Fading Out...

  Chapter 5

  Daisy’s POV

  I watched him simply stand in the dark with regret clear on his face. It was too late though. Words and actions could never be undone. Especially those which are so damaging. No person has the right to play with a person, with their emotions, their feelings, their memories. Anger rose from within me even as I saw him go through the puzzle of dark attic and I created a rotten spot where he tried to step.

  His sudden yelp of pain was a soothing balm to my wounds and I enjoyed his fear as he quickly realized that I was sealing these holes as well. I had placed him right next to the door and he was moving away from it. It must have been half an hour before he became reckless. What is he doing? I thought as I stared at him move without any caution. As a result he slipped into several real rotten spots. By the time I understood what he was doing, he was already heading back for the door he had spotted with the help of the little light that seeped in through the holes. For some reason, this reminded me of Samuel.

  “Please follow the instructions Samuel. They exist to make things fair.” I said in a composed voice to the back of Samuel and his horse as they ran off once again before the count was finished. Samuel froze and stopped his horse immediately and I internally smiled. He knew that my composed voice was the indicator that I was so angry that one more push would have me beating him mercilessly with a tree branch, of course after wrapping my handkerchief around the spot where I intend to hold it. I was a respectable lady-in-training, after all.

  He gave me one of his large smiles, the placating one, and I responded with a bored expression. He flinched at that. Good. He knew I hated not following rules just for the sake of being rebellious. We were the proper people, not those worker-class people who didn’t even care how they looked. “Princess.” He liked to call me that, claiming that I was spoiled like one and hence deserved to be called one, as if he wasn’t one of those who spoiled me. “Sometimes, rules are meant to be broken. Where’s the fun if you aren’t a little rule-breaker? You only live once. Why waste it by living it in a life bound by customs and traditions that are ultimately useless?” This had always sparked off a long debate between the two of us that would continue for days.

  It had been one of the things I had tearfully pointed out in the letters that I never sent to him when he was in the army. Like him, I too had kept a whole stash of letters that I never let anyone read. When he was gone, I had gone through them again, remembering fond memories, before tossing them into father’s fireplace.

  This Nick was doomed. Everything he did reminded me of his betrayal and anger rose within me once again. As soon as he touched the door, I screamed “CHEATER!” and raised him in the air and shook him as if he were a rag doll. I almost threw him too but for some reason, I didn’t want him dead. I hadn’t killed anyone and he was not going to be my first. He wasn’t worth it. I did change his position so he could start again. An unintended side-effect of my anger was that I accidentally had the lights flashing in the room. It would have blinded me as well but being dead, nothing happened.

  His panic at the failure pleased me a little and I spend the next one and a half hours watching him make it through the puzzle. I didn’t stop putting the magical rotten weak spots in his path and I knew his legs had to be hurting. I have no idea why I did what I did next. As he touched the door, I healed all of his injuries. I smiled, hoping for a sincere thanks, but nothing happened. He didn’t even realize.

  And so, in petty anger, I made the main obstacle of my next puzzle even bigger. His scared expression was worth it. Though I have to say that it was scary to me too. The funny situation when he tried to scare the big bad spider with a simple small broom was enough to overcome the fear and turn it into a hilarious situation.

  My first thought was Samuel would have done the same thing and I froze as I unwillingly began to compare the two in my mind again. I stopped myself, or at least I believed so, but my mind pointed out that this behavioural similarity couldn’t be denied. It also refused to believe that Samuel wouldn’t have done what this Nick did. And though I tried to stop it, I knew somewhere within me, that little flame of hope was now re-lit.

  By now he was sitting on the fourth stair of the icy staircase. Nothing really spikes the fear like walking done a set of frozen stairs with no safety of any form to depend on. When he threw the broom back, I was momentarily confused before realization settled that he was preparing in case he had to be reset. And so rose a little bit of respect for him as he managed his way down the stairs. I was tempted, really tempted, to just scream that he failed when I saw him sitting at that last step in fear of being reset.

  I had seen him grasp the sides of the stairs for support when he had initially fallen but this hope didn’t let me call him out on it. If he really was Samuel reborn, then I didn’t want to waste his life by keeping him here. But he still would have to try to beat my puzzles. That one act of looking away was all he was getting from me. I prepared myself for this next challenge as Nick finally came down from the attic level to the first level, where we had first met.

  One of the few things people run from is having their crimes and mistakes thrown in their face. There are some who take it all in but most choose to just avoid any meeting that might cause them such pain and humiliation. Now, without a way for Nick to escape what he deserved, it was time for him to face his mistakes. By now, I realized that he was beginning to settle in the quiet and relax and I struck out at the perfect timing.

  “LIAR!” He jumped in the air as I literally screamed, invisibly of course, in his right ear. He turned and began to look around for me as his face drained of colour in realizing the challenge of this place. “THIEF!” “TRAITOR!” “LIAR!” “CHEATER!” “CRIMINAL!” I kept shouting at him as I circled around him and he flinched with every one of them.

  By the time I screamed “BETRAYER!” in which I let out more emotion than I should have, in his ears, he had his hands over his ears, trying to block my screams and the accusations in them. And then he spoke words that made me pause before I screamed more words.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He didn’t sound confident now. Nor did he sound scared. He was just resigned now and his voice made me feel like his spirit was broken. And as I realized this, my mind accepted that I might have played too far in this game. In that moment, though, a memory came to the forefront.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Samuel apologized behind me as I ran away in front of him and his horse, Shadow, on my horse, Daffodil. I didn’t bother responding to them as I feared that if I spoke that very instant, the words that would come out of me wouldn’t be ladylike. In fact, I had a feeling that the choice of words that I was feeling quite compelled to use at him would have made even the crudest sailor blush. And knowing quite a few of them by sneaking out to the docks with Samuel, I was certain this was no exaggeration.

  It was quite some distance before I controlled myself enough to be able to speak like how I should. Even then the venom was obvious in my voice. “What are you apologizing for Samuel? Because I can tell you with no doubt that there are a lot of things you should be apologizing for.” He opened his mouth to speak but I continued over. “Should I consider this apology for behaving like a low-class worker when I took you to one of my friend, Selena’s fourteenth birthday? For not considering once that you being there represented not only yourself but me, my father and most importantly, your father? Or should I consider this apology for you disrespectfully taunting and then getting into a brawl, as if you were in a filthy bar instead of an elegant ballroom, with her future betrothed? For not realizing how humiliating it was when other girls were gossiping openly about how I had brought this uneducated savage in their midst with no respect for my father?” The list was longer but that was as far as I managed to speak before anger overpowered me again and I took off at a speed faster than that Daffodil had ever run at. All I could think of was the tears in my friend Selena as she told me in no uncertain terms that sh
e didn’t want to see me anytime soon and how displeased her mother, Mrs Templeton, had looked as we had left while he still flung socially unacceptable words at her daughter’s future fiancé.

  Which is why she got tired very quickly and he caught up with me, much to my displeasure. Then he repeated his words to me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you, your father or my father. I am sorry you were humiliated and all the other things you felt because of me.” He spoke softly as he drew my tear-stained face towards him with his index finger on my chin. Then, as he began to wipe my tears – an action that would most certainly invite more disrespectful gossip by others if seen but which none in my family was concerned about – he spoke again and this time his voice was hard in anger. “What I do not, and will not apologize, is for starting that fight. That rich… unpleasant person deserved it. Despite being, as you just informed me, chosen to be betrothed to your friend, he was making very crude suggestions about all of the girls. And he did it in his pompous and arrogant way because he knew he was as respected as royalty in that room. Instead of using that respect for humility, he made comments about every single girl in the room while being in earshot of their guardian brothers or friends.

  You may have seen it as a humiliating event and I apologize for that but let me assure you, those other men who heard him and were unable to act because of social concerns were very glad and seemed respectful towards me as I had finally left that useless being on the ground. He didn’t even get a punch on me. I care about you and I wouldn’t let anyone disrespect you ever.” He had had a look in his eyes that I couldn’t recognize as he finished speaking and I looked at him in wonder.

  And so, in our unspoken ways, he was forgiven and we both returned for him to have severe scolding by my father. It was the second last straw before my father made him enlist in the army.

  And it would be years later, after his death, that I would look back upon that moment and realize that he had looked at me like several times in my life and it was a look of love. Not one between siblings, but one between lovers. And I had cursed myself as I had cried for never realizing it sooner.

  And now, as he spoke those very same words to me, a flood of all the emotions came over me and instead of stopping, I kept screaming even louder in his ears. He flinched as I kept screaming at him. I still don’t know when I stopped screaming at Nick and began screaming at Samuel. In that moment of blind rage, the two of them were the same to me. It took me quite some time to calm down and realize that Nick was now on the floor with his limbs pulled as closer as he could while he cried and softly chanted the words at nobody in particular.

  And then guilt tore into me as I remembered that this wasn’t Samuel. He was dead now. This was Nick and he hadn’t deserved this outburst from me. I finally asked him a question I honestly wanted to know the answer to. “Are you really sorry?” And then, I lost control of my form again and felt myself solidify in front of him. He looked up and flinched at my expression. I would have too because I knew that in that instant I showed him exactly how I felt.

  “I’m sorry. I really am.” He apologized in a whisper and I treasured that moment, though I have no idea why. After being dead for so long, I had learned to recognize the true feelings behind the words people whisper and I knew that Nick Demming Peters may be many unsavoury things, but he was not one who played with people’s emotions for personal gain without letting it hurt himself as well. And so, he was forgiven.

  Wanting one last embrace from Samuel, even though it was only a body that looked like his and wasn’t really him, I sat down on the dusty floor and leaned into his arms. He was wary but he didn’t hesitate or deprive me of what I sought. His strong arms settled around me and I felt a feeling of contentment flow through me after one century. It was so powerful that I couldn’t stop the tears that erupted.

  I don’t know why I cried. Maybe I cried mourning the love between me and Samuel that was never realized. Maybe I mourned my own death. Maybe I mourned his heartbroken death. Or maybe I just mourned that I hadn’t had this contentment for so long, not even by my fiancé when I was alive. And it didn’t matter. I was here, in pretend-Samuel’s arms, and it was enough. He offered me his shoulders and made soothing noises as I cried but never complained once. It must have been uncomfortable and awkward but there wasn’t even a peep.

  By the time I was done, I had two powerful realizations. One was that it was time to move on. I had no one to stay in this realm for, though I didn’t know how I would leave. And the second was that Nick didn’t deserve the pain of this place. In fact, if I was being honest, I could confess that a part of me belonged with the boy who held me as I fell apart even though I had just tried to make him suffer badly. Samuel would have really liked this boy. Maybe that’s why he chose to be reborn as a part of this boy.

  I tried to let him leave but at the guilt in his eyes, I changed my mind. Samuel would have taken it as a personal affront, even though it was a favour, and I suspected so would this Nick. Still, I couldn’t let him suffer long. So I waved a hand and my precious necklace appeared in front of us. He gasped at surprise at what I offered him and felt a longing from him. And this surprised me because this longing wasn’t to leave. It was a longing to stay. He moved to grasp the necklace and I reminded him, “Remember to return it to me in order to leave.” And then, using whatever energy I could gather, I disappeared once again and ran to where I had to be next. I liked him enough to let him leave but that didn’t mean that I was letting him leave with my precious necklace.

  I held the door knob and called out to him. “Hurry Nick. Time is of the essence.” Those words shook him out of whatever thoughts he was in and he hurriedly came down the stairs. I gave up the control that held my invisibility and became visible once again. Nick almost ran towards the door but stopped just at the gate.

  I looked at him in surprise as he turned and put the necklace around my neck, even adjusting my hair to place it properly by bending very close to me, a lot more than what was necessary or appropriate. If I wasn’t dead, I would have blushed at this intimate action. But he didn’t back down from his position even as his fingers left the necklace and whispered in my ear. “My sincere thanks for this wonderful gift of freedom and of trust to let me hold your beloved necklace. I apologize for all the pain and trouble I caused. Goodbye, Daisy McCain.”

  I stuttered, an unbelievable event, as I finally managed to speak out, “Yo-You too Nick De-Demming Peters. You too.” He leant back and smiled at me. It was so pure that I felt bad. His smile seemed so bright that it lit up his entire face and if I put a dead plant in his view, I suspected it would have been revived. Then he turned and walked through the doorframe.

  Only he couldn’t. When he hit an invisible wall at the doorframe, I felt my eyes fill with tears. Realization set in as Nick’s face was full of fear when he turned to me. He didn’t need to speak. I knew. Steeling my heart against leaking any emotion, I spoke in a controlled voice. “Nick Demming Peters, dawn approaches. Your allotted time is over and you are stuck here with me until the day I leave this place.”

  With that, the door shut closed and all the windows were barricaded with wooden planks. And I pretended my heart didn’t break at the ashen expression on Nick’s face. I didn’t want to say it but I needed to do something to force him out of his shock, even if he might hate me for it.

  “Welcome to your new house, Nick. I hope you enjoy your stay of next fifty years.”