Imaginary Lines

Page 32

  My heart cavorted about my chest like a frantic bird, and my eyes widened into saucers.

  He grinned at me. “Hi. ”

  I cleared my throat. “Hi. ”

  We stood in silence for a moment as his mom wandered back to the adults, and I scrambled for something, anything to say that wouldn’t make me sound like an idiot.

  “You know how to play?” He tugged me gently after him, straight through the crowd of other twelve—and thirteen-year-olds until we stood in the place of honor at the front of the line. I was peripherally aware of some of the glances, but I was almost solely consumed by Abraham.

  “I’m not really sporty,” I confessed rapidly as we faced off and the DJ started going over the rules.

  “Don’t worry,” he said, at ease and comforting. “We got this. ”

  And we did.

  Of course, that might have had something to do with Abe being the bar mitzvah boy, but it didn’t matter to me.

  “Coke!” the DJ yelled, and Abe and all the kids in his line dropped to their knees, I bolted across the floor, competitive spirit rising with my determination not to be last. I skidded the final foot and dropped down onto Abraham’s thigh, clutching at his shoulders with both hands to keep steady. I looked about frantically, hoping I hadn’t been the slowest.

  I hadn’t. Down the row, one girl scowled at her partner as the DJ declared them out. Delighted, I grinned widely at Abe, and he returned it.

  That first time I sat on his bent knee I thought my heart would burst out of my chest. When he sat on mine, I burst into giggles, and he joined in with a shout of laughter. Soon we were both sprinting back and forth and I didn’t even care when I slipped and fell.

  At the end, the DJ crowned us with green-and-purple jester hats made out of felt, and I hugged Abe impulsively—possibly the first impulsive hug of my life. He returned it, and in that moment I felt my heart slip out of my chest.

  * * *

  I spent the afternoon in a daze, reliving Abraham’s visit in intense, memorable detail. I could feel the press of his body against mine, the intimacy of his lips, the caress of his hands. I could recall the way he made me feel, the way I felt even now with only memories to subsist on—and even the memories, ghosts of reality, were more arousing then any of my other experiences.

  I took myself over to Prospect Park for a long walk, despite the unnaturally freezing temperatures. I wrapped my scarf tightly around my chin and mouth. Each breath I let out seemed to condense and freeze on the purple yarn, and I could hardly feel my nose. My eyes watered as the icy air tore at them.

  The films had lied about the northeastern wind. It carried no friendliness, no playful attitude as it tugged on my scarves and my hat. The wind carried no personality, no charm, but rather brutally assaulted me as I struggled through the trees. Implacable. Unyielding. It stung my cheeks with ice-cold gales, pressing against my lungs until I couldn’t gather the air to cough. The leaves that I had seen dance in Hollywood movies like animated fairies come to life were instead powered by relentless cyclones.

  When I reentered my apartment, I once again found all three roommates in the living room. I grabbed a glass of water and tossed my purse into my room. “Hey, guys. ”

  Lucy stated the obvious with little provocation. “That was fucking Abe Krasner. ” Her voice lowered with conviction. “You’re fucking Abe Krasner. ”

  I was not ready, in any shape or form, to deal with this. “No, I’m not. ” I smiled to cover my embarrassment. Because it could have been true. “He’s just an old family friend. ”

  Lucy arched an unconvinced brow. “A friend you’d like to fuck?”

  Sabeen jabbed her. “Leave her alone. She’s over him. ”

  I puffed out my cheeks. “Yeah. . . ”

  They all stared at me.

  I flopped down on the sofa. “I don’t really know what’s going on. He suggested dating. ”

  “Well,” Lucy said practically. “Maybe you’ll get him out of your system. ”

  I covered my eyes. “I’m not sure that’s possible. I think he’s part of my system. ”

  Lucy’s voice was crisp with decisiveness. “You just have to meet someone else. ”

  “Mm. Yes. Though meeting someone else is more sound in theory than in practice. ”

  Lucy bounced in her seat. “I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve decided we should have a dinner party. Two weeks. November twelfth. Put it in your calendars. ”

  Sabeen nodded. “And I’m going out tonight, if any of you want to come. ”

  We all did. Sabeen’s friends—those same friends who’d had the rooftop party—were glad to see us.

  I left early, because I had work the next day. But even though I was lying in my bed before midnight, it took much longer to finally fall asleep.

  I dug my hands through my hair, wanting to rip strands from my head, to rend and wail. What the hell was I doing? Why was I doing this? I was making myself miserable. I wanted Abe so desperately. I wanted everything he promised. I wanted him to hold me, to laugh with me, to tell stories and kiss me and love me, and I wanted to do the same for him.

  But what could I do? Did I say yes, to hell with it, dive into the romance he promised? Maybe it would work out in the end.

  I wanted to scream. I wanted to be balanced. I wanted to be normal and happy and not madly in love with the same boy I’d been madly in love with since I was twelve.

  I wanted Abraham. Was that so much to ask?

  * * *

  The next day, I arrived at the stadium fully aware I’d see Abe. I decided I just couldn’t think about it until it happened, and so I waved my press badge and entered the box. Mduduzi and Jin were already there, and so I dropped down beside them. Tanya was out of state for a few days, so we all got to feel extra-special in her absence. Though, honestly, that only meant I planned to head into work half an hour later than usual for the next few days.

  Mduduzi offered me a cookie, and I took one happily. “How’s your weekend going?”

  “God, who even knows. How’s yours?”

  He raised his brows. “That sounds interesting. ”

  I gnawed my lip.

  Mduduzi leaned closer. “Come on, you can tell us. ”

  I snorted. “I’m not convinced you guys can keep a secret. ”

  Jin gave one of his slouchy shrugs. “I can keep a secret. ”

  I was going to wear my lips out with all this chewing. “It’s boy trouble. ”

  “Oh-ho!” Mduduzi threw an amused look at Jin, who grinned quietly. “Boy trouble. ”

  “And that is all you’ll get out of me,” I said firmly. “How were your weekends?”

  After the game, we ran after some of the players for different stories. No one wanted to talk about the injuries, so I decided to try another tack. After all, Tanya had recently approved my idea to do a piece on player superstitions.

  “Hey. ” I ran to catch up with TJ. “Hey, TJ, tell me about your pregame rituals. ”

  He didn’t stop walking. “Sure thing, babe. ”

  Weirdly, being called “babe” by a massive linebacker didn’t raise my hackles, but instead made me feel like I was part of a show, and I slipped into the role with ease. “Aw, come on, TJ. You must do something special every Sunday. ”