The Aces MC Complete Collection

  I ran my hand down my beard, scratching my jaw as I tried to explain to Nix something he would never understand until he’d met the love of his life.

  “I’m incomplete wit’out her—” I stopped, shaking my head. “As long as I live, I’ll never give up. I can’t.”

  “I think you have to,” Nix said softly.

  “It will never happen.”

  We passed a little time quiet with our own thoughts before I remembered why I’d wanted to see him in the first place. When I showed him the photos on my phone before deleting them, he’d grew silent, but it only took a minute before he spoke.

  “You didn’t kill them, did you?” he asked, handing my phone back.

  “Ye asked me not to, so I didn’t.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Not sure it’s something ye should be thankful for.”

  “No—thank you for taking care of it. Thank you for having my back.”

  “As long as I breathe, I’ll stand behind ye,” I answered with a nod. “Except of course, right now, as I’ve got a long ride back to Eugene today. Boys said as soon as yer healed up, ye should come down and meet the kids.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” he said with a smile.

  “Ye do that.” I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Love ye, boyo. Keep me updated on things around here.”

  “I will.”

  When I walked away from him, my gut clenched in anxiety. I hated leaving when he was still so injured, but I knew with absolute certainty that as soon as I was gone, Amy would feel comfortable at his side again. She was avoiding me, clearly, and she needed to be there more than I did.

  So once again, I was pushed away.

  And I left like a dog with its tail between its legs, because I’d never force her to do something she didn’t want—even if that meant I had to stay away.

  I called and texted her even as I braced myself for another long separation, but to my surprise, it was only a couple months before I saw her again.

  It was the night that changed everything for us…the night she answered questions I hadn’t known to ask, and ruined me completely.

  Chapter 53

  Brenna

  Dragon’s hand engulfed mine as he pulled me inside the clubhouse. We finally had another night without the kids, and after dinner and a movie we’d decided to stop by for a couple of drinks. Drinking at home wasn’t nearly as much fun as drinking at the club, and I knew he was planning on getting me hammered by the look in his eye.

  Drunk sex with my man. I couldn’t wait.

  “Hey darlin’,” Vera said stiltedly as I leaned in to give her a kiss. “What are you two doin’ here?”

  “Rose and Cam offered to take the kids for the night, and you know I couldn’t pass that up,” I replied jokingly, leaning over to hug Slider as Dragon headed toward the bar. “Whose Prius is that outside?”

  I couldn’t imagine any of the members allowing their old lady to get a freaking hybrid. It stuck out like a sore, white thumb in a sea of black and chrome bikes.

  She began to reply when her eyes suddenly looked over my shoulder and widened and her mouth snapped shut.

  I turned my head to see what she was looking at, and caught sight of a woman with long, grey dreadlocks practically running through the doorway from the back hallway.

  “I know her,” I said slowly, trying to remember where I’d seen the woman before. As soon as the words left my mouth, my pop came out behind her, catching her by the arm. “What the hell?”

  I began to move forward when a strong hand clamped down on my arm and I turned to see Slider holding me in place.

  “Wha—“

  “It’s not your business. You want to stay, you’ll be silent,” he said emphatically, never looking away from the scene Pop was making.

  “What’s going on?” I asked in confusion.

  “Something that shoulda happened thirty years ago.”

  “She’s going to break him,” Vera whispered, raising her hand to her mouth.

  “He broke her years ago, guess it’s about time for her to return the favor,” Slider murmured back ominously.

  Their words were beginning to scare me, and the expression on Dragon’s face as he made his way back to my side multiplied my fear.

  “I need to go over—”

  “You’ll stay right where ya are,” Slider interrupted. “Or I’ll have your man drag ya outta here.”

  “He wouldn’t—”

  “He doesn’t, I will,” Slider promised, meeting my eyes for only a moment before looking back toward Pop.

  “You probably shouldn’t be here for this,” Dragon murmured into my ear, making me glance at him in surprise. He knew what was going on?

  How the hell would he know when I didn’t? And why the fuck was the woman who sold me my old Corolla standing in the club yelling at my pop?

  Amy

  “How could ye do such a t’ing?” Patrick yelled at me, lifting my hand up so I had no choice other than to look at it and drawing every eye in the room.

  “It was time. Now let go of my arm.” I tried to keep my voice level, but I was fighting a losing battle with my temper.

  I’d gone to the club for two reasons, to thank him for what he’d done for my son and hand him the divorce papers I’d had sitting in my purse for a week. I knew the two reasons seemed odd, like I was thanking him by trying to divorce him—but in my head, it had made perfect sense.

  I was making a clean break. Finally.

  I’d covered my anchor two days before, crying the entire time, and the moment I’d eventually crawled out of my bed, I’d known it was time to finish it all.

  I couldn’t do it anymore, not to either of us. Staying married and wearing his mark had given him hope for too long, and it was selfish of me to let that continue. My inability to let go was dragging us both under, it had only taken me thirty years to realize it.

  “I love ye!” he hissed. “I’ll not divorce ye.”

  “I don’t need your agreement.”

  “De fuck ye don’t!”

  “I’m leaving, Patrick. Let go of my arm.”

  His hold didn’t hurt, not in any way, but I couldn’t make myself pull out of his grip. If I did it—if I made that physical break—I knew it would seem as if I was running away again. He had to let me go on his own, or he’d eventually follow.

  “Why are ye doin’ dis? I’ve loved ye for most of me life! I’ve never stopped lovin’ ye, and I know ye haven’t, eit’er!”

  His words were ripping me up, tearing my insides to pieces and setting them on fire inside my chest. It was painful, but the longer he held me, the angrier I got.

  Why couldn’t he see it? Why had he been so blind for so long?

  I loved him! Of course I fucking loved him! But it didn’t matter how many times I told myself I’d forgiven Patrick, I couldn’t shake the resentment I felt toward him and it hadn’t dissipated as years went by; if anything, it had only grown stronger.

  “You want to know why?” I asked viciously, my voice rising. “Really, Patrick?”

  I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and the old, familiar face almost brought me to my knees.

  “You don’t want to do this here,” Doc said gently with a shake of his head. “Not here, girl.”

  I looked at him, the way age had made his upper back curve a bit and his body narrow with loss of muscle, but as I met his eyes, I was transported back to Ireland and the worst night of my life.

  The words poured out of me then.

  “I woke up tied to a chair,” I began, moving my head back toward Patrick in time to see his face pale. “It was one of those kitchen chairs with the arm rests. Wood. The backrest wasn’t real tall, it stopped at the base of my neck.”

  I watched Patrick swallow hard, but he didn’t interrupt me as the crowd around us grew completely silent.

  “I had a belt in my mouth that was tightened around the back of my head. He said it was so I didn’t bite my tongu
e.”

  I glanced to the side, and saw Vera watching me in horror, but I couldn’t stop. I was purging, the words coming out of me in waves.

  “I didn’t know who he was—I’d never seen him before. But as soon as I was awake, he took the belt out of my mouth and explained why I was there. He just wanted to know where his fiancé was. And I remember thinking, ‘Thank God, that’s all he wants. I’ll help him find her.’ ”

  “Amy,” Patrick whispered.

  “You wanted to know, right? That’s what all that yelling was about.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “The first time I didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he pulled my head back over the edge of the chair. I thought he was going to slit my throat, but instead he cut all of my hair off. All of it. There were times that I could feel the metal against my scalp, that was how short he’d made it. I cried as he cut it, and he scolded me for it, but I didn’t realize... I didn’t realize what would come next, or I would have saved my tears.”

  “After that, he went for my hands. He started with my pointer finger,” I said clearly, lifting my hand and wiggling the crooked digit as Patrick began to shake. “He smashed it with a ball peen hammer when I still wouldn’t tell him where Moira was.”

  I heard someone cry out from Vera’s side of the room, and Patrick reached out to brace himself against the bar, but I didn’t pause.

  “The middle was next, and by that time I’d already pissed myself, but I barely noticed over the pain. What’s a little mess when it felt like he was ripping my fingers off one by one?”

  Patrick’s hand fell off my arm and limply to his side as he began to sway.

  “I couldn’t tell him where she was, because I didn’t know where she was.” I laughed darkly. “The two smallest fingers hurt the worst, probably because he didn’t have much room to work, so he broke the knuckles.”

  Patrick flinched with every word I spoke.

  “Please, me love—” he whispered achingly.

  “Thankfully, by the time he’d reached my thumb, he asked the right question. It was the difference between where is she and where did he take her. I knew where you were headed, so I finally had an answer. Thank God, I finally had an answer.”

  “I beg ye, stop,” he pleaded raggedly.

  “He wasn’t happy at my answer,” I whispered back, leaning forward at the waist. “Perhaps it hadn’t been what he wanted to hear.”

  “Mot’er of God.” I watched his lips form the words, but he made no sound.

  “So while I was out of it with pain, he stripped me from the waist down, then he cleaned me,” I shuddered in revulsion at the memory, my voice beginning to grow hoarse. “And he raped me on his mother’s couch.”

  “You left me in Ireland to take care of a woman you barely knew, and because of that, he tortured me and raped me until I lost consciousness.” I clenched my jaw against the emotion burning in my chest. “You promised me you’d never leave me again. You promised that I’d never have to be afraid. You promised that you’d never love anyone else.”

  I watched Patrick’s face go from pale to an alarming shade of gray, but I didn’t stop.

  I still didn’t stop.

  “Do you remember the day you found out I was pregnant? When you spit in my face and said I was filthy?” I growled at him, tears finally falling freely down my cheeks. “I didn’t say anything back, because I couldn’t disagree with you. I felt filthy. The kind of filth that you scrub and scrub, but it never comes off.”

  “No—” Patrick whispered painfully, his voice barely audible.

  “You accused me of paying you back for fucking another woman, and I began to laugh, do you remember?” I waited until his eyes squeezed shut with the memory, then hissed through my teeth, “It was hilarious, Patrick. Because I hadn’t paid you back for sleeping with her. He did.”

  Patrick’s eyes shot open as his legs went out from under him, and he landed on his knees with a loud thump, his entire body curling forward.

  “Mum?” I heard over my shoulder, and I felt my entire body pull inward in fear. “Mum?”

  I turned to see Nix walking toward me slowly, devastation clear on his face.

  “You never told me,” he accused, meeting my eyes. “And, you.” He pointed toward Patrick, more angry than I’d ever seen him. “Get up.”

  As soon as Patrick was on his feet, Nix’s fist hit him so hard in the side of the face that he went down again.

  “Phoenix, what the hell are you doing?” I cried, “Stop it!”

  Patrick climbed to his feet again, only to be punched a second time, splitting his lip so badly that blood poured down his face. He didn’t retaliate or try to defend himself in any way. He just stood there, silent, as my kindhearted son continued to hit him over and over again.

  Sometimes Patrick was knocked to the ground, but every single time he did, he stood back up again.

  No one was stopping them, and the only sound that could be heard in the cavernous room was the disgusting sound of flesh connecting brutally with flesh.

  Until, finally, blessedly, Patrick didn’t get up off his knees.

  “I trusted you,” Nix spit out finally, holding his hand over the surgery scar on his belly. “I fucking wanted her with you, and I couldn’t understand why she kept you at a distance. I continued to talk to you even though I knew it bothered her… I thought she was being unreasonable!”

  “Stop, son,” I said, stepping forward to rest my hand on his arm.

  He shrugged me off, breaking my heart, and I turned my gaze to Patrick.

  I’d never seen him look so defeated.

  “I know I failed ye,” he said, his nostrils flaring as he tried not to cry. “Me sins are great, and I’ll burn for dem. But if ye never believe anyt’in’ else, know dat I loved ye more den anyt’in’. Ye were me sanctuary. Me solace in a world gone mad. I’d endure a thousand deat’s to go back and ensure ye did not feel one moment of pain.”

  I was too busy staring into his shattered eyes to notice the movement before it was too late. By the time I realized what was happening, he’d already handed a large blade handle first to Nix.

  “I’ll not stop ye,” he whispered brokenly to Nix, while I watched in horror. “From ear to ear, son. It’s easier den ye’d t’ink.”

  Nix took the blade from Patrick’s hand as men rushed toward us, but before I could blink or the men could reach us, his arm was moving.

  ***

  “Did you know he wouldn’t do it?” I said quietly, standing in Patrick’s room with my arms crossed over my chest.

  “I prayed he would.”

  “He was out of control—I’ve never seen my son that way before. Why would you do that?”

  “Takin’ de easy way out, I suppose,” Patrick answered as he finally met my eyes. “De guilt is worse den dyin’.”

  The moment Patrick’s blade had stuck in the wall behind the bar with a thud, men had converged on where we were standing. Grease had led Nix away while I stood frozen, watching as Slider slid his shoulder underneath Patrick’s arm and pulled him to his feet. I wasn’t sure why I let Doc gently lead me into Patrick’s room, but my feet instinctively carried me toward the shell of the man I loved without protest.

  “I’ve not been de best man,” he whispered, his accent, as usual, so much more pronounced in his grief. “I’ve done t’ings dat I’ll burn for, killed men for no reason udder den to follow de task I’d been given, but nuttin’ in me life has felt as wrong as leavin’ ye in Ireland. I knew it before I went, and I was too young and too stupid to follow me instinct to stay wit’ ye.”

  “You couldn’t have known—”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered brokenly. “I told ye I’d protect ye and I didn’t. I’m so sorry, me love. So sorry.”

  “I didn’t understand how you could have left me,” I whispered back, tears beginning to fall down my face. “I was so devastated.”

  The sound that came out of his throat then was the most pain
ful wail I’d ever heard. It didn’t last long, only a second, but the sound seemed to echo in the room.

  “It was me fault, all of it,” Patrick choked, sliding onto his knees on the floor. “And den I—and den I blamed ye. God forgive me, I blamed ye.”

  I watched him as he tried to hold back his sobs, lost in my own misery, until I heard voices outside the door.

  “You’re not going in there,” Slider said.

  “That’s my mum.” Oh, shit. Nix was out there. I turned my head toward the door.

  “And she’s with her man, it’s none of your concern.”

  “He’s not her man. He’s just some prick that left her to be brutalized and then continued to torture her with it for thirty fuckin’ years. She came here to serve him divorce papers, for fuck’s sake.”

  “She could have mailed those fuckin’ papers,” Slider retorted, his tone indicating he was losing patience. “Boy, you don’t want to try me. I’ll fuckin’ lay ya out before ya know what’s happenin’.”

  “Ye better go wit’ yer boy,” Patrick said quietly, his voice ragged.

  I turned back to face him, and I was drawn into the eyes I’d loved for most of my life. I was certain in that moment that he was prepared to do exactly what I’d asked of him. He was letting me go.

  “I don’t know how.”

  “To do what, me love?” he asked gently.

  “I don’t know how to not love you.”

  “Lovin’ me doesn’t mean ye forgive me, and I don’t deserve yer forgiveness.”

  I lowered myself to the floor until we were facing each other, and drew in a shuddering breath. “I know that it wasn’t your fault, but God, Patrick, you weren’t blameless, either. But all these years, I knew what happened and you didn’t. You got to move blissfully along with your life, making a family with Moira and raising your daughter… and I was just stuck. I resented you so much for that, for leaving me and spending your life with the woman who was the reason I was ruined.”

  “Yer not ruined,” he replied gently but firmly, lifting his fingers to my cheek. “Ye were never ruined. Yer de strongest woman I’ve ever met. Kind and funny and so gorgeous dat sometimes it hurts to look at ye. Ye were never ruined, me love, just cracked open for a bit. Took a while for ye to piece it back toget’er, but ye did it.”