Martin Chuzzlewit

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME VALUABLEHINTS IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER

  Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying thesweets of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm delight. Theday being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr Mould were on thewindow-seat, and his back reclined against the shutter. Over his shininghead a handkerchief was drawn, to guard his baldness from the flies. Theroom was fragrant with the smell of punch, a tumbler of which gratefulcompound stood upon a small round table, convenient to the hand ofMr Mould; so deftly mixed that as his eye looked down into the cooltransparent drink, another eye, peering brightly from behind the crisplemon-peel, looked up at him, and twinkled like a star.

  Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould'sestablishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting roomof Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little counting-housebehind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and shady. In thisdomestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid man, upon his punchand home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought a wider prospect, whencehe might return with freshened zest to these enjoyments, his moistglance wandered like a sunbeam through a rural screen of scarletrunners, trained on strings before the window, and he looked down, withan artist's eye, upon the graves.

  The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould'scompanions. Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M.was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their fairproportions, that they might have been the bodies once belonging to theangels' faces in the shop below, grown up, with other heads attachedto make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks were puffed out anddistended, as though they ought of right to be performing on celestialtrumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the shop, who were depicted asconstantly blowing those instruments for ever and ever without anylungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely by ear.

  Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was ahelpmate to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraphdaughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him inreturn. So bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large hisstock in trade, that even there, within his household sanctuary, stooda cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, andwinding-sheets, and other furniture of funerals. But, though the MissesMould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his eye, it had castno shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. Sporting behindthe scenes of death and burial from cradlehood, the Misses Mould knewbetter. Hat-bands, to them, were but so many yards of silk or crape; thefinal robe but such a quantity of linen. The Misses Mould could idealisea player's habit, or a court-lady's petticoat, or even an act ofparliament. But they were not to be taken in by palls. They made themsometimes.

  The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous noisesin the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner, where the Citystrife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and sometimes fell andsometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a thoughtful mind a stoppagein Cheapside. The light came sparkling in among the scarlet runners,as if the churchyard winked at Mr Mould, and said, 'We understandeach other;' and from the distant shop a pleasant sound arose ofcoffin-making with a low melodious hammer, rat, tat, tat, tat, alikepromoting slumber and digestion.

  'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in aperfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the sound of animated nature inthe agricultural districts. It's exactly like the woodpecker tapping.'

  'The woodpecker tapping the hollow ELM tree,' observed Mrs Mould,adapting the words of the popular melody to the description of woodcommonly used in the trade.

  'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be gladto hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! Very goodindeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my love.'

  Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and handedit to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of their mother.

  'Hollow ELM tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with hislegs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's beech in the song. Elm, eh?Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of the best thingsI know?' He was so excessively tickled by the jest that he couldn'tforget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Elm,of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you know, that ought to be sent tosomebody who could make use of it. It's one of the smartest things thatever was said. Hollow ELM tree, eh? of course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!'

  Here a knock was heard at the room door.

  'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he makes. Whothat hears him now, would suppose he'd ever had wind enough to carry thefeathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.'

  'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way. 'Ithought our Governor was here.'

  'Well! so he is,' cried Mould.

  'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a littlefarther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a walking one of two, withthe plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?'

  'Certainly not,' replied Mr Mould, 'much too common. Nothing to say toit.'

  'I told 'em it was precious low,' observed Mr Tacker.

  'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of businesshere,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their impudence to propose it. Who is it?'

  'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see. It's thebeadle's son-in-law.'

  'The beadle's son-in-law, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it if thebeadle follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off that way, bylooking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His cocked hat, mind!'

  'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below, and wantsto speak to you.'

  'Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,' said Mould. 'Now Mrs Gamp, what's YOURnews?'

  The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying toMrs Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon thebreeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously been toa wine-vaults.

  Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould again,and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving that shelooked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, in theweeds she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of making heracquaintance; and was perhaps the turning of a scale more snuffy.

  'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time runsback'ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do nothingexcept use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, I'msure; for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs Gampcontinued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday evening fortnight asever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says to MrsHarris when she says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, sets marksupon us all."--"Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and me is to becontinual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs Mould," I says, makingso free, I will confess, as use the name,' (she curtseyed here), '"isone of them that goes agen the obserwation straight; and never, MrsHarris, whilst I've a drop of breath to draw, will I set by, and notstand up, don't think it."--"I ast your pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris,"and I humbly grant your grace; for if ever a woman lived as would seeher feller creeturs into fits to serve her friends, well do I know thatwoman's name is Sairey Gamp."'

  At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may betaken of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery surroundedthis lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle of Mrs Gamp'sacquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being know her placeof residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on her own showing to be inconstant communication with her. There were conflicting rumours on thesubject; but the prevalent opinion was that she was a phantom of MrsGamp's brain--as Messrs. Doe and Roe are fictions of the law--createdfor the express purpose of holding visionary dialogues with her on allma
nner of subjects, and invariably winding up with a compliment to theexcellence of her nature.

  'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a tearfulsmile towards the daughters, 'to see them two young ladies as I know'dafore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a dayseen--ah, the sweet creeturs!--playing at berryins down in the shop, andfollerin' the order-book to its long home in the iron safe! But that'sall past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got in a carefully regulatedroutine to that gentleman, she shook her head waggishly; 'That's allpast and over now, sir, an't it?'

  'Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!' returned the undertaker.

  'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,' saidMrs Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. 'Young ladies withsuch faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don't they, sir?'

  'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a chuckle--'Not badin Mrs Gamp, my dear?'

  'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs Mould,your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the blessing of adaughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would certainlyhave drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as with our precious boyhe did, and arterward send the child a errand to sell his wooden leg forany money it would fetch as matches in the rough, and bring it homein liquor; which was truly done beyond his years, for ev'ry individglepenny that child lost at toss or buy for kidney ones; and come homearterwards quite bold, to break the news, and offering to drown himselfif sech would be a satisfaction to his parents.--Oh yes, you do know,sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye with her shawl, and resuming thethread of her discourse. 'There's something besides births and berryinsin the newspapers, an't there, Mr Mould?'

  Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on hisknee, and said: 'No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my life, MrsGamp is very far from bad, my dear!'

  'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both thedaughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their precious hearts, and wellthey knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs Mould, when youwas at their time of life! But my opinion is, you're all of one age now.For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having grandchildren--'

  'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker. 'Devilishsmart, though. Ca-pi-tal!'--this was in a whisper. 'My dear'--aloudagain--'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. Sit down, MrsGamp, sit down.'

  Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up hereyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to the fact ofa glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in her hand byone of the young ladies, when she exhibited the greatest surprise.

  'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me unlessit is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter settlingheavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, "SaireyGamp," she says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I says to her,"why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth then, ma'am," saysMrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me,never did I think till I know'd you, as any woman could sick-nurse andmonthly likeways, on the little that you takes to drink." "Mrs Harris,"I says to her, "none on us knows what we can do till we tries; andwunst, when me and Gamp kept 'ouse, I thought so too. But now," I says,"my half a pint of porter fully satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris, thatit is brought reg'lar, and draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies,ma'am, I hope I does my duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns myliving hard; therefore I DO require it, which I makes confession, to bebrought reg'lar and draw'd mild."'

  The precise connection between these observations and the glass of rum,did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast 'The best of lucksto all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without anyfurther remarks.

  'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady wipedher lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, whichshe appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingentdrams. 'How's Mr Chuffey?'

  'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no better andhe an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have wrote upto you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come home;" butev'rythink he does is kind. There an't a many like him. If there was, weshouldn't want no churches.'

  'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould, coming tothe point.

  'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for asking.There IS a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took illthere, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended fromBartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein' Mrs Prig,the best of creeturs. But she is otherways engaged at night, and theyare in wants of night-watching; consequent she says to them, havingreposed the greatest friendliness in me for twenty year, "The soberestperson going, and the best of blessings in a sick room, is Mrs Gamp.Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, "and snap her up at anyprice, for Mrs Gamp is worth her weight and more in goldian guineas."My landlord brings the message down to me, and says, "bein' in a lightplace where you are, and this job promising so well, why not unite thetwo?" "No, sir," I says, "not unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore donot think it. But I will go to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if youlike."' Here she looked sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop.

  'Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin.

  'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs Gamprejoined.

  'And then go back, eh?' said would.

  'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein' quiet,and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I will notdeny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor woman, andthat the money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr Mould.Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so easy for 'em to see out ofa needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.'

  'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular objectionto your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I should keepit quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr Chuzzlewiton his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked youpointblank.'

  'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined. 'Suppogingthat the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying as Iknow'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no offence to you,sir?'

  'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. 'You maycasually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly and ina great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make itas agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don'tobtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear, you may as well giveMrs Gamp a card or two, if you please.'

  Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for thebottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure.

  'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp 'withall my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I should bejealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should be jealousof Mr Mould.'

  'Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!' cried the delightedundertaker.

  'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, 'blesstheir sweet looks--how they can ever reconsize it with their duties tobe so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to give aguess at.'

  'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the heightof his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he said it.

  'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at lastwithdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a ve-ry shrewd woman. That's awoman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life.That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She'sthe sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk handkerchief overhis head again, and composing himself for a nap 'one would almost feeldisposed to bury for nothing; and do it ne
atly, too!'

  Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; thesubject of which had by this time reached the street, where sheexperienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged tostand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. Evenafter this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract thecompassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took theliveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language badeher be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.'

  Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical sciencewould have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly acquaintedwith the way home again; and arriving at the house of Anthony Chuzzlewit& Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there until seven o'clock in theevening, and then persuading poor old Chuffey to betake himself tobed, she sallied forth upon her new engagement. First, she went toher private lodgings in Kingsgate Street, for a bundle of robes andwrappings comfortable in the night season; and then repaired to the Bullin Holborn, which she reached as the clocks were striking eight.

  As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, landlady,and head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together talkingearnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come or tobe just going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs Gamp's earobviously bore reference to the patient; and it being expedient that allgood attendants should know as much as possible about the case on whichtheir skill is brought to bear, Mrs Gamp listened as a matter of duty.

  'No better, then?' observed the gentleman.

  'Worse!' said the landlord.

  'Much worse,' added the landlady.

  'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background, openingher eyes very wide, and shaking her head.

  'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The worst ofit is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he has, or wherethey live, except that it certainly is not in London.'

  The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at thelandlord; and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, 'that of all themany wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they wasn't fewin an hotel), THAT was the waguest.'

  'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you yesterdaywhen you sent to me, I really know very little about him. We wereschool-fellows together; but since that time I have only met him twice.On both occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday (having come upfor a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of him again directly.The letter bearing my name and address which you found upon his table,and which led to your applying to me, is in answer, you will observe,to one he wrote from this house the very day he was taken ill, making anappointment with him at his own request. Here is his letter, if you wishto see it.'

  The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The chambermaid, inthe background, made out as much of it as she could, and invented therest; believing it all from that time forth as a positive piece ofevidence.

  'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman, who wasno other than our old friend, John Westlock.

  'Nothing but a portmanteau,' said the landlord; 'and very little in it.'

  'A few pounds in his purse, though?'

  'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum of theamount, which you're welcome to see.'

  'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must takeits course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him hisdrinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing morecan be said that I know of, until he is in a condition to give us someinformation. Can you suggest anything else?'

  'N-no,' replied the landlord, 'except--'

  'Except, who's to pay, I suppose?' said John.

  'Why,' hesitated the landlord, 'it would be as well.'

  'Quite as well,' said the landlady.

  'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid in abland whisper.

  'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At allevents, you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present; and Iwill readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.'

  'Ah!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A rayal gentleman!'

  She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. MrsGamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and introducingherself.

  'The night-nurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well beknown toMrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is the poor deargentleman to-night? If he an't no better yet, still that is what mustbe expected and prepared for. It an't the fust time by a many score,ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady, 'that Mrs Prig and me hasnussed together, turn and turn about, one off, one on. We knows eachother's ways, and often gives relief when others fail. Our chargesis but low, sir'--Mrs Gamp addressed herself to John on thishead--'considerin' the nater of our painful dooty. If they wos madeaccordin' to our wishes, they would be easy paid.'

  Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, MrsGamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be conducted to thescene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, through a varietyof intricate passages, to the top of the house; and pointing at lengthto a solitary door at the end of a gallery, informed her that yonder wasthe chamber where the patient lay. That done, she hurried off with allthe speed she could make.

  Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carriedher large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door which wasimmediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all impatienceto be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so fat; and hervoice was deeper and more like a man's. She had also a beard.

  'I began to think you warn't a-coming!' Mrs Prig observed, in somedispleasure.

  'It shall be made good to-morrow night,' said Mrs Gamp 'Honorable. I hadto go and fetch my things.' She had begun to make signs of inquiry inreference to the position of the patient and his overhearing them--forthere was a screen before the door--when Mrs Prig settled that pointeasily.

  'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It an't nomatter wot you say.'

  'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp, setting herbundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately at her partner.

  'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I canpartlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink to say to the cold meat,for it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.'

  Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified.

  'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,' saidMrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last slime draught at seven. Theeasy-chair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.'

  Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly goodnight, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other endof the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing hersafely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her bundle,walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of the sickchamber.

  'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked.'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs andchimley-pots to walk upon.'

  It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out ofwindow. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the easy-chair,which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a brickbadge.' Nextshe pursued her researches among the physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, andtea-cups; and when she had entirely satisfied her curiosity on all thesesubjects of investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled upto the bedside to take a look at the patient.

  A young man--dark and not ill-looking--with long black hair, that seemedthe blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His eyes were partlyopen, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to side upon thepillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not utter words; butevery now and then gave vent to an expression of impatience or fatigue,sometimes of surprise; and still his restless head--oh, weary
, wearyhour!--went to and fro without a moment's intermission.

  Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at himwith her head inclined a little sideways, as a connoisseur might gazeupon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible remembrance of onebranch of her calling took possession of the woman; and stooping down,she pinned his wandering arms against his sides, to see how he wouldlook if laid out as a dead man. Her fingers itched to compose his limbsin that last marble attitude.

  'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, 'he'd make a lovelycorpse.'

  She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the aidof a fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a preliminaryto refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of the night;laid what she called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same philanthropicpurpose; and also set forth a small tea-board, that nothing might bewanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These preparations occupied solong, that when they were brought to a conclusion it was high time tothink about supper; so she rang the bell and ordered it.

  'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, in atone expressive of weakness, 'that I could pick a little bit of pickledsalmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling of whitepepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat of freshbutter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be such a thingas a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so kind as bring it, for I'mrather partial to 'em, and they does a world of good in a sick room. Ifthey draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I takes THAT ale at night, mylove, it bein' considered wakeful by the doctors. And whatever youdo, young woman, don't bring more than a shilling's-worth of gin andwater-warm when I rings the bell a second time; for that is always myallowance, and I never takes a drop beyond!'

  Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that shewould stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end thatthe patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second time; andtherefore she would thank the young woman to 'look sharp.'

  A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber andMrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good humour. Theextent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped up thatrefreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely be expressedin narrative.

  'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling's-worth,'what a blessed thing it is--living in a wale--to be contented! What ablessed thing it is to make sick people happy in their beds, and nevermind one's self as long as one can do a service! I don't believe a finercowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm sure I never see one!'

  She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and thenadministered the patient's medicine, by the simple process of clutchinghis windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it down histhroat.

  'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away.'There! Now he's comfortable as he can be, I'm sure! I must try to makemyself as much so as I can.'

  With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bedin the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for her feet.Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of, shetook out of her bundle a yellow night-cap, of prodigious size, in shaperesembling a cabbage; which article of dress she fixed and tied on withthe utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald oldcurls that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent ofanything approaching to deception. From the same repository she broughtforth a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, sheproduced a watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves,so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in theact of being embraced by one of the old patrol.

  All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled herselfup on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the room became,and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets weregradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of nightwas coffined in the silent city.

  Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through thepast; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; draggingits heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenesof awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among the long-forgottenhaunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and dimly findingfear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were thewanderings of Cain, to these!

  Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to and fro.Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and surprise,found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once inwords. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk;waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though invisible companionswere about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioningagain.

  Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadowof a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner.

  'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't make noneof that noise here.'

  There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of thehead, but he talked on wildly.

  'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver;'I thought I was a-sleepin' too pleasant to last! The devil's in thenight, I think, it's turned so chilly!'

  'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all. Don'tyou see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the sparklingwater was just now!'

  'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a sparkling cup o'tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your noise!'

  He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismalwail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to count--fast.

  'One--two--three--four--five--six.'

  "One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees,lighting the fire, "three, four, shut the door,"--I wish you'd shutyour mouth, young man--"five, six, picking up sticks." If I'd got a fewhandy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.'

  Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to thefender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for sometime she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards andforwards along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing herposition to do it. She maintained, all the while, a running commentaryupon the wanderings of the man in bed.

  'That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and withthe same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the window,and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there! Five hundred andtwenty-two--twenty-three--twenty-four. Do you see them?'

  'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em numbered likehackney-coaches, an't they?'

  'Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!'

  'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,' retortedMrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be touched then. You'll be touched up,too, if you don't take it quiet.'

  'Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, fivehundred and thirty.--Look here!'

  'What's the matter now?' said Mrs Gamp.

  'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the nextman's, and his hand upon his shoulder. What's that upon the arm of everyman, and on the flag?'

  'Spiders, p'raps,' said Mrs Gamp.

  'Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?'

  'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs Gampretorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your noise.'

  The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gampbecame silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along thetop of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by theroom ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew:

  'Chuzzlewit!'

  The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty,that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the
door. She expected tofind the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house inthe city had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there.She opened the window, and looked out. Dark, dull, dingy, and desolatehouse-tops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient.Just the same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw offthe watchman's coat, and fanned herself.

  'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What could I havebeen a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I'll be bound.'

  The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, andthe song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs Gamp'snerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made somebuttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with her face to thefire.

  When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated inher slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out:

  'Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!'

  Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, andturned round with a start that made the little tea-board leap. The cryhad come from the bed.

  It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window,and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew the sky, andnoisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke ofnewly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad awake.

  Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her otherpatient's. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not admitted,the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shookhis head. It was all he could do, under the circumstances, and he did itwell.

  'What sort of a night, nurse?'

  'Restless, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.

  'Talk much?'

  'Middling, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.

  'Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?'

  'Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.'

  'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room cool;give him his draughts regularly; and see that he's carefully looked to.That's all!'

  'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,'said Mrs Gamp.

  'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out;'there's nothin' new?'

  'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin' in histalk from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn't mind him.'

  'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin' else tothink of.'

  'I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,'said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy Prig'--speaking with great feeling, andlaying her hand upon her arm--'try the cowcumbers, God bless you!'