Downfall

  ****

  In the morning I responded to some phone messages from Dad. He had arrived in Revel City and would be coming into hospital during the day. Two police officers visited me before visiting hours had even begun; a Land’s End sergeant and a detective from Revel City. They made me run through what had happened and it seemed to corroborate the farmer’s story to their satisfaction. The small town sergeant had an air of relief when they left.

  Cain was my next visitor. I didn’t waste time with any preamble. “It’s got to end. Again.”

  “No.”

  I spelled it out for him. “I stand in your way. I stand between you and your visions. I can’t be around you because I’m a distraction from your calling.”

  Cain settled himself in the chair beside my bed. “Owen told me what you think we are but you’re mistaken. We’re not saints.”

  I flushed but set my jaw. “You know what I remember about you finding me after I got shot?”

  “What?”

  “Your glowing halo.”

  “Francesca,” he said, “you were unconscious. We are not saints. Now please, you need to relax and rest yourself. Stop worrying about these things. We can talk about this tomorrow or the next day―”

  “You need to stop visiting me now,” I insisted. “If you keep coming to see me you’ll never have visions again. You’ll be unable to help people and your entire reason for being will become obsolete.”

  Cain hesitated. Was he weakening? My pulse hiked, making me a little dizzy, and he placed his hand on my good arm.

  “It’s okay.” Warmth and calm washed over me. “We’ll work this all out when you’re better.”

  “Stop it,” I said, shaking off his hand and mentally shaking off the sense of wellbeing from his touch. “This is important. I should have told you this first time round instead of just running away, because obviously you didn’t understand why I did it. We can’t be together, Cain, because I am bad for you. I decrease your powers. When I’m around you, your abilities are compromised. Your gift for protecting others is diminished. It’s immoral for me to stay in your life and stop you from leading the others, helping them reach the same state as you, like Owen and Jude have. It doesn’t matter how much we want it because I can’t be with you. The further away I am, the better.”

  “No, Francesca. You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not about you.”

  “Not about me?” I echoed bitterly. “You’ve gone from having complete visions of people being hurt and tortured, dying and struggling―visions showing details down to the place, time, date, and even names, allowing you to find these people and help them―to nothing. Nothing at all since I came along. Isn’t that true?”

  “Yes, but―”

  “Yes.” I didn’t let him continue. “And that’s not acceptable, because you are supposed to help people. What about them? You can’t abandon them. I’m not worth dozens―maybe hundreds―of people you can help. Remember, every person you protect is just as important, just as tangled up in their own issues, problems, and love affairs as us. You need to give me up because you can save and protect them if I am not around. It’s your holy calling.”

  “I am not what you think.” Frustration rang in his voice.

  “How do you know?” I challenged.

  “I don’t even believe in God. Your God never spoke to me. I’m just a regular person with an irregular psychic ability. It’s not something granted by God.”

  “In your opinion,” I retorted.

  “It’s only your opinion that it is a divine calling,” he reminded me.

  “It’s not an opinion, it’s a ...” I trailed off uncertainly.

  “A what? A belief?” Cain gave me a cynical look.

  “It’s a knowledge. And it’s one many people would share if they knew what you could do.”

  To my outrage he merely shrugged. “I don’t think so. They’d have variations, depending on their specific beliefs. I’m not religious. I know you are and I’m trying to respect that but it’s getting in the way of us being together.” My chest ached and I looked away. “What makes you think you’re right? More right than anyone else? Francesca, I am not a saint. I’m not pure, spiritual, or divine. You’re not a temptress sent by the devil and we’re not being tested to see if we’re morally upright enough to sacrifice being together.”

  “I never thought God was testing me but I know giving you up is the right thing to do. I’m willing to give you up. It’s you who has to make the sacrifice now. You need to accept that you must get back to your work.” I felt aggrieved. “It’s harder for me, you know, but I could do it before and now I’ll do it again. I accepted what I had to do and just did it. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you?”

  “Because I shouldn’t have to, even if I could!” Cain exploded, startling me. “Christ, Francesca, we aren’t anything extraordinary! We’re two people and we’re in love. Or at least,” he corrected himself with a flicker of uncertainty, “I’m in love with you.” I laughed bitterly at the idea that his love might be unrequited. “And what the hell do you mean it’s harder for you? Don’t you know I’ve spent every waking moment of the last few weeks trying to find you ... following your father’s tour, hoping you were with him? Then when I realized you weren’t, searching for you at Land’s End, thinking you must be with your mother? And all so I could get down on my knees and beg you to come back to me! I would have done anything to get you back. It’s been like ... like a physical pain since you left.”

  I wanted to stay hard and unyielding, to take the high road, but secretly his words had filled me with tender joy. He’d experienced that same pain of separation as I had. The knowledge healed some internal wound and I had a sudden, deeply frightening feeling he might be able to convince me.

  “Nadine hates me,” I said out of the blue. It sounded flimsy, but I was grasping at anything to convince him to end it now. “She said she wished she’d seen me getting hurt in her vision instead of you.”

  “I’ll talk to her,” he said. “She was just scared.”

  “Cain.” My eyes filled with tears and I tried to blink them away. “What happened to your visions? Why can’t you help people anymore? I―”

  “Francesca, I can help people. Okay, I’m not having visions at the moment but I am still working with Owen and Jude. We’re all still working to try to stop bad things happening to people. I don’t know why I’m not having the visions. It’s like ... like I’m a bit too obsessed with you or something.”

  “Well, snap out of it,” I demanded. “Because if you could snap out of it there wouldn’t even be a problem!”

  I spoke arrogantly but I was trembling. The things he’d said had begun to chip away at my resolve. I wanted to believe him but fought to keep my strength of will. He saw the struggle and a hopeful smile broke on his face. He came in close and touched his lips to mine.

  “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to change your mind about this just because I tell you to. All I want is for you to try, just for a little while, to look at it from my point of view.”

  “I don’t understand your point of view,” I said, more tears spilling.

  “It’s easy.” He came in for another kiss, this one slower and softer. I inhaled his scent. “I have the ability to see things beyond the here and now, things that could help people in danger. I was born with it. I set about finding other people with the same ability to see if we could use it together. Then I met the most fascinating, smart, sexy girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I fell for her but she got an idea in her head that she was bad for me somehow.” His hand curled around mine. “So I had to convince her that the only thing that would really be bad for me was not being with her.”

  I was silent, tears running down my cheeks. Cain waited. For the first time I feared he would never understand me. Maybe he would never understand that only God could grant divine gifts such as his. Trying to see it any other way was simply sandbagging a struggling little shoreline of skepticism against my tsunami of deepl
y held belief. Then a disorienting thought occurred to me. Perhaps Cain felt the same way ... except his belief-tsunami was a certainty that it truly was okay for me to be with him. That I was not his temptation, his Delilah. The thought was a jolt. My resolve shifted grindingly, before resettling. Cain stood and kissed my hair.

  “Let’s talk later. I’ll be back tonight.”