek and stroked it wistfully.

  ‘Where are your parents, Abi?’ he asked, holding her wrist and pushing her hand away.

  ‘Shot. They are quite dead. I live here now while my darling friend Eleanor gets to live a wonderful new life with her wonderful family. If it wasn’t for me, she’d never even have met Johnny Culpepper. Now tell me, is that fair?’

  ‘No,’ said Connor as he backed away from her pathetic figure. She was crying now, slumped in the doorway. Another girl came to try and help her up. The girl shouted at him.

  ‘What’ve you done to her?’ Then she yelled, ‘Earl! There’s a tramp at the door. I think he’s done something to Abi.’

  Connor ran.

  He spent the next six years drifting, from town to town and from job to job. He didn’t have the energy to return to Ripon. After Uley, he was too afraid of what he might find there. He put all thoughts of people he once knew, out of his tired mind and concentrated on surviving.

  One day, he had the good fortune to be kicked in the leg by a beautiful black horse with a white star on its nose. He lay in the dirt on the compound floor, willing the horse to finish him off, but instead he looked up to see the concerned face of a grey-haired man.

  ‘You alright, son? I think Cleo got you good and proper. Let’s ‘ave a look at that leg. Mmmm, nasty. We’ll get you to the doc.’

  ‘I can’t afford ...’

  ‘Tut, I’ll sort you out. If it wasn’t for this temperamental mare, you wouldn’t be bleeding all over the ground would you.’

  Connor gratefully let the kind man place him on the horse and lead him across the compound to the surgery. He was seen within the hour and accepted the offer of temporary lodgings with the man, by way of compensation.

  Corby Chambers and his wife Irene were a kindly couple in their mid-sixties. As a qualified electrician, Corby was desperately busy. Luck and natural progression led to Connor becoming his apprentice.

  And so, over the next four years, he settled contentedly in the newly walled compound of Bath, where he worked as an electrician’s mate, soon becoming proficient enough to branch out on his own. He eventually left the Bath Compound with many fond memories and having made several good friends, but it was now time to move on.

  After only a matter of years, Connor ended up in Dorset. More specifically, in the Charminster Compound, where he successfully applied for the position of electrician. The job came with a very nice apartment and some very interesting gossip on the lives of the rich Perimeter inhabitants.

  No coincidence then, that Connor found himself in this part of the country. He had no illusions that he and I would ever regain any of our past connection, but was perversely curious as to why I’d been so quick to abandon hope he would return to me and why I’d gone back to my ex-boyfriend again. He felt angry and betrayed by me and he needed to exorcise the demons of the past.

  Prior to arriving in Dorset, he decided to change his name to something that would give him more anonymity. He didn’t want me to hear his name and feel uncomfortable that he was there or, even worse, feel sorry for him. Being a highly- sought-after tradesman, it was likely his name would become well-known, in whatever area he settled in and he wanted to observe me from afar, at his own pace without fear of discovery. Maybe he’d contact me in the future, but he wanted it to be on his own terms, in his own time.

  He experimented with a few different names, before settling on Ron. He didn’t particularly like the name, but it was the end of his first name, spelled backwards, so he felt a certain affinity with it. He chose his new surname after his two saviours - Corby and Irene Chambers who had felt like family to him. And so he became Ron Chambers.

  He heard many people talk about the wealthy Culpeppers, Johnny Culpepper in particular. But after hearing all the talk, he only knew me now as a beautiful, rich lady with two pretty daughters. Then, almost fourteen years after they had last seen each other, he ran into my brother, Tom.

  Tom was at the compound visiting his new girlfriend,
a gardener who did a lot of work at our Perimeter. She and Tom had been a sort-of item for the past few months. It was a tricky business, trying to have a relationship with someone who didn’t live within the same walls, but I think that was part of its charm - the difficulties and the dangers.

  ‘Connor?’ Tom exclaimed, as he made his way to his girlfriend’s bedsit. ‘It is you, isn’t it? We thought you were dead, man.’ He clasped Connor’s arms.

  ‘Tom? What are you doing here?’

  ‘I live in Bournemouth now, near my sister. God, Ellie’s gonna freak.’

  ‘I heard she got married.’

  ‘It’s a long story, mate. Do you live here? Is there somewhere we can go and chat?’

  Chapter Forty Three

  Eleanor

  *

  Tom drove me to the compound and dropped me outside a large seventies style apartment block.

  ‘I’ll pick you up at ten, okay?’

  I looked at my watch. That would give me three hours. I worried that three hours would be too long. Then I worried that it wouldn’t be long enough.

  ‘See you later,’ I replied. ‘Thanks, Tom.’

  I started walking up the entrance steps, stopped and turned to watch as Tom drove out of view. I could hardly feel the ground beneath my feet and I clutched the metal handrail. I was scared and excited, but I didn’t let myself think about what this reunion would mean. Was I mad to be doing this?

  The apartment numbers blurred on the foyer wall. Eventually 26B came into focus and I pressed the button.

  ‘Hello?’ came a tinny voice. That familiar northern accent which made my stomach flip.

  ‘It’s me. Eleanor.’

  A buzzer sounded and I pushed the heavy glass door. I walked up the stairs, almost dizzy with anticipation and nerves, stale cooking smells assaulting my nostrils. Finally I reached his floor and, as I emerged from the stairwell, I saw him standing there in his half-open doorway. He grinned at me. I smiled nervously back. As we gazed at each other, the years disappeared and I realised, on one level at least, nothing had changed.

  ‘Ellie.’

  ‘Hi, Connor.’ He looked the same but different. He had filled out, turned into a man. His shoulders were broader and his face had lost its youthfulness. Thick stubble grazed his chin and his hair had flecks of grey. I wondered what he thought of me.

  He put his hand on the small of my back to guide me into the apartment. His touch lit up all my nerve endings.

  We sat opposite each other in a large airy lounge.

  ‘You look good, Ellie. I missed you. All these years …’

  ‘I know. I thought you were … Did Tom tell you, we thought you were dead?’

  ‘Yeah. Abi and Sam did a good job didn’t they?’

  ‘She lied to my face. She told me you’d been shot. Killed.’

  ‘Nice.’

  ‘I knew she could get a bit jealous, but I’d never have thought she could be so spiteful. Vindictive. Why? What was the point?’

  ‘Oh, she was unhappy. She wanted to spread it around; make us as miserable as she was. I saw her after they let me out. She enjoyed telling me you were happily married to Johnny.’

  I coloured. What must Connor think of me … running back to my ex?

  ‘It’s all history now though.’ He stood up. ‘D’you want a drink? I’ve got elderberry wine. It’s pretty horrible …’

  I laughed. ‘Thanks. I’ll give it a go.’ I stood up to follow him.

  ‘Sit down. I’ll bring it in.’

  As I sat there, nerves assailed me. I felt sixteen again. Uncertain. Unconfident.

  Connor came back into the room with two glasses. He sat next to me this time. His thigh brushing mine. The wine glasses on the coffee table, the scent of my lover returned from the dead.

  ‘You’re so beautiful, Ellie. More beautiful now. I missed you so much.’ He took one of my curls and twirled it through his calloused fingers.

  I couldn’t speak. He kissed my eyelid, my cheek, my mouth.

  *

  Connor and I began a desperate, hungry affair. Compulsive. I had my security and comfort at home with a loving family and I had my childhood sweetheart returned to me. My pale skinned, dark-eyed lover. It was exhilarating, but uncomfortable. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed him and we did our best to try to make up for all the stolen years. We inhabited a bubble, completely separate from normal life, like stepping out of time. Our meetings had their own illicit flavour, their own shape and colour.

  We chatted in his little kitchen, as a pan of risotto bubbled on the stove. He sat at the table sipping a beer.

  ‘Remind me. How did we manage to let Bletchley and Abigail wreck this?’ I asked him.

  ‘I never liked that bitch,’ he replied, stretching out his legs onto the other kitchen chair. ‘You sure you don’t want any help?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I want to cook you a meal. Just sit and talk to me. I really don’t know how I had her as a friend for so long.’ I shook out a tablecloth and watched it billow down over the table. Then I put a cream candle on the centre of the cloth and took Johnny’s lighter out of my pocket to light it with. A yellow flame flared to life.

  ‘We could’ve been together all those years,’ Connor said, staring at the candle. ‘And now we’re hiding away in my apartment like criminals. We could’ve had a family of our own. I’d have loved to have had kids with you, Ellie.’

  Another secret.

  I took a sip of my beer. I hadn’t meant to speak of it, and I knew it would be yet another betrayal of Johnny and his years of love and kindness, but I hated to see the sadness in Connor’s eyes. And I felt he deserved to know why I’d married Johnny so quickly after his disappearance.

  ‘Connor,’ I began.

  ‘Mmm?’

  ‘You need to know something … Riley. Well … She’s yours.’ I hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Riley’s yours. She’s your daughter.’

  ‘What do you mean? She’s … Riley’s my daughter? I’ve got a daughter?’

  ‘After you were taken away, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do.’

  His face bleached white. He stood up, frowned, balled his fists and pressed his lips together.

  ‘Connor? Are you okay?’

  ‘So Johnny had her too? He had you … and he had my child.’

  ‘I know. I’m so, so sorry. But I really thought you had died. If I’d had any idea you were out there somewhere, alive, I would’ve searched for you … I would’ve …’

  ‘I’ve got a daughter.’ He exhaled and sat back down. The candle flickered.

  ‘Connor … Are you okay?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ He chewed his thumb nail and stared at a point on the wall.

  I felt nervous. I thought he was going to do something. Smash something up or shout or … something. I turned off the heat on the stove and came and sat opposite him.

  ‘Connor …’

  ‘What?’ he snapped, then immediately looked contrite, reached across and took my hands. ‘Sorry. I know it’s not your fault. But I feel cheated. Like my life was stolen …’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘When can I meet her?’

  ‘I really don’t think that’s … That’s not going to be possible. Riley thinks Johnny is her father and …’

  ‘Does he know? Does Johnny know she’s not his?’

  ‘Yes. He knew from the start.’

  ‘Does she look like me?’

  ‘Yes. Very much like you.’

  ‘I have to meet her.’

  ‘No. She wouldn’t understand. It would hurt her too much.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘No.’

  Eventually, he accepted they would never be able to meet. He didn’t like it, but he reluctantly agreed that such a revelation would not be good for Riley. We had no appetite for anything that evening. The risotto went cold, congealed and I threw it in the bin.

&nbsp
; *

  Connor and I continued to see each other whenever we could. Tom knew about it and, whilst he disapproved, he also understood the depth of our feelings and knew about the injustice that originally doomed our lives together.

  A few months later, Connor secured a short-term, but well-paid job within our Perimeter. It was a word-of-mouth thing and I felt very nervous about him getting the contract with my good friends and neighbours, the Donovans. I warned him to keep his head down and be careful. I dreaded to think what would happen if Johnny recognised him.

  I loved Johnny and I adored my girls, but Connor was like a drug that made me high. I could think of nothing else but my overwhelming need to be with him. It almost drove me insane to know he was working next door, but I couldn’t see him.

  One night, Johnny was out at Hook, the girls were asleep and I’d left the Perimeter to drive over to Connor’s apartment. We lay entwined on his bed and I still wondered at the effect he had on me, even after all these years. I felt like a teenager again, nervous and in awe. I’d been there several hours and knew I’d have to leave in a few minutes. I couldn’t chance being away from the Perimeter for too long.

  I stretched and sat up, but he pulled me back down towards him. I didn’t resist and we lay there together for a while longer.

  ‘You’re a bit serious tonight, Ellie.’

  ‘Just thinking.’ I traced a pattern with my finger on his chest.

  ‘Thinking about what?’

  ‘You know what you could do …’

  ‘I can think of plenty of things I could do,’ Connor smirked.

  ‘Not that,’ I laughed. ‘No honestly, I’ve had an idea.’

  He raised an eyebrow.

  ‘If you cut a small entrance hole in the perimeter fence, somewhere out of the way, it would be easy for us to meet up.’

  ‘You want me to vandalise your beloved perimeter fence?’

  ‘I know it’s a bit radical, but it would be worth it. It’s getting really tricky for me to get out and see you. The guards are going to start gossiping and I’m worried someone here will recognise me.’

  ‘Hmmm.’

  ‘Oh I know!’ As we lay there talking, my idea took on more shape. ‘You could make the hole next door … at Eddie and Rita’s. The Perimeter backs onto their garden. You’re working there anyway. It would be easy and they’re away all the time …’