Persistence of Vision

  ***

  Maggie counted to sixty before entering the room, trying to look casual. The man across the room digging into a box of medical supplies was David. At first she thought it was Marcus—David did look a lot like him—but he was shorter and stockier with slightly lighter hair.

  “David?”

  He whirled to face her. There was a line of dried blood from his nose to the tip of his chin.

  “David, what happened?” She crossed to him, hoping she sounded genuine.

  “Uh…had a little run in.”

  “With what?”

  He shrugged. “Someone’s fist.”

  Maggie sighed. “Is that someone Marcus?”

  He looked down at his feet but didn’t answer.

  “Here.” Maggie took the towel out his hands. “Let me help you.”

  She found an open bottle of what smelled like rubbing alcohol and put some on the rag then began wiping the blood away. They both sat on one of the examination beds, legs hanging over the side.

  “Why’d he hit you?”

  “Was a long time in coming. He feels abandoned because…went over to the Unio—collective.”

  Maggie suddenly felt awkward. He spoke nonchalantly, but this was a personal issue between him and Marcus. She tried to think of a way to change the subject, but nothing came to mind, and she had only what he’d said to work off of for conversation.

  “Did you abandon them?”

  He gazed at her with steady eyes. “Yes.”

  He was very close to her, and his piercing eyes made her uncomfortable. She kept her eyes on the blood she was wiping off his jaw.

  “Why come back now?”

  “Couldn’t condone what they were doing anymore.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t understand. When you’re in the collective, can’t everyone hear every thought you have? Why didn’t they know what you were planning?”

  He shook his head. “Hard to explain. They do know everything you think. So when…started realizing that couldn’t be a part of it anymore, had to be careful not to think it. More like a feeling. And then the first time we…thought it, decision was made. Once the thought was there, had to act. Otherwise, would have been punished.”

  “Punished how?”

  He gave her a tight smile and studied his hands. She realized he had no intention of answering, so she changed the subject.

  “Why’d you decide to go into the collective in the first place?”

  “Thought it would be easier.”

  “But it wasn’t?”

  “It was. Don’t agree with what the collectives are doing, but as a way of living, still prefer it.”

  Maggie frowned. “Why?”

  “Just easier. There are always others…to share pain and…life with. No loneliness, no uncertainty, no vulnerability.”

  “But there’s no privacy either, right? Always voices in your head?”

  He shrugged. “Yes, but…get used to it, eventually.”

  Maggie thought about that. She thought about everything she’d been told about him and what had happened before. She didn’t understand his reasoning, but then she didn’t think even he fully understood it. But it wasn’t her place to say anything.

  He was staring at her again. She gave him a fleeting smile and then averted her eyes. She hopped the short distance from the bed to the floor and started to cross the room, looking for a place to put the soiled towel. She got half a step before he grabbed her wrist and turned her back to face him.

  “If…have something to say, say it.” There was no anger or even challenge in his voice. It was a simple statement.

  He reminded her of Marcus in that way. They both had a way about them, a calm steadiness that bored into her soul.

  She looked down at his hand clasped around her wrist. She didn’t want to offend him, and she didn’t know if she could say this without doing just that.

  “Please don’t think I’m judging you. I’m not. And maybe this is none of my business, so you can tell me to butt out if you want.”

  His eyes went briefly from side to side. “Okay.”

  “You say that you went into the collective after a girlfriend of yours was killed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Again, this isn’t a judgment, just more of an observation.”

  He nodded for her to go on, and she did, thinking through every word before she said it.

  “You say that living as an individual is hard and lonely, but I don’t think you’ve really lived as one.”

  He frowned. He didn’t look angry, just confused. “Did, though. For seventeen years.”

  “Yes, I know, but…life as an individual doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t want to be lonely. You want someone to care, to share your troubles. That’s exactly what being with another person is all about. Romantic relationships, if they are decent and fulfilling, expel the loneliness and give you a companion. I’m sure you cared deeply for this girl, and I’m so sorry for your loss, but…it kind of sounds like puppy love.”

  His frown deepened. “What’s…the point?”

  “That going into the collective was a rebound move. You did it because you couldn’t deal with the tragedy, not because you didn’t believe in individuality in general.”

  He nodded slowly. “Somewhat true, but that…experience solidified…beliefs about individualism. Life is full of tragedy. Easier to deal with even the day-to-day stuff in a collective.”

  “But that wasn’t day-to-day stuff. It was one tragedy. And I’m sure it was terrible, but it doesn’t happen every day.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” David’s voice remained level.

  “Why?”

  “Because…have been in the collective for ten years and still feel exactly the same as when…went in—depressed, lonely, hopeless.”

  “Yes.” Maggie had to force herself to speak slowly and not let her impatience get the better of her. “But that’s because you’ve been in the collective all this time.”

  He frowned, tilting his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

  “In order to overcome hardships, you have to deal with them. You have to wade through them and let yourself heal. By going into the collective, you were running from your problems. The collective stagnates you, keeps you from moving forward.”

  “Wading through is exactly…negative aspect of individuality that…is the point,” he said. “It’s pain and heartache and anger and sadness. Why would anyone want to go through that?”

  “No one wants to go through it, David, but we do because that’s how we grow. If you could live through the tragedy of your first love dying, get through it, heal, and come out on the other side, you would be so much stronger than before.”

  He didn’t look convinced.

  “In many ways I think you already have.”

  David looked up at her, curious. “How?”

  “You pulled away from the collective. Nat says most people, even strong individualists and freedom fighters, wouldn’t be able to do that. You did. Something of what your father taught you must still be there, just buried deep. David, will you do something for me?”

  He frowned. “What?”

  “Earlier, you said you couldn’t condone what the collectives were doing any longer, right?”

  He nodded.

  “But you won’t say I. Pulling away from them, especially when it meant great pain for you, because they were doing things that are immoral, was a good thing. It was heroic. You should be proud of that. Take responsibility for it. Say I couldn’t condone what they were doing anymore.”

  David looked uncomfortable. He opened his mouth and worked it into different forms, but no sound came. Finally he hung his head. “Can’t,” he whispered.

  “Yes, you can. David, you must. If you want to help us stop the collectives, to stop the terrible things they’re doing, you must become a person. I know it’s hard, but you must do it. Say I.”

  He opened his mouth wide as if to say ahhh but then had a hard time
forcing sound past his lips. It came out as more of a grunt than anything else.

  “That was good,” she lied. “Try again.”

  He formed the sound slowly. “Ahh-y-eee. Ah-ye. I.”

  She nodded, the thrill of excitement running through her veins. “Now say the whole thing.”

  “I couldn’t condone what they were doing anymore!”

  As soon as he said it, his mouth fell open. David was looking at her as though he’d never seen her before. After a moment he looked away. She could see the wheels turning in his head. He was considering the arguments she made, considering this newfound speech. He looked back at her and frowned. He seemed deeply disturbed by something.

  “But…would still be alone.”

  “You mean I would still be alone.”

  He nodded. “I am still alone.”

  She shook her head. “Only if you want to be. The team is with you. Marcus is here. I know he’s angry with you, but he’s your brother. And as I said, it doesn’t have to be like that for individuals. Romantic relationships can be very fulfilling. They make life worth living. They chase away the loneliness.”

  “You…speak from experience.”

  The statement heated her cheeks and made her cough out a laugh.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Actually, now that you say that, I realize I’m a bit of a hypocrite to lecture you about this. I’m more the type to run from relationships.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I just never found anyone it felt natural with, no one I really connected with.” She thought of Marcus, wondering for the millionth time what their relationship had been like.

  David reached out and tilted her chin up toward him with an index finger. “Are you thinking of Marcus?”

  She gave a little self-conscious laugh. Was she that obvious? “It’s just typical of my luck.” She shrugged.

  “What is?”

  “That the only fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had is one I can’t remember a thing about.”

  He dropped his hand and laughed softly. After a moment, she joined him.

  “You’re a surprising person, Maggie.”

  She arched an eyebrow at him. “Why do you say that?”

  He shrugged. “Suppose—I suppose…I made a lot of assumptions about you, about who you’d be, based on the prophecies and what…I know of the collectives’ plans and how you fit into them.”

  Maggie frowned. “What do you know of that?”

  “Yes, what do you know of that?”

  The voice came from behind Maggie and made her jump. She turned to see Doc standing in the middle of the room with Marcus at his shoulder. She’d been so intent on her conversation with David that she hadn’t heard them enter. She wondered how long they’d been standing there. For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to meet Marcus’s eyes.

  “What do…I know of what?” David asked.

  “You said you knew about the collectives’ plans for Maggie and how she fit into them.” Doc spoke casually with no challenge in his voice, just a simple inquiry.

  Marcus was another story. He stood at Doc’s shoulder glaring lightning bolts at his brother.

  “It sounds,” Marcus said, “like you know more than you’re saying.”

  David’s posture slumped. “I suppose…I do. And…I will tell you, but none of it relates to this mission. If you succeed and pull down the collectives, none of it will matter anyway. Suggest you focus on your current task. We can talk about the specifics of my memory afterward.”

  After a moment, Doc nodded. “I suppose that logic is sound.”

  Marcus said nothing, but after a pause he gave Doc a grudging look, which Maggie took to mean he didn’t intend to challenge it further.

  Doc stepped toward Maggie and David. “David, Marcus came to get me because he thought you might need medical attention. Are you in a lot of pain?”

  David shook his head. “Hardly any at all.”

  “Good. Then if you’ll give me a moment, I’ll see to Maggie first. That way she can be on her way to dinner. I understand Nat worked you hard today, Maggie. You need to eat.”

  Maggie shrugged but got up to follow Doc into the next room. At the last minute, she turned back to David and lowered her voice.

  “I understand you think our way of life is hard, but isn’t there anything you can think of that would make it worthwhile to stay out of the collective? Any feeling you’ve had that you’d like to feel again?”

  He didn’t answer, but she hadn’t expected him to. After a moment, she put her eyes on the floor, still avoiding Marcus’s gaze, and followed Doc into the other room.

  “What’s going on, Doc?”

  “I need to hook you up to a transponder.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The team will be connected to each other and to me through a system of transponders. We will all be aware of each other’s locations and vital signs. That way if anyone is captured, the rest of the team will be able to feel their way to them. If anyone is hurt, the team will know it and find them to lend help.”

  Maggie frowned. “Did we have this technology last time?”

  “No. If we had, you wouldn’t have been with the enemy for so long. This is a technology that very recently fell into our hands. Before when you went missing, we had to search blind.”

  “Just started opening up all the doors on the ship to see if I was inside?”

  Doc smiled. “Something like that. This time we’ll be more prepared and better equipped to go in. I’m hoping that that will spell success for us.”

  Doc had what looked like an all-metallic wrist watch in his hands. He was holding it between his palms, concentrating on it intently. She knew he was channeling energy into it that she couldn’t see.

  “Doc,” she said after a moment’s silence, “how long were you and Marcus standing behind us?”

  Doc gave her a tight smile. “Not long. Though I feel I ought to tell you that before we entered, we stood in the corridor and listened for some time.”

  Maggie threw her hands up. It wasn’t that she’d said anything particularly personal, but it had been a private conversation. One in which she’d talked at length about romantic love only to find that a man she’d once had a romantic relationship with—and, once again, couldn’t remember!—was standing outside the door listening. It was just…kind of embarrassing.

  Doc chuckled softly. “I apologize if we invaded your privacy, Maggie. It was unintentionally done, uh, at first. But you made a good case. I think David understood what you were saying. That’s more progress than the rest of us have made with him.”

  He finished what he was doing with the transponder. “Here.” He fastened it like a watch on her wrist with a delicate silver chain and clasp. “This records your vitals and transmits them to the other transponders the rest of the team will be wearing. If they need you, they can simply follow the waves to the source of transmission.”

  He tightened the transponder until it was snug but not uncomfortable. “There. Now go with Marcus to dinner.”