Fall From Grace

  Everyone laughed.

  As always, Lea took it a step further. “So, Alex, what kind of freaky things go on in your place? Hmm? What’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done?” I think she asked the question to embarrass him, but it didn’t work well. His face reddened, his eyes widened, and a huge smile broke out on his face. This was going to be a horrible conversation!

  “I love bondage. I’d love to spank you, Lea,” he said to embarrass her right back. “But what I’d really love is to know what freaky things you get up to, Lea,” Alex replied politely. “And you too, Grace.” Somehow, I knew this line of questioning was going to turn to us.

  I laughed and gave him a wink.

  Conner threw a handful of cheese fries at Alex. “Leave my girl’s freakiness outta your thoughts!” He laughed.

  Shane leaned across the table and crossed his arms. “Okay, Lea’s off limits, because she’s Conner’s girl. I’d like to hear about Grace, though.”

  Tucker pushed Shane so hard that he almost shoved him off his chair. “Real nice, ass!”

  I glared at Shane, who gave me an innocent look.

  With the most serious expression I could make, I joked, “Some of my close friends have called me Black Widow, because after I sleep with someone, I kill them.”

  Shane looked at me evenly, matching my serious expression, “I have no doubt in my mind that you have had that effect on men, since I feel like I’ve died every time you’ve smiled at me.”

  I looked away and tried to gather up my composure. The way Shane just said what he did had made me feel uncomfortable. It felt more than some guy just trying to get in my pants. I grabbed a few of the empty bottles off the table, walked toward the trash, and tossed them in. I walked up to the bar and ordered something a little harder than beer; I wanted my insides to burn.

  “May I have a shot of Jack, please?” I threw a few twenties on the bar. I figured I’d stay at the bar for a few minutes. It felt safer to do a couple of shots than try to figure out why Shane was trying to make me feel uncomfortable. Or, why it was getting me uncomfortable. How many times have I smiled at him?

  “Hey, you okay?” Tucker’s voice materialized beside me. He placed his hand on the small of my back and motioned for the bartender to pour two more shots. “Shane just says things to see how people react to them.”

  I picked up my second shot and he clinked his glass with mine. “Shane doesn’t bother me.”

  He nodded and smiled down at me, “Well, that’s good. He just hardly ever meets a girl that doesn’t think he’s a rock star. He’s a good guy, he just knows that there are a lot of women who want to be with him because of what he does, not who he is. He’s not used to beautiful girls not paying attention to him.”

  I desperately wanted to change the subject. Why would I want to talk about Shane? Why did everyone around him feel the need to justify the things he does or says to me? “Talking about rock stars, I heard that you play the guitar.” I smiled.

  Both his eyebrows raised in a questioning look. “I don’t play often anymore. Where did you hear that?”

  “Tonight. When the guys were freaking out about what they were going to do about Alex not being able to play. One of the things they said was that maybe you’d help them out, since you used to play with them.” I signaled the bartender for another round.

  He sighed, “Yeah, but I told them that Friday was out because I have a date. I don’t want to cancel on you, Grace.”

  “Oh. Well, we could make it another night if you’d like to help them.”

  Tucker searched my face, I didn’t know what he was looking for, but his eyes lingered on my lips the longest. “I would still have to audition for the jerks on Thursday.”

  I downed another shot. Numb. I just wanted to be numb. Give Tucker a chance. I wish Jacob were here, so I could have someone to tell about what Gabriel told me. “I wouldn’t mind going out another time, Tucker, really.”

  “Would you like to go out another night this week? How about Wednesday? I could pick you up at like six?”

  “That sounds great, Tucker,” I lied.

  He brought his hand up to my face and caressed my cheek with his hand. “You are so beautiful.”

  I grabbed another shot and welcomed the numbness. I turned around to walk back and join everyone at the table. Shane was watching me, looking forlorn and sad. My heart sank. I don’t care, I don’t care, I won’t care.

  “Hey, Tucker,” I said pulling him back. “I think I’m going to go on home.” I didn’t want to be near Shane. I didn’t want to ever see such sadness on a beautiful face. And I didn’t like feeling that it had something to do with me and I wanted to comfort him.

  “Sure, Grace. I’ll go get your coat and I’ll take you home. Are you okay?”

  My eyes still held Shane’s. “Yeah, Tucker. You know, I was just thinking about how I’d like to be somewhere else with you and not have an audience.” I took my eyes off Shane’s and looked up at Tucker smiling. I needed to give him a chance.

  His eyes widened slightly and I swear he licked his lips. “That…that sounds like the best idea I have ever heard. I’ll be right back.” He ran to get our jackets and I started for the door. I have to give him a chance.

  Tucker walked me towards his apartment building, but instead of taking me inside, he walked me up to a little red Jaguar XKR. He opened the passenger door and motioned for me to get in.

  “Your car? You okay to drive?” I asked as I sighed in relief. I wanted to give Tucker a chance, but the thought of going back to his apartment scared the hell out of me. So I jumped into the car, going for a ride somewhere would be perfect.

  “I’m absolutely fine. I thought we could go for a drive,” he replied.

  The interior of the car smelled like leather and a little too much cologne. I coughed, and my eyes stung.

  “Wow, Tucker. This is a really nice car. I take it the lawyer racket pays well?” I joked.

  Pulling out into the street, he turned and chuckled along with me. “You can definitely say that. Working for my father’s firm, I’ll be his partner within a year. So my future is pretty much set.” He threw in a hearty laugh, “I just started looking for houses on Long Island. I think I need to get a little break from living with the guys. Some of us have matured a tad more than others.”

  I smiled at his pride, but inwardly frowned. Oh, Tucker life can change in an instant. “Wow, sounds like you have everything all set.”

  “Yeah, only thing that I’ve been missing is the beautiful girl, but I think that changed recently.” He slowed his car to a stop, still watching me. I had no idea how he didn’t crash into something, and as horrible as the thought of having an accident was, at the moment it was more than welcoming. I looked out through the windshield and saw the amazing view of Manhattan’s skyline glowing against the dark sky. I hadn’t noticed where he drove me, but we were in some sort of scenic parking lot like teenagers.

  Tucker turned on his audio system and Joe Cocker’s voice wafted through the speakers. Oh my God, I hated this song.

  You are so beautiful

  To me

  Can't you see

  You're everything I hope for

  You're every, everything I need

  You are so beautiful to me

  Before I could even ask him to change the song, even though I had a strong feeling his whole playlist would be cheesy love songs, he leaned across the seat and kissed me. I was completely taken off guard and I gasped. He pulled me closer to him and let out a soft moan. Give him a chance.

  “You are so beautiful to me,” he sung the words into my lips. His tongue slipped into my mouth, while his hands deftly unzipped my jacket.

  He leaned into me harder and I fell back against the window. His hot chapped lips traveled along my jaw, down my neck, lingering on my collarbone. I tried to push him away from
me, but his kisses never stopped. His hands roamed all over me, lifting up my shirt, grabbing at me roughly with one hand, and ripping the button of my pants off with the other. The button went sailing through the car, smacking against his windshield. He tried to thrust his hand down the front of my pants. Worst moves ever.

  Fast images flashed through my thoughts, someone smashing the car door open, screaming at Tucker to get off me; the one I’ve been looking for. I wish.

  “Uh, Tucker. Whoa.” I whispered.

  He sat back immediately. “Grace, I’m, I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I don’t know what came over me.” He reached out and lifted my chin to look in my eyes. “It’s just that you drive me crazy. You are so beautiful and I want to be with you.” He grabbed the back of his neck and rubbed it. “Grace, the way you were kissing me, I thought you wanted me too.”

  I sat up and fixed my shirt. I watched as irritation settled around his eyes. “I’m sorry, Tucker. This is just going too fast, that’s all. I really am not the kind of girl who likes to get mauled over in a parked car,” I said.

  “I’m sorry. I just really wanted to be with you. I wanted to be with you before one of the other guys got to you. You’ve seen Shane look at you,” he said flatly.

  “Shane doesn’t want me. He just wants another hole he hasn’t stuck himself in yet. Tucker, do you really think it would be okay to have sex with me in a car? After knowing me for a whole…what…three days? Is that what you think of me?”

  “Holy shit, Grace, no. No way. I’m so sorry.” He flicked his hand through his hair and looked away. “I just really like you a lot. Please, give me another chance. Let me still take you out to dinner on Wednesday, and I promise I won’t try anything.”

  “No harm done. Well, maybe just to my jeans, but sure, I’ll still have dinner with you.” I tried to give him a smile.

  “I just ruined my chances with you, didn’t I?” he whispered.

  I turned my gaze from him and looked straight ahead at the expanse of the beautiful twinkling city laid out before me. How could I explain anything to him?

  “Look, Tucker, I just haven’t been with anyone for a long time, that’s all. I’m rusty at this, and honestly, I kind of planned out my life without having any men involved in it,” I grimaced.

  “What? Why?”

  “Let’s just say, I once had my heart ripped from my soul. This isn’t easy for me,” I explained.

  Tucker shook his head in understanding. “Sorry, Grace. I’ll be much better behaved next time,” he smiled. “I’ll take you home, okay?”

  Just like that, he pulled his little red jaguar out onto the street and sped towards the city. To my surprise, he didn’t ask about my past or who broke my heart. I was thankful for the reprieve, but couldn’t stop myself from thinking that he was selfish not to ask. Tucker was all about himself. He would be on his best behavior from now on, until he got what he wanted from me, whether it was just to sleep with me or make me the trophy wife to live in the house he planned to buy on Long Island, I didn’t know. However, he was sneaky, and much more dangerous than someone like Shane, who would tell you straight out that what he wanted was nothing more than sex.

  I’d go to dinner with him and that would be it, his chance was over. I should have known after that first gut wrenching kiss; he wasn’t the one I’d been searching for.

  Tucker purposely drove slowly. Making small talk. Weather, the band audition, and his law firm. When he finally pulled up to my apartment, he kissed me quickly goodnight on my cheek and apologized again.

  Conner and Lea were curled up on the couch when I walked in. Shane and Ethan were sitting across from each other tossing a ball.

  Shane straightened up when I walked in slamming the door behind me.

  “Hey,” I nodded to the room.

  Lea gave me a smile thick with implications, “Hey, yourself. Where did you and Tucker go?”

  I paused in the doorway, taking off my coat. “He took me for a ride in his car.” I looked at Lea, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  She jumped up with concern in her eyes and followed me into my room. I closed the door behind her and leaned up against it.

  “Okay, what’s going on?”

  “I’m going out to dinner with Tucker on Wednesday night,” I began. Lea’s face burst into happy laughter and she clapped her hands together.

  “Yea! I knew one of these hotties would...”

  “Lea, I’m going to need you to help me figure out something to tell him to get him off my back,” I cut her off.

  Her smile faded and anger replaced it, “What did he do?”

  I burst out laughing. “Nothing to me. Well, he literally tried to rip my pants off me,” I showed her my busted jeans and she laughed along with me.

  “Lea, I’m sorry. I know you wanted me to like him, so I tried to give him a chance. He was awful. He was like an octopus; his hands were all over me, telling me about how he thinks he found the perfect girl for his house in Long Island. I tried, but he’s not the one for me.”

  Lea crossed her arms across her chest. “Nobody is the one for you, Grace. And what I want is to get you laid. I’m not asking you to get married to anyone.”

  I cringed. “Well, the thought of Tucker kissing me again makes me want to wash my mouth out with rubbing alcohol. Thank you very much.”

  “Ugh. That bad, huh?”

  I nodded. “Not everyone is a Conner! Do you remember Harry McAllen in tenth grade? How we all dared you to kiss him at Traci’s party. And when you did, he vomited from drinking the wine coolers we snuck in right, into your...”

  “OKAY! Okay,” she cut me off, waving her hands in front of her. “Don’t remind me of that! Okay, I understand. But, Grace I just think that you are wasting your life by waiting for something that isn’t...”

  “Real?” I looked up at her. “He’s real Lea. He’s more real to me than you are standing right in front of me.”

  She sighed. “Okay, Grace. I get the point.” She opened the door, and turned to look at me again, “But, can’t you just think of it as practice for when Mr. Wonderful shows up? Really Grace, what if he’s not the same person when you find him?”

  My expression must have been bad, because she immediately apologized and ran to hug me. “I’m sorry, Grace, I just don’t want you to waste your life.” She walked out of my room not even able to look at me again and closing the door behind her.

  I reached for the knob to go after her, but I stopped when I heard voices in the hallway. “Is she okay?” a mumbled voice asked.

  “She’s better than anybody I know. She just wants to alone, literally,” Lea answered the voice. I couldn’t tell who she was speaking to, but really why would I care?

  Lea couldn’t understand; why would she? How could she? All she knows is this. She can never comprehend what it is I have seen, felt, and have branded on my soul.

  I needed to run to clear my head, thoughts of me leaving here for good were seeping into my skin. It would be so easy.

  I changed into my sweats and laced up my sneakers. I walked through the house trying not to be noticed. The last thing that I needed was someone following me, but no one was around and whispers were coming from Lea’s room. Relief flooded through me, a lone run.

  I dashed through the streets making my way into Central Park. I started on one of the loops, but I stopped when I saw a familiar figure sitting on one of the park benches. His white jacket reflected in the moonlight, making him look more angelic than was needed.

  “Gabriel,” I greeted him. “I was just thinking about you.”

  He patted the bench and motioned for me to sit down. When I sat down, he grabbed my hands. The warmth radiating off him was almost sublime.

  “Hmm. I find myself thinking of you too. Why were you thinking of me?”

  “I’m so tired, Gabriel.”

>   “I know. You’re on the right path, though.” Did he mean Tucker? He smiled rubbing his index finger along my knuckles. It was a strange gesture for him, he’d always gone out of his way not to touch me, and now every time he saw me, he made sure there was some sort of subtle physical contact before he left.

  “Gabriel, I really need to...”

  “I wish that I could do more,” he cut me off with a kiss to my forehead. “I wish I could do so much more for you.” Once again, he was gone, leaving me alone sitting on a cold park bench. I clasped my hands together and tried to hold onto the warmth that still lingered on my skin from Gabriel’s touch.

  Chapter 6

  I woke up the next morning to Conner and Lea singing a duet in the shower. Laughing, I padded my way into the kitchen in my fluffy bear slippers. In my opinion, Conner was definitely living here now, and they sounded so happy.

  Shane looked up at me from the kitchen table with an innocent look on his face. “Morning, Sunshine!”

  Skimpy little tank top, boy shorts, floppy bear slippers and bed hair is not the way I wanted someone like Shane to see me. I was betting on at least two weeks of insults to follow, but, he didn’t even look at my outfit and he didn’t give any snide remarks.

  I poured myself a cup of coffee and stirred in some sweetener, waiting for him to start with the teasing. “Good morning. Um, do you come here for coffee every day?”

  Shane got up from the table and ran his hands through his hair. “We were going on a run, but he slept late. I’ll be out of your way in a minute, unless you feel up to running with me?”

  I eyed him curiously.

  “Why the hell are you looking at me like that? No strings attached. I’m seriously just asking if you want to go running with me. Nothing else.”

  “And you’re not going to start joking about me standing in front of you with this on,” I pointed to my outfit.

  His eyes never left mine. Never looking at where I pointed. “Well, I’m sure you’ll change if you want to go running.”