Safe Word

Page 18

  Author: Teresa Mummert

  “I need an update on Craig. ” I ran my hand over my messy hair as I glanced into the bedroom at Rose, who hadn’t moved.

  “What is your obsession with this guy?”

  “Brock, I need to know. ”

  He sighed and I could hear him fumbling with something for a few seconds before he responded.

  “Craig is out. He got out a few days ago. I wanted to tell you…”

  “You wanted to tell me? Why in the fuck would you keep that from me?”

  “He skipped out, didn’t visit his parole officer. What was I supposed to do? I wanted to find him before you did. ”

  “You were supposed to keep him inside. ” I glanced into the bedroom. I had let her down again. I wasn’t protecting her, and now we had another asshole to look out for.

  “I’ll take care of it. ” I replied.

  “What does that mean? Bishop, that girl is long gone. She is the past. You need to think about your future. ”

  I hung up and tossed my phone aside.

  “Fuck!” I growled as everything began to crumble around me.

  I had her back. I held her in my arms, I had been inside of her and now I was going to be the death of her. Why was this happening? What had I done to deserve to lose her twice?

  I watched her sleep for the next forty-five minutes. She smiled and her eyelids fluttered as she dreamed. I felt like I was dying inside. I wanted to hold her, to feel her skin against mine but I knew she would be able to feel the panic inside of me.

  I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to do something to occupy my mind until she woke. I went into the kitchen and began pulling out everything in the cupboards. I was going to make one of my favorite dishes, one that Amber had cooked for me when she lived with me for a few weeks. It had been comforting to have a woman take care of me when I felt like I was completely alone.

  I prepared our dinner as my mind got lost in all that was happening. I was willing to risk it all, lose my life if necessary, but I needed to know why. Why now?

  Rose wandered out of the bedroom in my T-shirt, rubbing her hand over her eyes. Her hair was a wild mess and she looked absolutely incredible. I set our plates on the coffee table along with two glasses of apple juice.

  “Come eat,” I called out to her as I sank down on the couch. Every emotion coursed through my veins as I watched her cross the room with a smile on her face.

  “That smells good. ”

  “It’s beef Stroganoff. A friend taught me how to make it. ” She smiled as she sat beside me. She lifted a bite and blew on it before taking it into her mouth. We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I turned on the television just to give us a little background noise and hopefully drown out the doubts that flooded my mind.

  “I know how you found me with the news broadcast of my arrest, but I still don’t know the why. ”

  She sighed and grabbed her glass of juice, taking a long sip. I knew she didn’t want to answer or was about to lie. The body has a noticeable reaction to most situations; if you know what to look for, it is easy to pick up on someone’s true intentions.

  “I just…wanted to see you. ” She took a bite of her food and made a moaning sound as she savored it.

  “After all of these years. ” I shrugged as I tossed the remote on the table.

  “Is it so hard to believe that I missed you?”

  “Yes. ”

  She looked insulted and I regretted my words, but I couldn’t stop the hurt from spilling over.

  “You have no idea…” Her voice trailed off and she took another bite of food.

  “You’re right. And if you don’t tell me, I will never know. ”

  “I’m here, Cole. Isn’t that all that matters?”

  I could feel myself slipping again. I wanted her to trust me and at the same time I was forcing her to fear me. Suddenly, pissing off the mob and possibly getting myself killed seemed more pleasant than trying to pry the truth out of Rose. I slammed my plate on the coffee table and grabbed hers from her hand, spilling half of the contents in her lap.

  “Hey!” She yelled as she jumped up, letting the food spill onto the floor. I stood and took a step in her direction. She backed up, her hands raised in front of her. “What are you doing?”

  “Get out. ”

  “What?”

  “Get the fuck out. ”

  “I can’t just leave. ” She glanced at the door behind her and back to me. “I mean…I can’t, can I?”

  “The door hasn’t been locked since I brought you here. You could have run anytime you wanted. Leaving is the one thing you were always good at. ”

  “What?”

  “You’re a lot of things, sweetheart, but stupid ain’t one of them. ”

  “But what happens to you?”

  “We both know that was never your concern. I’ll deal with the mess I made. I’m a big boy. ”

  Her eyes danced from the door to me again. I took another step, but she didn’t back away and her hands landed on my chest. They were clammy and I knew she was scared, but not of me this time. I glanced down at her delicate fingers splayed out over my tattoos.

  “The truth or the door. Those are your only two options. ”

  She stared at her hands, unable to look me in the eye. I laid my hand over one of hers, holding it firmly against my heart.

  “Whatever it is, I can’t help you if I don’t know what is wrong. ” Her gaze finally drifted to mine, hope in her eyes.

  “I wanted to see you…for years. I have always dreamed about what it would be like to come to you. I couldn’t do it. I knew you had made a better life for yourself, became a cop. You didn’t need someone like me. When I saw that you had been kicked off the force I was worried about you. I was afraid you were going to ruin your life, but I still couldn’t come. It had been too long. I knew you would hate me. When I found out that my stepdad was up for parole, I freaked out. I didn’t know who to turn to. ” Her voice cracked and my heart sank. He was a free man, wandering the streets looking for her, and she had no idea.

  I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body tight against mine, my fingers knotting in her hair as I kissed the top of her head. I breathed slowly against her ear to help her calm down, like I had done when we were teenagers.

  “He can’t hurt you. ”

  Her body shook in my arms and I squeezed her tighter, hoping that she felt safe there, even though I had spent all this time pushing her away.

  “He sends me letters under my real name to my mom’s old house. They have been getting forwarded to my place. It was his last address. ” She looked up at me. “He said that when they let him out he was coming to get me. He’s obsessed. ”

  I held her away from me so I could search her face.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Tell anyone? I could have kept you safe. ” I didn’t want to yell at her, but Craig was already on the loose and had slipped through my fingers. There was no telling where he was and what he planned to do when he found her.

  “No one would listen. Shawn thought I was acting like a child trying to get attention. When I showed him the letters he said that I had led him on and…”

  “He said that?” Another name had just been added to my shit list. How could her own fiancé ignore her when she needed him most? How could he possibly think that she had asked for this?

  “I think he contacted Craig. After that he barely spoke to me. He treated me like I was dirty. That’s why I am not surprised no one has tried to find me or give the ransom money. ”

  A fresh wave of guilt washed over me. I had been keeping so many secrets that I had gotten tangled up in my own lies. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a step back from Rose.

  “I didn’t contact Shawn for the money. ” I ran my hand over my jaw before looking her in the eye.

  “What do you mean you didn’t contact him? If he doesn’t pay they
are going to kill me!” she shouted.

  “Listen to me. Things didn’t go the way we had planned. It was never supposed to be you here, Rose. When they saw us together. When Whitey saw us together, he told Danny. They had bigger plans for me, a job that would put me at the top of his food chain. ”

  “So what…you just were going to keep me here forever? I don’t understand. ”

  I ran my hand roughly through my hair and shook my head.

  “They thought keeping you around after what we had done together was a risk. I knew better and I should have stayed away from you but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to let them kill you. ” I raised my voice, wanting desperately for her to understand.

  “Why not send me back to Shawn?”

  “I’m fucking selfish, Rose. I wanted you. You and I belong together. That prick can’t keep you safe. They wanted you dead and there is nothing that fucking lawyer could have done to stop them. ” I didn’t want to tell her that I saw him with another woman. Her heart was fragile enough as it was, and I didn’t want her to break.

  “Safe? This is safe?” She gestured around the apartment. “The mob wants me dead, my stepfather wants to kidnap me, and you…” Tears rolled over her cheeks.

  I took a step closer to her, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “I love you, Rose. I know I have a fucked-up way of showing it, but I always have. You just have to trust me. ”

  “I don’t know if I can anymore. ” Her voice was a soft whisper as she stared down at the floor.

  “Please don’t say that. Please just let me figure this out. I can’t let you go. ”

  “The mob thinks I am dead. I could disappear. I need to put distance between Craig and me before he gets out. ” She began to pace back and forth as she struggled to figure out a way to save herself.

  “He’s out. ”

  Her eyes shot to mine as the information registered. She charged toward me, pushing against my chest in anger.

  “He’s out? He’s out and looking for me?” She sobbed as she shoved harder against my chest. I kept my arms at my sides and let her get her anger out. I deserved the brunt of it.

  “I tried to make sure he wouldn’t get released, but once I was kicked off the force there was only so much I could do. ” So much was being left unsaid, but I had laid enough information at her feet and anything else might finally be the straw that breaks her.

  “I’d be better off out there with him than here. What happens when your friends find out that I am still alive? Have you thought of that? They will kill us both because of you!”

  “You came looking for me, remember? You put yourself here. ” I clenched my jaw and met her hard stare. “You got exactly what you wanted. I don’t remember you begging to leave when I was inside of you. ”

  Her hand came across my face with a flash of stinging pain. All of this fear and anger had come to a head with that one hard blow. I gripped her shoulders, making sure I had her full attention.

  “I shouldn’t have said that to you. ” I pressed my forehead against hers and closed my eyes, inhaling her scent. “That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry. Let me try to make this right. ”

  “There’s nothing you can do. ” She pushed my hands away and took a step back from me. It felt like a canyon between us.

  “Let’s run like we had always planned. Let me get you somewhere safe. ” I closed the gap between us. “Please. ”

  She slowly raised her eyes to meet mine as she thought it over.

  “I don’t know if running will solve our problems. ”

  “I’ll get you somewhere safe and I’ll fix this. You have to let me try. I can’t let you go again. I can’t spend years worrying if you’re dead or alive. It nearly drove me insane last time. ”

  Her arms looped around my waist and she pressed her head against my chest. I lifted my arms cautiously and slid them around her back, pulling her tightly against me. This was insane, and I would be walking a fine line trying not to piss off Danny, but Rose was more important to me than anything else in this world. I could feel her soft sobs.